Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition III: Now with 50% more DigoDragon

[Sgt. Cookie]

Prior threads Here (1) and Here (2)

QUOTES from PTU (This is a Sci-Fi campaign. Think Firefly with pokemon and a HUUUUUGE crew. Though there are only about 4 that matter):

Characters:

Spoiler

Show

Lucas: My guy. Thief, assassin, con artist. Partner is a Murkrow named Michal.

Talsi:Played by Nyan. Breeder, photographer, pokemon expert. Kinda naive. Her partner is a Phantump named Groot.

Izzy: Played by Luke. Made of poison, pretty much, due to him growing up on a polluted world. Partner is a Koffing called Hazmat.

Dane: Played by Corin. Engineer. Had genetic experiments done on him and now he can see Aura. Can also read minds and so acts as our translator. His partner is a Chespin called "Lil Lady".

GM: Rob. Our GM.

Other important characters: Captain Beckett (NPC) and Ida (Ship's rotom. Acts as the main computer. Talks via a thought-to-speech program).

Nyan's Polish (I think) and Corin's American. Rest of us a Brits. As such, this is played on Roll 20. Quotes are taken verbatim, but I'm correcting any spelling and grammar errors. (Capitals and such).

GM: You very, very clearly see everything on the ship, you can't really see anything out of place, but everything around you seems so clear! You're so impressed with this, like, usually when you've just woken up, everything's really blurry, but everything is so crisp. You remember exactly the way to your room.

Lucas: WE'RE KILLING IT! AND THROWING IT INTO A F-ING SUN! IZZY BACK ME UP HERE!
Izzy raises his thumb, very shakily.

Lucas: IDA
Ida: Mister Cantor.
Lucas: GET ME AN EMPTY SHELL AND THE FIREING COORDINATES FOR THE NEARBY SUN
Izzy: I gotta watch this.

Captain: This is a prime example of why Pokemon need to stay in their balls.
Ida: Duly noted Captain.
Captain: Shuddup Ida.
Michal just looks at Beckett
Michal (Pokespeak): Seriously, mate? I'm RIGHT HERE.
Dane: The bird is offended, Captain.

Michal (Pokespeak): MINE ARE THE WINGS THAT SHALL BITCH-SLAP THE HEAVENS!
Later on
Michal (Pokespeak): Mine are NOT thing wings that shall bitch-slap the heavens...

Lucas: Repeats a swear word a lot.
Talsi: Lucas, you really enjoy this word, right?
Lucas: IT'S APPLICABLE TO A WIDE VARIETY OF SITUATIONS.

Lucas: Can we assume we have your permission to attack it?
Talsi: YES!

Lucas: You know what? RUN AWAY!!!!!

Talsi: RUN AWAY. JUST PUKE AT BERGMITE AND FLY!

Izzy: Ok now I'm on the running plan.

Nyan (OOC): One Sneasel for each member, seven Sneasels for Dwarven kings, nine Sneasels for human warlords and one Weavile to rule them all in darkness.

Izzy: I ruthlessly poison innocents but eavesdropping... man that's low.

Izzy: Is this a freaking ballista? The hell they need this for?

Lucas: I failed science.

[Rater202]

*Inhales New Thread smell*

Gear's Boyfriend:Gear, you're starting to get a bit creepy.

[the OOD]

Leochou: hey, I'm precise, that situation just happened to require precisely the amount of explosives carried by the entire party.

PC1: hey, you know that supers game that [GM] is planing?
PC2: yeah, what about it?
PC1: I was thinking we could work together and make captain planet.
PC3: ohhh!
PC2: dibs on Earth.
PC1: I call Heart!
GM: why would you want Heart? heart sucks so much even the writers couldn't find a situation to make him useful.
PC1: think, if you wanted to make the world kneel before you with the power of Heart, how would you do it?
GM: honestly? give you Heart, then sit back and watch.
PC1: ...thank you.

Leochou: hang on, if Tesla is doing emergency brain surgery on the psion, who's plotting our course?
Tesla: I'm doing both.
Petra[OOC]: can you not do that while fixing my brain?
Leochou: new rule: no multitasking brain surgery and rocket science.

