Personal Woes and Advice 4

[AvatarVecna]

I'm always willing to give virtual hugs, although it rarely occurs to me to do so.

*hugs The Fury*

Hmm...

*hugs Skeppio*

*hugs Red*

*hugs MatrixStone*

Hugs for all!

[The Fury]

[Skeppio]

I'm always willing to give virtual hugs, although it rarely occurs to me to do so.

*hugs The Fury*

Hmm...

*hugs Skeppio*

*hugs Red*

*hugs MatrixStone*

Hugs for all!

*lots of hugs back* Thanks. :)

[AvatarVecna]

*lots of hugs back* Thanks. :)

Yay! *hugs*

Glad I could help, for whatever little it may have amounted to.

[Dire Moose]

Thank you. *offers hugs*

I had not considered that...what would it do for me, do you think? I'm not very knowledgeable about medicine, to be honest.

Low-dose estrogen would basically help hold off gender dysphoria by correcting the imbalance in your brain while not being strong enough to cause a lot of changes in your body.

[Ifni]

Low-dose estrogen would basically help hold off gender dysphoria by correcting the imbalance in your brain while not being strong enough to cause a lot of changes in your body.

Mmmmaybe. I mean, it's potentially worth a try - I've seen a number of trans women report feeling much better after starting estrogen, even before any physical changes - but I've also seen trans women say it didn't do anything particular for them. (That is, don't doubt yourself if you try it and it doesn't help!) As usual when dealing with identity/brain/mind issues, YMMV.

[Icewraith]

Spoiler: TW: Doctor visit results, if reading about other people's mental issues sets yours off you may want to avoid.

Show

So it turns out the memories thing I referred to earlier are actually capital-F Flashbacks that indicate I have full-blown PTSD. Which I have been putting up with or ignoring or compensating for or enduring sporadically since... well, for a long time.

I have.... non-survivor's guilt? I feel like what I went through should have been worse to have PTSD- like war zone or massacre stuff or full-blown rape(s) or something. Maybe I'm a mental badass because (I think) I've just been shaking this stuff off for years? Maybe I'm a mental weakling because the stuff I have been through still got to me like this? Maybe I'm a monster for all the revenge scenarios and violence my brain has extrapolated from certain unpleasant events? Maybe I'm a hero for having never acted on them? Maybe I'm an idiot for going through counseling a couple times and treatment for depression and never thinking to bring this up (I'm pretty sure I never consciously tried to steer conversation away from the flashbacks)? Maybe I just didn't have the words to express it back then? Maybe it's been slowly getting worse over time and it's finally gotten bad enough for me to realize what's going on?

Maybe I shouldn't be writing and thinking about this stuff since it might make things worse? Granted since I probably would be thinking about it regardless, and since I have flashbacks I don't have full control over what I'm thinking about anyways, writing this is helpful in some way?

...I'm not going to go into detail, but I think right now I have more evidence for that first sentence than I do the second one.

Also, I feel like this has changed my perception of these occurrences now that I know they're capital F Flashbacks. Like I've been swimming with fish for years and then it turns out the "fish" are all actually sharks. I get a bite from time to time, but I don't know if they're all really little sharks or play bites, or if I'm actually covered in scar tissue and bite marks and don't recognize it.

[TechnOkami]

I don't really know how to advice or help with that, but you seem to be taking the appropriate measures for it.

That said, that's really interesting to me.

[OACSNY97]

Hi TechnOkami-

I just remembered our conversation from the previous thread about your school worries.
Just checking in to see how you're doing.

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...dvice-3/page48
(hope this link does something)

:)

[Skeppio]

Little update:
Made a bit of progress on finding a psychiatrist. I have an appointment at the local medical centre on the 4th of December. A bit of a wait, but they were a bit booked. x.x
Though I will still need to get a referral from my GP, which I can just ask for.

[DataNinja]

Little update:
Made a bit of progress on finding a psychiatrist. I have an appointment at the local medical centre on the 4th of December. A bit of a wait, but they were a bit booked. x.x
Though I will still need to get a referral from my GP, which I can just ask for.

Good on you! I wish you the best of luck in getting what you need!

