LGBTAI+ Questions, Information and Discussion thread!

[Mono Vertigo]

Hello!
Welcome to the LGBT+ information thread. This thread is meant to answer all sorts of questions one may have about the community, and have a casual atmosphere.
As such, this is an education thread, not a support thread (which you can conveniently find there instead). Why the split? Because the main thread is mostly populated by LGBT people who are seeking, well, support, and some questions or misunderstandings can be causes of additional stress. You can ask these questions here instead, and receive answers from LGBT people or allies. They can be as general or as precise as you want.

A couple things you need to know before browsing the rest of this thread:
- if you are LGBT+ but do not wish to educate people, or are likely to be offended by the lack of knowledge of some people, you're probably better off not reading this thread.
- if you have questions, go ahead! But try to stay polite and open-minded. If your question has an element of support (like “I think I might be transgender, how do I know for sure?” or “my LGBT friend has problems with their parents, how could I help?”), the support thread may also help, so try there as well.
- avoid misinformation. If you don't know the answer, don't intentionally pull stuff out of your backside. If you do so repeatedly, I will hunt you down, and GM your next game, which will include Drizz't and a Kender as GMPCs. (Theoretically unenforceable? You can never be 100% sure. Don't tempt your luck.)
- mind the forum rules and avoid the subjects of politics or religion (or sexually-explicit content for that matter). Otherwise, there is no subject that is preemptively banned, and we'd like it to stay this way; therefore, if a discussion upsets or angers you, report the offending posts (if a forum rule has actually been infringed) and/or step away from the computer until you calm down, instead of starting a flame war. This is the Internet. We're physically stuck behind your screen. The worst we can do is send stupid PMs until the inbox is full – and you don't even have to acknowledge their content before deleting them! We can't follow you and force you to keep arguing.
- no one here should be shunned here for unfortunately lacking some knowledge but desiring to learn. Nothing is self-evident, and that's even more true where gender and sexuality are concerned. (Now, if you request to be educated but act deliberately obtuse when replied to, you're gonna have a bad time. Don't be deliberately obtuse. Nobody likes morons.)

Spoiler: Glossary (thanks Zorg!), read first before asking a vocabulary question

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And, for reference, here is a list of commonly used words and definitions by our community. Please understand that this list is currently undergoing construction right now. Any contributions to the list are appreciated.
LGBT: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans*

LGBTAI: LGBT+Asexual/Allies+Intersex+All Inclusive

QUILTBAG:
Q - Queer and Questioning
U - Unidentified
I - Intersex
L - Lesbian
T - Transgender, Transexual
B - Bisexual
A - Asexual
G - Gay, Genderqueer

Where a word below is in italics, that means it has it's own entry on the list.

A note on labels: many of these labels are seemingly interchangeable, and for some people they are. However, please do not presume to correct or judge another person's use of a label. Bisexual and Pansexual are especially tricky in this regard, as are transgender and transsexual to a lesser degree.
Often the difference in why one person feels one label is appropriate and not another is deeply personal. If you wish to know more it is probably a topic to seek private advice on, from one of the people listed in the next section.


AFAB/AMAB: Assigned Female/Male at Birth

Agendered: Someone who lacks a gender.

Androgyne: Gender Identity with male and female aspects.

Androsexual: A person who is attracted to men.

Asexual: A person who does not feel any/some sexual attraction.

Binary, The: See: Gender Binary.

Bisexual: 1. attracted to two genders; 2. attracted to one's own gender and another gender; 3. attracted to various genders; 4. attracted to people regardless of gender; 5. ask the person who says they're bi what exactly they mean by that. See also Pansexual

Cis: See: Cisgender

Cisgender (CG): Somebody whose gender and sex align.

Demisexual: A person who is sexually attracted to someone(s) only after they have formed an intense emotional relationship with.

Dysphoria: The disassociation Trans* people feel with their own body.

