Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[Last_resort_33]

One question btw, what is a BBEG?

Big Bad Evil Guy/Girl... basically the boss... Xykon and Nale are BBEGs

Damn Simu-Posting!

[ExHunterEmerald]

1937. Throwing popcorn into the open mouth of the villain while he talks is funny, but you shouldn't. But making the DM roll to see if he chokes? And he does? That's a Tarrasqueable defense.

[Shadow of the Sun]

1938: No matter what, I CANNOT use Major Creation to conjure up a hypercritical mass of Plutonium. No, not ever
1939: The same applies for any other fissable materials

[Viscount Einstrauss]

1940- When you find the chubby daughter of an innskeeper that you're supposed to be rescuing, you are not to cover her in honey and offer her as a sacrificial diversion when fighting bugbears. I'm looking at the guys in my current campaign here.

1941- Your first answer to being in a room alone with any NPC should never be "murder him and check for gold and items". Again, present campaign.

1942- Dead serious here, guys. I'm going to lower your alignment to evil next time this happens.

[Deathcow]

1940- When you find the chubby daughter of an innskeeper that you're supposed to be rescuing, you are not to cover her in honey and offer her as a sacrificial diversion when fighting bugbears. I'm looking at the guys in my current campaign here.

1941- Your first answer to being in a room alone with any NPC should never be "murder him and check for gold and items". Again, present campaign.

1942- Dead serious here, guys. I'm going to lower your alignment to evil next time this happens.

They pulled stuff like that without being evil in the first place?

...

[Fako]

1943. You may not use Perform (Tapdance) to break up a swarm.
1944. You may not get your teeth enchanted.
1944a. Even if you are Undead.
1945. Taking one body part from every enemy you kill as a "trophy" is not allowed.
1946. You may not create a character who's only weapon is a Rod of Wonder.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

They do just enough good deeds (and to counter those, we're talking some really good deeds) to balance it out so far as I'm concerned. But it's starting to become a rather horrifying habit.

[Lucid_Archon]

1947. I will not place an altar of disintegration in a first level dungeon.
1948. I will not write a seventeen page plot summary for the first day of a new campaign.
1949. Nor will I quiz players on said plot summary.
1950. Reenacting Dawn of the Dead does not constitute a unique idea.
1951. I will never again link the words 'holy' and 'chainsaw' together.
1952. I will not make a campaign setting based aroung Captain Planet.
1953. Not even if Captain Planet has guns.

[Suzaku]

1954: No Jesus and Moses did not have guns to fight the Romans

[I eat Jawas]

1955: preemptive strikes do not count as self defense.
1956: "a bad feeling" is not a valid excuse for a paladin punching the duke
1957: players are not allowed DM screens. fairness don't factor into it.
1958: for the last time, the city does not have a brothel, whorehouse or a red light district.
1959: no, you may not start one.
1960: Any attempt to embarass the DM by a) asking him to describe an NPC's genitalia, b) asking him to describe how the goblin looks without his armour, c) asking him where babies come from when his girlfriend is playing or d) other, merits a random encounter with the tarrasque.
1961: deliberately ignoring plot hooks also merits a random encounter with the tarrasque.


oh, and thanks for explaining what the BBEG was

[I eat Jawas]

oops, forgot one:

1962: I'm all for roleplaying, but "acting convincingly" as your half orc is not necessary. Put the table DOWN.

[Fax Celestis]

1945. Taking one body part from every enemy you kill as a "trophy" is not allowed.

Even if I have the Trophy Collector feat?

[Mauril Everleaf]

I had a dwarf that took a tooth from every giant he killed. We were playing a low-level campaign (we finished it at about 7th level), but by level 3, he had managed to collect 4 Frost Giant teeth. He wore them on a necklace.

[Suzaku]

1963: I'm no longer able to use a tarrasque for random encounters because the PCs have killed 12 already.

[ExHunterEmerald]

1964: The players reserve the right to flee the table if the DM's response to "What CR is this fight?!" is "Delicious."

