Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[Guizonde]

**"Combat Plumber" is not an appropriate character concept

that's exactly what i need! i'm going to homebrew a game for a few friends to get them into pen and paper, and i needed an idea for a knowledgeable npc! at first, i was thinking a kind of old guy, "seen it all" type! rather, i'll go with either Tuttle/buttle, or mario (appropriately grimdarkified, and grimydarkified, cos, you know... post-apocalyptic).

thank you for the term "combat plumber"!

fun fact, i called my dm since we're gonna head into sewers. guess what i'm banned as a reroll?

[beau highbill]

*I may not give the Eye of Vecna to the character in the party with the lowest will save, just to see what happens.

Doing that constitutes re rolling of characters with the first assignment being "Hunt down beau"

[beau highbill]

*I may not be able to call what monster the DM is throwing at us, when the description the DM gives is less than a sentence long, doing so gets me kicked in the leg by the DM

[Slipperychicken]

If I recall my TRON lore, the humanoid beings were programs (well, aside from the Users, but that's a different matter). You would also have Bits (and, from the 2003 game, Bytes), which would hover around and deliver information, Gridbugs, which are glitches that can swarm over and derez programs… and various other things. I think the enemies from the 2003 game gives a good starting point.

*If this happens, I absolutely must include Crawlers. The name even sounds like they're dystopan spider-machines of doom.

[Zahhak]

There's a thread in the Homebrew area titled "Explore the Internet" about this, if anyone here is interested and not aware.

[DigoDragon]

*I may not give the Eye of Vecna to the character in the party with the lowest will save, just to see what happens.

Also not allowed to go trolling the black markets trying to sell the "Head of Vecna".

[Slipperychicken]

Also not allowed to go trolling the black markets trying to sell the "Head of Vecna".

**Not allowed to use this item to trick plot-important NPCs into suicide.
***Especially not the BBEG
****Even if he is looking for Vecna-parts to attach to himself.
*****Tricking other PCs in this manner to steal their loot is right out.
******The only "Head of Vecna" in existence is sitting atop Vecna's neck.
*******No, I cannot take it from him.
********Vecna is not willing to trade his own head for a "Head of Ao".
*********Vorpal weapons are right out.

[Reltzik]

********* May not clone Vecna and harvest the clone's body parts.

* No longer allowed to attack party members.
** No longer allowed to create super-cheesy builds.
*** No, really, a build has to have at least one weakness. Like superman to kryptonite or something. Yeah, sure, an uber-fighter with a low will save is fine.
**** No longer allowed to create an uber-fighter with a low will save, see restriction three entries above this one.
***** Also, docked XP for playing the DM's restrictions off each other.

[Slipperychicken]

*** No, really, a build has to have at least one weakness. Like superman to kryptonite or something. Yeah, sure, an uber-fighter with a low will save is fine.

**** "Aleax of me who wins initiative" is not an acceptable weakness.
*****Simulacra of yourself are not considered weaknesses either.

[Amidus Drexel]

Another session, so new things!

*We may not pretend that an NPC has a speech impediment for the purpose of a pun.
**We may not move hyphens in the description of doors to provide for inappropriate humor.
***The resulting jokes may not lead to us nicknaming a city after the ones mentioned in Genesis 19.
****Doubly so, given that there is a city in the setting that has already been destroyed by divine wrath.

*The DM does not appreciate us making every NPC/town/area name into a pun.
**Please, for the sake of his sanity, stop. Look, the poor guy can't even make up a name off the top of his head without you doing that.
(and, with regards to the one in my sig, I didn't miss a beat with that one. It wasn't the last pun we made about him, either.)

[saxavarius]

*may not come to game drunk
**Or buzzed
***may not drink heavily at game; this leads to DM headaches trying to contort the plot to my antics.
****It doesn't matter how funny it is no alcohol

[Amidus Drexel]

*may not come to game drunk
**Or buzzed
***may not drink heavily at game; this leads to DM headaches trying to contort the plot to my antics.
****It doesn't matter how funny it is no alcohol

*****This goes doubly so for the DM

[enderlord99]

*****This goes doubly so for the DM

Hi, mds"mDe" i rxelny"peaarsDe"Dee.! How's it going?

