Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[toapat]

****Jesse Cox references are now banned
*****Totalbuscuit references are always allowed

isnt that kinda obvious? Jesse Cox uses a rather angry and non-comedic persona, while TB is fine putting aires of Lord Brittish

*Lord British is in my campaign world
**yes, He IS invincible
***No, you are not allowed to go find the one means of killing him in the system
****This is not to become the Party's shared goal
*****Fine, you killed him. He was sealing a gateway to the inner sanctum of Azmodeus. GLHF

[Crafty Cultist]

* Not allowed to base my warforged of Atlas, P-body, or glaDOS
** Not allowed to base the personality of a docent on the space sphere.
*** Aperture science is not somewhere in Xendrik
**** No more portal before a session.

[Archmage1]

*****If you must play portal before the session, don't be the DM. Dimension door does not work that way.

[Ksheep]

* No, there is not a school of Transubstantiation

[artofregicide]

* No, there is not a school of Transubstantiation

**Nor is their a spell: wine to blood.
***Bread to flesh is straight out

[Chilingsworth]

*** Not to point out that polymorph any object can achieve either of these effects.

[Kazyan]

*You know what, let's just blanket-ban all references to any outside media, period. They've been far more trouble than they're worth.

[Ksheep]

* I may not ask where the Cheetos are
** Nor may I ask where the Mountain Dew is
*** No, I may not have a Mountain Dew
**** I may not complain if the Funyuns get stuck in the machine if I try to get a snack in the middle of the session

* I may not swindle the local blacksmith to give me a magical sword at a reduced price due to my Ring of Charm (which gives a +5 to all convincing rolls)
** I cannot figure out if it's magical by swinging it around
*** If I cast detect magic on the sword, only to find out it is not magical, I may not decide to slay the blacksmith
**** Even if he said it was a magical sword
***** And he claims to never tell lies
****** I should not be surprised when the blacksmith turns into a platinum dragon and eats me

* I may not turn a bag of holding inside out, wrap it around myself, and walk through the dungeon walls
** Especially after calling the DM out for letting a DMPC do the same thing earlier in the session

[GnomeFighter]

*I may not invent cars, clocks, motorbikes, aeroplanes, helicopters, tractors, busses, mobile phones or any other modern devices biased on simple magic items.
**or point out how stupid it is no one has done it before.

[Balmas]

*I may not invent cars, clocks, motorbikes, aeroplanes, helicopters, tractors, busses, mobile phones or any other modern devices biased on simple magic items.
**or point out how stupid it is no one has done it before.

***Decanters of Endless Water can not be used to achieve limitless hydro-electric power.

[Chilingsworth]

**** If I try the above, I may not complain when my plan ends up flooding at least one village. Nor may I complain about the lynchmob that comes after me as a result.

New line of thought (hope this hasn't been said before):

* No matter how good my backstory, I may never play a ninja pirate zombie robot dragon.

** I may not play a corpse creature warforged dragonborn swashbuckler/rogue, either.

*** A wizard/Geometer/Fatespinner/Initiate of the Sevenfold Veil/Incantrix is somehow ok, though.

[Reltzik]

* When using bardic music, I (the player) am simply to declare use of the power, possibly remind players and the DM of what bonuses it entails, and move on. Neither filking nor karaoke phone aps are permissible.

[Guizonde]

chameleon skinks are multicolor when drunk. no exceptions.

*sombreros don't exist in whfrp
**no, i may not have one no matter how much i beg and plead. i'm silly enough as it is.
***oddly enough, i can have a fez. yes, it lowers my sneak bonus. considerably.
****i can have a poncho, no maracas, though.

*not allowed the following:
-considering that i'll be sober during this scenario
-considering that gravity has forgotten about me during this scenario
-considering that i'll actually be useful without being the lethal joke character comedy relief during this scenario

*not allowed to drink myself stupid just to get a free harlequin costume. two shots of liquor suffice
*you know rule of silly is enforced when your cover for chasing a chaos caravan is an itinerant circus.
**especially when the dm breaks out the improv to perform the actual play.
***in front of an unsuspecting audience no less!
*no, acting like a wild animal being tamed by the party jack of all trades in no way falls under "urban camouflage"
*note to self: catching on fire? bad idea
**note to self: when in doubt, hit the deck
***note to self: crossbows are awesome. no, i don't have enough money to buy one. even if i have "this much"!
****note to self: "this much" money is not enough
*****note to self: mama said: don't trust elves. don't trust elves with fire, either.
(the note to self series was actually spoken verbatim by my character, much to the amusement of the other characters)
*despite everything my dm's have ever said, i must legitimately consider this character a living projectile, and reason as such.
**still not allowed hated enemy: physics
*can't take weapon proficiency in ham. or hambones.
*can't learn language: tilean fishmonger or wood elf