Male-to-Female (MtF): Someone who was assigned male at birth, but is female. (AKA: trans woman)

Female: See: Woman

Female-to-Male (FtM): Someone who was assigned female at birth, but is male. (AKA: trans man)

FAAB: Female Assigned at Birth.

Feminine: Something generally associated by society with women.

FFS: Facial Feminization Surgery: Surgery to reduce chin/nose/cheekbones. Associated primarily with MAAB Trans people

FtM: See: Female to Male

Gay: A man who is attracted to men.

Gender Binary: The commonly held notion that there are only men and women on two extremes, with nothing in between.

Gender Expression (GE): How one expresses their Gender Identity to society.

Gender Identity (GI): How one feels inside society's idea of "man, woman, or other".

Genderfluid: Someone who fluctuates between different genders.

Genderqueer (GQ): Someone who is not of a binary gender; someone who is not male or female.

Gynosexual: A person who is attracted to women.

Heterosexual: A person who is attracted to members of the opposite gender.

Homosexual: A person who is attracted to members of their gender.

HRT: Hormone replacement therapy. MtF's tend to progestrogens, oestrogens and androgen blockers, while FtM's take testosterone almost exculsively.

Lesbian: A woman who is attracted to women.

MAAB: Male Assigned at Birth.

Male-to-Female (MtF): Someone who was assigned male at birth, but is female. (AKA: trans woman)

Man/men: A cis man or trans man. Male.

Masculine: Something generally associated by society with men.

Pansexual: A person who is attracted to people regardless of gender. See also Bisexual

Polyamorous: A person who is interested in a relationship with more than one person.

Presenting: Trans* shorthand for appearing as their preferred gender, regardless of any HRT, SRS or other changes.

Trans*: Transsexual and Transgender primarily, with the asterisk denoting that the trans- prefix could be followed by any number of appropriate words. It also includes other labels, and is a catch-all term for people who identify as something other than their biological sex at birth.

Transgender: Used in reference to a person whose sex(body) and gender(mind) are at odds or do not match. A transgender person can also identify as genderqueer, transsexual, or may use transgender as their only identity.

Transitioning: The process a Trans* person undergoes to move to their preferred gender. Often includes HRT, SRS, FFS.

Transsexual: In common terms the same as transgender above. In medical terms refers specifically to people who wish to transition from male to female or female to male, not accommodating any other options.

SRS: Sex Reassignment Surgery: Surgery to replace/transform a vagina into a penis, or vice versa. Mastectomies or plastic surgery may be used on breasts.

Sexual Orientation (SO): How one identifies who they are attracted to.

Significant Other(s) (SO): Person(s) you are in a relationship with.

Third-gendered: Someone who fits in a local society's third gender, usually male performing female tasks, occasionally vice versa. Also a person who feels they do not identify with any other gender identity.

Woman: A cis woman or trans woman. Female.

Allies: Hetereosexual-Cisgender people who support equality for sexual, gender, and romantic minorities.

Spoiler: Personal Consulting List: because sometimes, you'd rather ask something by PM.

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-Asteron Questar, for gay-related subjects.
-Musashi, for asexuality-related subjects.
- Rain Dragon, for trans-related subjects (particularly trans men/FtM).
-Enrico Dandolo, for feminism, gender, asexuality, and trans-related subjects (particularly trans women/MtF).
-Golentan for bisexuality, genderfluidity/questioning-related subjects, and issues of childhood abuse.
-Irish Musician for cis/straight point of view on general LGBT+ subjects.
-Jormengand for bisexuality, trans, polyamory, and genderfluidity-related subjects.
-Arachu for trans (particularly trans women/MtF), hormones, bisexuality, pansexuality, and polyamory-related subjects.
-Astrella for trans (particularly trans women/FtM), LGBT+ rights, and lesbianly subjects. (Lesbianly is totally a word, shut up.*)
-Eldest for bisexuality, pansexuality, polyamoury, and kink-related subjects (still keep it PG-13 please).
-Kesnit for trans-related subjects (particularly trans men/FtM).



*this is why savvy people don't usually let me manage a thread.

