Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[Winds]

* I May Not Kill An Enemy By Throwing A Ferret At Them
** This Goes Double If Said Ferret Is A Low Level Familiar

Well...with the attach special, it works pretty well if you place it right.

Best if it's the person on the other side of the familiar link doing it, though.

*I may not change the setting away from the DM's intention.
**Particularly when using better than modern-day technology in a post-apocalyptic game.

[GreenZ]

* I May Not Kill An Enemy By Throwing A Ferret At Them
** This Goes Double If Said Ferret Is A Low Level Familiar

This reminds me of a character I have...


* My Witch's Weasel familiar should not be the face of the party.
** Even if it can speak common.
*** Even if it does have the highest diplomacy of the party.
**** Especially if said weasel sports a tiny weasel fitted noble's outfit.

* My Witch's Weasel familiar should not have a higher AC than the party fighter.
** A tiny sized chain shirt and light armor proficiency on a weasel IS silly no matter how I play it.

* My Witch's Weasel familiar should not have a higher Stealth than the party Rogue.
** Sneaking into the boss's trousers with a Shocking Grasp is terrible no matter how funny it is or how well it works.

[Chaos018]

*Playing a Kobold is a privilege, not a right.
**Especially if said Kobold is Dragonwrought and senile.
***Senility is not a reason why he should be carrying a coloring book and will result in PCs laughing at PC.
****Especially when it is a Power Rangers coloring book
*****Said PC cannot have the life's goal to become a Power Ranger, especially if he is a necromancer.
******Even if it is doable, gathering and animating the bones of five ancient creature just to form and utilize a ritual to combine them will result in every book in the house to be thrown at me.
*******Finding and having group watch the original Mighty Morphin' Power Ranger Megazord video as I say "SKELEZORD SEQUENCE HAS BEEN INITIATED!!" will result in death and RL san loss.
********Mentioning I have no sanity to lose is frowned upon.
*********I am not allowed to base characters off Zack or any other TV-themed PC as long as I to be known as the Power Ranger.
**********I am not allowed to have nice things anymore.

lol, current PC right now. Expecting horrible and gruesome death followed by many facepalming days ahead.

[Dimers]

*Playing a Kobold is a privilege, not a right.

*Playing a kobold is no longer a privilege that I have.

[Ksheep]

* After killing a Kobold with a beehive, I should NOT braid said beehive into my beard.

[Phaedrus2129]

*My wizard is no longer allowed to transmute carbon into silver, then share his cup of coffee with the team werewolf.
**However much he had it coming

[Elemental]

*When in doubt as a bard, the proper response is not more cowbell.
**No, not even then.
***In fact cows no longer exists in this setting.
*Creating a Christopher Walken expy in response to the above will result in objects thrown at me.

Of course it's not more cowbell. The correct response is more saxophones and could the trombones tone it down a bit.

[Adoendithas]

Of course it's not more cowbell. The correct response is more saxophones and could the trombones tone it down a bit.

What? Obviously the proper response is more vuvuzela.

[Wookieetank]

What? Obviously the proper response is more vuvuzela.

I think I have to make a new bard character now, and go purchase a certain instrument for myself in real life to "agument" my fellow player's roleplaying experience....

[Hyena]

* I may not dominate, mind trick or charm the final boss of the campaign. They're called bosses for a reason.
** May not object when the final boss hears the rumors about me mind controling his minions and prepares some counter-measures.

[TheJudicator]

I think I have to make a new bard character now, and go purchase a certain instrument for myself in real life to "agument" my fellow player's roleplaying experience....

I've actually had the "pleasure" of seeing that happen in my group...as an aside, it is a Gnomish War Horn. ...he was all too eager to share the song of his people...

*My characters may no longer out damage te entire rest of the 9-person party over the course of the encounter...repeatedly.
*I may not do so in a single round.
*Having this character be a straight fighter is out. The casters will feel bad.
*Having this character be a halfling isn't any better.

*I may not forget my available class abilities in play, especially if the situation could have really used them.
*this list includes, but is not limited to the following:Detect Evil, Smite Evil, Rage, Rage Powers, Bardic Performance, Mutagen, Channel Energy, Animal Companion, any tactical Feats, any Auras, Bloodline Arcana, and Lay on Hands...

[toapat]

*I am not to bring a Vevusala to the gaming table
**Even if it is to be ritually burned

*I am not allowed to let this topic reach the second page

[Jbr208]

This might have been done at some point, but it's been a while so pardon my forgetfulness.