*in dnd: skeletal war ponies are banned
*"rebuke undead" does not mean yell at them.
**"bad zombie! bad! no brains for you!" is not the verbal component of rebuke undead
*halflings, paladins, necropolitans, and bright pink mohawks are forever incompatible. no exceptions.
*when seeing the profile for spectres, not allowed to scream like a little girl.
*banned favored weapon: shovel
**banned favored weapon: crowbar
***banned favored weapon: support beam
****improvised weapons cannot be favored weapons
*banned monstrous creatures (again)
*"bring the house down! i know a dwarf contractor for the rubble" is NOT an appropriate way to strategize a dungeon
*no, gnolls don't "smell just like home". even for a half-ork barbarian.
*jury rigging explosives for kicks and giggles is not a "dangerous dungeon"appropriate pasttime. even if i'm ready and waiting for the rest of the party.
*battle vuvuzelas are to be considered cursed, in poor taste, to be destroyed on sight immediately, and are banned by several international treaties.
*not allowed a halfling war kazoo. a war horn why not, but not an oversized kazoo.
*not allowed to summon undead servant for the sole reason of casting rebuke undead.
**double if it's an excuse for my CG cleric of pelor to vent some anger on it.

[Ksheep]

* I may not attempt to mummify myself for a Charisma boost…

[Guizonde]

* I may not attempt to mummify myself for a Charisma boost…

what.

*i am not allowed to question what my character has done or how she looks like when she's a necropolitan with 20+ charisma.
**i'm pretty sure "magnetic personality" does not refer to the spectre bound to guard her for eternity.
*if i ever get the idea to transform another hindering flaw into a situational but very useful advantage again, i must warn the dm beforehand. the flaw will win out unless it's funnier that way.

[Ksheep]

what.

Yeah, the Mummified template from LM gives you +4 Charisma (and +8 Strength, +4 Wisdom, -4 Int). Figure that one out…

[Doxkid]

* My bard's "charisma" may not be so large it imposes an encumbrance penalty.

** If I'm playing a party-face/seduction bard, it is considered good taste to have a gender at some point. That would at least mean the charisma thing makes sense.

*** My character may NOT be two halflings/gnomes standing on each other's shoulders.

**** Especially as a seduction bard.

***** At LEAST one of the NPC I seduced should have picked up on something like that, and I cannot blame the DM for sharing hints about my secret through those NPCs at every opportunity. I cannot Slight of Hand my second gnome/halfling away.

****** Just because the DM said "Yeah, that sounds pretty cool" doesn't mean I actually have to do that.

[Erik Vale]

Yeah, the Mummified template from LM gives you +4 Charisma (and +8 Strength, +4 Wisdom, -4 Int). Figure that one out…

Girls like it when they don't have to see your ugly face.

Bonus point's for Egyptian mummies, the mumified of whom where sterotypically/realistically deformed due to inbreeding.

[Amidus Drexel]

Yeah, the Mummified template from LM gives you +4 Charisma (and +8 Strength, +4 Wisdom, -4 Int). Figure that one out…

In fact, you're so pretty that people have to make a Will save upon seeing you or be paralyzed with fear.

[Kymme]

*I cannot play a Binder past 13th level for the sole reason of being able to make out with the succubus queen of lust

**and live

[Metahuman1]

In fact, you're so pretty that people have to make a Will save upon seeing you or be paralyzed with fear.

"Here it is, mr/miss undead universe!"

Edit: From another thread just now.

*It is Ill advised to use the Mass Awaken Spell Trick to get lot's of Awakened Pony's.

**More so to use Diplomacy to convince them all that they get a princess by electing them, and must be ruled by a princess.

***If I disregard the above rules, I may not then use Chained Mass Charm Monster as a spammed spell to get them all to vote for Whatever Candidate I endorse.

****Further, I may not then spam the LE Lich BBEG with Polymorph Any Object and Bestow Curse: Gender Swap, until he fails saves on both.