[GrayGriffin]

Goethe: "Did it hurt?"
Goethe: "When you feel from Heaven?"
Nyctores: "THE FEEEEEEEEEEELS"
Felix: "Not you too..."
Theo: "Mystic Arte: Heaven's Feel!"
Masa: "I feel as if I'm missing something here..."
Felix: "I have a.... history..."

* Felix gives Masa a look over, and likes what he sees. (Mimic)
Felix: Felix has its Attack modified by 1 stages.
* Theo raises an eyebrow
Felix: Felix recovered 6 HP!
Felix: "Heal Pulse is handy."
Theo has received initiative.
Theo: "Heal Pulse. Right."

[Bucky]

Lilybud: I'm not supposed to know that, because it's out-of-character information and I'm in character.
Lilybud: Whoops, did I kick the fourth wall a bit too hard?

[Necroticplague]

Maya: Look, this is simple: you tell me where your supplier was, we just politely forget your name when we write up the debreifing. You don't tell me, and you tell my partner instead. After much gnashing of teeth and blood loss.
Idiot:F*** you, you think being a psyker with some nut on a short leash is gonna phase me? I got a cactus and some creative ideas where you can shove it written on it.
Maya: Whelp, Don't say I didn'y warn you. Hey Kreig, which of of you is up?
Kreig:.....it's me......
Maya:Good, I'm tagging out, meet me back at the bar when you have him singing his whole family history
Kreig:...ok...
*Maya exits, Kreig turns to face Idiot*
Kreig:...let's make this you tell me, or I go to sleep. then you have to deal with the other me, and neither of us want that...
Idiot:You'll get only what I told her. The instruction are very clear on the cactus.
Kreig:...you'lll regret that...
*Momentarily closes eyes for a moment, before jerking them open*
KREIG:CHOO-CHOO, CONDUCTOR'S PUNCHING TICKETS! DON'T WORRY, SCREAMS ARE ACCEPTABLE TOO!

[Gopher Wizard]

Elf Wizard: I don't want to hurt you.
*proceeds to cast fireball, magic missile, and other harmful evocation spells at the NPCs*

[Shnezz]

Cleric: *Splashes liquid on undead, which recoils in pain.*
Rogue: Was that holy water?
Cleric: I prefer to call it wight-out.
Rogue: *Groan*
Cleric: What? It helps fix clerical errors.
Rogue: *Louder groan.*

Sorcerer (In Cell): Hey, you there. Big guy. Throw me the key to my cell and I'll give you something when I get all my stuff back.
Barbarian (With intelligence rivaling that of a dog at a whole 3): Okay. *Hefts key. Hurls it with all his strength. Ranged attack, with weapon proficiency in heavy thrown.*
Dice: Natural 20.
The sorcerer was bloodied, and had a key-shaped scar until he could get it magically removed by the cleric.

[blacklight101]

GM: You jump into the system from the final translation point. You are greeted with a pair of fleets doing their best to kill each other in orbit. As your sensors tune in to the chaos... P1, are you linked up with your MIU?
P1: yeah, through the Command Throne. Wouldn't want to leave that baby unhooked.
GM: ...as your sensors tune in, you feel something you have never felt from a machine before. Fear. This, right before you are struck blind.
P1:
rest of party: Oh, ****! Fixitfixitfixitfixit!


GM: Your sensor net has come back up. At further investigation, there seems to be one surviving fleet. The Chaos fleet was destroyed to a vessel, you believe- though it's hard to tell through some of the debris clouds. Looks like it was quite the fight.
P3: What survived of the other fleet?
GM: All of it. All six ships.
P3: But we detected 22 ships when we got here!
GM: Yes, Chaos was ROFLSTOMPed by the Dark Eldar who also detected your ship. You picked up 12 definite hulks and a debris field where a pair of their heavy cruisers used to be.
The Group: We need to go. NOW!

[IZ42]

*sniffs* Mmmm... that new thread smell.

I promise to supply any funny quotes from Tomorrow's D&D session when I get there.

