Cattle Driving Necromancers-Bizarre Campaign Journal

[ATHATH]

By the way, Kaveman, why isn't this in your sig?

[Kaveman26]

Lined Up Around the Block:

Spoiler: undefined

Show

The group focus immediately shifts towards item creation and further template acquisition. Upon reaching the security of the prison block Doc almost instantly stakes claim to the Giantism Manual.

Giantism: A Tall Order

Intro: Remarkably inelegant and robust the giants of this Plane show promise for brute labor and little else. An indelicate and classless means has been acquired to augment an existing species physical size and capabilities.

Doc: Yep, nothing dissuading me from cracking it open.

Process: To achieve Giantism the subject must grind 12 sets of bones from any species of giant into a fine powder and combine a jelly formed from the boiled remains of 12 giant brains. The subsequent paste must be applied as a lotion to the body of the receiving entity. Transformation may take up to 24 hours.

I wish I could have captured the glares at the table as he finished reading this aloud.

Azzie: That’s it?

Doc: Yep.

Seraphim: No rare ingredient, no drastic physical sacrifices?

Doc: Nope. I think we can knock this one out overnight.

Ares: Anyone have an urge for Celestialism?

*crickets*

Ares: Fey?

*more crickets*

Ares: Half Dragon?

Seraphim: I would love it, but afraid it may interfere with vampirism process.

Twins: Same for us and lich.

Azzie: Im out too mate.

Ares: Uh…I guess Doc by default? Suppose we can wait a night to let him finish the first one before starting his second.

(Doc the character is aloof from their frustration and jealousy. Doc the player is laughing himself silly at the simplicity of his giant template in relation to theirs)

The celestial and Fey books are tucked away for safe keeping while they go about scrounging up the requisite bones and brains for Doc.

They also calmly set about creating the requested greataxe for their Giant Patrons. Being occupied with about thirty other considerations and thoughts I gloss over the elevated creation costs as it relates to a spell activation rider on the axe.

By the following day Doc has achieved his full template and has grown substantially in size and strength. As they set about book-keeping and strategizing their detection system alerts them to a sudden flurry of activity.

The entire Giant contingent has begun the process of relocating. Directly outside the prison cell area. From their skull surveillance they watch as fortifications and defensive structures go up. Rudimentary “detection” systems of their own also are put in place as they line the walls, floors, and ceiling with oil, flour and sand. Anything to alert the presence of invisible or wall clinging entities.

They are partially amused at watching the giants attempt to breach the prison cell and take satisfaction in watching the ogre mage guards appear and smack them down.

Ares: Well the good news is that they can’t enter. The bad news is…
we are completely sealed in. There is not a second path out of here and they brought everything.

Seraphim: They apparently scavenged some of the were-dwarf siege equipment too. They have their trolls manning the siege crossbows and other artillery, all aimed right at us.

As they ponder the latest development something new occurs. A pulsing flash of light sends everything into darkness and then a pleasant hue of blue pulses three times and the lights return to normal. A voice feminine in nature, but highly masculine in tone enters the minds of the entire party.

Voice: Would a representative of the Undead Cowboys and a representative from the Frigid Pass Legion please convene at prison gates for a mandatory discussion. Compliance is appreciated and expected. Failure to achieve our appreciation will ensure extinction. You have five minutes to comply. Come alone and unhostile.

Doc: Well that is a little disarming.

Hades: Seraphim is the leader right?

Seraphim: She is currently out of sorts what with the sudden aging, arthritis, uncontrolled vomiting and intense aching.

Azzie: Send Ares…if he gets offed the armor can regrow him. None of the rest of us get that luxury yet.

Ares: I am ok with that.

Ares makes his way to the prison gate, where Ackshale also awaits. As they come to opposite sides of the gates there is a leery politeness shared between the two. From out of the wall emerges a very tall slender humanoid form. It seems to be carved from liquid stone as the form seems fluid but hard at the same time. It is startling lifelike and clearly of the same form they witnessed when the main vault opened. From everthing they have gathered so far is definitely an Illithid. It/She is present in a physical form and they mentally calculate it as a her despite a high degree of asexuality.

Illithid: I am referred to as Elliana. Your recent actions regarding the destruction of our Library Wing have activated my involvement. I am to inform the parties responsible for it’s destruction to cease and desist all actions that would result in damage or loss to this vessel under pain of extermination.

