LGBTAI+ #52: Aces High

[SiuiS]

That sounds like a Redbubble shirt.

Is.. is that good?

Curious. Does anyone here consider me a friend?

I have a strange notion of friends and acquaintances and masks and ambits. I am a terrible judge thereof as I am not always friends with my lady or my best friend.

However, a more personalized avatar would help. I have trouble associating personality to the generic ones - you're wearing Supernerd's skin!

Sooo... somehow all the men I message on dating sites are trans. I'm not seeking this out, the profiles that are catching my eye I later find out are transmen. And in lesser proportion to the women I message being transwomen.

How? It's not like I look at someone and think "they're clearly trans, they're not passing, let's take a look." It's "That is a handsome man! Let's take a look... oh, I would not have guessed that about him, cool."

It's your woman's intuition

[Togath]

So I'm a year older today.
Two decades now.

I'm feeling a bit.. Off.

I haven't come out to anyone I know IRL about being trans*.
Still trying to explain to a friend that misgendering is rude.
I can't even bring myself to tell I guy I like that I like him...

In particular my feelings towards the guy I mentioned above.. I just feel stupid, for feeling so strongly that I'm losing sleep from tryign to get up enough courage to tell him how I feel..
And That the only person I've had these sorts of feelings for is someone I've never even seen IRL, that I met through online rpg campaigns...

-Kitty

[Marnath]

So I'm a year older today.
Two decades now.

I'm feeling a bit.. Off.

I haven't come out to anyone I know IRL about being trans*.
Still trying to explain to a friend that misgendering is rude.
I can't even bring myself to tell I guy I like that I like him...

In particular my feelings towards the guy I mentioned above.. I just feel stupid, for feeling so strongly that I'm losing sleep from tryign to get up enough courage to tell him how I feel..
And That the only person I've had these sorts of feelings for is someone I've never even seen IRL, that I met through online rpg campaigns...

-Kitty

I'm 27 and I can definitely understand that. I may not have transition or romance to tangle with, but I'm working a dead-end job for little money and I can't even afford to move out of my parent's house. It doesn't feel like I'll ever be able to do that. For the last year and a half I've been running the wheels off my failing car in the hopes that I'll get enough money scraped together to buy another (used) car that will hopefully be good enough to limp along until I can save up for the next one so I can keep going to work to earn the money for the car that gets me to work.

You know what though, I am employed and earning valuable experience that will make me more attractive to future employers; I have a roof over my head as long as I help with utilities and don't alienate my parents; and I'm in decent health. If I focus on those things it's a little easier to say that objectively speaking I'm really not doing so bad after all. I don't always believe it, but it helps some.

[Togath]

edited my post a bit... realized my depression spike was probably just temporary...
I can normally cope with most of the issues...
and I didn't want to depress anyone here

Thank you for the kind words though.. Aye.. I just need to try to look on the bright side.

The hardest thing for me right now is that romance thing...
I worry whether he'd find the fact that I haven't transitioned too weird... Or whether he might be into men, and find the idea of me transitioning too off putting... Or countless other things.

[Philemonite]

I'm 27 and I can definitely understand that. I may not have transition or romance to tangle with, but I'm working a dead-end job for little money and I can't even afford to move out of my parent's house. It doesn't feel like I'll ever be able to do that. For the last year and a half I've been running the wheels off my failing car in the hopes that I'll get enough money scraped together to buy another (used) car that will hopefully be good enough to limp along until I can save up for the next one so I can keep going to work to earn the money for the car that gets me to work.

You know what though, I am employed and earning valuable experience that will make me more attractive to future employers; I have a roof over my head as long as I help with utilities and don't alienate my parents; and I'm in decent health. If I focus on those things it's a little easier to say that objectively speaking I'm really not doing so bad after all. I don't always believe it, but it helps some.

This looks a lot like my post.
27-check
dead end job-check
living with parents-check
Wait, I don't drive. And my health is a bit iffy. But I definitely agree with the second part of the post.

The hardest thing for me right now is that romance thing...
I worry whether he'd find the fact that I haven't transitioned too weird... Or whether he might be into men, and find the idea of me transitioning too off putting... Or countless other things.

It might not look like that right now (I've been there, I know), but even if this guy doesn't like you there is plenty of fish in the see. You just need the right hook.

[Marnath]

This looks a lot like my post.
27-check
dead end job-check
living with parents-check
Wait, I don't drive. And my health is a bit iffy. But I definitely agree with the second part of the post.

I promise that I'm not secretly you posing as a stranger.

[Septimus Faber]

I promise that I'm not secretly you posing as a stranger.

*puts on conspiracy theorist hat*

But... But... How do we know?