[Sith_Happens]

Cleric: *Splashes liquid on undead, which recoils in pain.*
Rogue: Was that holy water?
Cleric: I prefer to call it wight-out.
Rogue: *Groan*
Cleric: What? It helps fix clerical errors.
Rogue: *Louder groan.*

Someone definitely worships Olidammara.

[Gopher Wizard]

*elf wizard walks up to a rich noble*
elf wizard: You look like an exceptionally intelligent man.
bluff check: natural twenty
*elf wizard proceeds to cheat him in poker with a detect thoughts spell*

I made so much gold.

[Recherché]

DM: No, I will not apply templates to tomatoes.

Martus: So do you guys beat up paladins and steal their lunch money often?
Valeria: No.
Albatross: Not regularly.
Nikolya: We like to save it for special occasions like weddings and funerals.

Nikolya: Wait is our boat Evil aligned?

Albatross: You would think that people in Golarion would know better than to attack an unarmed woman in a lace dress wandering around a bad part of town alone at night.
DM: Would you like to join the fight?
Albatross: Nah, Nikolya seems to be having fun.

Nikolya: Why is the only Evil aligned member of the party the one arguing against torture?

[Dasgovernator]

Victor: "All I heard was Blah Blah Shiny Good thing go break it"
Val: "An ideology we can all get behind"

Victor: "Why don't people transport their golems in vats of acid?"

Victor: "The Valley is very peaceful if you don't count the screaming, burning, and pillaging"

DM: "You make it sound so creepy"
Val: "Well, I am about to sacrifice people to devil, or at least one of his subsidiaries. There's no way to make that not sound menacing"

DM: "[Your Ogre] is going through the streets pushing a large wagon, and throwing random people in it, like he's pushing a shopping cart down the aisles of a grocery store"

Victor: "If that doesn't work, I'll just throw orphans into the fire until it gets pissed at me"

DM: "So the Medusa walks into a group of people, dismisses her invisibility, then marvels at her new collection of statues"

Victor: "A +1 Throwing Greataxe. I think that's called a Dwarven Longbow"

NPC: "Anyone paying attention to the laws of the universe could rule it in its entirety. Which makes me sad, because it means no one is paying attention to what the laws of the universe are"

DM: "Phoenixes are, in fact, close genetic relatives to Octopuses"

Victor: "I know why your heart is disintegrating, I just can't do anything about it right now"

Victor: "Does it count as bleed damage if your brain is hemorrhaging inside your skull?"

[DigoDragon]

*Looks at Thread Title* I am in awe.

Nikolya: Wait is our boat Evil aligned?

In one D&D campaign, our team ranger's backpack gained an evil alignment due to him leaving a cursed artifact in there overnight. Didn't change the backpack in any way, it just simply registered 'evil' on any alignment detection spell.

Victor: "A +1 Throwing Greataxe. I think that's called a Dwarven Longbow"

QFT.

---

Viridia: “I dread to think of where she could have stored that potion... much less imbibed it.”
GM: “If there could be anyone who could hide something in a jail cell, it would be the jailor, right?”
Viridia: “Excellent point, voice inside my head.”

Noise: “You know, I sort of abandoned you all because of stuff like that. Constantly going from one messed-up place to the next.”
Doc: “Well, to be fair they’re all messed-up places in the wasteland.”

Viridia: “Doc isn’t coming to check on Livewire? How rude! Ten points from Hufflepuff.”

Stellar: “Doc, I’d guess more Hufflepuff than anything else. He cares, but he’s not especially badflank.”
Doc: “He’s been right in there with the fights and has held his own many times. He’s got some badflank in him!”
Viridia: “He sure showed that colt who was boss.”
Doc: “Humph! One day, Doc is gonna get his badflank day in the limelight. And it’s gonna be awesome! With blackjack and raiders!”

Stellar: “And now I'm thinking about the ghoul hooker you can bang in Fallout NV. Thanks for that.”
Viridia: “More of a Fisto gal, huh?”

Doc: “For the love of Luna’s left hoof, what do I gotta do to get fish in a port town?!”

Andante: “So… you did something stupid and you want comp?”
Doc: “Hmm? Nah, I had a fun time actually. Still mostly alive, aren't I? I’m just wondering when the bar opens. Seems like no one in this town sells fish at reasonable prices and I'm hoping they do here, ‘cause I might otherwise just eat this counter top.”