Ares: It was a dispute that resulted in some accidental collateral damage. We have since resolved said dispute and resumed trade and commerce. Isn’t that right Ackshale?

Ackshale: Yeah…fast friends we are. Everything is kosher. No need to escalation.

Elliana: Your deceptions are translated and collated. Refrain from further attempts to manipulate. My orders are to ensure the reactivation of this vessel and to maintain those resources deemed essential to completing this mission. Your “collateral damage” interrupts that goal.

Ares: You are a bit late to prevent damage. This whole vessel has been wrecked for thousands of years.
Elliana: This information is known. I have within my parameters the authorization to…

…she seems to fluctuate as she “thinks”…changing colors, density and other physical augmentations.

Elliana:…Deputize you and your associates into assisting my endeavors. This assistance is non compulsory but advised to prevent further hostility.

Ares: You want to give us a job?

Elliana: No. The job is mine. I desire for my job to become Simpler. You are tools responsible for making my goals come with greater alacrity. Do you wish to comply?

I have not linked to my signature because I am rubbish with that kind of thing. I always screw it up.

[Traab]

Ooooh dear. This could get interesting. I have to admit im not that surprised there was a price to pay for destroying the library. I do like how now they are going to be forced to work together in some way or else risk unspecified extermination. I wonder if their first mission will be to hunt down and wipe out the drow? They didnt get invited to the chat after all.

[Chimmon]

One has to wonder about the scope of her "extinction" threat. Those types of things are usually world-wide.

[Wolfofmibu66]

Extinction to me indicates that both groups, giants and UC, get wiped from the dungeon for noncompliance. That being said, if the drow keep poking about they'll probably trigger some response, not likely a "lightmare" type, but something definitely.

[Traab]

It might mean releasing the beholder dragon thing. Now, I loved the ease of the giant template, I wonder what else he may go for, as honestly, that doesnt add a lot of juicy things other than a slight boost to a few stats and rolls. That half dragon boost might be nice though. I cant wait to learn what sort of requirements it might have. "Say "I wanna be a dragon hybrid" three times fast during the day time" /entire party erupts into a murderous rage

[Fable Wright]

I have not linked to my signature because I am rubbish with that kind of thing. I always screw it up.

May I, then?

Spoiler: Copy/Paste Directly into Signature

Show

Campaign Logs:
[SPOILER]
Chaotic GoodFellas-Complete
[URL=http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=245596]http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=245596[/URL]

The Big One-Complete
[URL=http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=247997]http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=247997[/URL]

City State of The Enigmatic Overgnome-Complete
[URL=http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=245994]http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=245994[/URL]

An Adversarial Process-Complete
[URL=http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=240332]http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=240332[/URL]

CalimshawShank Redemption-Complete
[URL=http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=244374]http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=244374[/URL]

Cattle Driving Necromancers-Incomplete
[URL=http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=325177]http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=325177[/URL]
[/SPOILER]

[Jonagel]

Str +8, Con +4, AC +2, that's pretty huge for a melee slugger. Even if it's just Str +4 and not +8

Adding Half Dragon will make him absurd...

Str +8, Con +6, Int +2, Cha +2, AC +4, breath weapon, immunity to an energy type, and ......... WINGS. In a campaign world where flight is limited to natural flight only, that could be huge.

Possible increase of Str by 16, and plus 10 HP per level. :O

Speaking of, Kaveman, sometime in the next several updates (maybe after they finish adding templates) an update on the PCs sheets would be awesome. In addition to all the other awesome of course.

[Kaveman26]

Str +8, Con +4, AC +2, that's pretty huge for a melee slugger. Even if it's just Str +4 and not +8

Adding Half Dragon will make him absurd...

Str +8, Con +6, Int +2, Cha +2, AC +4, breath weapon, immunity to an energy type, and ......... WINGS. In a campaign world where flight is limited to natural flight only, that could be huge.

Possible increase of Str by 16, and plus 10 HP per level. :O

Speaking of, Kaveman, sometime in the next several updates (maybe after they finish adding templates) an update on the PCs sheets would be awesome. In addition to all the other awesome of course.

