Beyond the Horizon IC (3.5)

[al'Lan Mandrag]

"And we have your obese singing man!" Graelyn rejoinders, pointing at the hefty half elf with his sword. "Heal the captain and return her to us: and we'll leave your decks: but with your crew gone I doubt you can sail your ship through calm waters let alone a portal! Witch lady," he adds, looking at Varia, "maybe you could brew me a potion for my head..." His hangover was killing him.

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Diplomacy (1d20+6)[8]

[cavalieredraghi]

DragKel will also order the Skeletons on the Dirty Unicorn to weigh Anchor if Arnold does the same. at that DragKel will only move once he knows Pandora will be safe from the gnome, once this happens he moves to I-9. but to cause this action DragKel tells Arnold, Captain i am agreeing to surrender but i want to know that i and the Dirty Unicorn's crew will not be harm while you and I discuss terms, i will also insure the same thing for you and your crew.

with that DragKel settles to begin negotiations. Captain i am willing to offer myself up as your prisoner on three conditions, i also must have you know taking me prisoner will result in a high monetary gain for you Captain. I am the lead Adviser for the current Gold Dragon Leader, as such they will pay a high ransom for my safe return. Now for me to become your Prisoner i offer these Three terms in exchange:

term 1: All members of the Dirty Unicorn Living or Dead, along with your own grey elf Prisoner will be allowed to return to their ship the Dirty Unicorn, and sail away from here. safely away from you and your crew.

Term # 2: all Apples and Trees stolen from the Lillend are to be given to the Dirty Unicorn for they shall return them to their rightful owners.

Term # 3: Since you will be taking the Dirty Unicorn's Passenger, ergo myself, they will also take your's Orpheus there will accompany the Dirty Unicorn and have control over his fate.

are these terms agreed to captain?

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Diplomacy check

(1d20+14)[33]

DragKel turns to Pandora after her attempt to try and save DragKel, he whispers into her ear, Trust me Pandora.

[freyathefairy]

Pandora carefully manovers her self around the obstacles ready to surrender But then she hears DragKells propaslal of terms

Captain i am willing to offer myself up as your prisoner

She tris to say No! but It comes out as more of a squeak. She takes a breath to regain her composure. No DragKell, Pandora says calmer but still with a note of panic and urgency. She then directs this to Arnold How about this I heal you all? You give us a dozen apples? We call of all attacks and leave okay?

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Pandora moves to j10.

[OMG PONIES]

The silence on deck is palpable as Varia tries to divine the future and both crews are at a standoff. Varia closes her eyes, and the omen she sees is a flickering flame. It seems at once dangerous and soothing; what could it mean? Meanwhile, Arnold pulls a vial of potion from his pack as DragKel calls out to him, showing the paladin that he intends to make good on his promise. "Anchors!" A few mooks scatter from below decks to do the duties of their fallen comrades, visibly shaken by the sight of so many corpses on deck. "Oh me gods," one whimpers to the other. "they done killed me brudda!" With a whistle, Arnold signals to the Accountant and, somewhere onboard the Unicorn, the hidden gnome drops the anchor of the wingship as well.

Both ships yawn and pitch as the anchors hold them just on this side of the portal. They teeter on the bridge between worlds, the crystalline waters of Thalasia emptying on the other side into some less blue, less fantastic sea on the Material Plane. There are no landmarks visible through the portal, but it was clear they'd be leaving the all-you-can-eat buffets in favor of the normalcy of home. As DragKel begins to discuss terms, Arnold uncorks the bottle and feeds it tenderly to Chess. She comes to, and Varia's vision changes. The flame begins to move away from her as the oracle pans out to show that the flame is in fact a gently flickering candle, illuminating a comfortable chair and a nice mug of tea. It seemed that, at least for the next hour, things were taking a turn for the safe side.

Arnold listens to DragKel's proposal with rapt attention (especially at the mention of monetary gain), chuckling to himself as the dragonborn concludes his terms. "Damn, darling," he chuckles jovially to Chess as he extends a hand to help her to her feet, "you didn't tell me you went and found a lawyer! I'm assuming he's authorized to deal for you, but I'll need your say-so before considering any offers as bonafide."