******No beer regardless of whether I'm actively doing anything or not.
*******If I know can't spell something properly, not allowed to try anyway.
********If I know I can't pronounce something properly, not allowed to try anyway.
*********Root beer is now considered a type of beer, and therefore banned. Stop trying to say that sassy-gorilla word-thingy!

[inuyasha]

Hi, mds"mDe" i rxelny"peaarsDe"Dee.! How's it going?

******No beer regardless of whether I'm actively doing anything or not.
*******If I know can't spell something properly, not allowed to try anyway.
********If I know I can't pronounce something properly, not allowed to try anyway.
*********Root beer is now considered a type of beer, and therefore banned. Stop trying to say that sassy-gorilla word-thingy!

**********Wait what...I am drunk...root beer aint beer
***********NO F**KIN DRINKING!

[Arbane]

**********Wait what...I am drunk...root beer aint beer
***********NO F**KIN DRINKING!

A real one: All drinking at the table must be done from spill-proof containers. Keep the caps on bottles when not actively imbibing.

(I try to obey this one, from bitter experience.)

[Kane0]

* I am no longer allowed to bring all my newly bought minis to the next session and 'encourage' everyone to use them
**I am no longer to be surprised when the DM does opt to use them. In an encounter. All at once.
***I am no longer to remark about the stat cards that accompany the minis when used in this fashion
****I am no longer to be surprised when the DM uses the stat cards instead of an appropriate CR modification after I point them out.
*****I am definitely not allowed to pull my party through said encounter easily with minimal losses/resource use, then announce that next session I'll be bringing more/new minis.
******No more minis for me, I use someone else's from now on.

[beau highbill]

A real one: All drinking at the table must be done from spill-proof containers. Keep the caps on bottles when not actively imbibing.

(I try to obey this one, from bitter experience.)

What do you mean a "real one"? All of the ones I've posted are things I've done, or tried to do, and subsequently been banned from repeating

[enderlord99]

**********Wait what...I am drunk...root beer aint beer

I was referencing the fact that root beer is also called sarsaparilla (Sass-puh-rill-uh).

[Slipperychicken]

I was referencing the fact that root beer is also called sarsaparilla (Sass-puh-rill-uh).

*I am not permitted to make Fallout references when the DM insists on using the word "sarsaparilla".

[Guizonde]

*I am not permitted to make Fallout references when the DM insists on using the word "sarsaparilla".

**i will be booted into the [glasses pull] sunset if i talk about sarsaparilla [cue "yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahh!!]

before the session:
*not allowed to use trees as weapons. again. this time it's a blanket rule. no exceptions.
*"chaotic bitter" is not an alignment, so i shouldn't even think of summoning undead just to rebuke and banish them with an undead character, and no, i won't get xp for it.
**"rebuke undead" still does not consist solely of hurling abuse at undead.
***while allowed a pure "vengeance" ranger for my necropolitan halfling, not allowed to learn rebuke undead.
*not allowed to swap bow training for halfling war sling training in the above halfling. (shame, would have been logical).
**if for some reason my halfling is hurling abuse at undead, i can't suddenly yell "shut the hell up!" and discover that i'm a sorceror because i sent a fireball. lightning is fine.
***"necropolitan halfling eldritch knight? from a ranger-sorceror? seriously?"
****"mystic theurge?! ok, eldritch knight it is." (not my intention, but i like trolling my dm)
*permanent prestidigitation does not explain why my halfling has a hot-pink mohawk. that haircut is not explainable, never has, never will

new ones from last night's session:


*regarding insulting the dm's mooks, i either should tell the dm how i come up with them, or stop.
** that feat that grants you combat insults to distract opponents? banned. i don't need more reasons to insult mooks or render them even more efficient.
*i should warn the dm next time i do something completely unexpected but totally pragmatic.
**next time i look through the rulebook to find "regeneration", i shouldn't give up looking for it, chop off the sorceror's hand, heal the wound, and say "i'll grow it back when i've found a way to do it". the dm's eyes will boggle.
*vorpal dwarven war axe? yeeeaaaah, no way will you get it.
**especially if it's to replace my scalpel!
*next time i'm wading through the cleric spell lists, i will turn the page when reading the following: "know all languages and writings", "augury", "commune", "prismatic sphere", "regeneration" (for the sole purpose of grafting mook body parts to the sorceror), and "explosive berries and acorns".
**no grafting the sorceror a tarrasque's hand (even if it's funny)
*i'm not a "kindly wandering doctor" anymore. i'm now a "grumpy pragmatic surgeon".
*can't take "improvised surgery lessons" by mail or send spells.
**this goes for the rest of my medical skills.
***there is no "battlefield surgery in the middle of a dungeon for dummies" book.
*"leadership is not a feat and thus you will roleplay it if you want it" is not an excuse for me to set up secret churches of pelor everywhere.
*nope, "pragmatic good" is not an alignment. (i'm chaotic good and i will like it!)
*no casting cure serious wounds through pimpslaps (even if my target is the visibly shaken sorceror)
**once again, this goes for fist bumps too.
***and pats on the back, unless it's cure minor wounds.
*not allowed the following anytime, anywhere (including thinking about it): blowing up the dungeon, collapsing the dungeon, summoning bigger fish on the dungeon, annihilating the dungeon. if it harms the structural integrity of the dungeon, banned.

[vasharanpaladin]

I was referencing the fact that root beer is also called sarsaparilla (Sass-puh-rill-uh).

*Sarsaparilla does not "give me sass" and I am to stop using root beer as an excuse to snark at the DM.

[Baron Relic]

*I am no longer allowed to slingshot Dust of Dryness that has absorbed up to the maximum amount of water into a Dragon's mouth.
** Similarly I am no longer allowed to carry any amount of Bag's of Holding if said bags are filled with nothing but barrels of gunpowder.
*** In fact anything involving me using a barrel of anything is to be considered a bad idea.

[Ksheep]

*vorpal dwarven war axe? yeeeaaaah, no way will you get it.

** If you ask for Vorpal Dwarven War Ale, all you will get is a blank stare
*** The same goes for normal Dwarven War Ale

[Slipperychicken]

*I am no longer allowed to slingshot Dust of Dryness that has absorbed up to the maximum amount of water into a Dragon's mouth.

**I may not spike the Dragon's drink with saturated Dust of Dryness.
***The Dragon is not interested in snorting the "Pleasure Crystals", which are really saturated Dust of Dryness pellets.
****Even if I succeed the Bluff roll.

[Dimers]

** If you ask for Vorpal Dwarven War Ale, all you will get is a blank stare
*** The same goes for normal Dwarven War Ale

In my AD&D group, my character just found a couple Dwarven Battle Tankards. Not the DM's original creation -- apparently this was a published thing back in the day.

[Craft (Cheese)]

{{scrubbed}}

[Hyena]

**** Except when we are playing FATAL. Then it is perfectly acceptable and even encouraged.

[Craft (Cheese)]

**** Except when we are playing FATAL. Then it is perfectly acceptable and even encouraged.

***** If we are ever willingly playing FATAL, please kill us.

[Dimers]

**** Except when we are playing FATAL. Then it is perfectly acceptable and even encouraged.

FATAL is imperfect, unacceptable, and discouraged-to-the-seventh-power.

Playing FATAL, likewise.

Hell, directly mentioning FATAL is pretty much in the same region.

[Man on Fire]

Another session

* Throwing guy you're spying on into fire is a stupid idea.
* The Lich doen't look like your mother in law
** Even if you failed Will save against fear aura.
* BLOW IT ALL UP! is not vaild solution to every problem
* Cannot usee message to call another character and greet him with "moshi moshi"
* Cannot sneak up behind party wizard just to kick him in the arse.
** Especially is you made it look like you want to stab him
*** No longer allowed to complain about getting spotted in the middle of large, empty corridor