[Dire Moose]

Little update:
Made a bit of progress on finding a psychiatrist. I have an appointment at the local medical centre on the 4th of December. A bit of a wait, but they were a bit booked. x.x
Though I will still need to get a referral from my GP, which I can just ask for.

You should be sure to mention you're trans as well; that's something that plays a role in all this and your psychiatrist should be aware of it.

[TechnOkami]

Hi TechnOkami-

I just remembered our conversation from the previous thread about your school worries.
Just checking in to see how you're doing.

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...dvice-3/page48
(hope this link does something)

:)

...oh jeez that seemed so long ago to me... I'll spoiler for length.

Spoiler

Show

So... I'll give you a quick update on me.

I am now on antidepressants (yay Prozac!) and broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago. I was at peace with it when I broke up and I am still at peace with it now. I vehemently miss the intimacy of being in a relationship though, and it is a craving I am exploring how to sate.

So in general I'm pretty damn ok on the mental health front. Oh, and I discovered something interesting about myself: living alone is not healthy for my mental state. The lack of interaction with people for several days with only the internet and video games to keep you company... well, let's just say I don't want to do that again as much as I can help it.

That aside, let's talk school.

I still am frustrated and dislike it.

My lack of enthusiasm and extreme disinterest in classes that don't hold me that should be easy for me, I am falling behind in, and I still feel annoyed at all the prerequisite classes I am required to complete and just... augh, I'm tired of dealing with school as a whole. Trust me, while I could see a lot of the depression talking about school and my state of being in that previous post I made, it was pretty damn spot on about how I felt about school. I just want to take the classes I give two ****s about and not the menial required core classes that don't interest me nearly as much.

I have not tried full boar metal working or wood working yet, although I did do a little carving from a small carving block I purchased a few days ago. I've generally just been going to school and... attempting to keep on top of things.

Other than that I'm pretty chill as always. Thank you for checking in on me though, I really appreciate the thoughts.

[The Fury]

Little update:
Made a bit of progress on finding a psychiatrist. I have an appointment at the local medical centre on the 4th of December. A bit of a wait, but they were a bit booked. x.x
Though I will still need to get a referral from my GP, which I can just ask for.

That's good to hear, I really hope that it goes well for you. You'll keep us updated on how things are going, right?

...oh jeez that seemed so long ago to me... I'll spoiler for length.

Spoiler

Show

So... I'll give you a quick update on me.

I am now on antidepressants (yay Prozac!) and broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago. I was at peace with it when I broke up and I am still at peace with it now. I vehemently miss the intimacy of being in a relationship though, and it is a craving I am exploring how to sate.

So in general I'm pretty damn ok on the mental health front. Oh, and I discovered something interesting about myself: living alone is not healthy for my mental state. The lack of interaction with people for several days with only the internet and video games to keep you company... well, let's just say I don't want to do that again as much as I can help it.

That aside, let's talk school.

I still am frustrated and dislike it.

My lack of enthusiasm and extreme disinterest in classes that don't hold me that should be easy for me, I am falling behind in, and I still feel annoyed at all the prerequisite classes I am required to complete and just... augh, I'm tired of dealing with school as a whole. Trust me, while I could see a lot of the depression talking about school and my state of being in that previous post I made, it was pretty damn spot on about how I felt about school. I just want to take the classes I give two ****s about and not the menial required core classes that don't interest me nearly as much.

I have not tried full boar metal working or wood working yet, although I did do a little carving from a small carving block I purchased a few days ago. I've generally just been going to school and... attempting to keep on top of things.

Other than that I'm pretty chill as always. Thank you for checking in on me though, I really appreciate the thoughts.

This may come off as distracting from the main issue, but what did you carve? I'm guessing your block was basswood?

[TechnOkami]

This may come off as distracting from the main issue, but what did you carve? I'm guessing your block was basswood?

Ha! Naah that's fine. I'll upload some images onto my art thread in a few hours and I'll link you the post.