Last thing: knowledge is power. You might be one of the lucky 10,000 today.

[Kalmageddon]

Thank you for opening this thread.
I had asked for (and obtained) permission to do so a while back, but never got around to it, partly because I was unsure if I was "qualified" enough to write the OP.
Anyway, big thank you.

[Philemonite]

You might want to add a personal consulting list, for things that are best left for PM.
Subscribed.

[Mono Vertigo]

You're welcome!

Yeah, a consulting list does sound like a good idea. If anyone wishes to be added to such a list, please tell me so!
(By the way, I'm going to be busy in the next few days so it might take a bit long for me to update the OP.)

[Philemonite]

I'm here for anything G related.

[Mono Vertigo]

Added to the list!

[Miriel]

Add me to the list for trans* stuff (especially trans women), asexuality, gender/feminism.

[Mono Vertigo]

Added, thanks!

[Miriel]

I'm out of the spoiler though

[Philemonite]

I'm out of the spoiler though

That's because you are special.

[Mono Vertigo]

Yeah well huh it's my first time managing an OP with spoilers and hyperlinks and stuff and...
Look, a three-headed monkey! Over there!
See? Everything that needed to be spoiled is under spoiler, what were you talking about?

[Kesnit]

Add me for trans issues (especially FtM) and legal issues.

[Eldest]

I am willing to answer questions on bisexuality/pansexuality, polyamority, and if need be some kink questions.

Edit: Kesnit, you can't answer legal stuff on the forum, even in PMs, that's why I'm not adding religion to my list of stuff I can answer questions on even though that's honestly the main thing I've researched with regards to LGBTQ issues.

[Astrella]

You can add me for trans stuff, especially trans woman and amab trans people stuff and I guess lesbian related things too. And general LGBT+ rights stuff and such.

[Arachu]

I can answer questions about hormones, trans* stuff (mostly MtF), bisexuality and pansexuality, and polyamory. Also, basic stuff about nonbinary gender identities. ^_^


~Bianca

[Jormengand]

I can answer questions about the B and T sides of things, as well as polyamory, genderfluidity and... that's about it.

[Kesnit]

Edit: Kesnit, you can't answer legal stuff on the forum, even in PMs, that's why I'm not adding religion to my list of stuff I can answer questions on even though that's honestly the main thing I've researched with regards to LGBTQ issues.

Not a problem.

[Irish Musician]

I don't know if you even need someone like me as someone to PM. But if you want someone on there to give a cis/straight perspective on things, I can do that. Might be hard for people to jump straight in sometimes that aren't familiar with the community. Having an ally to smooth out the transition to understand the community might help some people. Or I might just be talking out of my ass

[golentan]

I can talk about bisexuality, sexual fluidity/questioning, and issues of childhood abuse from personal experience. I feel relatively comfortable talking about most stuff under the LGBT umbrella though.

[Mono Vertigo]

Done! I'm glad so many subjects are covered.

[SiuiS]

Edit: Kesnit, you can't answer legal stuff on the forum, even in PMs, that's why I'm not adding religion to my list of stuff I can answer questions on even though that's honestly the main thing I've researched with regards to LGBTQ issues.

I may at some future point choose to lob you an email correspondence for funsies~

I don't know if you even need someone like me as someone to PM. But if you want someone on there to give a cis/straight perspective on things, I can do that. Might be hard for people to jump straight in sometimes that aren't familiar with the community. Having an ally to smooth out the transition to understand the community might help some people. Or I might just be talking out of my ass

Wait, is this strictly a PM thing? I thought thread was good because then questions and answers existed for reference?

[Arachu]

Wait, is this strictly a PM thing? I thought thread was good because then questions and answers existed for reference?

Is for questions that someone would want answered but privately, I think~


~Bianca

[Philemonite]

Wait, is this strictly a PM thing? I thought thread was good because then questions and answers existed for reference?

Is for questions that someone would want answered but privately, I think~


~Bianca

Exactly. You (or anyone else) can ask anything in the thread (within reason), but the list is there if you want to ask something privately. Some people are shy.