Viridia: “Yeah. And it was Doc Wagon. He got exploded earlier, too. He was trying to get a teddy bear, but there was a grenade under it.”
Glorious: “Where in Celestia’s name did you wander off to that you could stumble on a trap like that?”

Viridia: “It’ll be fun to play Viridia possessed by Snow.”
Doc: “...huh. That would be interesting. We probably wouldn’t even catch it at first.”
Viridia: “I know what you mea- Heyyy!”

Viridia: “It’s 10am Joyous y u so lazy?”
GM: “She’s been flying all day and night! Ghoul sleep patterns are weird.”
Doc: “Ghouls SLEEPING are weird.”

Viridia: “But necromancy is cool and cool people use it.”
Moon: “And thus Rarity is best pony?”

GM: “The door was jostled, just slightly, a knife impaling a letter into the door, and Moonshadow heard the sound of a set of hooves running down the hall!”
Moon: “Seeing the letter and knife, Moonshadow frowned, and pulled them down, reading the letter.”
Doc: “Oh, free knife!”

Viridia: “That letter was abhorrent. Whores get paid for sex. Penny did it for free. When will these people learn?!”

GM: “Doc was definitely voted ‘Most likely to kill lots of kids’ in his class.”
Doc: “But Supply didn’t tell Doc to stay put this time!”

[Submortimer]

DM: "You look up into the chamber. You see a number of holes in the ceiling, though which the undead guards can vomit the remains of priests and pregnant woman on intruders."
Me: "I Walk into the chamber."
DM: "The gate closes behind you. The undead guards in the ceiling begin to Vomit the remains of Priests and pregnant women on you."

Red and Pleasant Land is a very odd and disturbing setting.

[LadyFoxfire]

DM: Well, you don't have to roll very high, you're a dresser.

Steve: That's creepier than my eyebrows.

Kaida: (through message spell) Lily! Lily! Lily! Lily!
Lily: What's wrong, are you being attacked?
Kaida: No, I'm just bored. Hi!

[GrayGriffin]

GM: As everyone gets near the exit the watches suddenly go haywire. "WARNING. WARNING. BREACH IMMINENT"
Everett:"Oh god."
Ryouta: Now is not the time...
GM: There's a sound like someone screaming in the distance.... which slowly gets louder. It silences with a loud THUMP
Coriander: "Legerdemain again?"
* Kenta 's eyes harden
GM: There's a second THUMP followed by a pained "AUGH"
Ryouta: Sounds like someone is being attacked!
Kenta: "We... we should probably check that out."
* Kenta moves in the direction the sounds are coming from
The watches suddenly shut off, as if there had been no breach in the first place.
* Ryouta moves as fast as he can towards the noise
* Everett begins tapping the screen furiously
Everett: "Oh nonononono don't you do that to me again
GM: The party reaches the exit of the subway tunnel to find the strangest thing- what looks like the perfect imprint of the human body about a foot deep into the ground.
* Kenta leans over, and peers into the imprint
Everett: "..."
Coriander: "...I thought that only happened in cartoons."
Everett: "That... looks like something from loony toons"
* Coriander manages a weak laugh.

And then after the cops showed up...

Clara: "We were supposed to meet a colleague of ours around here somewhere to exchange information." she looks rather annoyed. "Unfortunately, it looks like they skipped on us."
* Kenta is trying to herd the group past them
* Everett points at the hole
Everett:"Were they shaped like that?
Clara: "Unfortunately, we don't know. We've never met them."
Coriander: "Like I said, probably a prank."
Hu: "But that is a possibility! Perhaps he made an impression on the ground here."
Hu: "Of course, that hardly answers why..."
Everett: "You could say he's a farily impressive idividual?"
Hu: "That would be a good outline."
* Kenta has visible strain on his face now, and anyone close to him can hear grinding enamel
Everett: "Perhaps the two of us can see how deep this mystery goes?"
* Coriander gives Everett and Hu a part-amused mostly-exasperated look, before placing a hand on Everett's arm.
Kenta: "Officer, we can't stay and talk. I hope you find out what happened to your contact. Everett, let's go."
Hu: "No need for you kids to dig into it."
* Clara groans
Clara: "Please, stop, before I punch something."
Coriander: "Come on. My mom said she was going to have snacks for us!" That last bit goes a bit too high and perky, perhaps.
Everett: "We weren't digging, it just sort oF Dropped IN"
* Everett says as Kenta drags him off
Clara: "All of you stop before I have to get my hands dirty- oh damn, now I'm doing it..."