[Bobbybobby99]

I was wondering, and figured this would be an appropriate place to ask. How do you broach the topic, with a guardian, that it might be best if you were evaluated for mental illness? My mother (who I, thank goodness, do not live with) possesses Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, which has a high likelyhood of inheritance, and I'm fairly certain I possess the symptoms, lock and key. I won't ask for actual advice on whether I do, or do not, possess it, as that would be against the rules, but I have no idea how to actually broach the topic, and would like assistance on the advised aproach.

[Florian]

I was wondering, and figured this would be an appropriate place to ask. How do you broach the topic, with a guardian, that it might be best if you were evaluated for mental illness? My mother (who I, thank goodness, do not live with) possesses Schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, which has a high likelyhood of inheritance, and I'm fairly certain I possess the symptoms, lock and key. I won't ask for actual advice on whether I do, or do not, possess it, as that would be against the rules, but I have no idea how to actually broach the topic, and would like assistance on the advised aproach.

The answer to this will largely depend on where you life, what the required legal age is and how the public wellfare in your home country is structured.
Without that information, no meaningful answer will be possible.

Edit for clarrification:

For example, in most european countries, minors up until students are included in public health services. They don't need consens from their parents or guardians to have a consultation visit with their mental health representative.

[Bobbybobby99]

I live in Virginia, in the United States. I'm not aware of there being a minimum age for going to a physiciatrist. I lack insurance, even the universal stuff, because of legal loopholes involved in my custody.

[Florian]

I live in Virginia, in the United States. I'm not aware of there being a minimum age for going to a physiciatrist. I lack insurance, even the universal stuff, because of legal loopholes involved in my custody.

Boy, the U.S. of all places...
Ok, I can understand your concerns and think you're set in the right direction to check those things out, as they will affect your life if found to be true.

Ok, this may seem hard-nosed, but a serious question first: Do you fear having inherited something or do you really notice having inherited something? Please note that this is not about disbelieving something, but about evaluating a situation.

Don't answer that question here, as that is irrelevant. Just think about how you will talk to your guardians. There's a difference between "I fear" and "I know".

Impotant disclaimer at this point: It's been two decades sine I've last been in Virginia and a decade since my last visit to the U.S., so I don't know what foundations have sprung up in the meantime.

So, right now, your legal guardians will know your background, possibly even aknowledging it fully. At this point, you can only bring it up as a mixture of being direct and respectful and have them make an appointment for you.
They should know your mums background, its actually good of you don't have to mention that it is inheritable. If you have to, do, point out that they don't want to life with the full unchecked effects of it in their guardee.

As a prelimiary precaution, check put if some public health clinics or foundations offer preliminary checks and consultation that you can partake. Anoying, but that wil help you with both, talking with your guardians as well as getting knowledge on your condition

[TechnOkami]

This may come off as distracting from the main issue, but what did you carve? I'm guessing your block was basswood?

Here ya go.

I'll be honest though, I don't remember what kind of wood I bought.

[Skeppio]

That's good to hear, I really hope that it goes well for you. You'll keep us updated on how things are going, right?

Thanks! And yes, I will. :)

[The Fury]

Here ya go.

I'll be honest though, I don't remember what kind of wood I bought.

Heh. It reminds me a little of Norse folk art.

Thanks! And yes, I will. :)

I appreciate that. Thanks.

[TechnOkami]

Heh. It reminds me a little of Norse folk art.

Somehow this doesn't surprise me, seeing that I like Norse mythology and whatnot. I take it as a complement.

[Skeppio]

Ugh, feeling low again. Was watching a few friends stream both art and game dev stuff, and all I could feel was jealousy. Nothing I can do comes close to their work, and I can't do anything bigger or more interesting with what little I can do. All I've got is some drawings with no real substance to them, that will never be anything more than crappy drawings. I really wish I could do something bigger like a comic or a game or something, but I could never make something interesting like everyone else can.

Just earlier today, I was fiddling with RPG Maker after playing Undertale, and realised how dull the combat is in what I was making. And since I don't have anywhere near the knowledge necessary to make cool things, I'm stuck with dull and boring.