*If the adventure runs past 1:30 a.m. I am not allowed to sing "Good Morning" from Singing in the Rain

**When performing services for the would be king, not allowed to create the parody song: "Kingmaker" (based on "Matchmaker" from Fiddler on the Roof)

*** May no longer watch musicals on the eve of an adventure.

Edit: For formatting.

[Hyena]

**** I may not and never had a right to sing "The Wicked Witch is dead" after DMPC dies horribly.
***** Even if I think that said character was mary sue. In fact, especially so.

[Wookieetank]

****** If the game runs until 5am or later, Breakfast at Tiffinay's quoting and re-enacting by the PCs is to be expected.
*******Good Morning Vietnam is a suitable alternative.

[Phaedrus2129]

******** Subsequent quoting of all Robin Williams movies is punishable by death

[Hyena]

********* Singing "Friend like me" when playing as wizard is considered to be a bad form.

[Theoboldi]

**********Doing so as a shaper psion is just wrong.

[Shpadoinkle]

* I am no longer allowed to point out that the plot of the campaign up to this point bears a striking resemblance to the plot of Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.
** This goes double if this was entirely unintentional on the part of the DM.

[Adanedhel]

I may play a Druid
I may be addicted to mushrooms with a hallucinogenic effect.
I may have a Wizard as cousin.
Weird as it is, I may have a hedgehog as an animal companion.
If I choose to use starting gold to build a sleigh, it will be seen as even weirder, but still acceptable.
If I then declare my animal companions name as Sebastian, there will be a dawning look of understanding at the GM's face.
Then mentioning the term Rhosgobel Rabbits, as sleighpullers gets my character attacked by an epic level Necromancer.

If during a Wraith: the Oblivion campaign I get the idea of naming my character Casper, I deserve everything I get (inspiration for this one in a ghost stories topic on this very forum, it deserved to be here)

[enderlord99]

I may play a Druid
I may be addicted to mushrooms with a hallucinogenic effect.
I may have a Wizard as cousin.

My cousin's name may not be Fumblemore, however.

[Techwarrior]

I am not allowed to turn a Critical Fumble with a Spiked Chain, Kusari-gama, or any other flexible weapon into a daring swinging charge attack.
I am not allowed to grab the chandelier and swing from it, executing a daring swinging charge attack.
I am not allowed to use a whip and the terrain to execute a daring, swinging charge attack.
I am not allowed to use a grappling hook to execute a daring swinging charge attack.
I am not allowed to use the ship's ropes to execute a daring, swinging charge attack.
A critical fumble during a swinging, daring charge attack may not one-shot the BBEG, his lieutenant, or any NPC with a name.
No, I may not shout cheesy one-liners from crappy martial arts films while executing a daring, swinging charge attack.
I may not use Great Cleave while executing my daring, swinging charge, to kill all mooks within reach.
The DM doesn't care if I'm a Swashbuckler specialized in fighting unarmed; daring, swinging charge attacks are no longer permitted to me under any circumstances.

[Ksheep]

The above also holds true for daring, swinging bull rush attempts.

[Balmas]

*Guns do not exist.
**Yes, even if it's settings appropriate.
**Not allowed to invent guns.
**Not allowed to invent gunpowder.
***Not allowed to go on an epic quest with the sole intent of finding this world's equivalent of China so you can find the recipe for gunpowder.
****If at any point in the campaign, gunpowder is discovered, I can expect incoming missiles made from dead trees.
*****Yes, all of the above applies to Napalm as well.

[Chilingsworth]

*Guns do not exist.
**Yes, even if it's settings appropriate.
**Not allowed to invent guns.
**Not allowed to invent gunpowder.
***Not allowed to go on an epic quest with the sole intent of finding this world's equivalent of China so you can find the recipe for gunpowder.
****If at any point in the campaign, gunpowder is discovered, I can expect incoming missiles made from dead trees.
*****Yes, all of the above applies to Napalm as well.

Pointing out that napalm already exists (multi-gallon quantities of alchemist's fire) will get those dead tree missiles changed into flaming dead tree missiles.

[Techwarrior]

Pointing out that I am immune to Fire will make these missiles be powered by divine energy, thus bypassing my AC, Fire immunity, Saves, and any countermeasures I have available.

[Phaedrus2129]

Quoting Apocalypse Now will not earn you any brownie points, and will in fact result in you being dragged shrieking into the void by an eldritch horror. No saving roll.