[banthesun]

Well, you seem to have an abundance of answers but a shortage of questions, so I'll see if I can help you out there. I did have a question a while back I decided not to ask in the main thread, but I've since forgot it. Here's a quick question about the 'A' part to make do.

Spoiler: Non-Explicit Sexuality

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There was a short segment about asexuality on a (semi-)news program I saw a little while ago. In the segment the girl they were talking to said she can still enjoy sex and masturbates, but doesn't feel sexually attracted to people. Honestly, I thought that didn't really sound like that much of an issue at all to me, and not really something that needed to be included in the lettersoup (actually, quick tangent, is "lettersoup" an offensive term for the range of acronyms for the queer community?). Before hand I'd taken asexuality to mean that someone didn't experience any sexual pleasure at all. Now I'm a bit unsure as to what it means. That the person isn't likely to end up in a sexual relationship with anyone? That porn doesn't work? Or was the girl on the show just working under a weird definition of asexuality?

[noparlpf]

Asexuality is technically defined only as lack of sexual attraction to anybody. (If that sounds weird, think of how you feel about whichever gender you're not attracted to and extend that to the whole population. If that doesn't work, think about how you feel towards relatives and try to extend that to the whole population.) Libido and ability to feel sexual pleasure are not necessarily reduced. Some asexual people in romantic relationships are perfectly comfortable having sex with a romantic partner. Others are ambivalent but compromise and have sex occasionally. Others are ambivalent and refuse to compromise. Still others are actively repulsed by the idea of sex. Some asexual people masturbate, but generally describe it as a physical need or "itch" that needs to be dealt with, and many of these people masturbate without sexual fantasies, porn, &c.

[Kalmageddon]

Some asexual people in romantic relationships are perfectly comfortable having sex with a romantic partner.

So what exactly makes them asexual? The fact that if the partner wasn't interested in sex they wouldn't want to have it?
Call it nitpick, but a-sexual means more or less "not sexual". If you willingly have sex with your partner on a more or less regular basis, surely you cross some sort of line, don't you? Like a gay man that for some reason routinely has sex with a girl, wouldn't that qualify him as bi?

[noparlpf]

Depends on the person, but yeah, in general asexual people who have sex with romantic partners wouldn't be interested except to please their partner.
And action does not equal orientation. The important factor is sexual attraction. I'd probably ask the guy in your example why exactly he was sleeping with women and whether he might reevaluate his identification, but he might be biromantic and homosexual and also just having sex with a female romantic partner to please her/compromise.

[Mina Kobold]

So what exactly makes them asexual? The fact that if the partner wasn't interested in sex they wouldn't want to have it?
Call it nitpick, but a-sexual means more or less "not sexual". If you willingly have sex with your partner on a more or less regular basis, surely you cross some sort of line, don't you? Like a gay man that for some reason routinely has sex with a girl, wouldn't that qualify him as bi?

For that second example: That used to be quite common when people were expected to marry and have kids in a heterosexual fashion, and still occasionally happen when people want kids and don't want artificial insemination. For that matter, a lot of people do sex work or act in pornography without being necessarily attracted to the people they work with. You orientation simply relates to your attractions, the people you want to have sex with or not, with no regard to who you have had sex with (otherwise it would follow that everybody who hasn't had sex or has had sex bellow the proverbial line would be considered asexual regardless of the reasons).

Another way to look at it is to see it as the opposite of a sexual person who only has had one partner or only had partners within one group (a straight person whose only partners yet were people of their preferred gender with brown hair, a pansexual person who had only slept with people of one gender, &c.), yet their orientation doesn't change. They are still sexually attracted to the same people and not attracted to the same other people as if their sexual history was different. One does not become bi or pan by sleeping with people of multiple genders and one does not become straight or gay by sleeping only with people of one gender. Your orientation and your behaviour are different things, just as your likes and dislikes in any other field (for example, I cannot stand liquorice, but I'd still eat it if I was stuck in the desert and had nothing else).