[DigoDragon]

* Kenta has visible strain on his face now, and anyone close to him can hear grinding enamel

Grinding enamel is one of those sounds I often enjoyed after assaulting my players with bad puns.

[GrayGriffin]

Grinding enamel is one of those sounds I often enjoyed after assaulting my players with bad puns.

It wasn't just that. We also had one of our party members "die" in the last session (Everett and Ryouta were unconscious), so Kenta is in no mood for this kind of joke.

On a lighter note, some ship-teasing fun from that session:

* Kenta reaches over and grabs Cori's hand, only the faintest hint of a blush at the edges of his ears.
Kenta: "We're going to make this right Cori. I promise."
* Coriander starts, but then smiles and squeezes back.
Coriander: "Yeah. We'll do it."

Coriander: "Huh. Your eyes were glowing just then."
* Coriander leans in closer for a bit, before backing away
Coriander: "Glow's gone now, though."
Kenta: "They were? I... uh..." Kenta blushes fiercely when Cori leans in.

Kenta: "It... it's saying that I'm an Aura Guardian."
* Everett leans over Kentas shoulder
Everett: "Congratulations, Kenta evolved into Lucario?"
* Kenta nods blankly
Dan: (( pfft ))
Everett: "I feel like I should be more surprised"
Coriander: "Hopefully not literally. I like you the way you are. Not that Luca isn't pretty in her own way."
There's suddenly a knock at the back door.
* Everett says with a jaded, worn out sort of expression
Kenta: "Or something like that. No wonder it felt like my emotions were being... channeled. Apparently I..." Kenta blushes at the comment, before turning jerkily at the knock.

And other entertaining bits:
Coriander: "Does this writing look familiar to you? It looked like what was on the Sky Plate to me..."
* "Archie" fiddles with the watch for a moment, but nothing seems to happen. "Hm. It's likely that only Peter can use it, from the looks of things."
"Archie": "Oh, hey, I remember this."
"Archie": "I still can't believe people made a language out of my old doodles."
Coriander: "Doodles?"
Kenta: "Old... doodles? According to Cori's Grandma, this is the language of magic itself."
"Archie": "Well... I am a God. I suppose I should have been more careful back then."

"I can't believe ye talked him away from a fake knife on yer neck. Yer supposed ta get what ya need and not take no fer an answer"
* Coriander shrugs
Coriander: "I've dealt with unruly customers before, you know."
"A bloody -Ninja- is supposed ta be a bit more scary than that, aye?"
Coriander: "Oh, a ninja? Is that what you are? But weren't they more about infilitration and stealth anyways? NOT direct confrontation?"

???: "Who got corrupted!?"
Coriander: "But...fine, I guess. You really do seem mostly harmless."
Coriander: "Your Pokemon's a bit more imposing than you, as a matter of fact."
Coriander: "Still, it isn't nice to lead a guy on, so..."
Coriander: "Turn around."
???: Answer the question mo...
* ??? turns around
Suddenly, ??? find himself lifted into the air by a not-so happy looking man with sunglasses
"Archie": "Is there a problem here?"

[Gopher Wizard]

half-orc barbarian: SHUT UP! PILLOWS CAN'T TALK!!!

[Erth16]

DM: So does anyone else think it is weird for a guy named Suicide Sam to be a lvl 8 fighter?

Lyn: I raise my sword and sorrow overtakes them, as they fall into an unstable wreck and begin wildly flailing as their heirs have died. It dealt 18 damage.
Caeda: And my fire breath did 5.