*****My next act may not be to endorse him as a candidate.

******I deserve everything that happens to me if I turn the BBEG Lich into a Pony Princess in this manner.

*******More so if I don't actually hinder all/any of his actual ability's or gear in the process but did give him lot's to new minions.

[vasharanpaladin]

*note to self: catching on fire? bad idea

**Memo: If I am at any point not immune to fire damage or gaining insane bonuses for being on fire, the DM is unfairly penalizing my character.
***If I am ever not on fire, the party is to correct this immediately and with extreme prejudice.
****Preferably directly targeting my character sheet and/or any books or other materials that I have that no one else does.

[Zahhak]

*"rebuke undead" does not mean yell at them.
**"bad zombie! bad! no brains for you!" is not the verbal component of rebuke undead

Relevant

* I may not attempt to mummify myself for a Charisma boost…

What.

Charisma just represents your force of personality, not how hot you are, gamers just interpret it that way. Mummies have a forceful personality, nothing more nothing less.

[Guizonde]

Charisma just represents your force of personality, not how hot you are, gamers just interpret it that way. Mummies have a forceful personality, nothing more nothing less.

we interpret charisma as good looking and/or smooth talking. guess i forgot it could go both ways. Xykon is charismatic to always have a horde of mooks at his beck and call, and Elan is charismatic by being good looking, yet not a smooth talker.

[ThatOneGuy79]

* I may no longer combine a high spellcraft roll with a light spell, allowing me to cast the spell just on someones face.
** If I do the above, I may not then roll a 20 on a bluff check to have them believe the light will grow to kill them from the inside out if they perform an evil act.
*** I may not then use a wish spell to make the above retroactively true a month later when they return with their gang to slaughter the party I'm with.

[Techwarrior]

I am no longer permitted to add stats to my attack and damage rolls twice as many times as there are statistics.
I am no longer allowed to dual wield custom Legacy weapons.
I am no longer allowed to dual wield intelligent weapons with opposite alignments.
I am no longer allowed to deal more damage with Small daggers than the Goliath Fighter with a Large greatsword.
I am no longer allowed to acquire Pounce.
I may no longer own an Aptitude Braidblade.
I may no longer have Weapon Focus (Light Mace), Improved Critical (Light Mace), Lightning Mace, and the Aptitude enchantment on more than 5 weapons that have 18-20 crit ranges.
I am no longer allowed to use the Burning Blade maneuver.
I may not play a Swordsage.
I may not play a Warblade with the Martial Study feat.
I may not wield more weapons than I have hands.
I may not play as a race with more than two hands.
I may not play a Warshaper
I may not play a race with more than two limbs capable of using weapons.
Yes, a tail is a limb.
I may not play a race with natural attacks.
I may not play a Druid.
I may no longer optimize Two Weapon Fighting, Multiweapon Fighting, Critical Hits, Natural Attacks, or Unarmed Strikes.

[Amidus Drexel]

Charisma just represents your force of personality, not how hot you are, gamers just interpret it that way. Mummies have a forceful personality, nothing more nothing less.

Technically, it's a combination of both, a la the PHB description of Charisma. That being said, it's pretty much all force of personality.

Physical beauty makes a better joke, though, in this case.

[Ksheep]

Charisma just represents your force of personality, not how hot you are, gamers just interpret it that way. Mummies have a forceful personality, nothing more nothing less.

we interpret charisma as good looking and/or smooth talking. guess i forgot it could go both ways. Xykon is charismatic to always have a horde of mooks at his beck and call, and Elan is charismatic by being good looking, yet not a smooth talker.

* My good-looking-but-not-very-eloquote Bard shouldn't expect to get a Charisma boost from mummifying him/herself

[Chilingsworth]

Inspired by the same pic as this demotivator:

I may not play a commando sponsored by the Hello Kitty Fanclub

I may not start the Hello Kitty Jihad

There are no Hello Kitty spec-ops in pink helicopters coming to put us all in camps.

[Ksheep]

Inspired by the same pic as this demotivator:

I may not play a commando sponsored by the Hello Kitty Fanclub

I may not start the Hello Kitty Jihad

There are no Hello Kitty spec-ops in pink helicopters coming to put us all in camps.

The above also applies to Care Bears and My Little Pony

You MIGHT be able to get away with Transformers…