Grrr, how do I stop this jealousy and self-doubt from coming up every time I see something I admire? It's like a reflex action that just happens without my input or control, like blinking. >_<

[RoyVG]

Ugh, feeling low again. Was watching a few friends stream both art and game dev stuff, and all I could feel was jealousy. Nothing I can do comes close to their work, and I can't do anything bigger or more interesting with what little I can do. All I've got is some drawings with no real substance to them, that will never be anything more than crappy drawings. I really wish I could do something bigger like a comic or a game or something, but I could never make something interesting like everyone else can.

Just earlier today, I was fiddling with RPG Maker after playing Undertale, and realised how dull the combat is in what I was making. And since I don't have anywhere near the knowledge necessary to make cool things, I'm stuck with dull and boring.

Grrr, how do I stop this jealousy and self-doubt from coming up every time I see something I admire? It's like a reflex action that just happens without my input or control, like blinking. >_<

I know exactly what you mean. I have a friend who I think is really good at creating digital art and stuff like that, and everytime when she uploads something, I'm like 'I wanna do that too!' and after fiddeling for 30 minutes, I know I can't even get close to that and give up. I can't really make you better with anything short of magic but I can give advice on how to look at it in a more positive way.

The thing I think is most important is to NOT compare your art with that of others, but compare it with YOUR previous stuff. Look at the progress YOU are making, look at new ways you can apply YOUR skills. It's okay to look at theirs for inspiration, but try to find stuff that works for you. Experiment with different programs, different artstyles, a different way on how you start, stuff like that. Take something from your direct environment and replicate it in YOUR style. A cereal box, videogame cover art, DVD case, a figurine or statue. Even if it seems that you are not progressing at all, small things such as the speed at which you are making things will improve, giving you more room to experiment, to try and to learn new things. Naturally, a good amount of patience is required for ALL of this to happen, and that I'm struggling with as well, but if there is potential, you will get around it. And If you need more advice or ideas, I'm sure some of the 'natives' of the Arts and Crafts sub forum are willing to give some pointers.

We have a saying here: 'Niet geschoten is altijd mis', which (very) roughly translates to 'A shot never taken is always a miss'. Just give it a try again, who knows if it's a hit this time.

[Skeppio]

I know exactly what you mean. I have a friend who I think is really good at creating digital art and stuff like that, and everytime when she uploads something, I'm like 'I wanna do that too!' and after fiddeling for 30 minutes, I know I can't even get close to that and give up. I can't really make you better with anything short of magic but I can give advice on how to look at it in a more positive way.

The thing I think is most important is to NOT compare your art with that of others, but compare it with YOUR previous stuff. Look at the progress YOU are making, look at new ways you can apply YOUR skills. It's okay to look at theirs for inspiration, but try to find stuff that works for you. Experiment with different programs, different artstyles, a different way on how you start, stuff like that. Take something from your direct environment and replicate it in YOUR style. A cereal box, videogame cover art, DVD case, a figurine or statue. Even if it seems that you are not progressing at all, small things such as the speed at which you are making things will improve, giving you more room to experiment, to try and to learn new things. Naturally, a good amount of patience is required for ALL of this to happen, and that I'm struggling with as well, but if there is potential, you will get around it. And If you need more advice or ideas, I'm sure some of the 'natives' of the Arts and Crafts sub forum are willing to give some pointers.

We have a saying here: 'Niet geschoten is altijd mis', which (very) roughly translates to 'A shot never taken is always a miss'. Just give it a try again, who knows if it's a hit this time.

But why though? All I can think with my art is: "Why bother when you know you're not going to get the results you seek?". I know no matter how hard I try, deep down I'm just a lazy, untalented hack who makes the same mistakes over and over because most of their art is literally copy-pasted from old error-ridden work. Because that's as far as my talents go. I can make one "passable" thing, but nothing more, so I just copy the first one and hope no-one notices.

My brother's making games with his friends, my internet buddies stream their art, games they're making, amazing playthroughs of games they love, and all make great stuff.
...
And then here I am, the "runt" of the creative world. The only way I've ever gotten anywhere is by lying about my art, about myself, about everything, so people would like me.

Damnit, this is just like every other time where I go back down to miserable, refuse to talk to my family, want to stay home from work when I need to be there, like I've gained nothing from earlier. I couldn't even last a week. I hoped I could at least make it until my psych appointment. I'm sorry, I'm just a constant disappointment.