[Philemonite]

I promise that I'm not secretly you posing as a stranger.

Good, I was starting to think my shadow is running wild again.

*puts on conspiracy theorist hat*

But... But... How do we know?

Trust is for the foolish and the dead

[Grytorm]

However, a more personalized avatar would help. I have trouble associating personality to the generic ones - you're wearing Supernerd's skin!

So I now have kind of a custom avatar. And it looks like a grey rectangle. Sure why not.

[Heliomance]

It might not look like that right now (I've been there, I know), but even if this guy doesn't like you there is plenty of fish in the see. You just need the right hook.

Followed by a left cross.

[JordantheKitty]

Followed by a left cross.

Make sure to do it right after he blows smoke out of his nose!

[Jaycemonde]

So I now have kind of a custom avatar. And it looks like a grey rectangle. Sure why not.

It's broken. Same as Kesnit's, actually.

[Rain Dragon]

Grytorm's is likely due to redirecting automatically to a .html page. (Right click > open image in new tab/copy image URL)
Kesnit's brings up the imageshack 'Lost' page.

[GrayGriffin]

Anyway, I was wondering, what does everyone thing is the point at which LGBT invisibility is a problem with a particular character? Does it have to come up explicitly in the text to count, or is intimation ok, and if so how much? I mean, no-one seems happy with Dumbledore's reveal, but by the same token one has to wonder how direct references should be to "count" as an LGBT character.

I guess...see how you're writing your cishet characters. If they're constantly noticing people they're attracted to, the LGBT character should be as well. Alternately, do it like Bandana in the OOTS comic, casual reference to an ex that indicates they're queer.

[Coidzor]

Sooo... somehow all the men I message on dating sites are trans. I'm not seeking this out, the profiles that are catching my eye I later find out are transmen. And in lesser proportion to the women I message being transwomen.

How? It's not like I look at someone and think "they're clearly trans, they're not passing, let's take a look." It's "That is a handsome man! Let's take a look... oh, I would not have guessed that about him, cool."

I am attracted to androgynous to feminine people, preferring smaller people over larger (this is not a "no fatties" nonsense thing, I find people most attractive when they're basically 5'6" and below in height) and feminine androgyny over masculine, and with a huge boost given to delicate facial features and sexual characteristics. I do not like muscles, and am okay with high body fat to a point. This is all physically speaking, mentally I like geeks. Lots of geeky hobbies and the ability to laugh at math based puns is a huge turn on.

Also, based on experience apparently trans* and asexual people are huge turns on for me as well. And my hindbrain knows even when I don't.

That pretty much explains it fairly handily, I'd think. IIRC, just going by the numbers, more trans men end up as slight, lightly-built rather than going the fully jacked and ripped and hewn from the living stone of the mountain route. And if your Trans*dar is both keen and set to "I want to have sex with this person more than I otherwise would because they're trans*," well, that'll also be a contributing factor to make them more attractive to you than androgynous cis men.

I have a somewhat similar issue where my gaydar is apparently quite adept at subconsciously determining if women are into other women and instead of warning me away from gynosexual women as a waste of both my and their time, it just decides that this makes them really interesting and attractive without letting the rest of me know why they've been assigned a subconscious bonus multiplier.

At any rate, I hope the meds work out and you can kick the panic attacks to the curb.

@Zurvan: Sorry for your troubles, I don't know what to tell you on that score. I would try pointing out that track could help you get into a University, but a Gym membership won't.

Indeed. If you're really that good, Zurvan, then that should outweigh a single teacher having done their job.

And even if not, tearing people out of their social networks mid-highschool isn't something to be done lightly over false alarms.

Anyway, I was wondering, what does everyone thing is the point at which LGBT invisibility is a problem with a particular character? Does it have to come up explicitly in the text to count, or is intimation ok, and if so how much? I mean, no-one seems happy with Dumbledore's reveal, but by the same token one has to wonder how direct references should be to "count" as an LGBT character.

You can allude to it, but it has to be the sort of thing where someone part of the general public could pick up on it, not something that only a slash-fic or crack-pairings writer would key in on. I greatly prefer clarity on the subject, though, especially as there are many ways one can make it clear without having them just come out and tell the reader.

Well, it does, of course.. But the same problems still apply, and I've never been one to go out of my way to do something like that..

Cost doesn't really apply if you get the usual such an such to start with are already paid for by your tuition/etc., especially if you only use up the alloted complementary visits or less.

And even if you're not able to make any arrangements, simply knowing if there is an issue can help, especially for when one can get back to getting active help.

It really shouldn't be that much out of your way to get the information you need about the set up and get a first appointment, as they generally want to actually see people.

So, in other words, you can do it.

