Inspired by Weirdness in the World

[Wizzardman]

Ah, the crazy things people do with dead bodies, and the dinner table conversations such things create:
http://www.lifegem.com/


Cheeseman's Life Insurance Policy
Transmutation
Level: Sor/Wiz 7
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 24 hours
Range: Touch
Duration: Permanent
Saving Throw: Fort or Will Negates
Spell Resistance: Yes

Created by a rather chaotic wizard as a permanent way to remember his old friends [and ressurect them for free], Cheeseman's Life Insurance Policy turns a target dead body into a valuable commodity. A corpse targeted by this spell is heated to an immensely high temperature, and then crushed until the carbon in its body crystalizes, forming a diamond worth 200gp per HD of the monster body targeted [including undead HD, if it applies]. The exact coloration of the diamond varies according to the creature targeted, but in general nature-oriented creatures form brownish diamonds, nonspellcasters form clear diamonds, clerics and similar divine casters form diamonds with a reddish tint, diamonds from arcane spellcasters take on a bluish hue, black diamonds form from the undead, and outsiders form green diamonds.

Any undead targetted by this spell must make a Fort save or take 10d6 crushing damage and 10d6 fire damage as their body superheats and superpressurizes in the diamond creation process. Undead that are destroyed by this process form diamonds as normal; however, the diamonds generally have an evil aura about them, and many have skull-shaped impurities at the center of the crystal. Undead that are not instantly destroyed are merely slow'd for 1d6 rounds, and do not become diamonds.

This diamond may be used as the 'dead body' requirement for the Raise Dead or Ressurection spells, but the spirits of the departed would end up on the inside of the crystal, as if by a Magic Jar spell. This is thereby a horribly inconvient way to bring back your friends, although you are welcome to use said diamonds as the 'diamond' requirement for Raise Dead, Ressurection, or True Ressurection, as well as any other spells that require diamonds.

Material Components: A bit of bat guano, a piece of coal, and a cheap ceramic vase.


Minor Artifact: The Death Stone

Created by an utterly impractical mage as a way to look completely ridiculous in combat, the Death Stone is a +3 Wounding diamond [treat as Adamantine in regards to hardness/hp] with special magical powers. Any creature killed with this rock is automatically absorbed into the diamond as per the Life Insurance Policy spell [save with casting time: free action and no material components necessary]. The diamond is used as an improvised weapon, as it is a big friggin rock, and thereby hard to weild.

The diamond gains in size, as well as special abilities, depending on the number of total HD it has absorbed into itself since its initial formation:

0-10 HD: The general size of a sling bullet.
11-20 HD: About 4 cubic inches [treat as light weapon, 1d4 dmg, 20x3 crit]
Diamond gains the Flaming Burst ability.
21-40 HD: 8 cubic inches [as one-handed weapon, 1d8 dmg 20x3 crit]
Bearer gains +4 luck bonus on saving throws.
41-70 HD: 12 cubic inches [two-handed, 2d6 dmg 20x3 crit]
Bearer gains immunity to critical hits.
71-100 HD: 20 cubic inches[large 2-handed, 3d6 dmg 20x4 crit]
Bearer is no longer effected by the penalties for aging.
101-140 HD: 2.5 cubic feet [huge 2-handed, 5d6 dmg 20x4 crit]
Bearer is no longer subject to death effects
...How are you still weilding this thing?
141-200 HD: 1.5 cubic yards [gargantuan 2-handed, 7d6 dmg 20x4 crit]
Bearer can cast the spell Unluck on any target twice/day.
1/day, bearer can command the diamond to shape itself into any object of the diamond's size, such as a chair, shield, spiked chain, jaunty hat, etc.
201+ HD: Large enough to use as a throne.
Bearer gains immortality as long as he/she touches it.

In addition, whenever the Death Stone gains twenty or more hit dice at once, the bearer can command the Death Stone to split into two pieces, dividing the corresponding hit dice as he or she sees fit. Thus, it is entirely possible for a busy person to cover himself entirely in fancy Death Stone armor and weapons; it would be completely ridiculous and entirely ineffective, but it would work. Some theorize that splitting the Death Stone during times or areas of chaotic magic [doing a crazy dance in a thunderstorm on Limbo, while a mad Jamaican wizard experiments on you with his new Rod of Wonder, is one example], the new shards of the Death Stone may take on some form of life, creating a new and terrifying creature of an indescribably horrific [not to mention expensive] nature.

People who don't know about the Death Stone's special powers will pay 5000gp + 300/HD of monsters killed with the Death stone. People who do know abou the crazy powers of this minor artifact generally avoid it; there are legends suggesting that those who hold the Death Stone will come to a bad end. Also, buying what is essentially a "blood money" diamond is terribly unethical, and most Good-aligned people who know about its history would be unwilling to buy it.

[Mewtarthio]

So, every enemy you kill nets you 200 gp per HD?

