LGBTAI+ #56: Prismatic Spray!

[JNAProductions]

A vague feeling of malaise and ideation, it is best not to try and divine the why because it reveals the many things wrong with my life. Although I think it started during a conversation with my Piano teacher. Although it wasn't anything definite that left me down. And the conversation wasn't negative.

Ah. Well, in that case *hugs. A lot of hugs. All the hugs*

I hope you feel better soon. And if there's anything I or anyone else here can do, you just have to ask.

[Irish Musician]

Could someone give me a hug?

Spoiler

Show

[Dire Moose]

Could someone give me a hug?

*bull rush*

*GLOMP!*

[Grytorm]

*bull rush*

*GLOMP!*

Amusing.

I still feel down and it mostly occurs after I go to bed and start watching youtube videos.

Thanks for the hugs I guess. I don't know what else to say.

[JNAProductions]

Thanks for the hugs is all you need to say.

We're here for yah, yah big lug. :)

[alaalba_123]

Hi guys, I'm back. It's been a while. In LGBT news in my life, my mom is going to my aunt's wedding in California in 6 weeks. Wish I could go, but mom had to take out a loan just to pay for her own trip, and I'm pretty freaking broke. I've only met her fiance a few times, but she seems pretty awesome.

Spoiler: Triggers

Show

In other news, about a month ago I finally told my mom about when I was raped, and that somehow made it much more real for me, then I called my ex for support, and ended up meeting her most recent ex, then leaning on him instead while she slept in the next room. That's when I got to find out (from him) that she's dating my brother again. Those events sent me into a spiralling depression that was pretty bad there for a while. I'm improving now, though.

Oh, and I went to a Weird Al concert on Thursday, that was cool I guess. How's everyone else doing?

[golentan]

Yesterday I totally imploded. I'd say at least I got 8 hours of sleep, but I slept through my usual appointment with Mina after just flat out missing one by a couple minutes, and my sleep was all nightmares.

I'm in full psychotic episode mode AND depression mode.

The job I quit the boss is hounding me and my 30 days notice hasn't expired, and the job I applied for hasn't gotten back to me about a promised working interview. I spent an hour crying on my bed before I could get the energy to grab my computer. I abandoned my weekly gaming session yesterday because I suddenly couldn't cope with it.

I'm so, SO sick about feeling sorry about things. I don't want to feel sorry, anymore.

Mina? Love ya and always here. Not fleeing from any part of my life, not avoiding you, just been a crappy month all around and I've fallen flat on my face. Just need a moment to pick myself up.

[Lentrax]

Don't worry, everyone! I found an emergency supplier!

Spoiler

Show

Emergency hugs for everyone!

[Bobbybobby99]

Oh, that's just a lovely teddy bear

In any case, I'm rather in need of one of those hugs. I apparently inherited genes from my father, but I swear he is one of the most stubborn, deluded people I've ever known. Sorry for how long this is, I just needed to vent. I tend to keep these things bottled up.

Spoiler: This is very depressing, very long, and may trigger something

Show

He's been having trouble with alcohol, sleeping pills, and who knows what else for the last year or so, to a very severe extent. He drinks entire bottles of blue gin in a very short period of time, passes out, walks around naked, falls on things, and generally makes a mess of himself. He's broken multiple lamps, chairs, and coat-racks. Me and him have been living at my grandmother's since his suicide attempt a few years ago, which I had the luck to walk in on while he was slowly bleeding out on the floor. I got help, and he lived, minus his capacity to reproduce.

The reason was apparently his chronic stomach pain, which he insists is debilitating but which I heavily suspect he is mostly making up to justify his actions. He was decent for a while there (albeit consuming excess sleeping pills) but in the last year he got really bad, as I already said. My grandmother (who gained custody of me, for obvious reasons) kicked him out at the start of summer, tired of having her blood pressure skyrocket and her antiques broken. I, disliking my own poor blood pressure, wholeheartedly agreed with her. Since he moved out, he crashed his car, broke his nose, and ended up taking around thirty sleeping pills per day; the recomened dosage of which is one.