[Jade_Tarem]

1938: No matter what, I CANNOT use Major Creation to conjure up a hypercritical mass of Plutonium. No, not ever
1939: The same applies for any other fissable materials

And here I just started a master conjurer... thanks man, I now have a Plan C!

1965: If I am the party negotiator it is understood that I will not be bargaining using members of the party.
1966: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for burning down the goblin camp during the stealth mission.
1967: No longer allowed to play a warlock after the "incident."
1968: No longer allowed to make fun of the BBEG when his son/primary henchman blew himself up on a roll of 1.
1969: This hasn't happened per se, but since it's #1969, not allowed to say "That's one five-foot adjust for man, one giant critical hit for the sycthe-weilding iron golem."

[ClericofPhwarrr]

1970. The next time I attack the darkness, the darkness is getting pissed off and attacking back. I don't even want to know the CR for the darkness.

[Matthew]

You should definitely have The Darkness turn up in that case. Three Human Bards, I would have thought...

[Green Bean]

1971- Even if there are no time constraints, you may not dismantle dead encounters' for parts to sell. No one is going to pay for preserved dire badger urethras

[Hurlbut]

1971- Even if there are no time constraints, you may not dismantle dead encounters' for parts to sell. No one is going to pay for preserved dire badger urethras

Gullible people would if you can convince them or they already believe that certain parts bestow properties like fertility or increased sexual prowess (real world examples).

[Green Bean]

Gullible people would if you can convince them or they already believe that certain parts bestow properties like fertility or increased sexual prowess (real world examples).

1972- You may not convince people that dire badger urethras are aphrodisiacs

[Hurlbut]

Dang

[ExHunterEmerald]

1973. I don't care what your bluff modifier is. The next time you fool the BBEG that you're in love with him, he'll take you up on it. And like the kinky stuff.

[Everyman]

1974: I may not make a yellow ostrich effigy and call it my "robocobo".
1975: No more Final Fantasy jokes.
1976: I may not constantly "attack the darkness", lest it begin to fight back.

[Viscount Einstrauss]

1977- Halflings are not Hobbits. Stop calling them that. You're going to get us sued.
1978- They don't smoke Hobbit weed, either.
1979- And you aren't going to make one and name him Bilbo, Frodo, Samwise, Pippin, Merry, or Elijah Woods. Elijah Woods only played a hobbit. Now you're just doing it to make me mad. Stop it!
1980- You can roleplay without downing another beer first. Please.
1981- Dead bodies hidden in regularly occupied rooms in towns will be found by the smell alone, regardless of how high your hide check is.
1982- Even if you put a ring of invisibility on them. You know what? That doesn't work.
1983- Speaking of invisibility, no using it along with permanency to construct a giant wall brick-by-brick in the middle of a road. Yes, it's funny. No, you're not doing it ever again.
1984- Seducing an enemy army will have dire consequences next time, mark my words.

[Scorpina]

1985: There is a difference between a Drow Priestess of Lolth and a Dominatirx. Please make a note of it.

[Suzaku]

1986: I'm no longer able to create a race of cat girls because how will they reproduce
1987: Even if they reproduce by Parthenogenesis
1988: Even if I did create a race of cat girls I'm not allow to make cat nips
1989: No even when I promised not to use it

[Winged One]

1985b: And then explain it to everybody else, because Baator if we can tell the difference.

[Mike_Lemmer]

1990: I will not throw fish at any NPC while they are speaking.
1991: I will not instigate wars by spiking the drinks during diplomatic meetings.
1992: "It worked for Jacques Clouseau" is not a valid reason for any plan.
1993: I am not allowed to do anything that requires asking the GM about interspecies fertility first.
1994: A mustache & a funny accent does not a disguise make.
1995: No catapulting the dragons.

[Rumda]

1996: no longer allowed to make a village of were-tigers just to visualise the statement about arguing real life physics is a fantasy world