After Chess groggily responds, Arnold scratches his perfectly square, masculine jawline as he considers DragKel's deal. "Re: your terms, I find the first acceptable. Having already healed your captain, I'll allow you safe egress from my vessel and surrounding waters. Addendum: your nurse will heal up any still breathing among my crew in return for the courtesy I've paid by keeping your captain on this side of the hereafter."

At this point, Graelyn pipes up and shouts something about Fitz's not having a crew and kidnapping Orpheus, which seems to raise Fitz's ire for just a moment. However, the emotion quickly fades and the captain is back to business. "Yyou'll put a cork in that one while we finalize these negotiations and I'll not blast your fan club out of the drink, savvy?" He points one of his daggers toward the middle distance, where Esvar and her crew are feverishly working to bring their elephant of a boat up to speed. None of them are sailors, and they look to be having a terrible time of it, but they're still giving it their all like true heroes tell themselves they should...the fools.

"I find your second condition acceptable as stated. All apples and trees stolen from the lillend are to be returned forthwith upon the last of your crew disembarking from my vessel. Straightforward enough for ya?"

"Amendment to the third," he offers, taking his best improvised stab at the same legalese that DragKel had fluently spouted off. "As having you on board is a risky proposition, let's dispense with the formality of actually accepting you as a prisoner. Instead, simply sign an I.O.U. on behalf of your gold dragon boss and mark it with his signet. I'll still have the ability to collect at my leisure, without the burden of feeding and sheltering you (save to say the anxiety of whether or not a holy man would deem it righteous to cut me like a pig while I sleep). When it comes to Orpheus, it doesn't matter a whale's turd to me if you cart him off; he paid his way in advance. Go wild."

Arnold looks to the members of the Unicorn's crew to gauge their reactions. "Well, what say you all? Do we have a deal?"

Sense Motive DC Bluff - (1d20+11)[12] to open:

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Given how much Arnold hemmed and hawed about DragKel's first and third conditions, it seems a bit odd that he'd acquiesce so easily to the second.

[cavalieredraghi]

DragKel Sense Motive

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(1d20+2)[14]

[cavalieredraghi]

DragKel Diplomacy

(1d20+14)[28]


What is it you are not telling us captain, i will only give you the I.O.U., as you put it when the Unicorn has the apples and its crew aboard itself.

[RaggedAngel]

"Excuse me."

Varia's voice is dry but sharp, and she cuts DragKel off at the end of his sentence. It's clear that she isn't impressed by anything the paladin has to say. "I've had an interesting time slaughtering your crew, but there comes a point at which a woman would like to know why she was abducted instead of just mindlessly harming her captors.

I know almost nothing about any of you, and while I recognize that a Dragonborn of Bahamut is held to certain moral standards by his god, it is just as clear that this particular paladin is playing fast and loose with his oath. Can one or preferably both of you explain what is going on?"

She looks from Arnold to DragKel for a poignent moment before continuing. "I would like to add that I currently have a spell prepared that is capable of completely destroying a large section of hull. I am also able to fly. I am giving you this information so that you can give me the truth with full understanding of what I am able to do to you and your crews."

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Hell hath no fury like a Tier One caster scorned.

[cavalieredraghi]

"Play fast and looses with my code." i just do what i need to insure Good stays in this world, i didn't relish Killing the orc but i had to right!? it is thoughts like this and more that seem to be entering DragKel's mind when the Grey Elf spoke.

My apologies my lady that you where thrown into this fight between us, we simply wish to return property that these "sailors" stole. i didn't wish to see you harmed when we first boarded the ship thus why i Killed the orc if that is playing fast and loose then i must have been in error.

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Knowledge Religion Check to see if he know what Varia is since she know what he is.

(1d20+7)[18]

[al'Lan Mandrag]

Graelyn grumpily continued to shift Orpheus onto the deck of the Unicorn, embarrassed that his attempts at diplomacy had been ignored so quickly, and that the wizard lady on the other ship was showing him up. "I could blow up a ship as well..." he muttered pettily, "big deal, she can fly! Hey who can't?"

[Fireheart]

Chess's head was still pounding. Now I know what Graelyn must feel when he's not drunk.


