Relationship Woes and Advice

[Ego Slayer]

Says the woman in a relationship.

I fail to see your point.

Besides, who said I'm depressed about this? I've got a lot more important things I can be depressed about, thank you very much.

Oh, I don't know. You seem to kvetch about it pretty often.

[zeratul]

I have the solution! I will start a secret plan to hook up Jibar, and Curly. It's Genous! wait did I just say that out loud?

[Jibar]

Oh, I don't know. You seem to kvetch about it pretty often.

...kvetch?

[mudbunny]

...kvetch?

From Wikipedia

Kvetch

a Yiddish word meaning, roughly, to complain.

[Jibar]

From Wikipedia

Kvetch

Ah.
Okay, fair point.
Unfortunately at this time of year it's the only thing I can think about really, so I don't know why I even made that Besides.

[Sean92k]

I had the same sort of problem, Jibar, and when I told my friend he said this, "Don't worry about it. When you're older you'll go out with friends enjoy yourself and meet a nice girl" And I took that to heart. Actually, thinking back, my friend said that I should get a prostitute, it was my friends cousin that said that. She's a wise girl

[Syka]

Hey, I didn't have my first relationship of any kind til I was 16. Lasted three and a half years. 5 days after it ended, I got in the one I was in up until last night.

Both were fun until it got toward the end. I'm beginning to note patterns, though. But don't complain. Last thing you need in your life is the stress of someone ELSE'S life.

Cheers,
Syka

[Amotis]

I'm beginning to note patterns, though.

Yeah, I get what you're saying. I've noticed that too.

Also, girl, you need some single time. Some you time. You can't have relationships run into each other like that. Even though you meet the best of partners of rebounds you still need to space it out, step back, third person stuff. At least that's what I've always needed. It's a breath of fresh air that lets you really concentrate on things. Things that make it easier to find someone you'll really like, if you want that.

But I've read what you've posted before and I hope you make the most of it. It being time. You time, specifically. Perhaps I'm wrong but there's something about having the breath and space to think about yourself seperate from anyone else that helps clean and clear things up.

I fail to see your point.

Exactly. We all weren't born in relationships. This ain't a Us Vs. Them sorta thing. It's an experiance/opinion thing.

[Sir_Norbert]

I never had a girlfriend until I was 22..... it was her first relationship as well and she was two years older. So yeah, there's no point in despairing.

[magicwalker]

I would suggest not worrying about the heavy relationship stuff for now. Work on expanding your group of friends to include girls. Do more stuff with the girls you are friends with you. Then I think you can come to some conclusions about why you aren't in a relationship.

Not knowing anything about you, I'd offer some generic reasons why one wouldn't be in a relationship:

a) Too young, not mature enough to be in a relationship.
b) Trying too hard, too much attention can betray innocent intentions.
c) Not trying hard enough, apathy doesn't draw intention.

A wise man once said: "Search your feelings..."

[Sean92k]

A wise man once said: "Search your feelings..."

He finished that sentence with, "You know it to be true"

[Amotis]

He finished that sentence with,

GOOGLE, MOTHER****ER, CAN YOU USE IT?!?!

A very wise man indeed.

[Vampiric]

I thought it was
'Do they speak English in What?!'
'What?!'
'English, mother****er, do you speak it?!'

Good old Pulp Fiction, where would we be without it....?

[Sean92k]

GOOGLE, MOTHER****ER, CAN YOU USE IT?!?!

A very wise man indeed.

Hey, Vader wasn't that wise

[magicwalker]

Uhh sorry to cause such a side track, can we attempt to get back on topic...

[Callos_DeTerran]

Heh Jibar, I wouldn't worry about things like that so much. Been single me entire life (Which is about 18 or so years and mostly because of apathy ((Not to mention females find me 'creepy and unsettling')) ) so get experience by giving other people advice and seeing how it works out for them. (Something I've done before and it's worked out for the best most of the time...or at least worked out. x.x)

Then, when ye finally be ready ye shall have all of de experience ye will need and be utterly set relationshipwise.

[Syka]

Ok. He finally IM'ed be back. Conversation seems to be going smooth and it does look like the friendship is salvagable (unless he is expecting some benefits...in which case, that ain't happening).

I think that is what worried me most. Not losing the romantic aspect, but losing his friendship. I count him amongst my good friends because we get along so well and I was terrified that this was going to alter that dramatically. Only time will tell but for right now alls good.

Admittedly, still miffed, but cooling down. It's easier to forgive when you aren't dating the person.

Cheers,
Syka

[Hell Puppi]

I didn't have my first real relationship until I was 18 =P

[Midnight Son]

I didn't have my first real relationship until I was 18 =P

I was twenty when I met the first girl I would call my girlfriend. Do not despair young'uns. It'll come with time.

[ForzaFiori]

wow.
i'm really amazed that i have had 3 gf's (2 of them i dated more than once), by the age of 15, when most of you didn't get a gf/bf until like 17-20.
i guess i'm just a man-ho or something

[Amotis]

When I was in kindergarten I was best friends with a guy and a girl in my class. Inseparable. We ran to the playground holding hands with each other in some train of sugar high and about a total age of about 16.

So I guess you could say I had a boyfriend and a girlfriend at five. (Oh come on, it's not like you did more then run around the playground holding hands with your "real" partners in elementary school.)

[Zeb The Troll]

For the youngsters that are fretting about not having dated yet, let me give you some sour grapes you can reach for.