I am going to post updated sheets after some templates come through and they hit level 10. Level 10 was a bit absurd in terms of how their power levels and capabilities jumped. As a quick for instance...Azzie and Ares both pick up Animate Dead buckets at Level 10.

[Jonagel]

Good lord I can imagine -- can't wait!

Also, for a split second I thought Animate Dead Buckets were some kind of wondrous item they crafted... Hah.

[GnomishPride]

Str +8, Con +4, AC +2, that's pretty huge for a melee slugger. Even if it's just Str +4 and not +8

Adding Half Dragon will make him absurd...

Str +8, Con +6, Int +2, Cha +2, AC +4, breath weapon, immunity to an energy type, and ......... WINGS. In a campaign world where flight is limited to natural flight only, that could be huge.

Possible increase of Str by 16, and plus 10 HP per level. :O

Con +4 +6 = Con +10, which is a +5 to his Con modifier, so 5 more HP per level, not 10. Sorry to be a stickler.

[Don nadie]

Kaveman, I just wanted to say I love this journal. It is ridiculous, and awesome, and makes me understand how a game with lots of rolling, battles and dungeoning can be awesome too. Keep at it, I can't wait to read updates!

Also, I wouldn't be surprised if "extinction" actually meant "extinction of your entire race". Designing an epidemic that kills all members of a race does not seem beyond the reach of the illithids' abilities in this setting...

[Inevitability]

Also, I wouldn't be surprised if "extinction" actually meant "extinction of your entire race". Designing an epidemic that kills all members of a race does not seem beyond the reach of the illithids' abilities in this setting...

Reminds me of an incredibly cool 3.5 druid spell: 'Epidemic'. It's 9th-level, so only the greatest of archdruids can actually cast it, but when they do...

First, Epidemic infects one creature with a disease of your choice. Then, everyone within 30 feet of the creature that you infected must make a saving throw or become infected too. Everyone within 30 feet of them must also save, and so on.

But that's not all. All creatures diseased by the spell remain contagious. Until the disease is cured, everyone who gets near them, no matter what nonmagical protection they may have, risks contracting the disease themselves (and spreading it further).


Now realize that a high-level druid can easily cast this spell three or four times a day, every day. Unless someone manages to contain all infected, kill the druid, and then cure the infected without risking getting diseased yourself, civilization as we know it is doomed.

Druids are dangerous. Don't make druids angry.

[Elandris Kajar]

From where is this spell????

[Inevitability]

From where is this spell????

Masters of the Wild. It's 3.0, but hasn't received a 3.5 update and is therefore still rules-legal.

[Elandris Kajar]

Masters of the Wild. It's 3.0, but hasn't received a 3.5 update and is therefore still rules-legal.

Cool. Thanks. My evil scheming mind is working overdrive already

[Traab]

That has to be the most absurd spell I have ever heard of. It serves no purpose other than to kill everything. Make it a slow acting lethal disease that takes awhile to show symptoms and infect a rat in a city. Unless there are equally high level and powerful people keeping an eye on everything you do, thats going to destroy everything. By the time symptoms show up, people will have already left the city and spread the infection further. Honestly, its great for an apocalypse, but who would use it in a campaign that doesnt involve killing the world? You cant even use it for something like say, giving an entire fortress a debilitating disease, because you would have to go to excessive lengths to prevent it from infecting your party or spreading beyond.

[Fable Wright]

That has to be the most absurd spell I have ever heard of. It serves no purpose other than to kill everything. Make it a slow acting lethal disease that takes awhile to show symptoms and infect a rat in a city. Unless there are equally high level and powerful people keeping an eye on everything you do, thats going to destroy everything. By the time symptoms show up, people will have already left the city and spread the infection further. Honestly, its great for an apocalypse, but who would use it in a campaign that doesnt involve killing the world? You cant even use it for something like say, giving an entire fortress a debilitating disease, because you would have to go to excessive lengths to prevent it from infecting your party or spreading beyond.

*raises hand*

It's great for attracting disease-immune creatures, turning a city into a ruined city if you communicate to the authorities that a quarantine is absolutely necessary at the first sign of outbreak, and turning a ruined city to an interesting dungeon to draw low-level adventurers into as part of turning them into powerful pawns to throw against your enemies. Also, great defense against invading armies.