On one hand she felt like she should interject but as best she could figure, between the unknown wizard and the Dragonthing, it looked like she was going to get her crew back to her ship and still come off with the apples. Seemed like a win to her.

So she simply crossed her arms across her chest and waited.

[boldfont]

Meanwhile...
Orpheus was having a very different dream from that of Wu Xin. He dream was more of the terrifying variety that we commonly refer to as nightmares.

In Orpheus' s dream chains, or maybe they were puppet strings, pukled the bard this way and that. Against his will he was runs up against the heel of an enormous boot worn by a malicious music critic. The sea was boiling and the sky pink with violence and bad metaphors. And always from the shadows a fair maiden was watching. Always watching.

But suddenly Orpheus knew that these maiden's eyes in the dark were there to trap him and watch him suffer. For twas no maiden at all, but a demon sent to devour the hearts of men...

[freyathefairy]

Pandora whispers back to DragKel As long as you don't get yourself killed
She then raises her voice and calls to ArnoldCould every one that need healed be arranged very close. I'm afraid I can heal only around a set target point.

[OMG PONIES]

Captain Arnold Fitz sheepishly scratches the back of his head as DragKel and Varia pepper the conversation with questions and threats of grand violence. He wasn't quite sure how to react so, for a long moment, he didn't. Chess also stood silently, more from fighting off the pounding drums in the back of her skull and the extreme desire to vomit than any conscious choice on her part.

Varia Intimidate - (1d20+2)[19] the +2 bonus is from her cavalier "I'll sink both ships and fly away." Nice stuff!

When Arnold finally does speak, he addresses Varia first. "Abducted? Captors? Let me fill in some blanks for you, darling." Even though he seems fearful for the safety of his ship, he's still a charming son of a gun. "We came upon your lifeless form in the middle of a scorched Orchard. Nothing but stumps and rotten leavings as far as the eye could see. Afraid that whatever did that might come back for you, we took you aboard. Being hard up for accommodations and unsure of your intentions, we took precautions. But by no means do I want you to think you were a prisoner onboard the Tooth...more like a guest."

Turning to address DragKel and Chess, he continues. "Yeah, I heard about your apple score and set out to snag a few before you yucks could get here. But it looks like someone beat us both to the punch, drank the whole bowl, and then shattered it on the floor. Here's all we could recover." He retreats down the steps, clattering around below decks as he retrieves the apples.

As Graelyn grumbles and drags Orpheus toward the Unicorn, Pandora offers to heal those who need it in a small radius. Arnold and his crew rally around the dying mass of Wailwhere, and he calls for Graelyn to drag Orpheus back for healing before the Unicorn takes him prisoner. This causes the beguiler to grumble all the more, but luckily a lithe little gnome emerges from the shadows and grabs Orpheus' ankles, wordlessly helping Graelyn slide Orpheus back toward the battle nurse. She heals everyone up, and after a few awkward moments and drawn blades, Arnold explains that a cease fire's been called. It gets a little more awkward when he explains to Orpheus that the pop sensation will be concluding his tour via an express ticket back to the Material Plane on the Dirty Unicorn. The divo protests, but Wailwhere being up and walking around ensures that Arnold is listened to. As Orpheus is carted off, he keeps muttering to himself I always feel like...somebody's watching me... As he's carted by the newly-healed Wu Xin, his eyes go wide. "The maiden!" he calls out, clearly still coming out of his stupor. "Darkness, eyes, and demons inside!"

Arnold returns in a moment with a crate half-full of chewed pieces and overripe fruit. "Guess it dropped off the tree before our mystery guest harvested the whole damned lot. Listen kids, whoever they are...they're out of my league. Means they're a good while outta yours too, savvy? Don't know if this will be enough to make our chef friend pay up, but they're your problem now, fair and square." He heaves the crate into DragKel's chest, and the sickly sweet aroma of appleflesh rises up into the Dragonborn's nose. "Now," Arnold asks matter-of-factly as the last of the Unicorn's crew boards their own ship, "about that I.O.U.?"