Also, regarding that link, if that actually works, I am going to write in my last will and testament that I want my viable organs harvested, my brain cryogenically frozen, and whatever's left cremated and diamondized. Oh, and a sample left over to clone me. I really want to become the weirdest dead guy in history. I am going to find some way for my coffin to hover during my funeral.

[Wizzardman]

Yep. It works. And I can't blame you for wanting a weird death. Heck, I'm planning on having Sympathy for the Devil played at my funeral, where my skeleton is anamatronically animated to dance around the church.

Also, yeah: 200gp per HD extra. Its a way for players in low-loot campaigns to get a little bit extra spending money, or for DMs to reward players without having to toss in extra magic items all over the place.

That, and its just plain cool. Like a not-so-disgusting way to get trophies from major victories.

[magic8BALL]

It takes carbon (aproximately):
10 000 years, at
10 000 atmosphere presure, and
10 000 degrees celcius to turn into diamond.

It would cost several thousand dollars a minute to repoduce those conditions.
LifeGem is not the first scam I've seen like it... ever since "diamond is carbon" has come out, everyone's been trying it.
Posible, yes.
Done? Yes.
Do-able by anyone other than a group of scientists (chem and physics I think) with several billion bucks and 20 years to spend? Nope.

Of cause, I could be wrong. Just putting forward what I know.



The spell.
I have some things I think should be changed. Please fell free to disreguard any or all of them if you wish... I wouldn't blame you too much.

Components: add in some XP. 20XP per Hit Die to be converted sounds good to me.
Casting time: should be 24 hours. It takes time to cast a spell that is pure profit (execpt the XP bit), yes?
Duration: Instintaneous. The spell turns the carbon into... a tetrahedral lattice carbon... instantly. The effect is permenent, but the transition is complete when the spell is complete. (otherwise, the carbon remains would forever continue to become diamond, never actually finnishing the transition)
Range: Touch. Why have a range on a "turn the dead body into loot" spell?
Save: Fort negates (object) or Will partial (see text)

(text) active undead who make the save still take damage (10d6 bludgeoning, 10d6 fire), but are not turned into diamond.



The Artifact

Some theorize that splitting the Death Stone during times or areas of chaotic magic [doing a crazy dance in a thunderstorm on Limbo, while a mad Jamaican wizard experiments on you with his new Rod of Wonder, is one example], the new shards of the Death Stone may take on some form of life, creating a new and terrifying creature of an indescribably horrific [not to mention expensive] nature.

so we blame you for the Tarresque?

[Wizzardman]

It takes carbon (aproximately):
10 000 years, at
10 000 atmosphere presure, and
10 000 degrees celcius to turn into diamond.

It would cost several thousand dollars a minute to repoduce those conditions.
LifeGem is not the first scam I've seen like it... ever since "diamond is carbon" has come out, everyone's been trying it.
Posible, yes.
Done? Yes.
Do-able by anyone other than a group of scientists (chem and physics I think) with several billion bucks and 20 years to spend? Nope.

...Actually, it really doesn't take that long or that much money to produce artificial diamond. Its already being used on heavy duty industrial cutting implements as a way to make slicing easier. To make a relatively large one, it takes a decent chunk of money, yes--but little enough that you can make a profit selling it in jewelery, or make a bunch of them in merely a few days time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artificial_diamond

Of cause, I could be wrong. Just putting forward what I know.



The spell.
I have some things I think should be changed. Please fell free to disreguard any or all of them if you wish... I wouldn't blame you too much.

Components: add in some XP. 20XP per Hit Die to be converted sounds good to me.

But then no one would want to use it. No one likes burning out xp unless they get something good out of it, and a few extra gp just isn't worth the slower leveling time.

Casting time: should be 24 hours. It takes time to cast a spell that is pure profit (execpt the XP bit), yes?

1 hour is usually good enough to make sure that the PCs aren't running around casting it on everything in sight. But making it 24 hours should make up for the lack of xp cost. So 24 hours it is.

Duration: Instintaneous. The spell turns the carbon into... a tetrahedral lattice carbon... instantly. The effect is permenent, but the transition is complete when the spell is complete. (otherwise, the carbon remains would forever continue to become diamond, never actually finnishing the transition)
Range: Touch. Why have a range on a "turn the dead body into loot" spell?
Save: Fort negates (object) or Will partial (see text)

(text) active undead who make the save still take damage (10d6 bludgeoning, 10d6 fire), but are not turned into diamond.

Good point. Sorry I didn't make that clear enough.

The Artifact


so we blame you for the Tarresque?

Yeah, sure. Why not.

[Fako]

Hilarious spell/artifact. I love the concept.

However, you forgot to list what color of diamond divine casters make. Is it green like an outsider?

[Wizzardman]

Good point. All right, I fixed it.

[XtheYeti]

Amazing spell, you rock....