LGBTAI+ Questions, Information and Discussion thread!

[Serpentine]

Oh, you mean when it's completely separate? Like heteroromantic and homosexual? I'm not sure. I know there's a category of "men who have sex with men" which might include people who fit something like that, but I don't know any personally.

[Icewraith]

(snip)

Copied from the r'ships thread, cuz I thought there might be some more specific experience over here.
I have a pair of guy friends, a couple. They're looking for... Ever heard of a Unicorn? Basically they're looking for a woman to join their relationship in an exclusive trio, with the long-term goal of making a family (no pressure or anything!). Aside from this, they're both fairly vanilla, and so aren't keen on looking on Fetlife or in the local BDSM community, and haven't had much luck with OKCupid. How should they go about looking for this particular type of person?

They could probably get a reality show on the Discovery Channel. That setup is kind of making the bigfoot guys sound reasonable.

(Not saying it IS impossible, but I think it sounds highly unlikely and will probably blow up spectacularly if they find someone willing to try it out.)

[golentan]

They could probably get a reality show on the Discovery Channel. That setup is kind of making the bigfoot guys sound reasonable.

(Not saying it IS impossible, but I think it sounds highly unlikely and will probably blow up spectacularly if they find someone willing to try it out.)

It happens, but it's rare (hence the term unicorn).

I know a stable trio like that. They're very sweet, and have a kid on the way.

[Eldest]

They could probably get a reality show on the Discovery Channel. That setup is kind of making the bigfoot guys sound reasonable.

(Not saying it IS impossible, but I think it sounds highly unlikely and will probably blow up spectacularly if they find someone willing to try it out.)

I think the only potential issue there is that they want the third to slot in effortlessly and not change what's between the two of them. Otherwise it's just the standard poly problems.

[SiuiS]

It happens, but it's rare (hence the term unicorn).

I know a stable trio like that. They're very sweet, and have a kid on the way.

D'awww~

That's so sweet ^_^

[Zurvan]

How common is it that someone finds one gender sexually attractive and another gender romantically attractive? Can anyone describe such an experience?

I'm like that.

I mean I like dudes. I feel attracted to them but most of the guys I know are well... Kind of jerks. I'm kind of a romatic person and I can't picture myself being all hugs and cuddles with a guy it kind of feels wrong to me like that is not how it is supose to be between men.

And that is why I like girls in the romantic sense. I can be gentle and kind to them and that would feel right... But I can't feel attracted to them no matter how much I try.

So with girls romance, poetry and courtly love and with guys deep friendship, brotherhood and something more sexual.

Now how common that is I have no ideia. Most of my gay friends are completely repulsed by the idea of a naked girl.

[Gwynfrid]

Oh, you mean when it's completely separate? Like heteroromantic and homosexual? I'm not sure. I know there's a category of "men who have sex with men" which might include people who fit something like that, but I don't know any personally.

Yes that's what I meant.

I'm like that.

I mean I like dudes. I feel attracted to them but most of the guys I know are well... Kind of jerks. I'm kind of a romatic person and I can't picture myself being all hugs and cuddles with a guy it kind of feels wrong to me like that is not how it is supose to be between men.

And that is why I like girls in the romantic sense. I can be gentle and kind to them and that would feel right... But I can't feel attracted to them no matter how much I try.

So with girls romance, poetry and courtly love and with guys deep friendship, brotherhood and something more sexual.

Now how common that is I have no ideia. Most of my gay friends are completely repulsed by the idea of a naked girl.

[Narrowly manages to refrain from knee-jerk, unhelpful reaction]

I'm not sure what to make of it to be honest, but I appreciate knowing that it can exist from direct testimony. I'm filing it under "things I learned that widen my perspective". So, thanks.

[SiuiS]

[Narrowly manages to refrain from knee-jerk, unhelpful reaction]

I'm not sure what to make of it to be honest, but I appreciate knowing that it can exist from direct testimony. I'm filing it under "things I learned that widen my perspective". So, thanks.

For what it's worth, I understand Zurvan's point. I absolutely refuse to be in a relationship with a man if they will treat me like men are expected to treat women.

[Gwynfrid]

SiuiS, while I may understand the sentiment, your statement strikes me as rather offensive, notwithstanding the conditional and the passive tense.

[Marnath]

SiuiS, while I may understand the sentiment, your statement strikes me as rather offensive, notwithstanding the conditional and the passive tense.

I'm curious how you can be offended by someone's personal relationship preferences.

[Iruka]

For what it's worth, I understand Zurvan's point. I absolutely refuse to be in a relationship with a man if they will treat me like men are expected to treat women.