[Felandria]

*I may not attempt to flirt with any young priest's assistants in an attempt to get a room at a crowded inn
**If I do, he will get possessed by a demon and attempt to have his way with me.
***Even if I wasn't planning on doing anything with him in the first place, but was only hoping to blackmail him.

*I also cannot refuse a proposal of marriage from a powerful vampire living in the underdark.
**If I do, I will have to roll will saves until I fail one.
***Even when leaving the underdark, I have to tell him I need time to think about his offer.

[Erik Vale]

* If anything I do would get anyone at the table to say "dear god why?" and not because it's a stupid action, is automatically vetoed.
** Even in a chaotic evi monsters game.
*** This now extends to "dear god why?"s caused by stupidity.
**** Even if in character, even if due to low int.
***** Same goes for when DMing.
****** Additional phrases include: "Wait.... What!?", "What in the name of-" "Why in the name of-" and "Please tell me your high."
******* I can not respond with yes, even as a joke.

[Firewind]

This is a list of things I have been told I'm not allowed to do in the Pathfinder Campaign that I play, and a couple of others from different campaigns thrown in too.

1. No longer allowed to nickname the entire party.
2. No longer allowed to use grease to slide explosives past the range the DM allows them to be thrown.
3. No longer allowed to roll explosives to get them past the range the DM allows them to be thrown.
4. No longer allowed to use Mage Hand throw explosives past the range the DM allows for them to be thrown.
5. No longer allowed to use Fireball to ignite Grease.
6. Even if you saw it work while playing Dragon Age.
7. No longer allowed to encourage the DM to drink hard liquor after you managed to get the party throwing your Arcane Trickster up a 40ft vertical sheer wall past the DM.
8. No longer allowed to roll perception to see if horses have Cutie Marks.
9. No longer allowed to ask the Paladin is his mount has a Cutie Mark.
10. The party is called "The Dragonriders" not the "Cutie Mark Crusaders".
11. No longer allowed to sing "Diggy Diggy Hole" whenever the Dwarf is helping to construct a fire pit for the camp.
12. No longer allowed to force the Dwarf to do any digging when he's trying to rest or pray for some new spells
13. Not allowed to use mimicry to attempt to communicate with creatures you can't understand.
14. No longer allowed to yell "Sneak Attack" every time I make a Sneak Attack
15. Even if it works in context.
16. Not allowed to make the Monk my Arcane Familiar.
17. Even if she is a dumb as Elan.
18. The only reason NPCs aren't angry that you abuse Sleight of Hand to get away with paying less than you should is because the opposed Perception rolls have been terrible, you WILL eventually mess up a Sleight of Hand roll and you shouldn't brag to the party about it.
19. Not allowed to hold a die and roll it while yelling "I perception the corpse!" to be the first to loot the nearest corpse at the end of combat.
20. Not allowed to do the above during combat either.
21. "Two Uses Per Day" does not mean "First and Last uses of the day".
22. No longer allowed to volunteer to scout ahead, ninja loot the items ahead and bluff the rest of the party into thinking there was nothing.
23. No longer allowed to "Sense Motive Everything".
24. No longer allowed to declare "I perception the room!" when asked what you are specifically searching for.
25. No longer allowed to play the Final Fantasy "Victory Fanfare" on my phone after we win every encounter.
26. No longer allowed to play the Final Fantasy "Victory Fanfare" on my phone after we win the final encounter of a dungeon.
27. The Dwarf is a Cleric of Irori, not your personal pack mule.
28. Nor is he your personal arrow fixer, prepare that spell yourself next time you want arrows fixed.
29. Not allowed to yell "I literally died to save your ass!" at the NPCs of the Dwarven Citadel the party saved after they resurrected you for free.
30. Not allowed to abuse the above fact to get discounts at stores.
31. Not allowed to abuse your hero staus and offer to declare "I'm Lili Fastpaws and this is my favourite store in the Citadel!" to get store discounts.
32. The Paladin is not called "Kalad Jenkins".
33. Not allowed to use a Drill as an Improvised Weapon.
34. If the thought of any plan makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds then I'm not allowed to suggest it.
35. You're Chaotic Good, not Chaotic Good(ish).
36. Not allowed to yell "Arise Chicken! Chicken Arise!" when someone is healed back to positive HP (The Cleric was actually told this but it was too funny not to include).