Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[Black Mage]

* If anything I do would get anyone at the table to say "dear god why?" and not because it's a stupid action, is automatically vetoed.
** Even in a chaotic evi monsters game.
*** This now extends to "dear god why?"s caused by stupidity.
**** Even if in character, even if due to low int.
***** Same goes for when DMing.
****** Additional phrases include: "Wait.... What!?", "What in the name of-" "Why in the name of-" and "Please tell me your high."
******* I can not respond with yes, even as a joke.

This also applies to me.

[Bucky]

[*]No longer allowed to declare "I perception the room!" when asked what you are specifically searching for.

The correct answer to this is "You found the room. Now what?"

*I may not retroactively have my character castrate himself in his backstory to foil a seduction attempt.
**I may not encourage party members to castrate themselves on the grounds that this GM "uses seduction too much".

[Lord_Gareth]

- Serial-seducing married paladins so that they fall for breaking their vows of love is no longer permissible.

[Zahhak]

And on that note:

When playing in a super hero campaign in HERO system:
* I may not play a teleporting demon from the pit of hell
** Especially if one of the other characters is a Roman Catholic Bishop
*** No, it doesn't matter that I had my concept first, he made his character first, so he wins
**** I may not ignore this completely and do it anyways
***** Especially if I'm doing it to constantly hit on the Catholic Bishop.
******When initially summoned and the only one around is said Catholic Bishop, I may not say "God, why is it always Catholics" before jumping out of the nearest window and teleporting away
*******I may not also tell him "Catholics have the most-correct idea of how the metaphysical world works, so I'm realistically a Catholic" when he tries to convert me.
********When my teleporting demon from the pit of hell is inevitably killed by my own party, I may not reroll as Deadpool.

[Hyena]

* When BBEG offers me his most trusted lieutenant's place, I'm not allowed to agree.
** Yes, even if I believe that BBEG actually has a point.

[Doorhandle]

Pointing out that napalm already exists (multi-gallon quantities of alchemist's fire) will get those dead tree missiles changed into flaming dead tree missiles.

*Cannot make a build based around turning into a colossal bear and throwing flaming trees at my foes.
*Likewise using siege of trees and mass fire shield to throw flaming bears at foes.
*I cannot surf a flaming tree while on fire that was thrown by my animal companion.
*Cannot add insult to injury by using fire seed on top of that.
* Cannot drop Rocs of people, making everyone dies.
* Likewise not to become a roc and then use statue form or iron-hide on myself.
*Even if it works that way by raw, not to get several thousand commoners to work together to lift a castle.
*their is no combination of wild shape, ant haul, and animal growth that will let me tow a castle.

[Erik Vale]

* Side note, while hulking Hurlers can throw the planet, they are not able to pick up and perform controlled 'throws' with the castle.
*Also, no wish. God vetoes miracle.

[PaperMustache]

* When BBEG offers me his most trusted lieutenant's place, I'm not allowed to agree.
** Yes, even if I believe that BBEG actually has a point.

***No matter how rude I feel it would be to turn him down.

[Bacon Elemental]

• I am no longer allowed to adulterate potions of cure critical wounds with water.
  I am no longer allowed to just fill potion bottles with water
  Even if I claim it's 'homeopathic'
  I am no longer allowed to adulterate potions of cure light wounds with chilli hoyt sauce.
  I am certainly not allowed Wasabi paste in the Keoghotum.
  
  
  I am no longer allowed healing items.

[Amidus Drexel]

***No matter how rude I feel it would be to turn him down.

****I may not surreptitiously suggest to the BBEG that I should replace his lieutenant.

@Bacon Elemental - Best username, ever. Kudos to you, sir.

[Balmas]

*Not allowed to use simple physics and five thousand commoners to get a projectile traveling at 2480 miles per hour.

[Doxkid]

*Not allowed to use simple physics and five thousand commoners to get a projectile traveling at 2480 miles per hour.

Actually, the Railgun thing doesnt work at all unless your DM is solely going off rule of cool.
Twilight Sparkle is best pony.
If you do use real world physics then the object basically launches itself out of commoner 15's hand, crippling him and injuring the next few people in line. Your top speed is something like a hundred miles per hour.

If you aren't working off real work physics then you can get an object to another place extremely quickly...but it isn't so much a railgun as it is a mundane teleporter. The object will have no momentum at all so the last commoner could just as easily pass it back toward the first guy as he could drop it into his own square. "launching it" at an enemy will do normal improvised weapon damage.

[toapat]

Actually, the Railgun thing doesnt work at all unless your DM is solely going off rule of cool.
Twilight Sparkle is best pony.
If you do use real world physics then the object basically launches itself out of commoner 15's hand, crippling him and injuring the next few people in line. Your top speed is something like a hundred miles per hour.

If you aren't working off real work physics then you can get an object to another place extremely quickly...but it isn't so much a railgun as it is a mundane teleporter. The object will have no momentum at all so the last commoner could just as easily pass it back toward the first guy as he could drop it into his own square. "launching it" at an enemy will do normal improvised weapon damage.

The railgun works on four specific principles:

the understanding that in DnD, friction does not negatively affect things.