@DragKel:

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You recognize Varia as an archivist. An archivist is a wielder of divine magic, similar to a cleric only in the type and nature of the magic at her command. Indeed, the archivist has more in common with the wizard than she does with the standard servant of the divine, due to the scholarly way in which she collects and maintains her spell selection. Archivists seek out esotericsources of divine lore, wherever those sources might be, securing those secrets for themselves and their fellow scholars.

[cavalieredraghi]

DragKel nostrils flare, with the smell of the Apples. he is enthralled by the sweet smell. he would not dare eat these over rip pieces of trash, but the smell was a nice reprieve from everything that has happened. it reminds him of his past back when he was with his mother and father and how their apples where considered to rival the Elysium Apples here. if the smell suggested anything His Families Orchard's where far better then these few pieces.


His Eyes then focus again on what is going on, he glares at Whailwhere, but his stare almost always looks like a glare. Pandora Whispers Continue to make him wonder, why would she care about whether or not he dies? but DragKel knows he needs to Finish this Diplomatic Exchange before his adoptive crew can leave. Once Orpheus was safely aboard the Unicorn he ask Chess and Grealyn, Can you two please put the desert one's body on the ship. I will need to Prepare the Body For Resurrection or Burial. And I do apologize for taking over your ship so suddenly you are still captain chess and please stop me if I over step my bounds.

He then Looks to Varia, I again apologize for you being thrown into our fight, will you please allow me to escort you to a city on the Prime Material?

Now he Finally looks at Arnold he goes to the a barrel on the deck and pools out a parchment and a wondrous little device he found from the Gnomes called a Pen. to think the ink is held inside of this little device. with a few quick scribbles on the Parchment he Trifolds it and put the pen away and pulls out a wax stick. he quickly flames it a small blob of Wax is on the letter to seal it, DragKel lifts the pummel of his scythe and presses it against the wax. with the symbol of a Star and some sort of outlined disc. (the symbol is of Bahamut). Here you are Captain thank you for the Honesty. take this to the City of Conil and Present it to Lord Drixtel he will see you get your ransom. (DragKel doesn't know Lord Drixtel is Dead and there is a new leader of the Gold dragons.)

with that DragKel Helps Pandora back on the the ship if Blinky does not help, but before he climbs back to the Dirty Unicorn, he looks between the two ships and sees Papa Bonu climbing his way up. he goes over and offers him a hand.

[RaggedAngel]

Varia narrows her eyes at Captain Arnold's remarks, but she releases some of the built-up energy around her, taking some tension out of the air. The grey elf gathers up her bow and spends a moment ensuring that nothing has been left out of her pack, before walking over to Arnold. Her face is impassive, and she moves inside of his arm's reach confidently, placing a light hand on his chest.

"If I ever find out that you have lied to me, or that you had less than innocent motives for abducting me," she whispers to him, leaning forward. "I am going to kill you, reanimate you, and command you to devour your own crew. You seem like a very reasonable man, Arnold. I hope you were telling me the truth."

The archivist holds his gaze for a moment before turning to walk away.

[freyathefairy]

Cursing under her breath Pandora heals the Irontooth's crew. Before turning on her heal hastily and whistling for blinky. When back on board the unicorn she makes a rude gesture towards the Irontooth That was to whoever nearly killed me!

[OMG PONIES]

DragKel Helps Pandora back on the the ship if Blinky does not help, but before he climbs back to the Dirty Unicorn, he looks between the two ships and sees Papa Bonu climbing his way up. he goes over and offers him a hand.

As Bonu scampers up the netting on the side of the ship, his already wide eyes go wider still when he sees DragKel standing on the deck of the Irontooth offering him a hand. "Sharkcharmer!" he calls out in fright. "Smooth talkin' Mama Ocean's babies 'til they bite like they've got rabies!" After a few moments of Arnold talking down the medicine man, he crosses his tiny arms in front of his miniscule chest and grimaces at DragKel. "You think everything gon be irie just 'cause of Captain's say-so?" he fumes. "We both be knowin' that's a sight far from the true-true. Coulda killed Papa Bonu, and it takes more than a handshake to heal that wound, Sharkcharmer." Bonu shakes his head, clucks his tongue, and scowls at the Dragonborn all the way back to the Dirty Unicorn.