Last week, he passed out while his body weight was on his arm, leading to a blood clot in said arm, which then spread to his lung. I was afraid he would die. Now, he's conscious, the nurse is saying he's going to need at least 3 hours of physical therapy and constant monitering for months. His response? 'Well, she's just a nurse.'. He. Is. An. Idiot. He even got mad at my grandmother for not smuggling in chewing toboco in for him, when she had gotten him candy and clothing! He got mad at me for saying he should listen to the doctors! He refuses to believe that he has a problem; even started talking about living on his own! He nearly died, and he thinks he can just go back to live by himself! He can't even move his right arm!

Pardon my venting, that sort of flooded through. Honestly, sometimes I think my life sounds like a soap opera. Sorry if you had to read all of that.

[Absol197]

Yesterday I totally imploded. I'd say at least I got 8 hours of sleep, but I slept through my usual appointment with Mina after just flat out missing one by a couple minutes, and my sleep was all nightmares.

I'm in full psychotic episode mode AND depression mode.

The job I quit the boss is hounding me and my 30 days notice hasn't expired, and the job I applied for hasn't gotten back to me about a promised working interview. I spent an hour crying on my bed before I could get the energy to grab my computer. I abandoned my weekly gaming session yesterday because I suddenly couldn't cope with it.

I'm so, SO sick about feeling sorry about things. I don't want to feel sorry, anymore.

Mina? Love ya and always here. Not fleeing from any part of my life, not avoiding you, just been a crappy month all around and I've fallen flat on my face. Just need a moment to pick myself up.

Oh no . I'm so sorry, Golly. I wish I could do more than offer internet-hugs.

Please know that you're an amazing and thoughtful and kind person, and regardless of whatever demons you grapple with, I'll always treasure the fact that I got the chance to know you. Hang in there; you'll pull out of it. I know you will. *Hugs*


So, additional follow-up from my post-surgery experience:

Spoiler: Week 2 and Beyond!

Show

I have most of my mobility back; it's still an effort to pick things up off the floor, and I'm still walking funny (and slow), but the healing is going well. Most of the bruising is gone, and the swelling is probably half-gone, as well. Dr. Bowers' gives a 3-4 week estimate on being able to resume most exercise, so I'm halfway there, and that seems like a good estimate.

Dilation is...interesting. With Dr. Bowers, the schedule is 3/day for the first 3 months after surgery, 2/day for the next 9 months (so until a year after surgery), and then 1/day for the next ever. Although she does say that most patients are able to reduce it even further after a total of 18 months. However, I've always been a fast healer, so I'm not sure if that would be a good idea for me. I'll have to see.

When I first started doing it, the dilation process was both painful and bloody, making me hesitant and exacerbating my tendency to procrastinate with regards to it. However, the bloody part went away rather quickly, and the painful part is starting to go away, so now the process is just awkward .

As far as my frame of mind goes, as things heal and it gets easier and easier to move around, I'm feeling better and better about the decision. I read in an article about Lady Jenner's facial surgery that a lot of patients often have an episode of, "What have I done?!" soon after things like this, and I think that's all that was going on with me. That's probably something you should prepare yourself for, knowing that it's likely going to happen, so it's not as big a worry when it happens to you when you're in your hospital bed.

But anyway, yay! Still no actual good stuff to report, but that's because I'm still in primary healing mode: I'm fairly positive as time goes by that there will be lots of "good stuff" to come .

As always, feel free to ask me questions!

[Lentrax]

Oh, that's just a lovely teddy bear

In any case, I'm rather in need of one of those hugs. I apparently inherited genes from my father, but I swear he is one of the most stubborn, deluded people I've ever known. Sorry for how long this is, I just needed to vent. I tend to keep these things bottled up.

Spoiler: This is very depressing, very long, and may trigger something

Show

He's been having trouble with alcohol, sleeping pills, and who knows what else for the last year or so, to a very severe extent. He drinks entire bottles of blue gin in a very short period of time, passes out, walks around naked, falls on things, and generally makes a mess of himself. He's broken multiple lamps, chairs, and coat-racks. Me and him have been living at my grandmother's since his suicide attempt a few years ago, which I had the luck to walk in on while he was slowly bleeding out on the floor. I got help, and he lived, minus his capacity to reproduce.

The reason was apparently his chronic stomach pain, which he insists is debilitating but which I heavily suspect he is mostly making up to justify his actions. He was decent for a while there (albeit consuming excess sleeping pills) but in the last year he got really bad, as I already said. My grandmother (who gained custody of me, for obvious reasons) kicked him out at the start of summer, tired of having her blood pressure skyrocket and her antiques broken. I, disliking my own poor blood pressure, wholeheartedly agreed with her. Since he moved out, he crashed his car, broke his nose, and ended up taking around thirty sleeping pills per day; the recomened dosage of which is one.

