Helpful Unwritten Rules of DnD

[kreenlover]

Hrm...Not sure how it would work, but perhaps the dragon did so as a ploy to throw off its enemies. The dragon killed might not be the actual dragon, but a double created via magic. Adventuring heroes go in, kill the dragon, and get the loot...Which is all fake and might disappear, which could lead to a lot of angry merchants. The adventurers might assume they missed the real goodies, as opposed to the dragon faking its own death. Given that a lot of them can take humanoid form...

The adventurers are hired by a mysterious stranger to escort them through the dungeon to kill the dragon.
Once the dragon is killed the stranger decides to set up shop as a merchant/traveling minstrel/barkeep/crime lord/scholar/professor of magic where they are an invaluable resource to the adventurers, and at the heartbeat of a large network of information where they can find out who really wanted that dragon dead.
When the adventurers spend the illusory gold the stranger offers to lend them gold to pay their debts in exchange for hunting down the old enemies of the dragon.
Once the enemies have been killed the stranger gives the party more items that turn out to be cursed, then reveals themself as the first dragon and proceeds to tear party a new one.

It's like xorvintaal, only with more betterness!

[Honest Tiefling]

There's your rule. With enough imagination, almost anything can be a plot hook.

[Ferronach]

Foxtrot: always have an item that allows you to breathe underwater handy
Uniform: Always have the sheets you used to calculate all of your to hit and damage bonusses handy so the DM can check it when he/she wants... otherwise you may have to start over
Charlie: don't worry about the names of NPCs overly much... the party will always give them nicknames and refuse to use the names you gave them - unless the name was really awesome and easy to remember
Bob - You sick person! You thought that this would be Kilo didn't you :P: When metagaming during battle, don't let the DM know that you know the stats and weaknesses of the thing you are fighting. Otherwise the DM will get obscure and you will be completely screwed

[Kazyan]

Rule [quaternion of your choice goes here]: At some point, you will come across a hole which, if you drop a rock or something down it, you will not hear it hit the bottom. It's really deep. (This is an oddly constant trope across DMs, in my experience.)

[Yael]

Rule [quaternion of your choice goes here]: At some point, you will come across a hole which, if you drop a rock or something down it, you will not hear it hit the bottom. It's really deep. (This is an oddly constant trope across DMs, in my experience.)

(Rule [quaternion of your choice goes here])X: By common sense and by having at least an Intelligence score of 5, do not free jump on it; the falling damage you'll eat will start hurting when your DM ask: "Can you lend me some d6's, please?"

Rule #Caaaaaaaaarl!: Do not take 5 templates on your character whose LA is 2 lower because of Incarnate Construct; the possibility of your character being born in any method that you could explain with backstory is supbar in comparison with a half-vampire. Yes, that movie was mentioned. No, not even then.

[Pex]

Rule pi: In a dungeon, if you come across a fountain never drink the water. 50/50 chance the fountain has an important function.

Rule e: In a dungeon, no statue is ever just a statue. At best you were just lucky enough not to trigger whatever makes it activate.

Rule i: In a dungeon, when you come across a very large diamond that is worth a fortune, it is a key. You absolutely must use it at the appropriate time. It will then disappear or turn to useless dust. You will never have it as treasure.

Rule 6.0221413e + 23: In a dungeon, if you come across a treasure room that has lots and lots and lots of loose coin that's not an illusion, no monster to fight, but how unfortunate you have no means to carry it all, encumbeing your progress, and decide to "come back later" to pick it up when you're ready to leave, you will never come back later. Some event in the dungeon will either have you teleport/portal to some location outside the dungeon far away, often a very large diamond was the key, or you need to beat a hasty retreat and do not have the time to go into the treasure room to gather the coins in whatever makeshift carryall you were thinking it about. The treasure room only existed for the DM to tease you. He never, ever intended for you to get it.

Rule of THE UTMOST IMPORTANT: Never, ever, ever, and I mean EVER release an imprisoned creature/person.

[Curmudgeon]

Rule of THE UTMOST IMPORTANT: Never, ever, ever, and I mean EVER release an imprisoned creature/person.