Varia narrows her eyes at Captain Arnold's remarks, but she releases some of the built-up energy around her, taking some tension out of the air. The grey elf gathers up her bow and spends a moment ensuring that nothing has been left out of her pack, before walking over to Arnold. Her face is impassive, and she moves inside of his arm's reach confidently, placing a light hand on his chest.

"If I ever find out that you have lied to me, or that you had less than innocent motives for abducting me," she whispers to him, leaning forward. "I am going to kill you, reanimate you, and command you to devour your own crew. You seem like a very reasonable man, Arnold. I hope you were telling me the truth."

Arnold's smile doesn't move--hell, he doesn't even blink--during Varia's...threat? promise? Proposition of eternal undead power and a free meal? His grin stays fixed on his face as she turns on her heel back to her ship. "Darling?" he calls after Chess. "That one," he says with a nod to Varia, "she's all yours."

The crew of the Dirty Unicorn collect their dead, their apples, and whatever fragments of their pride are left (some far more than others) and set sail. They don't need to secure any masts or tie up any riggings; simply pulling up their anchor sucks them into the portal as the crew of the Irontooth stays motionless in Elysium, with Esvar's warship off somewhere in the middle distance, trying very much to save a day that was already closer to dusk.

The trip through the portal is much safer and smoother than the ordeal with the vortex that brought them to Elysium, and our fearless soon found themselves back in the same place they had begun. The surf was calm enough that the SS Dirty Unicorn was not jostled; instead, it was like she was sitting atop a mirror, allowing her crew plenty of time for reflection on the chaos they had just been through. The midday sun reflected off the sea in all directions, but it seemed somehow muted compared to the beautiful landscapes and amber rays of Elysium. In the middle of the deck sat the contents of the crew's most recent haul, an uninspiring pile of goods that couldn't even begin to tell the day's story. They had just had themselves a proper adventure.

Thus ends Chapter 3. Please post any reactions, downtime IC chatter, or see the OOC for possible suggestions of what's next.

[cavalieredraghi]

DragKel is leaning against the port side railing, he is thinking of what to do...... who would want to take the apples from the Lillend, and if they are so strong, who would be willing to help us fight them. Arokh and Rynn maybe, they are immortal after all, thanks to the divine will of IO, no they are probably to busy with there own things, what with Rynn and her airship, and Arokh with the Dagger-Shard Company. Wavebreaker must have followed them through the portal for he can feel her hunger, and longing to return home. with that DragKel Dismisses his friend back to her plane of existence.


as he thinks he looks around at the Crew, by this point he has repaired Jame's armor, and weapons, and made him ready for when they reach a city. DragKel wishes to raise him, but it will have be up to James' friends as to what is done with him. while he made James ready he finally learned his name, by coming across one of his books and finding his name written on the inside page. Property of James Sirocco. it was time he learned the rest of the crews name as well. he first walks over to the his once, grey racial brother and says, I am glad to be done with that fight. I'm DragKel.... as he says this he extends his hand for a shake, and possibly learn the name of this man "formally". after all he did over hear Esvar say it back at the restaurant, but he should be proper and polite, and learn the man's name.

[boldfont]

Wu Xin yawns lazily like a cat after she is revived. She stretches and sees that the crew of the Unicorn are undertaking their departure. James' body is loosely hidden from her view, otherwise she would throw herself into wild fits of passionate sobbing. But as fate would have it, her day was going way too well to be ruined by the death of a close friend. When she does spot him, she assumes James is taking a nap, which she an relate to entirely. Adventuring is hard work!

In truth, Wu doesn't even remember the battle or her humiliating loss. The two blows to her brain knocked the knowledge right out of her. All she remembers is... Orpheus. And here he is! What a coincidence!

She approaches Orpheus with a frighteningly disingenuous demure smile and a silken scarf.

난 당신이 내게 올 줄 알았습니다. 우리의 운명은 별에 기록됩니다.
나와 함께 내 사랑을 온다.마사지 발하면서 나를 위해 음악을 연주하고 향수에 당신을 목욕...

Meaning (according to Google translate)

I knew you would come to me. Our destiny is written in the stars.
Come with me, my love. Play music for me while a massage your feet and bathe you in perfumes...

The message may have been lost on poor Orpheus.

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Intimidate (1d20+2)[19] Circumstance bonus?