If you don't mind, could you elaborate on how men are expected to treat women? We seem to have made different experiences.

[Gwynfrid]

I'm curious how you can be offended by someone's personal relationship preferences.

I read that statement as about the general, much more so than the personal.

[Coidzor]

I mean I like dudes. I feel attracted to them but most of the guys I know are well... Kind of jerks. I'm kind of a romatic person and I can't picture myself being all hugs and cuddles with a guy it kind of feels wrong to me like that is not how it is supose to be between men.

A convenient thing about not being straight is that one no longer has any real obligation to abide by heteronormative strictures. Jerks are jerks, but you'll be a lot happier once you finally realize that not only are you able to be a full person, but also so are men.

So with girls romance, poetry and courtly love and with guys deep friendship, brotherhood and something more sexual.

"Courtly Love" is more out of place than your decidedly unfortunate idea that men cannot be fully human and instead must be hypermasculine beasts.

Now how common that is I have no ideia. Most of my gay friends are completely repulsed by the idea of a naked girl.

It would be an interesting question to see answered, how much of such things are from the person and how much of that is from a cultural expectation they feel obligated to perform to.

[golentan]

I like courtly love. I'd like for some guy to romance me and woo me with flowers and poetry and tender kisses in the garden.

Instead guys on dating sites keep sending me pictures of their penis.

[Coidzor]

I like courtly love. I'd like for some guy to romance me and woo me with flowers and poetry and tender kisses in the garden.

Instead guys on dating sites keep sending me pictures of their penis.

If you're kissing then you've transgressed courtly love. That's more, y'know, romance.

Instead of being treated like a meat vending machine which is near as I've been able to ascertain is the nature of **** pics when they're not just a form of harassment to cause discomfort and anxiety in a victim.

[BladeofObliviom]

I like courtly love. I'd like for some guy to romance me and woo me with flowers and poetry and tender kisses in the garden.

Instead guys on dating sites keep sending me pictures of their penis.

I would totally put this quote in my signature if I didn't mind the word "penis" appearing in literally every one of my posts.

EDIT: Next to Coid's post, I'd like to say that I'm assuming that the statement above is meant to be humorous, given the whiplash. If it's not, go ahead and disregard this post.

[RabbitHoleLost]

I know a few people who are biromantic but homo/heterosexual.
ASide from this one particular thread, I've never seen anyone who's completely homo- on one spectrum and hetero- on the other

[golentan]

I know a few people who are biromantic but homo/heterosexual.
ASide from this one particular thread, I've never seen anyone who's completely homo- on one spectrum and hetero- on the other

I've commented before, but I don't think it's as uncommon as many people think. I'm sure everyone can think of someone who has a revolving door of sexual partners but a really close emotional connection with a best friend of their non-preferred gender. I've often wondered if there's a romantic orientation in opposition to sexual orientation in play in those sorts of situations.

[RabbitHoleLost]

I've commented before, but I don't think it's as uncommon as many people think. I'm sure everyone can think of someone who has a revolving door of sexual partners but a really close emotional connection with a best friend of their non-preferred gender. I've often wondered if there's a romantic orientation in opposition to sexual orientation in play in those sorts of situations.

Yeah, but there's a difference between a really close emotional connection with a best friend and romantic interest

[golentan]

Yeah, but there's a difference between a really close emotional connection with a best friend and romantic interest

I'm just saying, if you've been conditioned your whole life that romance is tied with sex, it might be easy to mistake a crush for a really close friendship.

"I'm heterosexual unambiguously, so the fact that I spend every saturday hugging my girlfriend over drinks and sobbing "I love you, if you were a man I'd marry you in a heartbeat" is just something straight people do, right?"

That sounds like exaggeration, but I have seen that exact behavior. She went home with a man later that night and never went on a second date with him.

[Delusion]

I know a few people who are biromantic but homo/heterosexual.

This might describe me. I know few men I would be okay in getting romantically involved with, but I find very very few men sexually attractive. And even then its usually those with rather androgyneous body types. I usually describe myself as bicurious lesbian because of that.

[RabbitHoleLost]

I'm just saying, if you've been conditioned your whole life that romance is tied with sex, it might be easy to mistake a crush for a really close friendship.

"I'm heterosexual unambiguously, so the fact that I spend every saturday hugging my girlfriend over drinks and sobbing "I love you, if you were a man I'd marry you in a heartbeat" is just something straight people do, right?"

That sounds like exaggeration, but I have seen that exact behavior. She went home with a man later that night and never went on a second date with him.