[TechnOkami]

@Skeppio

I used to think and act like you, full of doubt and self loathing. And to be honest, several aspects of myself are kind of like that still, but it's more manageable now than it ever has been.

Believe me when I say it's not you, but the depression that is making you think this way, dragging your mind through the molasses and muck it generates. The sooner you find and get help, the sooner it will become more manageable.

Other than that, I dunno, I stopped caring about how good others were and started looking at things with the view of "what do I like about X and why", or "what is it that pulls me to this art and how can I use that in my art". The rest is the persistence to keep working at it. The more you do something, regardless of what it is, the more you learn, the more experience you gain, and the better you become at it.

And allow yourself to make mistakes. Perfectionism is, in my opinion, a flawed outlook, because to me things that are "perfect" do not exist. Everything is and has flaws to them, no matter how visible or invisible they are. It is how you arrange those flaws in something that makes something beautiful, wether that's to you, a friend, or someone else. Hell, even if you don't like what you make, don't go into it with the mindset that you will create for others.

Create for yourself.

Nobody has to see your art but you, although to be honest I always show my crap off because I am not ashamed of and am very honest with who I am and how I act. The truth is a far more interesting prospect than lies will ever be for me.

Anywho, hope that helps.

-TechnO

[Skeppio]

I don't get the idea of creating for myself. If I'm just creating for myself, then i'd have no reason to show anyone. And if I keep it all to myself, what was the point in making it? Just seems like a waste of time when I could've been more productive, to an end with more noticeable results.

Besides, the things I'd want to do are well above my station, leaving me with nothing but bits of art I grow increasingly disgusted with.

[TechnOkami]

The point, I guess, of doing it for yourself is because you enjoy dong art. Even if you are not at a technical level with art and you can't exactly make what's swimming inside your head, that's fine. The important part is that you produce and do something, rather than choosing to do nothing, because if nothing is done the problem remains unsolved and unresolved. If you do decide to make whatever, then do it, because you enjoy doing it.

And if it doesn't look good? Keep working on it. Tweak and change it until you are satisfied with where it is. And even if it doesn't look that great, take pride with the fact that you made the active choice to do it anyways rather than listening to the depression and not doing it at all.

I mean, Skeppip, go to my signature and look at the first picture I have posted on it. Then go to the farthest post and look at that. That is the result of progression and persistence in any craft. Mine just happens to be art, and hell, I'm no Michaelangelo, and I don't intend to be. I intend to be me, and no one else.

So in the immortal words of Shia Lebouf:

"Just do it!"

"Make your dreams come true!"

[Skeppio]

The point, I guess, of doing it for yourself is because you enjoy dong art. Even if you are not at a technical level with art and you can't exactly make what's swimming inside your head, that's fine. The important part is that you produce and do something, rather than choosing to do nothing, because if nothing is done the problem remains unsolved and unresolved. If you do decide to make whatever, then do it, because you enjoy doing it.

And if it doesn't look good? Keep working on it. Tweak and change it until you are satisfied with where it is. And even if it doesn't look that great, take pride with the fact that you made the active choice to do it anyways rather than listening to the depression and not doing it at all.

I mean, Skeppip, go to my signature and look at the first picture I have posted on it. Then go to the farthest post and look at that. That is the result of progression and persistence in any craft. Mine just happens to be art, and hell, I'm no Michaelangelo, and I don't intend to be. I intend to be me, and no one else.

So in the immortal words of Shia Lebouf:

"Just do it!"

"Make your dreams come true!"

But I don't. If I'm just doing it for myself, and I won't show anyone, where's this enjoyment coming from?

That just sounds like you're telling me to be proud of wasting time and effort on nothing, which makes no sense. Waste is nothing to take pride in, it's shameful.

You at least have progression to show. I've remained stagnant the whole time. Any time I try to alter or improve, it ends up a horrific train wreck that I can't even bear to look at or keep at all.

And sure, it's easy for a fancy celebrity, who has everything thanks to his good looks, to say that. When I can't even do one tiny hobby right, a rich celebrity's insistence it's easy enough to "just do it" is pretty hollow.