It also really doesn't require much effort to keep it from infecting the party; a few simple, cheap magic items render them all immune.

[daremetoidareyo]

That has to be the most absurd spell I have ever heard of. It serves no purpose other than to kill everything. Make it a slow acting lethal disease that takes awhile to show symptoms and infect a rat in a city. Unless there are equally high level and powerful people keeping an eye on everything you do, thats going to destroy everything. By the time symptoms show up, people will have already left the city and spread the infection further. Honestly, its great for an apocalypse, but who would use it in a campaign that doesnt involve killing the world? You cant even use it for something like say, giving an entire fortress a debilitating disease, because you would have to go to excessive lengths to prevent it from infecting your party or spreading beyond.

Sometimes you need to kill a god. Seeing as how they are powered by belief, killing off a few homeworlds where they are reveared would put a hurting on them.

[GnomishPride]

Some people just want the world to burn (well not literally in this case, no burning involved except for mass cremation)

[GnomishPride]

Looks like the thread's dying again now that Kaveman hasn't posted in a few days.

[zabbarot]

That's what happens, GnomishPride. Think of this as a periodical. Like a webcomic, or a magazine article. Kaveman posts when he's got time. Be patient, padawan

[chm1084]

Caveman never posts late, nor is he early, he posts precisely when he means to.

And this thread was the reason for me to register. Great story!

[Chimmon]

Druids can do similar things (at a much reduced scale and effectiveness) at level 5. Contagion mixed with animal empathy or charm animal. It can infect a large population if the druid devotes a lot of castings to it.

Bonus points if the druid uses Contagion + Animal Messenger. D&D style infected mail. (Or Animal Messenger + Fire Trap - but that's more expensive and less effective over all. Still, exploding squirrels.)

[Jonagel]

Speaking of, I wonder if this campaign will see more nature and druids -- outside of the "intelligent animal room".

Any chance we'll see dinosaurs, or a prison/room dedicated to a prime example of 'druidic' powers? ... Whether that's blight, vermin/venom, etc. Would love to see some of the other prisoners join the fun too. Seems like a wonderful change to make up some fun/unique race/class combinations.

[CrispyCriminal]

Druids can do similar things (at a much reduced scale and effectiveness) at level 5. Contagion mixed with animal empathy or charm animal. It can infect a large population if the druid devotes a lot of castings to it.

Bonus points if the druid uses Contagion + Animal Messenger. D&D style infected mail. (Or Animal Messenger + Fire Trap - but that's more expensive and less effective over all. Still, exploding squirrels.)

D&D's mailed anthrax program. Wonderful.

Web + Contagion mix also is a terrific combo if you have a wizard or sorc on hand. Effectively ensuring your opponents share the love of pestilence by trying to hack them out of the silk of stickiness. Add a fireball in if you want a pile of burning disease ridden corpses burning (provided they all die anyways).

[Kaveman26]

Speaking of, I wonder if this campaign will see more nature and druids -- outside of the "intelligent animal room".

Any chance we'll see dinosaurs, or a prison/room dedicated to a prime example of 'druidic' powers? ... Whether that's blight, vermin/venom, etc. Would love to see some of the other prisoners join the fun too. Seems like a wonderful change to make up some fun/unique race/class combinations.

Late game yes. I'm blatantly stealing anything useful from a separate advice thread i had made concurrent to this and from feedback from within the thread. I'm still playing catch up to current events

[GrayDeath]

I think I speak for nearly every reader of this ... "Thread of boundless wonder and Horror" (^^) if I say:

Catch up faster!

[The Bandicoot]

I speak for those of us that have developed a modicum of patience when I say...

Take your time, wife and kid take a LOT out of a man.

[Kaveman26]

Compliance is Expected:

Spoiler: undefined

Show

Elliana lays out the following guideline for their perspective “Deputization”.

1st: Repairing Control to the Ship’s power
2nd: Restoring Viability to Containment and Suspended Animation Systems
3rd: Creating Habitable Enviroment for soon to be awakened occupants.

To this end she instructs the giants with the party to approach the Propulsion wing that to this point has been mostly untouched. They are told to expect several irregularities.

Ares: Could you elaborate on irregularities? That is too uncomfortably vague

Elliana: With propulsion and regulators operating under emergency capacity the controls pertaining to affects such as atmosphere, gravity, dimensional bindings, planar restrictions, temperature and inertia are all considered unregulated.