[RaggedAngel]

OOC:

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Is she speaking Elvish?

[boldfont]

OOC:

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Is she speaking Elvish?

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Korean
Or as I've been treating it, "generalized Asian elf language".
You've given me pause though Ragged. Let me know if I cross the line from merely ironic satire to actual encouragement of ignorance.

[SamBurke]

James slips back to the Mortal Plane from where he stands, and finds himself below decks. "Well, that was an odd experience... "Our" grandchildren, he said? I guess Dalia musta finally gotten married, or something?" He stretches, popping a crick in his back.

Without missing a beat, he jogs up the steps and stands on deck, staring around. Those looking towards him can see...

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Also, using my Child of Shadow stance, paired with Hide in Plain sight:
(1d20+15)[20] This is my hide check, because James doesn't yet realize how much the plane has touched him...

Just so everyone knows, I am level 5 ATM, as a Dark Rogue 1/Swordsage 3.

[freyathefairy]

Upon hearing Papa Bonu's name Pandora lets out an unearthly shriek before trying to re-board the Irontooth to kill him. But Blinky stops and the ship is sucked through the vortex. Sensing she has lost her opportunity for vengeance sinks to the deck and she stabs the knife into the deck in frustration.

[cavalieredraghi]

DragKel's attempts to be polite and mingle with the crew is cut short when he sees Pandora start stabbing the deck. he moves over to her, well out of her knife range, and asks, Pandora what is wrong, are you alright!? DragKel does not even notice James is back in the land of the living.

[freyathefairy]

Pandora gazes up toward the source of the voice. Recognising it she starts to talk
Ill tell you what's wrong! I just missed no what could be my last chance to get revenge on Papa Bonu. I wish that shark had ate him!

[cavalieredraghi]

DragKel puts his hand on Pandora's shoulder. his Aura of Good almost seems to pulse. Dear Pandora what is your revenge worth to you. for I would not let you die in claiming it. I wouldn't let Chess die in claiming it. do you not think I am torn for having let you heal James' murderer. I was honor bound to do so. don't punish yourself for what happened, or the ship. I'll do that enough for all of us minus the ship. may the Divine Magister not roll to harshly on us. with that DragKel walks away and goes to the railing of the ship to look at his own reflection.

[RaggedAngel]

Varia stands apart from the others, still quite unsure of herself. Her magic had taken her to Elysium, and while she trusted in both Magic and Knowledge she had little trust for those around her. She was deeply alone, despite the fact that there was another elf around; that woman, if she could be described as such, did not seem to have the kind of intellect Varia prided in members of her subrace.

And so when into that thoughtful gaze a dead man walked, she managed to notice him. Her eyes grew wide, and she forced herself to calm down for a moment, calling forth quiet and subtle magic that reached out to the great resources of information that were the underpinnings of reality itself.

When she opens her eyes, James's condition is as clear as day. She walks over to him, reaching out a hand to touch his cheek with a complete disregard for his personal space. "You have been touched by shadow, firewielder. I must say, you are either a profoundly lucky man, or you have a real destiny ahead of you. Perhaps both."

Varia takes a step back, inclining her head politely. "Welcome back. I was saddened by your loss, despite never being able to properly introduce myself. My name is Varia Laetanerath, a scholar and archivist of divine power and knowledge. You may well have saved my life, and for that I am in your debt."

[SamBurke]

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Varia stands apart from the others, still quite unsure of herself. Her magic had taken her to Elysium, and while she trusted in both Magic and Knowledge she had little trust for those around her. She was deeply alone, despite the fact that there was another elf around; that woman, if she could be described as such, did not seem to have the kind of intellect Varia prided in members of her subrace.

And so when into that thoughtful gaze a dead man walked, she managed to notice him. Her eyes grew wide, and she forced herself to calm down for a moment, calling forth quiet and subtle magic that reached out to the great resources of information that were the underpinnings of reality itself.

When she opens her eyes, James's condition is as clear as day. She walks over to him, reaching out a hand to touch his cheek with a complete disregard for his personal space. "You have been touched by shadow, firewielder. I must say, you are either a profoundly lucky man, or you have a real destiny ahead of you. Perhaps both."

