Things I'm Not Allowed To Do While Gaming

[Cult_of_the_Raven]

3499: when starting a campaign in eberron, I may not make a red and blue warforged monk with a grappling crossbow in his wrist.
3500: I may not name him 'spiderman, aracneadude, grappling guy, or any variant on that theme.
3501: he may not have a goblin enemy who can fly around on a disc and drop pumpkin shaped bombs on anyone.

[goat]

How did this even come up in a game

My character likes horses. He also likes drawing. He likes drawing his horses and then giving the pictures to people.

Some people (the DM) think he likes his horses a liiittle too much...

[dr4Kan]

3502: If Frank (My epic sorcerer with a spell that does 10d20 of fire damage to a 40 foot area up to 300 feet away) ever uses the phrase "My bad...," RUN!... ...

[Shraydar]

I am not allowed to kill my party then raise them from the dead to enslave them.

[Dairun Cates]

3504. A phobia of circus clowns is not acceptable in a fantasy campaign.

[Shraydar]

I am not allowed a spell that deals 2d100

[blackout]

3506: I am not allowed to throw the kobold sorcerer at the Spawn of Cthulhu in a feeble attempt at saving my own life.
3507: I will not trip the half-giant and then abandon him to be consumed by the Spawn of Cthulhu.

[TSGames]

3508:No matter how epic I am I may not research a spell that turns me into C'THULU or any other god from the mythos.
3509:I am not allowed to grant a character ranks in "cliche:backstory" just because I feel like being a smartalec
3509(a):even if it is the most horribly cliche backstory ever written

[BDO]

3510: I may not vary my halfling monk by just changing his hairstyle
3511: No, Foot hair is included in this, thank you for asking....
3512: My halfling monk is not allowed to be named Kaine
3513: Neither is he allowed to be named Carradine, David or anything else remembering of one of the two Kung Fu series...
3514: Kung Fu Hustle is not a good referrence for Monk action (I disagree strongly...)
3515: Neither is A Chinese Ghost Story I-III, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Hero, House of Flying Daggers or any other fantastic asian Martial Arts A- or B-movie I can come up that my DM probably doesn't know (The 36 chambers of the Shaolin are excluded from this, for some obscure reason called DM's fancy...).

[Jade_Tarem]

3516: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for tossing down both ends of the escape rope.
3517: It is considered somewhat poor form to refer to your national leaders as "zombie bait" no matter what the situation is with the undead uprising.
3518: Confined spaces and glitterdust do not mix.
3519: When I am asked to split away from the main group and set a fire for the sole purpose of a distraction, it is henceforth assumed that there will be survivors when the rest of the party finds me.
3520: Not allowed to "yoink" the wizard during an incantation of any sort.
3521: Not allowed to cause greater risk to the party for the sake of dramatic tension no matter how well it worked for Elan.
3522: "Blast disks" from Heroes of Battle are no longer to be sent out as formal invitations.
3523: Not allowed to make a bomb consisting of an Otiluke's Resiliant Sphere and a decanter of endless water ever again.

[Pneumatichrsman]

3524: Not allowed to use teleport and explosive runes in the locked and guarded royal library.
3525: Not allowed to use teleport and knock in the royal treasury.
3526: Not allowed to use teleport, improved invisibility, and unseen servant in the princess's bedchamber.
3527: Damnit! No more teleporting.
3528: When anyone (particularly the DM's sister) comes into the basement and asks "D&D, isn't that Satanic?" we are not allowed to huddle and converse quietly for several seconds before responding "No... Are you a virgin?"

[ExHunterEmerald]

3529: In the continuing saga, "Whoops" is not sufficient apology for encouraging the orc to use the head of vecna.
3530: If your character bio starts with "I think this song sums him up appropriately," you cannot play them.
3530a: If it's Linkin Park, change your name and flee this place if you want to live.

[Magnus_Samma]

3531: Your drow fighter's warcry cannot be "Meat for the meat god!"
3531b: Even if it cracks the entire table up.
3532: If you must create for yourself a small army of undead to bolster the powers of your already demonstrably nigh invincible party... don't do it in front of the pope.
3533: If you've been given a cursed helmet to safely convey to another city, for god's sake don't give it to the half-ogre NPC that thinks clubbing himself in the fingers is a fun game. He will not keep it safe.
3534: If you find a nest containing a number of enormous eggs, your thought process probably should not be, "If we steal these eggs, the parents will come after us, and then we can kill and eat them."
3535: If you've just wasted about twenty minutes chasing down a random small child NPC just because she appeared in front of you, and if you need to drop her so you can run to the aid of the party members who are now being assaulted by orcs and screwed because you dragged half of the party into your wild goose chase, don't throw her to the ground, consequently breaking her arm and giving her a gangrenous injury that can't be magically cured because your DM insists on using a half-assed system.
3535b: If you DO do the above, you've already shown yourself to be something of a jerk, so don't waste an entire session's worth of everybody's time trying to get the injured little girl to a town where she can be healed. We know you don't really care about the little girl, let's just eat her to replace those supplies you depleted in one night. Jerk.