Ares: Oh…well that makes things a bit more terrifying. What exactly are we supposed to repair in there? It is not as if any of us are familiar with your systems or machines.

Elliana: Engineering proficiency is not required. Physical Strength and the ability to operate simple levers will suffice. Security Protocols as relating to repairs have failed, manual activation is therefore needed.
Once again she seems to fluctuate between physical forms and Ares gets the uncomfortable sensation of someone rummaging through his head like a person flipping pages in a book.

Elliana: We have “Golems” programmed to assimilate repairs. These “Golems” must be activated by pulling a switch on the wall. Moving the switch from a fixed upright position to a downwards position is all that must be done.

Telepathically the quotation marks make themselves visible in his head.

Ackshale: What is our role in this?

Elliana: Several of the Golems may not be entirely stable and might nessicitate deconstruction. Or to simplify “the crazy ones need to be smashed”

Ares: I think it is worth mentioning…a prisoner called Volcanus is according to us, in the process of escaping. Shouldn’t that be a higher priority.

Elliana: Entity Volcanus has bypassed measuring of incarceration. This information is factual. Repairing the ship is a first priority. I lack the ability to restrain him.

Ares: How much time do we have?

Elliana: Unknown. Uncontrollable.

Ares: There is a third faction centrally located in this vicinity that played a role in the libraries accident. We can’t control them.

Elliana: The subterrainen elves have been contacted and agreed to relocate pending the next mandatory door opening.

Without further immediate questions Ackshale and Ares return to their collective sides and fill in their factions on recent events. A glowing pathway is illuminated on the walls providing a road map into the Propulsion section.

Seraphim: So we are being extorted into providing labor. Not a fan of that.

Hades: From your description of this Elliana, I am not keen on testing her threats. There can certainly be benefits from our accessing the engine to this vessel as well. Control of the heart could open up all kinds of pathways.

Doc: If it helps out of the current situation with the giants that is bonus.

The group gears up and arranges their wagon train of undead minions before meeting back up with a force of giants, led by Ackshale. Elliana instructs them to report back to prison once they have triggered the Golem Repair Team.

The uneasy alliance is certainly not intended to foster small talk and aside from a quick reassurance that they will deliver on the magic axe ASAP. The glowing pathway leads them deep within a the engine room of the illithid vessel, where they come to the heart of the massive core. Ares is the first to enter and as he enters the room he is compelled to roll a d20. On a roll of 5 he is immediately flung sideways to the left wall of the chamber (which is several hundred feet in diameter) with a clang of armor he stands up…sideways on the wall which is now apparently his “down” for gravity. One by One they enter 1-5 sees them join Ares, 5-10 they remain on their normal acclimation, 10-15 sees them land to the right wall, and 15-20 sees them land on the ceiling. We end up with Ares and Doc on the left Wall, Seraphim alone on the ceiling, Azzie and Hades on the right wall, and Pluto on the normal floor. The Giants and undead are flung all over the place, notably Ackshale on the floor with Pluto. There are coves throughout the walls that seem to house Golems of an unknown substance very similar to that compromising the hull of the ship.

As they orient themselves Pluto and Ackshale locate the first lever on the left wall and pull it down to release the Golem housed within…as the construct rumbles to action, each step of it walking out sending up a strange black wave of energy that builds in the center of the room. For the briefest of moments a vision of a blasted and sundered terrain becomes visible, afterwhich a towering monster with four arms is shot from the external plane and slammed into a random wall.

Ares: I think we just had the room sneeze a Glabrezu at us. Sera…you got incoming.

Seraphim: *sigh*

No sooner does the glabrezu get it’s bearing and starts to focus on the witch, then a second portal opens and this time an Ice Devil is flung to the floor of the room. Being Mortal enemies for all of time and creation the two begin flinging chaos hammers and cones of cold like they are going out of style towards each other. Surprisingly the giants and cowboys just do their best to stay out of the way and not draw any major attention. The golem for it’s part seems to be doing it’s best air guitar/invisible repair impression as it seems to do nothing other than flail it’s arms helplessly. As the demon and devil rage around them, they trigger further golems, which occasionally do nothing, sometimes summon additional denizens, and after a little while….restore gravity*

A fire elemental, a Succubus, The Glabrezu and Ice Devil, along with every giant and PC all come tumbling down to the ground at once. That pretty much triggers a full on clusterF. The PC’s cut to shreds anything within their proximity indiscriminately and the giants all form ranks and just keep to themselves away from the chaos. Having realized that golem released=potential event they eliminate all opposition and delay triggering more golems until they have reasonable containment.