[Comrade]

It's been a minute since I posted here!

Bit of an update. I came out to my other sister, with the sister I'd come out to previously present as well. It wasn't perfect, but... like, I really don't think I can complain. They both said they would support me no matter what, but I still feel kinda like they're both unconsciously predisposed against the prospect of my being trans, which I guess is... natural? It got to a point where it was kind of both of them piling on me and dredging up examples of why I might not be trans. My sister also seems convinced that I have an unhealthy outlook on sex (the unhealthy outlook being a general dislike of any sexual interaction involving males) and that this is relevant to my gender identity.

In the end, they agreed that if we all three went to a therapist about what they perceive to be my unhealthy views of sex, then after that they'll help me also get a gender therapist, and deal with coming out to my parents, and everything from there.

[Zurvan]

Indeed. If you're really that good, Zurvan, then that should outweigh a single teacher having done their job.

And even if not, tearing people out of their social networks mid-highschool isn't something to be done lightly over false alarms.

@Zurvan: Sorry for your troubles, I don't know what to tell you on that score. I would try pointing out that track could help you get into a University, but a Gym membership won't.

*hugs*

Anyway, I was wondering, what does everyone thing is the point at which LGBT invisibility is a problem with a particular character? Does it have to come up explicitly in the text to count, or is intimation ok, and if so how much? I mean, no-one seems happy with Dumbledore's reveal, but by the same token one has to wonder how direct references should be to "count" as an LGBT character.

Yeah that is too bad in my country don't have athletic Scholarships so she always found it a waste of time. And now that she thinks the scool is too liberal for me she really don't care about what I think.

I really don't like when the only reason and personality trait of the character is being gay. Being gay in my opinion should be something natural and secondary.

[byzantineblue]

So, my parents found out I'm trans. By accident. My dad was angry and disbelieving, and my mom was worried and disappointed and offended... so that could have gone better.

[Miriel]

So... A local paper here made a ludicrous article about someone retransitionning, based on a weird Daily Mail article, all of which were oppressive and dismissive. So I rewrote their articles.

AAAAAAND, I was approved for surgery by the health ministry I mean, I already knew this, and I already had a surgery date, but good news is good news.

It's been a minute since I posted here!

Bit of an update. I came out to my other sister, with the sister I'd come out to previously present as well. It wasn't perfect, but... like, I really don't think I can complain. They both said they would support me no matter what, but I still feel kinda like they're both unconsciously predisposed against the prospect of my being trans, which I guess is... natural? It got to a point where it was kind of both of them piling on me and dredging up examples of why I might not be trans. My sister also seems convinced that I have an unhealthy outlook on sex (the unhealthy outlook being a general dislike of any sexual interaction involving males) and that this is relevant to my gender identity.

In the end, they agreed that if we all three went to a therapist about what they perceive to be my unhealthy views of sex, then after that they'll help me also get a gender therapist, and deal with coming out to my parents, and everything from there.

Hum... I also have the same "unhealthy outlook on sex". It has nothing to do with whether or not you should transition. Or if it does, it's because transitionning might help with that, if it is even a problem at all for you. For me, it isn't, but I do feel now that my feelings about sex might change when I get bottom surgery.

So, my parents found out I'm trans. By accident. My dad was angry and disbelieving, and my mom was worried and disappointed and offended... so that could have gone better.

Oh Sorry it had to happen this way. Hug?

[byzantineblue]

So... A local paper here made a ludicrous article about someone retransitionning, based on a weird Daily Mail article, all of which were oppressive and dismissive. So I rewrote their articles.

That's sad, really. I get the impression xe still felt female, but couldn't deal with the societal impact of being trans.

Oh Sorry it had to happen this way. Hug?

thanks

[Grytorm]

Sorry about the trouble Byzantineblue. I hope they warm up to the idea. *Offers hug*

[Comrade]

Hum... I also have the same "unhealthy outlook on sex". It has nothing to do with whether or not you should transition. Or if it does, it's because transitionning might help with that, if it is even a problem at all for you. For me, it isn't, but I do feel now that my feelings about sex might change when I get bottom surgery.

I tried to explain that it pertained more to sexuality than to anything involving personal views, but it didn't really seem to get through. It really isn't a problem for me, though. Even before I realised I wasn't a guy, I found any sort of sex involving men to be oddly off-putting (which was also why I came to the conclusion that I was asexual, because when you live your life thinking you're male and also happen to be repulsed by male sex, you're kinda hard-pressed to think you'd like any kind of sex involving yourself :v). If anything, realising I was trans had the simultaneous effect of also finally giving me some sense of clarity about my sexuality.

I attempted to explain as much, but it didn't do much good.

