Things I May No Longer Do While Playing IV: The Decanter of Endless Bad Ideas

[Sith_Happens]

* If my 3rd level wizard is able to get the killing critical hit - with a weapon that they didn't even wield - there's a problem.

Funny story: In the past eight levels as a Wizard in 3.5, exactly three times have I, upon figuring that an enemy is one round tops from death, decided to shoot it with my crossbow instead of wasting a spell. All three of those times I scored a fatal critical hit.

[Baroncognito]

Funny story: In the past eight levels as a Wizard in 3.5, exactly three times have I, upon figuring that an enemy is one round tops from death, decided to shoot it with my crossbow instead of wasting a spell. All three of those times I scored a fatal critical hit.

I had a sorcerer in one game, he went the entire campaign without using his rapier (which he was only proficient with because he was an elf). He was so disgusted when he ended up having to kill the last enemy of the campaign with a weapon instead of magic.

[Chilingsworth]

**** Religious characters are not allowed to know inordinate amounts of information about anything even slightly military or violent in nature.

*5 No, I may not play a cleric or paladin of Tempus, Red Knight, or any other deity of war or strategy.

If I chose to give my character an intelligence of 5, I will play him as an idiot.
*I will not play a character with an intelligence of 5.

[QuidEst]

Even if he's Lawful Good, can make practically any save, has really high AC and hp, and is equipped with Wings of Flying, my Paladin is not Superman.

[WyvernLord]

Even if he's Lawful Good, can make practically any save, has really high AC and hp, and is equipped with Wings of Flying, my Paladin is not Superman.

**And the rogue can't be batman.
***Neither can the wizard.
****The Druid can be aquaman.

[Wookieetank]

**And the rogue can't be batman.
***Neither can the wizard.
****The Druid can be aquaman.

5* The paladin can be Thor though.

[Slipperychicken]

5* The paladin can be Thor though.

6* The Paladin and Cleric may not use trial-by-combat to decide who gets to be Thor.

[Doorhandle]

6* The Paladin and Cleric may not use trial-by-combat to decide who gets to be Thor.

*As a Rouge, cannot ambush the winner and declare MYSELF Thor.
*Not to yell "team three star!" when I do it, too.
*If I can do this to the actual deified thor, I deserve the title: but I'm still not allowed to do it.

[Ksheep]

*As a Rouge, cannot ambush the winner and declare MYSELF Thor.

**If I attempt this, I should not be surprised when everyone claims that I'm actually Loki…

[Man on Fire]

* My character did not learn how to walk on hot coal from masters Savage and Heineman.

[ThatOneGuy79]

Funny story: In the past eight levels as a Wizard in 3.5, exactly three times have I, upon figuring that an enemy is one round tops from death, decided to shoot it with my crossbow instead of wasting a spell. All three of those times I scored a fatal critical hit.

That's pretty funny!

Story behind my post: The ranger shot the BBEG, critically hitting it. My turn came around and I cast Enlarge on the arrow. Anyone remember those lovely 2E critical hit charts? :P

[Doorhandle]

That's pretty funny!

Story behind my post: The ranger shot the BBEG, critically hitting it. My turn came around and I cast Enlarge on the arrow. Anyone remember those lovely 2E critical hit charts? :P

Enlarge worked that way in 2e?

..... *CUE INSANE LAUGHTER*

*Not to raid orcs-must-die for ideas to trap dungeons with.

[Sgt. Cookie]

**Or Oglaf.

[Baroncognito]

**Or Oglaf.

So you're not going to paint "Overthinking" on a dungeon wall?

[Reltzik]

(Below is made up, but I'm thinking of this scenario for my current backup character, less as a "this might actually play out thing" and more of a "this is how my character would act" thing. I find a fleshed-out backup character that I've shared with the DM is a good way to keep my current character from dying. It's either an "It doesn't rain if you bring an umbrella" thing or a "There is NO WAY the DM is letting THAT into his game" thing.)

* Wizards are to spend their int-based skill points on USEFUL skills. Profession: Interior Designer does not count.
** Am not to interrupt the BBEG's monologue to critique his lair's tapestries.
*** Or throw rug.
*** Or lighting scheme.
*** Or throne.
*** Or wardrobe.
** Lose the lisp, already.
** When thrown into a dark, dank, dismal tower dungeon after a humiliating defeat, doomed to be executed in horrific fashion on the morrow if we fail to escape, the operative terms are "defeat, dungeon, execution, escape". "Dank dark and dismal" are NOT the correct words to focus my attention on.
*** The dungeon's color scheme does not constitute cruel and unusual punishment, nor would the BBEG care if it did.
**** He certainly would not be moved by my attempts to "spruce up the place" to drop all charges and hire us on.
**** "PASTELS!" is NOT a viable escape plan.
*** Installing stained glass windows overlooking the moat should NOT be my priority. I should be focused on escaping.
**** Okay, FINE, with an ungodly-good roll I could do it without tools, but I'd need materials and...
***** No longer allowed to put that many ranks into Profession: Interior Designer.
***** No longer allowed to loot stained glass windows.
***** No longer allowed to store them in the rogue's hidden Bag of Holding which the guards missed.
*** ONCE AGAIN, installing a stained glass window was NOT a viable escape plan, and I should NOT have wasted the party's limited time engaged in such a trivi--

..........

**** It is NOT against my alignment to allow the barbarian to break the cell's stained glass window as a means of escape.

[Guizonde]

i've got a boatload of new bans (as usual). the most "out-there" one however is this one:

*i'm not allowed to play a luck-bringing white pig.
**i'm not allowed to counteroffer playing as the easter bunny
***i can choose a shape-shifter as base race. yes, it's a phookah... i'm not allowed to help the dm explain why i'm playing a 5 foot tall rabbit, with monocle and top hat. with an odd hobby of painting eggs.
****i'm however banned to go questing for an ostrich egg.

and if anyone is interested in this system, it's called castle falkenstein, where giant bunnies are better pugilists than dapper belle époque gentlemen!