With about half a dozen golems now all acting like mimes they are getting perturbed.

Seraphim: Why the show, they are supposed to be correcting this nonsense not playing charades.

Ares: Got me, they seem to have a purpose, no idea what that purpose is though.

Doc: Keep activating them, maybe they just need a bigger staff.

From that point forward, and with great delicacy they open one golem at a time. With the tenth golem activated, a hazy image of other dimensional parts becomes visible and suddenly their random actions are tied to repairs being affected on parts that seem to exist in another entire reality.

Hades: Alright I admit it, this is impressive.

IT takes them a full day to reactivate the full contingent but they get the golems fully operational and with each added laborer, less hijinks seem to occur.

They report back their success to Elliana who bids them to await further instructions. Like kids having done a good job they are dismissed with a warning to prevent further attacks against each other.

Elliana: Once I obtain confirmation that propulsion systems are back in operation I will contact you again for phase two.

*The gravity scramble and demon-devil were prescripted events, the rest was all random.

Extreme Side Note:

Had an idea for a movie...kind of a comedy and definitely one that would push boundaries of R rating. Wanted to see if I could get some feedback on the basic premise.

30 Day Trial:

Spoiler: undefined

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Mickel Noah was a well regarded and successful Sargent in the royal army of Finlandia. So with a certain degree of frustration he one day found himself detailed to the private protection force of Lord Wembley, the wealthiest and single most politically connected man in the kingdom. His second day on the job saw him and his three comrades ambushed while escorting the Lord from his country estate, a dozen brigands all well armed attacked from cover and killed his comrades in the first volley. Enraged Mickel charged and broke the brigands ranks, in the process he took multiple wounds and found his chest holding several of the bandits arrows.

When he awoke it was in hospital and his first sight was Lord Wembley’s face, filled with respect and appreciation.

“Young man you saved my life and showed remarkable valor. I have spoken with the king and we agrees that a reward befitting such an action is deserved. You are to become my son in law, upon taking my eldest daughter’s hand in marriage”

The Lady Ashleigh was widely regarded as one of the most beautiful and ravishing seductive women in the entire kingdom, and her father was the wealthiest by far. So to an outsider his reaction may seem unusual.

“Why couldn’t those idiots have just finished me off on the side of the road!”

Such a reaction was warranted due to a particular tradition still employed by the Finlandish Families. The 30 Day Trial. Any suitor who take a woman’s hand in marriage was required by law to first go through a full moon’s courtship. During this time it was expected that he should prove himself worthy of the lady’s favor. Should he displease or offend in this 30 days it was the ladies prerogative and duty to have the suitor beheaded. As a deterrent to strictly political marriages it was well placed, and for those who already had a legitimate connection it was a formality.

The Lady Ashleigh found herself with no shortage of those who sought her hand for both it’s beauty and it’s connection to her family fortune. Seventeen men had stepped forth and found their necks in contact with the Executioner’s axe. Of those seventeen none found their necks immune to the axe’s edge.
In some cases the waiting can be the hardest part, and Mickel had long nights of recuperation that left him little other than to think. To refuse this reward was to offend the King, Lord Wembley, and The Lady herself. It was entirely likely he would not make it out of the room with his head attached. To accept was to step into the battlefield of high society and take as his salvation a woman who had already collected 17 fiancee’s.

So it was that on the eve of his trial, having been released from the hospital he found himself at a tavern with the men from his company, they were hosting his Bachelor Party and it many ways his living Wake for the atmosphere was far more akin to a funeral. With every sorrowful pat on the back and every plate of oysters delivered with a remorseful goodbye he attempted to drown his fortunes in alcohol and shellfish. On the morrow he would meet his bride to be and should he embarrass her in public, insult her in conversation or disappoint her in the bedroom it would be just as likely that his final sounds would be funeral bells instead of wedding bells.