Last week, he passed out while his body weight was on his arm, leading to a blood clot in said arm, which then spread to his lung. I was afraid he would die. Now, he's conscious, the nurse is saying he's going to need at least 3 hours of physical therapy and constant monitering for months. His response? 'Well, she's just a nurse.'. He. Is. An. Idiot. He even got mad at my grandmother for not smuggling in chewing toboco in for him, when she had gotten him candy and clothing! He got mad at me for saying he should listen to the doctors! He refuses to believe that he has a problem; even started talking about living on his own! He nearly died, and he thinks he can just go back to live by himself! He can't even move his right arm!

Pardon my venting, that sort of flooded through. Honestly, sometimes I think my life sounds like a soap opera. Sorry if you had to read all of that.

Emergency Hug Bear is here for you. I'm sorry to hear about this, and I wish I could help you somehow.

Oh no . I'm so sorry, Golly. I wish I could do more than offer internet-hugs.

Please know that you're an amazing and thoughtful and kind person, and regardless of whatever demons you grapple with, I'll always treasure the fact that I got the chance to know you. Hang in there; you'll pull out of it. I know you will. *Hugs*


So, additional follow-up from my post-surgery experience:

Spoiler: Week 2 and Beyond!

Show

I have most of my mobility back; it's still an effort to pick things up off the floor, and I'm still walking funny (and slow), but the healing is going well. Most of the bruising is gone, and the swelling is probably half-gone, as well. Dr. Bowers' gives a 3-4 week estimate on being able to resume most exercise, so I'm halfway there, and that seems like a good estimate.

Dilation is...interesting. With Dr. Bowers, the schedule is 3/day for the first 3 months after surgery, 2/day for the next 9 months (so until a year after surgery), and then 1/day for the next ever. Although she does say that most patients are able to reduce it even further after a total of 18 months. However, I've always been a fast healer, so I'm not sure if that would be a good idea for me. I'll have to see.

When I first started doing it, the dilation process was both painful and bloody, making me hesitant and exacerbating my tendency to procrastinate with regards to it. However, the bloody part went away rather quickly, and the painful part is starting to go away, so now the process is just awkward .

As far as my frame of mind goes, as things heal and it gets easier and easier to move around, I'm feeling better and better about the decision. I read in an article about Lady Jenner's facial surgery that a lot of patients often have an episode of, "What have I done?!" soon after things like this, and I think that's all that was going on with me. That's probably something you should prepare yourself for, knowing that it's likely going to happen, so it's not as big a worry when it happens to you when you're in your hospital bed.

But anyway, yay! Still no actual good stuff to report, but that's because I'm still in primary healing mode: I'm fairly positive as time goes by that there will be lots of "good stuff" to come .

As always, feel free to ask me questions!

Glad to hear things are going good for you, Phee!

[Heliomance]

I want to hear more from Miriel about results further down the line!

[Lissou]

I want to add that yeah, after a surgery that wasn't a medical emergency (in other words, a surgery you decided to have, such as bottom surgery), there can definitely be a very rough period. At that point you're in pain, you can't move much, you can't go back and because the healing process is slow, if you look at it, it may look pretty horrible and botched and you may feel like you made a horrible mistake.

This is normal and something you should be aware of. I went through that when I had a different kind of surgery on my genitals. I hurt, I couldn't walk around, and when I looked at it, it was swollen and bruised and didn't look like anything at all, and I was so scared. I didn't even care what it would look like before it happened but afterwards... I kept thinking, did I pick the worst doctor ever? What if I'm mutilated?

It wasn't as invasive or intense as what you gals go through, though (it was only external stuff), so it healed in only a month or so, but for that whole month I was really, really worried.

After that... I've never regretted it. I usually forget it even happened until the subject is brought up. Everything just looks right and feels right and it's just me.

I assume you'd have to go through a more intense version of it. It would probably help to have a lot of support and remember these things take time (I would say up to a couple of years for it to be the way it will remain, from what I know of the procedure).

Hope you recover nicely, Absol!