[White Blade]

3536: Your warforged does not have to state his emotes before speaking, nor is he a diplomat, made for the facilitation of communications.
3537: Your warforged will not refer to all humanoids as "meat bags".
3538: In fact, no warforged for you.
3539: Your elf paladin trying to bring order to chaotic elven society is a valid premise, but he would NOT kill the Chaotic Good King to achieve these ends.

[ExHunterEmerald]

3536: Your warforged does not have to state his emotes before speaking, nor is he a diplomat, made for the facilitation of communications.
3537: Your warforged will not refer to all humanoids as "meat bags".

...



...HE SHOULD.

[Lobucodo]

3540: there is no prestige class for the warforged called "Rock'em Sock'em Robot"
3541: I am not allowed to make a ranger named Minsc
3541a: If i do make a ranger named Minsc, he cannot have a miniature giant space hamster as an animal companion.
3532: "A wizard did it!" Is never a suitable excuse
3532a: Even if indeed a wizard did it
3532b: Espicially if you are said wizard.

[MrNexx]

3533. "Whoops" is not sufficient justification for setting off a fuel-air bomb which burns down a third of Waterdeep...
3534. Even if the DM collapsed it with an earthquake

[NecroPaladin]

3523: Not allowed to make a bomb consisting of an Otiluke's Resiliant Sphere and a decanter of endless water ever again.

I...am writing this one down.

3535: I am not roleplaying if I talk in gamespeak but just add the words "prithee," "hark," and "verily" a lot (I've had to constantly remind players of this ). Oh, and those words actually mean things beside just being dialogue-enhancers.

[Foeofthelance]

3536: The gnome is no longer allowed to fire surface to air missiles at flying targets.
3537: Especially when the target is being grappled by allied dragons in midair.
3538: We shall no longer send the LG fighter and his silver dragon to negotiate with demons.
3539: Just because the kobolds ride Dire Weasels is not a valid reason to mount the gnomes on Giant Space Hamsters. Especially not Wooly Rupert.
3940: Just because a gnome is from Krynn does not mean he is allowed to invent the following: Gnomish Popcorn Maker (Cannon), Gnomish Lawn Mower (Blade Golems), or the Chirping Cricket (Handheld Nuclear weapon)*

* These are all from actual stories and novels based in Krynn. I once let them get too close to something from a short story, which was bad enough. It gave them ideas. 'Nough said.

[lumberofdabeast]

3941: I am no longer allowed to make a bard with +2 sunglasses and a +3 suit, who has ranks in Perform (sing) and Perform (dance). (Yes, I know those stats wouldn't actually exist, but I say they do, so nyah.)
3942: If I do so, he may only know songs that would be accurate for the time period.
3942b: I understand that if I ever sing "Sk8r Boi" again, the other players will kill me.
3943: I am not allowed to show flippant disregard of the rules, and justify it by saying "But I say they do, so nyah.".
3944: Even if I am the DM.

(EDIT: Someone mentioned a thread similar to this one on the WotC boards; could someone please post the link?)

[Penguinizer]

3945: You may not use millions of commoners to break the speed of light.
3946: No Electric lutes.

[Dairun Cates]

3941: I am no longer allowed to make a bard with +2 sunglasses and a +3 suit, who has ranks in Perform (sing) and Perform (dance). (Yes, I know those stats wouldn't actually exist, but I say they do, so nyah.)

Let me guess...
3947. In reference to 3941, I am also not allowed to wear a Japanese school outfit +4 and claim I'm from the Rokugan in order to imitate the same effect.
3948. I am not allowed to insert such a character as a major encounter should the players have the lack of foresight to allow me to GM.

[broderickdruce]

(time to fix the numbers again)
3559: Not allowed to create a wizard who give his familiar Fly, Polymorphs it into a green Ooze and goes around advertising himself as a "Ghost Hunter".

[Hurlbut]

(time to fix the numbers again)

Look like it's Lobucodo this time.

[Green Bean]

3560. It is expected that a ECL 30 character should have at least 1 class level
3561. I am no longer to create a 'Planet of the Tarrasques' campaign for level one characters

[Kesnit]

3560. It is expected that a ECL 30 character should have at least 1 class level

OK, how did you do that?

3561. I am no longer to create a 'Planet of the Tarrasques' campaign for level one characters

Who pissed you off? And how???

[MrNexx]

3561. I am no longer to create a 'Planet of the Tarrasques' campaign for level one characters

The mental image I have is not of a planet populated by tarrasques, but of a planet made of tarrasques... the entire surface is their carapaces, with some dirt which came from the elemental plane of earth, or made from dead trees (created by druids), etc. Occasionally, one will shift or die (they're all eating each other), opening a way into the interior of the planet of the tarrasques.

This would be an interesting place to play, for a game or two.

[Green Bean]

OK, how did you do that?

Templates, my friend. Templates, and specialty races.

[Vispear]

3562: The paladin is still not allowed to do anything.

[Meynolds]

3563 - I am not allowed to call the supreme evil organization AMEN.
3564 - I am not allowed to call the supreme good organization EVIL.
Corollary - If I do, I should expect some very confusing conversations...