[The Succubus]

Has anyone else seen the trans TV drama on Amazon - "Transparent"? Just saw an advert and trailer for it and I would dearly love your opinions on it.

[Miriel]

That's sad, really. I get the impression xe still felt female, but couldn't deal with the societal impact of being trans.

That's how I see it. However, the other articles said that she couldn't deal with the trouble of wearing high heels, stuff like that, which felt fairly dismissive to me.

[Jaycemonde]

That's how I see it. However, the other articles said that she couldn't deal with the trouble of wearing high heels, stuff like that, which felt fairly dismissive to me.

Dismissive of the person in question or dismissive of the articles? I don't think you have to wear girly girl clothes to be a trans girl. Or a girl at all. Nobody should think that. Ugh.

[Miriel]

Dismissive of the person in question or dismissive of the articles? I don't think you have to wear girly girl clothes to be a trans girl. Or a girl at all. Nobody should think that. Ugh.

Of the person. He said plenty of things about depression and not being recognized as a woman, and not feeling like a woman despite all his efforts, some stuff almost all trans people deals with. But they used one sentence about "wearing heels and makeup is draining" (which probably should be understand as "being a trans woman is hard, trying to learn a different way to walk and to talk, oh and heels and makeup and stuff) to frame his whole experience of life as a trans woman and discredit it. In the Mail's version, they talked about "OMG THE TAXPAYER WILL PUT THE BILL FOR THIS", and in my local paper, it was just "lol trans woman transitions back because she's tired of wearing heels lol".

On makeup as a necessity... No, it isn't mandatory, but I don't feel safe without makeup. I never go out without at least some foundation and eye makeup. And yes, sometimes, it's draining to have to do all of this to take the garbage out.

[Togath]

It might not look like that right now (I've been there, I know), but even if this guy doesn't like you there is plenty of fish in the see. You just need the right hook.

Thank you for the kind words.

Part of it for me is also that the rp I often do with him has gotten odd.
I worry that it might make me telling seem.. weird, given how are characters have ended up.
My character has taken to wearing a cat ears headband, cat tail accessory, and a collar, and calling his character her "master", while his accepts the role, and is in a relationship with a dragon as well. I mean.. There's been no rp'd sex, but there has been a lot of kissing, light bondage, and the whole "my character likes to be his character's 'pet'", as well as his character getting pregnant after spending time with the dragon.

I mean, I know the guy himself isn't like that.. Or at least he's said he purposefully tried to make his character unusual, but I still worry he might react oddly to me telling him I have actual feelings for him.

[Axinian]

So... A local paper here made a ludicrous article about someone retransitionning, based on a weird Daily Mail article, all of which were oppressive and dismissive. So I rewrote their articles.

Great, it seems like whenever I get the resolve to take a step forward with transition I find out something that scares me back I constantly fear that I'll feel how the person in the article does. Will I feel like myself? Will I miss what I have now? I don't know what I want right now. I wanted that surgery... until I found out dilation is a thing that stays for life. I don't know if I can take that constant reminder of... I don't want to say "fake" but... So then I decided I didn't want it, but as soon as I decided that I started getting dysphoric about that part of me, which I hadn't really felt before. What if hormones don't take the edge off my face? And my freakin SHOULDERS! Dammit they're too damn broad...

I just realized I don't really know what I'm talking about anymore :/ Depression has been getting to me.

(PS. I'm not blaming Caroline just because she posted that)

[Grytorm]

Well I have successfully flirted with a girl in my psychology class. And after I pointed out I was trying to flirt to get the message across they did not run screaming in terror. So maybe this will go somewhere.

[Eldest]

Thank you for the kind words.

Part of it for me is also that the rp I often do with him has gotten odd.
I worry that it might make me telling seem.. weird, given how are characters have ended up.

Spoiler: possible tmi, so sex, but still

Show

My character has taken to wearing a cat ears headband, cat tail accessory, and a collar, and calling his character her "master", while his accepts the role, and is in a relationship with a dragon as well. I mean.. There's been no rp'd sex, but there has been a lot of kissing, light bondage, and the whole "my character likes to be his character's 'pet'", as well as his character getting pregnant after spending time with the dragon.

I mean, I know the guy himself isn't like that.. Or at least he's said he purposefully tried to make his character unusual, but I still worry he might react oddly to me telling him I have actual feelings for him.

Spoiler

Show

Huh. That would impy he's at least lightly dominant...
I'd honestly suggest finding out his opinion on transgender people and if he's straight/bi/whatever, if you don't want to flat out ask him out.
And a heck of a large percentage of the thread is kinky, iirc from the last time this got brought up, so I don't think anybody will judge for the type of RP.