Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[Doorhandle]

...ouch.


As DM, I'm no longer allowed to:

• Create an NPC to hit on my significant other (As the party fighter, she responded to his pickup line by bench-pressing him).
• Create a BBEG who has a flair for a dramatic entrance (My players always kill the moment with lame jokes).
• Create a treasure map that's embedded in a diamond (PCs nearly sold it off for spare change and then didn't actually look at it for a month).

*Cannot create a BBEG with a flair for tramatic entrance.
* Dire-walrus is a sometimes food.
*May not create a V-8 chainsaw.

[Black Mage]

* I cannot play a six armed gargoyle
** I cannot play a Spellweaver. Especially with more than six arms.
*** I cannot play as a Xill Warblade
**** I cannot play any race that has more than two arms, nor any class that gives me the potential to have more than two arms.
***** I do not have the right to own a pair of bear arms.
****** Until further notice, none of my characters have arms.

[Dimers]

Clearly, Black Mage, you were being too 'armful, so they 'ad to disarm you.

[Doorhandle]

Clearly, Black Mage, you were being too 'armful, so they 'ad to disarm you.

Not to point fingers or anything, but you've got to hand it to black mage, he's a real handful.

[vasharanpaladin]

Not to point fingers or anything, but you've got to hand it to black mage, he's a real handful.

*Must henceforth refrain from making puns based on other players' loss of arm priveleges.

[Rockphed]

* Dire-walrus is a sometimes food.

There is a story here, just waiting to be told.

[Doorhandle]

There is a story here, just waiting to be told.

Sorry to dissapoint, but I made that one up.

[TuggyNE]

Sorry to dissapoint, but I made that one up.

Most of these are, I think.

But so? The whole game is made up, tell the story anyway!

[Socratov]

I demand a story on how a walrus is a sometimes food!

I may use tropes never or once, never may I attempt to continually use a trope, especially if it's allready done in the current party.

[DigoDragon]

*Cannot create a BBEG with a flair for tramatic entrance.

Heehee, I see what you did there.

• As DM, I'm no longer allowed to install multiple large vault doors in the BBEG's lair that are trapped, locked, and trapped again, just for the party rogues to finally open the doors and find nothing but a solid brick wall behind them.

(I think I was drunk when I made that lair)

[North_Ranger]

Things I try to discourage in my players:

* As a druid, I cannot expect every woodland creature to be automatically willing to help me with whatever task I'm doing.
* I cannot alleviate boredom by throwing ray of frost around at random and not expect to hit something that will hit back.
* Setting fire to the ship/wagon/village is usually a bad idea.

[Adoendithas]

If I reply to a player's comment of "Wow, these demons have abysmal Will scores!" with "No, those would be abyssal," the players are allowed to throw books.

[Deathkeeper]

I may not loudly say "nope" as my players roll dice without looking because I know they can't make the skill check DC.

[Winds]

I may not loudly say "nope" as my players roll dice without looking because I know they can't make the skill check DC.

*It is especially unwise to pull this after being the one who told them to roll.

[Zahhak]

I demand a story on how a walrus is a sometimes food!

We were adventuring in a tundra trying to find the lair of a half-frost giant/half white dragon that was holding some high-level gear. We needed a few things from it to fight an army of wyvern riding frost giants a little further south in Rockmore. Anyways, we got lost, but found a collection of dire walrus (what is the plural of walrus? what is the name for a group of walrus?). We managed to kill one and drag it off the side. We field stripped him, took all the good meat and took it on a sled so the cold would keep it good.

It turns out after a few days, even when its too cold for there to be much decomp, walrus meat becomes extremely alcoholic. We didn't find out until all of us failed the fort save to become drunk, except the dwarf cleric, who had the fun job of trying to round up the party as they danced naked in the snow.

Made up completely off the top of my head.

[vasharanpaladin]

(what is the plural of walrus? what is the name for a group of walrus?)

Walruses. Also, pick one of herd, flock, or pod.

[Ksheep]

Walruses. Also, pick one of herd, flock, or pod.

Merriam-Webster says either Walrus or Walruses, and it seems that "herd" is the more common form of a group, with pod being equally acceptable.

[vasharanpaladin]

Merriam-Webster says either Walrus or Walruses, and it seems that "herd" is the more common form of a group, with pod being equally acceptable.

*"Google it" is not an acceptable answer to a rules question.

[Amidus Drexel]

(what is the plural of walrus? what is the name for a group of walrus?)

Walri. That is all.

[Black Mage]

Clearly, Black Mage, you were being too 'armful, so they 'ad to disarm you.

Not to point fingers or anything, but you've got to hand it to black mage, he's a real handful.

Oh god the puns.

Also, all those arm related ones...they are true.

[Ksheep]

Well, it's not a Greek root, so it isn't Walropodes… What's the convention for Dutch/Scandinavian plurals?

EDIT: And by Dutch, I meant Danish… ¬_¬
No offense meant, to any Dutch or Danes out there.

[Craft (Cheese)]

Well, it's not a Greek root, so it isn't Walropodes… What's the convention for Dutch/Scandinavian plurals?

EDIT: And by Dutch, I meant Danish… ¬_¬
No offense meant, to any Dutch or Danes out there.

Wikipedia says -er for indefinites and -erne for definites.

[Zahhak]

Why no love for story

[Malak'ai]

We were adventuring in a tundra trying to find the lair of a half-frost giant/half white dragon that was holding some high-level gear. We needed a few things from it to fight an army of wyvern riding frost giants a little further south in Rockmore. Anyways, we got lost, but found a collection of dire walrus (what is the plural of walrus? what is the name for a group of walrus?). We managed to kill one and drag it off the side. We field stripped him, took all the good meat and took it on a sled so the cold would keep it good.

It turns out after a few days, even when its too cold for there to be much decomp, walrus meat becomes extremely alcoholic. We didn't find out until all of us failed the fort save to become drunk, except the dwarf cleric, who had the fun job of trying to round up the party as they danced naked in the snow.

Made up completely off the top of my head.

MOAR DETAIL! What else did they get up to while intoxicated on Walrus meat?

[toapat]

Oh god the puns.

Also, all those arm related ones...they are true.

sounds like you need to play a series of characters who possess 4 legs, run upto your opponents, and Detonate.

[Zahhak]

^Suicide dog bomb?

MOAR DETAIL! What else did they get up to while intoxicated on Walrus meat?

The dwarf cleric had to make certain, er, arraignments with a few gods in order to keep the party from doing certain things. These arraignments prevent me from going into any more detail. Needless to say, the Raven Queen was not happy with what was about to happen.

[Craft (Cheese)]

* As a DM tongue twisters are no longer acceptable dungeon puzzles.
** Especially if the twister is in Saanich. mə́k̓ʷ kʷəčíl Ɂi əw̓ k̓ʷəw̓ə́y̓kʷ tsə spáal

[Zahhak]

Wait, what the ****?

[Craft (Cheese)]

Wait, what the ****?

Saanich is a dialect in the Northern Straits dialect continuum part of the Coast Salishan family. The given tongue twister is the opening line of a traditional Saanich story, and it translates to "Every morning the Raven would go out fishing."

[Zahhak]

I googled it and got that much. I want to know who in the name of god (the devil?) gave you the idea for that, and how you expected anyone to be able to make heads or tales of it.