I can tell you with relative certainty that at this point in your life, it's most likely that that kind of relationship will only add drama and it will be drama that you don't need. You'll both be still in the progress of trying to figure out who YOU are and that will make it extremely difficult to fit who you are into the relationship puzzle. In the end you will probably break up and an emotional event like that tossed into a whirlwind of unbalanced hormones will lead to feeling it much more acutely than you need to.

Even as an adult with all that puberty nonsense behind you, the process of developing a relationship can be gruelling and a break up can be hard. My last break up, several years ago, was like a shot to the groin. My first break up, when I was breaking up with Belethorien's mother, was even worse.

My point? These are days when you have enough on your plate just trying to get by day to day, keep your grades up, keep your parents happy (or rebel against them, whichever phase you're in), develop potential lifelong friendships, plan your future, etc etc. Just being happy with being you is a solid accomplishment. Focus on that. If love finds you, great! But don't be down because it hasn't found you yet. It will. And when it does you'll have plenty of opportunity to make up for any lost time.

/sage advice peppered with experience, salt to taste

[Serpentine]

Call it mating season, call it me being just plain depressed and lonely, or call it the ludicrous number of relationships in the playground but I have only one question for ye assembled., and let it be marked this is probably the lowest I've ever sunk.

Why can't I find anybody?

I would like to point out that in about... 4 or so years, you will look back on this post and be really, really embarassed. Well, if you were at all like me, you would. But I doubt you're at all like me... I say this because when I was about 15, I think, or maybe 14, I complained to a bunch of near-complete strangers about the fact that I had never kissed anyone (I think they suggested that I practice on either an apple, a pillow or my hand). You're in school now, it's pretty limited for choice. You'll eventually leave there, go to uni or work or whatever, and find a whole new broad world of people to meet. In the meantime, all I can suggest is that you closely examine all the lady-types in your viscinity and consider whether any of them would be appropriate and take the neccessary steps, and/or hang out somewhere you're likely to meet people with similar interests (I recommend a library. Not that they pay me, or anything...). It's gonna be pretty rare, especially in an environment as static as high school, that a great girl with whom you immediately click is going to suddenly land in your lap. Also, while I'm quite happy about the new acceptability of girls making a move, it's still in transition and in any case we're just as shy as you - that is, if you don't do anything, there's an excellent chance nothing will happen at all even if something great could happen.

To the person who was wondering about all the cool people they see online rather than in real life, well, I can assure you I'm a lot cooler here than I am elsewhere - it's easier to filter out most of the annoying.

[Hell Puppi]

To the person who was wondering about all the cool people they see online rather than in real life, well, I can assure you I'm a lot cooler here than I am elsewhere - it's easier to filter out most of the annoying.

That and there's the edit button.
Don't we all wish we had one of those?

[ForzaFiori]

That and there's the edit button.
Don't we all wish we had one of those?

oh yes.
if i had an edit button, i'd have alot more friends.
and have been punched alot less.

[Zeb The Troll]

That and there's the edit button.
Don't we all wish we had one of those?

Every day, HellPuppi. Every day.

[Serpentine]

I frequently finding myself longing for a control-z or a save point

[ForzaFiori]

save points would also be nice.

i'd also like to do that thing in movies where they take a long time on all the really good or important parts of the characters life, and skip the boring parts.

[Jibar]

I would like to point out that in about... 4 or so years, you will look back on this post and be really, really embarassed.

Honestly, I really really am now.
Ego's right, all I have done for a while is bitch about this.
I need something to do. Since I got back from holiday I haven't had a job or school or anything to take my mind off things.

[Xykon_Fan]

Actually, I had been wondering about this myself for a while. See, I have a friend who seems to attract girls like very pretty moths, though he doesn't really tend to keep them since they think he's shallow personality-wise (He's not actually). Anyway, so I realize the dude works out and stuff, but it still doesn't explain the relative personality issues. I mean, not every girl can be all about this guy simply because he's built. (I don't buy in to the stereotypes that all guys care about is appearances, and all girls care about is personality...it's a mixture with tendencies towards those things...anyway, back on track.)

So, I started asking the girls who had crushed on him why they liked him. (I know this is technically socially impolite, but I have very candid friends who are okay with talking like this with each other.) I explained to them why I was doing so: I was simply driven near-insane by the unsolved variable (I'm very analytic), though I wasn't actually upset that no girls seemed interested in me...really. (Some of them didn't believe me on that point. I've learned that some girls get very upset at people they think have low self-esteem. ) Anyway, so I got my answers which, if it's okay with you guys, I won't post here since I know my friend visits GITP for OOTS and I don't want him seeing their confidential answers.

Anyway, I finally figured it out with two of those girls' help. One of them actually started liking me (I've learned the alternative to having no one like you is worse...having a friend like you), but she got confused when she realized I have many different faces and personalities and she met someone who didn't know her version of me and they both confused each other more...heheh. So I started thinking about it, and the other girl and I both came up with roughly the same idea. I seem to be too deep for girls. Many girls prefer complete openness and honesty right off. They can tell that there's something more to me, and they've decided I'm purposely holding back. Either way, the variable is solved and I am pleased. I wouldn't change my many-sided-ness for the world. I like who I am, and I know that I'll eventually find someone. The question is more along the lines of when.

So, Jibar, don't worry about it too much okay? This stuff tends to eventually figure itself out.

Oh, and thanks all for letting me share this story. It helps me figure my life out, piece by piece.