I want to disagree on the basis that I think a lot of people disregard the importance of close platonic relationships in favor of viewing them romantically, since society pushes such an importance on romantic love, to the point of belittling platonic love
but, considering I did the opposite (mistaking really close friendship for romance) quite often, there's no reason to say that the opposite couldn't happen more often than we think

[Coidzor]

I want to disagree on the basis that I think a lot of people disregard the importance of close platonic relationships in favor of viewing them romantically, since society pushes such an importance on romantic love, to the point of belittling platonic love
but, considering I did the opposite (mistaking really close friendship for romance) quite often, there's no reason to say that the opposite couldn't happen more often than we think

It's rather easy for something to happen more often than either "never," "a statistical anomaly, so basically never," "the idea never occurred to me," or "wot?" after all.

[golentan]

I want to disagree on the basis that I think a lot of people disregard the importance of close platonic relationships in favor of viewing them romantically, since society pushes such an importance on romantic love, to the point of belittling platonic love
but, considering I did the opposite (mistaking really close friendship for romance) quite often, there's no reason to say that the opposite couldn't happen more often than we think

I'm not sure the distinctions people draw between the different types of love are as meaningful as everyone else seems to think they are, but I spend most of my time disagreeing with standard human emotional responses, so make of that as you will.

I mean, there's a line somewhere between familial love and romantic love for me, but both bleed over into platonic so much that I have trouble viewing platonic love as its own thing.

[RabbitHoleLost]

I'm not sure the distinctions people draw between the different types of love are as meaningful as everyone else seems to think they are, but I spend most of my time disagreeing with standard human emotional responses, so make of that as you will.

I mean, there's a line somewhere between familial love and romantic love for me, but both bleed over into platonic so much that I have trouble viewing platonic love as its own thing.

I guess it only really matters to those of us who are largely incapable of romantic feelings

[Serpentine]

Mm, that might be the privilege of those for whom they all come relatively easily. Even with that one person for whom I had a mix of all the types of love I described in the other post, like a twist of rope I could still tease out the different strands of the individual types - "this feeling here is platonic, of course, and there's a nice thick stretch of physical desire, a tiny thread of romance but not enough to hold anything substantial, and - oh! familial love, a good strong length, that's unusual."

[golentan]

Mm, that might be the privilege of those for whom they all come relatively easily. Even with that one person for whom I had a mix of all the types of love I described in the other post, like a twist of rope I could still tease out the different strands of the individual types - "this feeling here is platonic, of course, and there's a nice thick stretch of physical desire, a tiny thread of romance but not enough to hold anything substantial, and - oh! familial love, a good strong length, that's unusual."

It might also just be one of those pitfalls I have in comprehending other people's emotions. There are these big holes where I'm supposed to have feelings, and there are nuances of feelings I have no words for. And I've looked. For years I've looked for that right adjective to describe my feeling towards children, or that one variety of emotion that's like melancholy except pleasurable.

Love that emotion. Nobody else seems to get it. I say I'm feeling melancholy and everyone is all "oh noes" instead of "awesome."

Humans are weird, and I don't understand them is what I'm getting at here. I like enjoying the end result, but teasing apart the motive forces in you guys is exhausting.

[RabbitHoleLost]

It might also just be one of those pitfalls I have in comprehending other people's emotions. There are these big holes where I'm supposed to have feelings, and there are nuances of feelings I have no words for. And I've looked. For years I've looked for that right adjective to describe my feeling towards children, or that one variety of emotion that's like melancholy except pleasurable.

Love that emotion. Nobody else seems to get it. I say I'm feeling melancholy and everyone is all "oh noes" instead of "awesome."

Humans are weird, and I don't understand them is what I'm getting at here. I like enjoying the end result, but teasing apart the motive forces in you guys is exhausting.

Although I'm not challenging the validity of the feelings you have or that they may play a part in the understanding, it's actually a pretty common thing to not realize there's a difference.
Sort of like how people are often unaware of the fact that romantic orientations are even a thing, much less that they don't always coincide with sexual orientations, and how these people are often typically matching in their romantic and sexual orientations
or the difference between gender identity and sexual identity, for cisgendered people

if it's not a thing that applies to you, it's sort of hard to realize there's a distinction in the first place

[Serpentine]

I know I get "if you really really, really really, really like that person, why can't you just love them/aren't you basically already loving them/isn't that enough for a romantic relationship?"

[The_Snark]

Love that emotion. Nobody else seems to get it. I say I'm feeling melancholy and everyone is all "oh noes" instead of "awesome."

Bittersweet, possibly? Not sure if I understand exactly what you're describing, but the connotation is closer, even if the definition is off.