The corollary of following this rule is that if you don't release them, they'll turn out to be the MacGuffin: all of the enemy motivation will disappear if you don't free that captive, and the DM's whole plot will fall apart. Rocks will fall, lava will flow, and your characters will all die horrible, meaningless deaths because there's no good way for the game to continue.

[TheCrowing1432]

Rule 2113: An Illusionary Dragon Created with Silent/Minor/Major Image, can solve all of your problems.

Rule 2113 a): it might cause dragon hunters to be summoned when you do it though.

[Raven777]

Rule of THE UTMOST IMPORTANT: Never, ever, ever, and I mean EVER release an imprisoned creature/person.

This one needs extra emphasis. One loses count of the number of ancient sealed abominations and plague spreading lunatics from bygone ages who have been unleashed back upon the world that way. And even if you go to the dungeon specifically to release them because you need their help right now do deal with what you assume to be a bigger threat, rest assured you will have to divert time from your goals to contend with them before the end. And even if you have no intention of releasing them, merely obtain information, they will find a way to trick you into releasing them anyway. You know what? Just don't even bother talking to them.

That little girl in the bedroom with iron walls? She's an insane reality warping fey. That soft spoken old man in the circle of black candles? With patience he can Mind Seed a copy of himself into every warm body on the Prime. That comatose black haired maiden on the ruined fane's altar? She's the first Black Dragon, cunning beyond mortal ken, brainwashed and crazy, and wants nothing less than the total genocide or of all non-Humans. That charming young lad in the Thief's Guild cellar? He's their lawyer.

[Venger]

Hrm...Not sure how it would work, but perhaps the dragon did so as a ploy to throw off its enemies. The dragon killed might not be the actual dragon, but a double created via magic. Adventuring heroes go in, kill the dragon, and get the loot...Which is all fake and might disappear, which could lead to a lot of angry merchants. The adventurers might assume they missed the real goodies, as opposed to the dragon faking its own death. Given that a lot of them can take humanoid form...

he'd just spring for a casting of "pact of return" and specify that so-and-so is going to kill him, being returned instantly afterwards with no level loss.

[TheCrowing1432]

Rule 413: Drink and eat everything you find in a dungeon.
Rule413 a): Lick everything in the dungeon, including the badguys
Rule413 b): have spare character sheets on hand.

[atemu1234]

I think we have at least two people having named their rule after the number for 1 mole.

[rgrekejin]

“but i don’t want to go among neckbeards," the dm remarked.
"oh, you can’t help that," said the player: "we’re all neckbeards here. I’m a neckbeard. You’re a neckbeard."
"how do you know i’m a neckbeard?" said the dm.
"you must be," said the player, "or you wouldn’t have come here.”

Magic Theater

Entrance Not For Everybody

For Neckbeards Only!

[nedz]

This one needs extra emphasis. One loses count of the number of ancient sealed abominations and plague spreading lunatics from bygone ages who have been unleashed back upon the world that way. And even if you go to the dungeon specifically to release them because you need their help right now do deal with what you assume to be a bigger threat, rest assured you will have to divert time from your goals to contend with them before the end. And even if you have no intention of releasing them, merely obtain information, they will find a way to trick you into releasing them anyway. You know what? Just don't even bother talking to them.

That little girl in the bedroom with iron walls? She's an insane reality warping fey. That soft spoken old man in the circle of black candles? With patience he can Mind Seed a copy of himself into every warm body on the Prime. That comatose black haired maiden on the ruined fane's altar? She's the first Black Dragon, cunning beyond mortal ken, brainwashed and crazy, and wants nothing less than the total genocide or of all non-Humans. That charming young lad in the Thief's Guild cellar? He's their lawyer.

I don't know — I did this to a bunch of Dwarves:

After destroying a Lich's Phylactery (long story) which was located near an abandoned Nymph's pool they recovered, amongst other things, a 5K gem. They determined that this contained a soul of someone whom the Lich had imprisoned. The "moral" dilemma was do the Dwarves smash the large beautiful diamond and release the prisoner, or preserve the diamond ? They smashed the gem. From it emerged a Nymph who, after blinding half of them, proceeded to grapple with them. The ones she managed to kiss received a certain feat as a reward.