[Mono Vertigo]

Hey folks, long time no see. (I think? I'm terrible at keeping track of time.)
There seems to be a high demand for hugs, so I'm offering a whole bunch of them. For free! Because I'm a moron who doesn't understand the most basic laws of economics.
Hugs!

[Heliomance]

I'm very late (like a year late) to the bandwagon, but being able to do this feels like a major milestone.

Spoiler: #nomakeupselfie

Show

[Lissou]

So pretty ^_^

[Jormengand]

Ooh, very pretty~

[Grytorm]

I'm very late (like a year late) to the bandwagon, but being able to do this feels like a major milestone.

Spoiler: #nomakeupselfie

Show

Ah you look sleepy. (And pretty of course, pretty sleepy?)

[JNAProductions]

I'm very late (like a year late) to the bandwagon, but being able to do this feels like a major milestone.

Spoiler: #nomakeupselfie

Show

10/10, would view again.

You look great.

[Kesnit]

I'm very late (like a year late) to the bandwagon, but being able to do this feels like a major milestone.

You look awesome!



In other news, I had a weird experience over the weekend...

I do US Civil War reenacting and was at a living history. Along with the "soldiers," people who do civilian impressions also participate in these events. At one point Saturday, a woman (in era garb) approached our Battery tent. (I reenact as artillery.) When she got close, it was very obvious that the person was AMAB and was dressed as a woman. I (and I found out later other members of the Battery) were unable to figure out how to react. Was she actually in transition? Was he a drag queen who does female impression as part of the reenacting hobby? (It isn't uncommon for women to dress as men to reenact, especially those who want to reenact as soldiers. As a friend pointed out, there is no reason a man couldn't dress as a woman.) One of ladies in the Battery (who reenacts as female) collects period personal items for both genders (i.e. razor, sewing kit, stamp holders) and displays her collection at living histories. She shows off all of her stuff, but tries to focus on the gender of the person she is speaking to. It was obvious that she was flustered because she did not know which to focus on.

The person left, and later that evening was the topic of (respectful) conversation among the Battery. The general opinion was mine - "I have no idea. But whatever the situation, she needed a new wig [it was an unnatural shade of red] and to learn to use make-up!"

[Lentrax]

I'm very late (like a year late) to the bandwagon, but being able to do this feels like a major milestone.

Spoiler: #nomakeupselfie

Show

Hi, Tamsin. Lovely as always.

[golentan]

Saw today a bunch of couples of various gender combinations walking down the street with black, grey, white, and purple umbrellas. It was sunny.

I wonder if it was a get together or a rally of some sort?

[BladeofObliviom]

Saw today a bunch of couples of various gender combinations walking down the street with black, grey, white, and purple umbrellas. It was sunny.

I wonder if it was a get together or a rally of some sort?

Those colors are associated with the Asexual flag, so possibly?

[golentan]

Those colors are associated with the Asexual flag, so possibly?

Yep, I know! Specifically why I was wondering.

[Heliomance]

Thanks for the kind wishes all. Being able to take a picture not wearing makeup just feels like such a huge step! I've only had two of my eight laser sessions so far, it's been more effective than I ever dared to hope.

[Skeppio]

Thanks for the kind wishes all. Being able to take a picture not wearing makeup just feels like such a huge step! I've only had two of my eight laser sessions so far, it's been more effective than I ever dared to hope.

I'm a bit late, but you look beautiful in that pic. :3

[Grytorm]

Does anyone else have a problem of buying somewhat expensive things (like Pathfinder books) with money that shouldn't be wasted? In the last week or so I've bought at least a hundred dollars of books my parents don't know about with money I shouldn't use. I don't really know how I feel about that.

Also: Skeppio, I randomly looked at your Deviant Art account and I like your style. Some of the pictures are really cute.

[Rain Dragon]

Offers of hugs for any and all in need.

Wishing you a speedy recovery, Absol.

I'm very late (like a year late) to the bandwagon, but being able to do this feels like a major milestone.

Spoiler: #nomakeupselfie

Show

Awesome. You have nice eyes.

Saw today a bunch of couples of various gender combinations walking down the street with black, grey, white, and purple umbrellas. It was sunny.

I wonder if it was a get together or a rally of some sort?

That sounds pretty neat.

[Dire Moose]

Heliomance, you look really cute.

[Heliomance]

I think I might actually try going to work without makeup today