Artifacts that make...Pigeons?

[Dire Penguin]

It's kind of weird, but why would a walnut turn into a pigeon. I vote that this is an absurd, yet funny thing...but why couldn't it have made other animals too?

[cuchulainshound]

I vote that I really don't care about your poll. (Well, ok, only enough to point that out.)

[Demented]

Using an incredibly powerful artifact of the titans to crack walnuts has got to result in some weird effect, no? After all, imagine if it didn't turn the walnut into a pigeon... What's the point of an incredibly powerful artifact if all it does to a walnut is crack it?

Of course, the inevitable question is... Why pigeons?

[Aliquid]

Considering the artifact's original purpose (long before Stanley got his hands on it).... I am trying to see if I can find a connection between that and pigeons.

[inky13112]

Absurd but funny. I laughed at it, but I can't possibly imagine why an incredibly powerful artifact would make pigeons. Blow the walnuts to smithereens maybe, make them pigeons, is kind of absurd. Still really funny though.

[TinSoldier]

If you hammer at the kernel of the logic long enough, the idea will not seem as nutty as it first appears to be...

[LordOfNarf]

magically, its reasonalble, but it is idiotic.
<----is not a big fan of Erfworld so far

[Aliquid]

The problem with thinking "why is an artifact making pigeons", is people are assuming that an artifact is an amazing magic item made by some super-powerful wizard for some important purpose. Which is very likely not the case in this scenario.

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First off, I'm guessing it wasn't originally made as a weapon. The "titans" likely made it as a toy for infants. Take a look at it, it is a child's toy. A plastic mallet, and when you hit it hard enough it probably squeeks. Or it might be a croquet mallet... either way it isn't an overly important item for the Titans.

Consider the gem that went off the Elvis's robe... it wasn't too important and wasn't noticed, but to the people of Erfworld it was a huge treasure. Same thing with the Arkenhammer.. something amusing, but not missed by the Titans.

I wouldn't be suprised if it had all sorts of fancy tricks. It might be able to make bunnies, and other creatures too... Stanley just doesn't know how to use it, and he accidently does the right thing for pigeons from time to time

[Om]

Has no one here any experience with magic? Pigeons are a standard result of any powerful magic artefact. Indeed students in UL have classified the base unit of magic, the thaum, as the amount of magic needed to create a white pigeon or three billiard balls.

[Jacklu]

Obviously a tool of such magical potential is bound to have unforeseen side affects when used for such medial tasks like cracking open walnuts. The real question for me is what affect did it have on the walnuts that it simply cracked open?(aside from breaking them into pieces of course)

[TinSoldier]

They turned into tiny self-contained worlds of their own!

[Jacklu]

With any luck they won't become pigeons at a later date. You know, after being eaten.

[Solara]

It's not the pigeons that are funny, but the idea that this artifact is probably going to be doing weird, unforeseen, and completely random stuff all the time.

[Athelis]

That scene was actually one of my favorite parts so far.

[Brady_Kj]

It's not the pigeons that are funny, but the idea that this artifact is probably going to be doing weird, unforeseen, and completely random stuff all the time.

Quoted for great truth.

Anyway, it's implausible for anything but a god's artifact. Creating a living animal out of something else, even if that something else is organic matter.

It's the best.

[ghost_warlock]

Turquoise bicycle shoe fins actualize radishes greenly!

*Ahem* Arrrgh! the Living Sword would approve. He's a Chaotic neutral intelligent sword with the ability to shapechange into fruit (though he retains his hardness regardless). He can't shapechange into anything else, though; just fruit. Why? Part of the nature of chaos - deal with it. It makes perfect sense by not making any sort of sense.

[Demented]

Quoted for great truth.

Anyway, it's implausible for anything but a god's artifact. Creating a living animal out of something else, even if that something else is organic matter.

It's the best.

Implausible for anything but a god's artifact or absurd probability devices.

[battleburn]

Depends how it works really.
If this is supposed to be a weapon, then it is reasonable to believe that every 4th or 5th hit will result in the enemy changing into a pigeon and therefore be dealt with.

[magic8BALL]

It's totally absurd.... but that's WHY it's funny.

...but you could make stats for it in any D&D campaign... when the weapon hits, there is a 20% chance the target is "Baleful Polymorph Any Object (or somthing)"ed into a pidgeon, no save... I'm not sure why you would... but it's an artifact... people thought differently back when it was made, yes?

[Amon Star]

Artifacts can do what they want, that's my opinion.

[Constantinople]

For want of a better word, the artefact has been "programed" to do something when it's used to do a certain action, right? Perhaps, when used on an enemy, it turns said enemy into ashes? Ok?
So what happens when it's used on an innocent walnut? "Hmm... what should I do?" the artefact thinks to itself. "Enemies into ashes... so... Walnuts into... pigeons?" And then does just that.

[Cytherea]

With any luck they won't become pigeons at a later date. You know, after being eaten.

Oh, god. XD That mental image made me giggle.

Although that would be completely awesome. I wonder if perhaps it just has a time-delay for things, depending on *EXACTLY* how hard you hit them? Sometimes, it's instantaneous, others, it takes a couple of hours...

[Maurog]

It resets to pigeons. And Stanley has no idea how to utilize it properly.

[Jorkens]

Considering the artifact's original purpose (long before Stanley got his hands on it).... I am trying to see if I can find a connection between that and pigeons.

I'm guessing it's just some sort of 'magic leakage' tbh. A tool of the titans is likely to be a very magical object, and even when its powers aren't being invoked, random slightly magical things are going to happen if you start hitting things with it. And as Om pointed out, producing pigeons is a fairly standard (and nicely surreal) magical effect to have happen.

[Learnedguy]

I can see no reason why a magic artefact could randomly turn stuff into pidgeons, by mistake.

[Jorkens]

I can see no reason why a magic artefact could randomly turn stuff into pidgeons, by mistake.

Erm, because it's magic?

[Aliquid]

I can see no reason why a magic artefact could randomly turn stuff into pidgeons, by mistake.

It might not be random at all. I get the impression that this is an artifact that was found at some point in time, and the people of Erfworld do not really know what it is.

To put it simply, Stanley isn't using the hammer properly. He doesn't know how to use it properly, and he only knows a small fraction of the hammer's abilities.

Someone who fully understands how to use the hammer could probably make a pigeon every time, by using the hammer properly. Stanley just happens to do this by mistake around 20% of the time.

If he had any wisdom... he could probably figure it out himself with trial and error.

[EddieBird]

Dieties often have favorite animals or "mascots".
Bast=Cats
Juno=Peacocks
Indri=Elephants
ect.
Perhaps the titan who created the arkenhammer had a special fondness for pigeons.

[TinSoldier]

If Elvis created the Arkenhammer, then the walnuts should be turning into peanut butter and banana sandwiches

[Duffren]

The hammer is obviously being misused, which appears to be something Stanley does with a lot of things (using a Croakamancer for the summoning spell, using an ancient artifact to crack nuts, promoting people based on looks). If he used the hammer properly it would probably do something spectacular.