Things have Innertia

Commoners Apply a standard force by holding up, then pushing a rod down a hand conveyor belt

the act of pushing the rod is not divided into invidual packets of opposed Acceleration vectors, as the action used in the commoner railgun defies physics already.

Bolded Real world Physics missing from DnD *Buries 2 catgirls*

[Doxkid]

Excellent!

[Balmas]

*May not abuse the grapple system to fit theoretically infinite numbers of people in the same five foot square for easy transportation.
Lies and slander. Princess Luna is best pony.

[Erik Vale]

Isn't there a limit to the number of creatures you can grapple?
Also, cool.

[Hyena]

****I may not surreptitiously suggest to the BBEG that I should replace his lieutenant.

***** Okay, you know what? BBEG can rule alone.

[PaperMustache]

***** Okay, you know what? BBEG can rule alone.

******May not take over the BBEG's plans once he's dead since he didn't want to be friends.

[Hyena]

******May not take over the BBEG's plans once he's dead since he didn't want to be friends.

******* There is no way in Hell taking over the world is "morally ambiguous".
******** Neither is genocide of elves.
********* Genocide of kenders, on the other hand, is.

[vasharanpaladin]

******* There is no way in Hell taking over the world is "morally ambiguous".
******** Neither is genocide of elves.
********* Genocide of kenders, on the other hand, is.

**********No, wait, sorry, kender are "innocent" in the eyes of the gods, so it's not morally ambiguous after all.
***********STOP PLAYING STUPID EVIL.

[Sith_Happens]

* Stinking Cloud and small rooms do not mix.

[Erik Vale]

** Unless the doors closed and I'm not in there.
*** The party barbarian disagrees.
**** I cannot make a 'fart bomb' using stinking cloud.
***** I cannot make a fart bomb.
****** Fine.
******* Yes dragons nostrils are big enough to fit potion bottles in, why?
******** Remember, if it makes anyone say "Why in the name of..." is revoked, so no, you can't explode a bottle of stinking cloud in a dragons nose.
********* Or mouth.
********** Or ass as a fart joke.

[Kymme]

*the sentient wand of mage hand that likes to grope people is NOT a valid torture device

[Techwarrior]

I am no longer allowed to kill my party with Arrows of Cure Light Wounds.

[Balmas]

Isn't there a limit to the number of creatures you can grapple?
Also, cool.

Yes.

Several combatants can be in a single grapple. Up to four combatants can grapple a single opponent in a given round. Creatures that are one or more size categories smaller than you count for half, creatures that are one size category larger than you count double, and creatures two or more size categories larger count quadruple.

When you are grappling with multiple opponents, you choose one opponent to make an opposed check against. The exception is an attempt to escape from the grapple; to successfully escape, your grapple check must beat the check results of each opponent.

Only four combatants can grapple a single opponent. The trick is, each of those four other combatants can be grappled by four other people. When you consider that when grappling, each combatant moves into the same space with the others, you can fit theoretically infinite people into a five foot square.

[Esprit15]

* Captain Ahab is not a valid inspiration for a character.
** I most certainly may not borrow any speech that he makes and tweak it to fit the conditions.
*** If I name a boat the Pequad, the party knows to run far away.

[DigoDragon]

1. The party is called "The Dragonriders" not the "Cutie Mark Crusaders".
2. No longer allowed to play the Final Fantasy "Victory Fanfare" on my phone after we win every encounter.
3. You're Chaotic Good, not Chaotic Good(ish).

I'm guilty of the first two, especially that second one. It's tradition to have the fanfare on standby after non-boss combats when I'm DM. Also, one Monk player swore his alignment was "Lawful Gootral" and not Lawful Good. He still wasn't very well versed in either alignment.


Recently started into a Shadowrun campaign:

• The anon contact is refered to as "Mr. Johnson", not "My Johnson".
• Unzipping a duffel bag full of guns is not "Showing your Credentials"
• No longer allowed to take fashion advice from the band Cake.
• No longer allowed to use short skirts in a Counterspelling test.
• When passing through the NAN border, I'm no longer to use the SIN identity of "Captain Jean Luc Picard".
• No, it doesn't matter the the border guard doesn't speak English.

[Milo v3]

* I cannot be delusional and believe I am king of the world
** I cannot try and convince others that I'm am a king
*** Especially if I'm the size of a shoe.
**** Especially if I have the body of a dandelion.
* I may not attempt to kill all other forms of plant life, simply so that a dandelion can grow.
* I cannot refer to other flowers as my concubines.
** Especially if they are in the hair of a party memeber.
* I cannot shoot fire out of my petals.
** Nor can I shoot fire from any part of a flower.
* I cannot play Awakened Dandelions
** I cannot play awakened peebles
*** If I'm a peeble I cannot complain if a player uses my body as a skipping stone.
* I cannot be an awakened animal, construct or plant.

[Adanedhel]

As storyteller;

If your party is taking orders from the New World Order Man in Grey, while being composed of a Celestial Chorist, a Son of Ether and a Verbena; and only the mentally scarred Akhasic notices that they're actually at war with the Technocracy I'm doing something wrong

Or something very, very right.

[Bucky]

*Strings of Aasimar eyeballs do not make an appropriate Christmas decoration.