Lyn: Ok, I'll go this way, and take those 9 sub humans and my servants, Straid and Greg the Howler, Sub Human, you take those 9 sub humans and go that way, Sub Sub Human, you take the rest of the sub humans and go that way.
Caeda: I am a dragon, not a sub human.
Robespierre: And I am a warforged, not a sub sub human, you filthy fleshbags.
Lyn: I reprogram the sub sub human to be less racist to humans, and more racist to sub humans.
Robespierre: My racism dial for fleshbag scum was already turned to its lowest.

Lyn: I glare, really sternly at the guy chanting, from across the battlefield.
Director: He slows down tremendously, but is not outright stopped due to the wall of gore between the two of you.
Lyn: Good enough. "Sub humans, finish this quick, I've fought to my limit."

Lyn: So now the character whose power is that she has special eyes, due to overuse of her powers, developed heterochromia. Great.

[russdm]

From a game session quite a while ago)

"It's a glyph of warding with cloudkill that doesn't harm halflings."

"Who is it? Who's there?"
"Umm, Ted. I'm new."
"oh, okay. Hi ted. what is that?"
"I am a halfling that got turned into a newt by a witch."
"uhh, okay. Whats his name?"
"Umm, Phil."
"I'm new, can you tell me about this operation?"

"We need to pee."
"Hey, i just got here shortly. somebody told me that the cave started to collapse, in the privy and here in the kitchen and in the loot room."
"Darn, we really need to pee."
"Try going outside. there some bushes and trees. There are some dangerous elves out there."
"Those elves are dangerous and want to kill halflings. Beware the Trees. The Elves are Trees!Don't use the trees, they are Elves!"
Party: What??
"I am totally using that."

Me: "I shove his head in the soup."
E: "You succeed, he starts screaming."

"Hey, Anne, i want you for my cohort."
"What? Are you proposing to me?"
"What the F? What do you mean?"
"Thats how it works."
"crap, fine i guess."
"Dearly Eviled, we are gathered here today..."

Cuthbert: "Hail, servant."
ME: "Hail, Master! Forgive your servant for his assocation with [blake's character], the pyschotic elf mage."
Cuthbert: "It's cool. You will need your pyschotic elf mage until the end. Don't tell any of the others what i am going to tell you."
Me: "Okay. What do you have to tell me?"
Cuthbert: "People that you know from home have (are) gone."
Me: "Well, some people were killed by the halflings bandits, and some were saying they were going on vacation. Are they gone because the halflings killed them or gone for another reason?"
Cuthbert: "No, they are gone and not killed by halflings."
Me: "Can you tell me why or how?"
Cuthbert: "No. That's something you need to find out."
Me: "Great, thanks for telling me some semi-useless information. Can you tell me anything actually useful or helpful?"
Cuthbert: "Don't tell your party members what i told you. and keep the crazy elf mage alive, you will need him later."
Me: "yeah, i got that the first time."
Cuthbert leaves.
Me: "Bloody annoying."

"You should come with us, you die in here" (the cave/mine)
"I don't know."
"You get killed by spiders and we find your body."
"...."
"You spend fifteen years alone, then the spiders kill you. You should come with us. That way, the spiders don't kill you and you aren't lonely for years."
"uhhhh, i will ask Pelor in the morning."
"Pelor says to help you out and go with you."

[IZ42]

Mokan: Introducing: Marvin the Mecha Mantis! At level 7 he gets free face chewing when he grabs someone!
GM: That's only mildly horrifying.

[Far Away, Super loud voice]Dwarf: Surrender!
[Normal Voice]Belos: You surrender? I accept!
[Doesn't hear]Dwarf: You have 10 minutes!
Belos: You have 5!

Mokan: *Quadrilingual cursing*

Mokan: You should write FU in Sparkles.

Clarisa: I'll be our representative.
Mokan: Then let me teach you some "Diplomatic Phrases" in my tongue. You know, to get on their good side.

Clarisa: Alright, I'm going over there to negotiate. Don't worry, if they take me out, they're coming with me.
Mokan: When in doubt, Goblin.



It should be pretty obvious who I am by now.

[DigoDragon]

Moon: “Well first step is getting Penny to calm down and not flee in a blind panic, which is proving much harder than I expected.”
Doc: “Is it harder or easier than Doc getting to First Base?”