[Azoth]

Never let the party rogue out of your sight for a second if there is a chance he might do something stupid, or muderous, or self-satisfying.

Never let the BSF come up with the plan for an important fight.

Never let the wizard out of your sight in a library or you will never find him again.

Always ready an action to turn that helpless npc the cleric is about to heal into a fine red mist.

Always let the bard do the talking when dealing with bar wenches. Best case you get quality tail, and the worst case is him wearing a drink.

Leave the paladin at the inn when you go whoring.

[Sith_Happens]

Leave the paladin at the inn when you go whoring.

* When playing a Paladin, make sure to partake of every brothel presented to you. The look on your DM's face will be priceless.

[LTwerewolf]

* When playing a Paladin, make sure to partake of every brothel presented to you. The look on your DM's face will be priceless.

**Remind the DM after the inevitable threats, that chastity is not mentioned in the code of conduct.

[Yael]

Rule 3.14159265359: Do not distract the Paladin at the inn if he's a PC, metagame hits hard. No, not even if you can charm him. No, not even then.

[Necroticplague]

Rule i^e:Remember the main difference between thieves and adventurers: "Thieves will steal everything that isn't nailed down, on fire, or trying to kill them. Adventurers are not nearly so picky"
Corollary:If something is valuable, but on fire, nailed down, and trying to kill you, this is a challenge to see how you can loot it.

[Arbane]

Rule of THE UTMOST IMPORTANT: Never, ever, ever, and I mean EVER release an imprisoned creature/person.

My group is really extra-screwed, then. We're trudging through an evil monk's fortress, and we've released almost every prisoner we've seen. (All women. He's been collecting them. Yes, it's probably at least as bad as you're imagining.)

One of them was a succubus, but we knew that when we sprung her. Power-damping shackles or no, her screwing us over (literally or figuratively) is inevitable.

[Venger]

* When playing a Paladin, make sure to partake of every brothel presented to you. The look on your DM's face will be priceless.

why do you think they have remove disease as a class feature?

[atemu1234]

why do you think they have remove disease as a class feature?

What's more funny is I've had this argument used against me more than once before.

[Honest Tiefling]

Never let the party rogue out of your sight for a second if there is a chance he might do something stupid, or muderous, or self-satisfying.

And remember, everyone in your party is a rogue, regardless of what is written on their sheet. Especially the paladin.

[SimonMoon6]

Charlie: don't worry about the names of NPCs overly much... the party will always give them nicknames and refuse to use the names you gave them - unless the name was really awesome and easy to remember

* Unless a character is meant to be a joke, don't name them after a muppet.

(Seriously, one DM named a character "Kermit," and that was not a wise choice.)

[Strigon]

Rock & Rule: Unicorns are bad omens. If your party encounters one something really bad is going to happen next game scene. Always. Every time. Any DM. Any campaign. Any edition. Without fail. Yes, even then.

I cannot stress how true that is.
Not once have I seen a DM throw in a unicorn as he would a goblin, but frequently have they used them as an excuse to show how screwed up things are.

Unless the GM is a brony. In which case it might be innocent.
Maybe.

[Rater202]

Unless the GM is a brony. In which case it might be innocent.
Maybe.

As an expert on the subject, I place equal odds on an average GM who is a brony placing a unicorn as an innocent referance or as a DMPC. Use your judgement based on previous interactions.

but, If the Unicorn has wings and a much greater degree of streanth than normal, it's probably a DMPC

Rule 352495921: If the DM inserts an NPC Party Member who is bigger, stronger, or more important than the PCs, and shjows it off at every opertunity, run.
First Corollary: If the NPC PArty MEmeber is more important to the setting but is not stronger than the other PCs and works in equal partnership with the rt of the party, he's either the big bad in disguise or a plothook
Second corollary: If the NPOC party member is stronger/more skilled/better prepared than the rest of th party, but not as important and only uses his amazing power when the party is about to get TPK'd, it's just the GM watching out for you.
Corollary to second corollary: on the other hand, if the GM deliberately puts you in TPK situations to show off his DMPC,ignore the second corollary.