[NM020110]

*Whilst posting to the fora, one should look up the definitions of "rouge" and "rogue" before using either word.

[Ksheep]

* I may not insist on playing "Hard Mode" by playing as a Samurai with the Vow of Poverty.
** Nor may I take Vow of Purity when playing in a world infested with undead.
*** Especially if I have both Vow of Purity and Vow of Poverty, meaning I can't carry around Holy Water to purify myself after every battle.
**** I may not take the entire Sacred Vow chain with any of the following: Ranger, Scout, Rogue, Fighter, Samurai, Artificer, Wizard…
***** You know what, no Vows

** I may not play "Expert Hard Mode" by playing a Truenamer with the entire Sacred Vow chain.
*** I may not proceed to become the most effective member of the party…

[Guizonde]

** I may not play "Expert Hard Mode" by playing a Truenamer with the entire Sacred Vow chain.
*** I may not proceed to become the most effective member of the party…

****by doing the following, i will have broken math. guess what? no breaking math allowed

seriously though, how can you pull that off? are you so unoptimized you come out overoptimized?

[Doorhandle]

Particularly as the only way to REALLY max-out truespeak is with the item familiar you can't acquire...

[Ksheep]

I haven't actually tried it, so I don't know. However, if the rest of the party is really unoptimized…

Oh, and I'm sure that with the various buffs from the Vows, you might be able to play a bit more physical than normal… maybe.

[Reltzik]

****by doing the following, i will have broken math. guess what? no breaking math allowed

seriously though, how can you pull that off? are you so unoptimized you come out overoptimized?

***** More generally, not allowed to break the DM's brain. (Yes, this rule HAS been made for me, specifically.)

[DigoDragon]

Shadowrun--

• Not allowed to let the team's underaged hacker case a bar for a potential ambush on his own.
• Not allowed to bet the underaged team hacker that he can't get a date while casing said bar.
• The team's hacker is not allowed to bring a 14-year old dwarf girl as his "Date" to the safehouse.
• Double not cool when the 14-year old still constitutes that the hacker is dating an "older woman".

Our hacker got "Gib-Slapped" so hard by the team sniper that his brain rebooted.
Just as well, the sniper was the one who lost the aforementioned bet.

[Karoht]

* My character did not learn how to walk on hot coal from masters Savage and Heineman.

**My character did not learn how to [insert any skill or ability] from Mythbusters.

[twitchygecko]

*I do not activate nimbus of light by clapping twice
**I may not flicker nimbus on and off to antagonize zombies

*My response to anything the party rogue does is not detect evil
**my response to walking into a room is not detect evil
***no more detect evil

*I'm not allowed to have a +10 to diplomacy at level 2
**I'm not allowed to touch the book of exalted deeds any more
***not allowed to be a palladin
****or a monk

[Ksheep]

**My character did not learn how to [insert any skill or ability] from Mythbusters.

*** Or from MacGyver
**** Or from James Bond
***** Or from Bill Nye
****** Or from Mr. Bean
******* No more learning skills from TV shows or movies.

[sleepy]

I just dug up something from the past from my old thread subscriptions: an old gestalt arena match (brainbreaking begins on page 2). My character was this ungodly thing. I can't remember what rules or insanity resulted in that.

*I am pretty sure I may no longer attempt to abuse Scorpion's Grasp.
**whether or not the result is actually any good

[nedz]

*as a DM I may not make doors that are not trapped or locked.
** a door that slides into the wall dose not count as a trap.
***even if said door almost kills the whole party.

****The supermarket's front door is not a trap.
*****I will not gain experience from disabling them.

******I can not use an ordinary curtain across a hall as a security door, even if the party are so inept at opening doors it stops them dead, for three rounds.

[Mnemophage]

* Any skill, spell, power, ability or item that inflicts testicular torsion works only once.
** Also, prostate cancer.
*** Also, prion diseases.
**** Mnem is strongly discouraged from playing any more characters with a medical background.

* The accepted behavior when defeating a powerful opponent which has poisoned a party member is to treat said compatriot's affliction, not harvest the enemy's venom sacs.

* Mnem is never to utter the words "secret Illuminati reptile overlord" ever again, unless her character has taken severe Sanity loss.
** ESPECIALLY not as a character concept.

* No one will ever respond positively to the phrase, "Here, hold this for me until we get past the checkpoint". Regardless of Diplomacy rolls. Regardless of natural 20s.

* If Mnem continues to interrogate captives by using her psionic powers to show them their own conception, her alignment will start shifting WAY down.

* Mnem is never again allowed to tailor the sound of her sonic weaponry.
** Even - nay, especially - if she provides Youtube sound clips.

* Mnem is no longer allowed to charge onlookers for sneak peeks at the catfolk monk bathing.
** Even if she is fully capable of defending herself from the monk's inevitable violent response.
*** Especially if she still has a good crowd and a Dominate spell prepared.

[DigoDragon]

**My character did not learn how to [insert any skill or ability] from Mythbusters.

I remember having a character try an experiment that I saw on Mythbusters about alternative fuels for cars. I don't remember the details, but the end result was that I accidently set a very expensive BMW on fire.

The GM gave me hell for that one.

• Not allowed to drive an unarmored SUV into a crowd of zombies at high speed.
• Not allowed to dare a fire elemental into a drinking contest.
• Not allowed to do my Al Gore impersonation to trick cybermen into thinking I'm one of them.
• Not allowed to repaint the police box red when traveling to America.