Viridia: “Y’all are making this too complicated. We can simply seduce the other towns into doing what we want.”
Moon: “I’m worried that ends with Viridia going all Helen of Troy on the Wasteland.”
Doc: “Why? Just put a ‘no giant gift horse’ clause in the town charter and we'll be okay.”

Viridia: “I think making a map for this campaign will be fairly easy. You just need to find any map, then write the word 'Jerks' on every single landmark.”

Doc: “I think Moonshadow would be the first pony I’ve met to say anything significantly good about the Enclave.”
Moon: “I’m also likely the only pony that you met who has actually interacted with the Enclave.”
Doc: “Meh, that’s not an important detail.”

Moon: “She isn’t really using logic here, just repeating 'It’s too dangerous!' again and again.”
Doc: “Suffering a Bethesda NPC glitch with her dialog, are you?”

Viridia: “Nothing makes me happier than a critical failure on a pointless roll.”
Doc: “So if Doc was born a girl He’d be your favorite?”
Viridia: “You fail on every roll. It’s not special unless it’s pointless.”
Doc: “Not every roll. He can handle his gun pretty well.”

GM: “If Doc was suspecting some sort of hidden bunker, or a pre-war zebra hiding place, or a super-secret fun club-house, Doc found none of that.”

River Moss: “"Yeah, exploding griffons before noon? This day’s gunna be a weird one, an’t it?”

Doc: “Well, we could either mess with a dragon, or mess with radiation.”
Moon: “My vote’s for radiation. It at least won’t take things personally.”

Moon: “With our luck, they’d assign Tirkes to Oakville. No thank you.”
Doc: “What, is Tirkes too cheerful for you?”

Amadi: “I apologize for the smell. I have discovered you really cannot create a better mouthwash.”

Doc: “I am now pondering what I could bribe Joyous Noise with to get her to come along on the ship expedition.”
Viridia: “A punch in the face from me?”
Doc: “Um... that seems like the opposite of a bribe.”

GM: “To be clearer, Viridia found a gun from a country with the aesthetics of the Imperium of Man. Like, full on ‘the elevator music is ethereal Latin chanting’ militaristic gothic style.”

Moon: “…Or whatever the crazy war thing in storage is.”
Doc: “A 170-year old cake with the remains of the pony equivalent of Marilyn Monroe?”
GM: *Scratches out encounter in an office in the ghoul part of town on the possible encounters list*

Doc: “Radiation can at least be cured quickly with meds. Can’t cure having a Guns skill of 11% right now.”
Viridia: “Unless...we put Noise in a Rock-It Launcher! How much damage does a pony do?”

Doc: “…Considering Doc is the slowest flyer due to having a flight rank of [No].”

[Sith_Happens]

Lyn: So now the character whose power is that she has special eyes, due to overuse of her powers, developed heterochromia. Great.

Did someone say "special eyes?"

[Inevitability]

Monk: I eat the magic fruit!
Me: Fine *rolls*. You feel your body changing, shrinking, twisting. Your body hair disappears almost entirely, and you are overcome by a desire to establish your identity by rebelling against society.
Monk:
Me: In mechanical terms; you just 'ate' a Potion of Longevity, which reduced your age by 9. You are now exactly 13 years old.
Party: *arrives*
Monk: Hang on guys, I can totally explain this.
Me: Roll to avoid voice crack.

[DigoDragon]

Did someone say "special eyes?"

Ahhh!

Me: Roll to avoid voice crack.

LOL! That's the best kind of roll-- the ones for strangely specific purposes not normally encountered in a game.

[Gopher Wizard]

elf wizard: (after days of in-game research) I'm going to make a golem out of Oreo cookies!
human cleric: You can't do that.
elf wizard: Why not?
human cleric: Because the dwarf will just eat it.
dwarf fighter: You know he's right.
DM: Worst part is he'd probably go up a level from eating it too.

[goto124]

Viridia: “I think making a map for this campaign will be fairly easy. You just need to find any map, then write the word 'Jerks' on every single landmark.”

This is a great map

Doc: “He can handle his gun pretty well.”

That's what she said. Still waiting for Mirror...