Varia takes a step back, inclining her head politely. "Welcome back. I was saddened by your loss, despite never being able to properly introduce myself. My name is Varia Laetanerath, a scholar and archivist of divine power and knowledge. You may well have saved my life, and for that I am in your debt."

"You're... a scholar?" James says, somehow going right to the important things in life, even though that meant ignoring the fact that he was touched by the shadow plane. His voice drops to a whisper. "Does that mean you can get books on this brains-forsaken ship? Please... please..." He's almost begging her now, and is standing quite close. "I've only managed a dozen or so books... and I'm constantly afraid Graelyn will barf in 'em, or someone will burn them for warmth... We live on a terrible ship." He thinks for a moment, checking for both his swords.

"But it would seem that you might make a fantastic, erudite addition to our crew! I certainly welcome you aboard!" He sticks out his hand to shake it... and it completely misses, flying past her arm. "Uh... I appear to be... lighter?" He stares at the void leeching through his veins, replacing his muscles, and twined around bone. "I guess I'm more changed than I thought..."

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Truly, 'tis a woeful tale of sadness upon the Dirty Unicorn.

Also, going to the Shadow Plane lost me about 40 pounds. SUCK IT, Weightwatchers!

[OMG PONIES]

Ch. 4: Payday

The whole time since leaving Elysium, Chess was standing at the helm and staring at it. The captain was desperately trying to figure out how the damned thing work, but it eluded her. Luckily, she had skeletons for just such occassions. "You there," she calls out to one of them, "steer us back to our port of origin posthaste." Unbeknownst to Chess, the skeleton was Oliver, the devoted servant who had taken a cannonball, been engulfed in the Puke to the point of losing a leg, and had since fashioned a crude pegleg for himself. He silently obliges, mindless enough not to resent his lot in life.

Meanwhile, Wu Xin propositions Orpheus with demands for music and promises of exfoliating massages. He's not sure whether his compliance is required for her to continue with her plan, and figures that acquiescence is the path of least resistance. "My common is spoken further than this language," he replies in her native tongue, "but I am happy to strive to fill your stomach. Music shall be made by my voice if there is a commitment to numbness?" He practically asks the last part, sure that his vocabulary is off. Luckily, he's saved by the bell.

*CLANG* *CLANG* "All hands!" Chess calls as she rings the bell she loved to chastize Wu Xin for touching. Between the bell and alone time with Orpheus, it seemed the Captain was dead set against letting Wu Xin have nice things. "We're sailing back to land...we were asked to deliver apples, and apples we have. Double time!" The crew retraces familiar patterns and resails familiar seas all the way back to a familiar town, wherein they locate a familiar chef and drop a half-crate of unfamiliar apples at his feet.

The wiry little chef turns up his nose at the offering. His beady eyes glare at the crew from behind round-framed glasses that he seemed to wear more for stylistic reasons than optometric ones. He scoffs loudly and clucks, "Ugh, ze Unicorns...how am I zupposed to cook with zees?" he asks, laying it on thick with an accent that had the crew taking bets about its authenticity. "Rubbish! Awful, Unicorns! Offal!" he continues. "Bezides, I have made ozzer arrangements. Your zervices are no longer required, Unicorns." He places his hands on his hips, defiant. Getting him to pay up might take some convincing...as would getting him to stop calling them the Unicorns as if they were some peewee ribbon dancing team.

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Wu Xin gasps...
GASP
Just like that.
Her hand rests daintily on her breast. She can feel her heart nearly burst out of her chest. Of course he speaks her native tongue! And he does it with such panache. She does feel numb! Their hearts are so in sync. He knows just how she feels... hungry. And in love. And she, in turn, is certain that he feels that same way.

As they sail back to their port of call, Wu Xin twists and contorts his feet in what can only be described as the world's worst foot massage. She probably breaks some of the smaller digits with her absurdly slight and feminine hands. She has the look of a coy school elf, but the bone crunching power of a ogre. While she inadvertently tortures poor Orpheus, convinced that he is enjoying her affections, he sobs and does his darn best to sing for her.

Spoiler

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Not saved by the bell. There is no way Wu is going to help sail when she can dote on her new boyfriend instead.