[Miriel]

Well, you seem to have an abundance of answers but a shortage of questions, so I'll see if I can help you out there. I did have a question a while back I decided not to ask in the main thread, but I've since forgot it. Here's a quick question about the 'A' part to make do.

Spoiler: Non-Explicit Sexuality

Show

There was a short segment about asexuality on a (semi-)news program I saw a little while ago. In the segment the girl they were talking to said she can still enjoy sex and masturbates, but doesn't feel sexually attracted to people. Honestly, I thought that didn't really sound like that much of an issue at all to me, and not really something that needed to be included in the lettersoup (actually, quick tangent, is "lettersoup" an offensive term for the range of acronyms for the queer community?). Before hand I'd taken asexuality to mean that someone didn't experience any sexual pleasure at all. Now I'm a bit unsure as to what it means. That the person isn't likely to end up in a sexual relationship with anyone? That porn doesn't work? Or was the girl on the show just working under a weird definition of asexuality?

She has the right one. Asexuality means you feel no sexual attraction, period.

It may sound weird, but asexual people are indeed excluded in some ways. Not on the scale of LGB people or trans people, of course, but it's assumed by people that everyone should have a partner (or else risk being weird) and that sex is a defining feature of one's existence (which doesn't work for asexual people). There is a lot of misunderstanding, too. People confuse it with lack of pleasure or lack of desire to form relationships. I'm sort of out as asexual, but not as homoromantic, so it's often assumed I want to be single forever.

(Letter soup is fine We say it too. Generally it's alphabet soup, though.)

So what exactly makes them asexual? The fact that if the partner wasn't interested in sex they wouldn't want to have it?
Call it nitpick, but a-sexual means more or less "not sexual". If you willingly have sex with your partner on a more or less regular basis, surely you cross some sort of line, don't you? Like a gay man that for some reason routinely has sex with a girl, wouldn't that qualify him as bi?

Having sex with someone is behaviour. Orientation is, well... orientation. Using the same logic, a gay or straight man who doesn't have sex would be asexual, which doesn't work.

A bi person can only actually have sex with men for whatever reason, but still feel attracted to women as well. A gay man having sex with a woman can mean a number of things that do not change his orientation. For example, if he's not out of the closet, he may do it for conformity. Or maybe he just loves this particular girl, for whatever reasons. Or maybe she's a trans person who came out and transitioned while they were in a relationship. There may be a number of other reasons.

The actual behaviour may be a sign of orientation (most gay men have sex with gay/bi men), but it does not define it.

[Kalmageddon]

(for example, I cannot stand liquorice, but I'd still eat it if I was stuck in the desert and had nothing else).

Having sex is not necessary to survive though, isn't it?
I don't know... There's something about this that rubs me the wrong way... For example, gay men in the past decades having sex with women to save appearences: yes, it happened. And it was horribile for all the people involved, I would guess. That doesn't seem like a good parallel to draw for a relationship between an asexual person and a "sexual" person.
I mean... How depressing is it to have sex with a girl that isn't at all interested in it, because she's asexual, but is doing you a "favour" because she wants to be your girlfriend at all costs? Beside, even if it wasn't depressing, it still sounds wrong. I believe one should never force his or her partner into doing something they don't like... Of course you might say that it's not "forcing", but I wonder how many asexual-sexual relationship end up including sex just because the sexual partner would leave the asexual one otherwise.
Still, pretty bad in my opinion. I would have a really hard time imagining any such relationship as healthy. If I wanted to be in a relationship with an asexual person the first thing I would do is put my mind at peace that there won't be any sex, ever. I can't imagine why an asexual person would want to be with someone that doesn't respect this.

Plus, the more I think about it, what makes "asexuality" a sexuality at all? It's in the name: not-sexuality. It's the opposite of having an orientation, you literally don't have one. Your compass doesn't move. It's like saying that water can be vapor, ice, liquid or dehydrated.
I get that some people are not interested in sex, but by logic shouldn't they be defined as not having a sexuality?