Personal Woes and Advice 4

[Stuebi]

I'm gettin really tired of work lately.

I'm in the last year of my apprenticeship, and my Boss is getting nastier and nastier. He was never nice to begin with, but recently he's been laying into me like there's no tomorrow. I'm seriously thinking about quitting and finishing my apprenticeship elsewhere, but there's the fear of me not finding a new place and not having work for a while.

It's starting to affect me on a pretty deep level. I had issues with depression all year, and it's getting bad, really bad. But my Mom is pushing me to just grind my teeth and endure it for the 6 or so months until I finish. The thing is, I cant even fight back properly, I broke a rule a couple weeks ago, and obviously now my boss has " a good reason" to not trust me nad basically treat me like garbage, which he keeps using to criticize every little thing I do. It's getting to the point where I start to doubt myself, I check everything twice or even thrice before handing it in, and even then I'm not sure if it's gonna be enough.

I'm probably not far away from ending up with an outburst and yelling at the guy, which would probably mean loosing my job either way.

[Glass Mouse]

I'm gettin really tired of work lately.

I'm in the last year of my apprenticeship, and my Boss is getting nastier and nastier. He was never nice to begin with, but recently he's been laying into me like there's no tomorrow. I'm seriously thinking about quitting and finishing my apprenticeship elsewhere, but there's the fear of me not finding a new place and not having work for a while.

It's starting to affect me on a pretty deep level. I had issues with depression all year, and it's getting bad, really bad. But my Mom is pushing me to just grind my teeth and endure it for the 6 or so months until I finish. The thing is, I cant even fight back properly, I broke a rule a couple weeks ago, and obviously now my boss has " a good reason" to not trust me nad basically treat me like garbage, which he keeps using to criticize every little thing I do. It's getting to the point where I start to doubt myself, I check everything twice or even thrice before handing it in, and even then I'm not sure if it's gonna be enough.

I'm probably not far away from ending up with an outburst and yelling at the guy, which would probably mean loosing my job either way.

Many, many hugs. That sounds like a really ****ty situation.

Can you look for a new apprenticeship, on the down-low, right now? If you have something new lined up before you quit, it's not as much of a risk.

What kind of apprenticeship is this? Is it something you need to finish your education and get your title? Are you in a highly competitive field? Namely, what are the consequences of quitting? "Grit your teeth and get through" might have value if you're in a desparate situation, but if you don't need this apprenticeship, your mental health should triumph.

If you want to tough it out, do you have any outlets? A friend with whom you could start a weekly wine-and-venting tradition or something? Some kind of physical workout, like kickboxing or running or anything exhausting? Can you put aside time to decompress with good books or bubble bath or whatever's your choice? Taking a lot of time to be good to yourself is what's gonna carry you through.

Either way, I hope you find something better, one way or the other. No one deserves to be treated like that.

[Stuebi]

Many, many hugs. That sounds like a really ****ty situation.

Can you look for a new apprenticeship, on the down-low, right now? If you have something new lined up before you quit, it's not as much of a risk.

What kind of apprenticeship is this? Is it something you need to finish your education and get your title? Are you in a highly competitive field? Namely, what are the consequences of quitting? "Grit your teeth and get through" might have value if you're in a desparate situation, but if you don't need this apprenticeship, your mental health should triumph.

If you want to tough it out, do you have any outlets? A friend with whom you could start a weekly wine-and-venting tradition or something? Some kind of physical workout, like kickboxing or running or anything exhausting? Can you put aside time to decompress with good books or bubble bath or whatever's your choice? Taking a lot of time to be good to yourself is what's gonna carry you through.

Either way, I hope you find something better, one way or the other. No one deserves to be treated like that.

It's for becoming a computer scientist. In switzerland, you get a Diploma afterwards. Technically, the field is big and highly sought after, but I swapped to this job a couple years back, which would make this the second time I switch. I'm prolly gonna contact the Education-Institute and get someone to look at my case. They can probably tell me what the best course of action is. I'm just really insecure right now.

Your reply helped nonetheless, thank you!

[Velaryon]

Welp, despite all my hard work, I got zogg'd. Failed Organic by a couple of points and my options are- go again and take it next year, hoping I pass both times so I graduate six years after starting a four year degree. Or.... since I've taken enough history classes to be within 9 courses of completing a history major, switch to that and be done after a semester and a half. Really leaning towards that. Since my college has been about as useful as a bump on a log for actually getting me any help. So yeah... either way I'm zogg'd big time.

Switching majors might be the right thing to do, but make sure you do it for the right reasons. Is history something you want to study? I'm guessing you enjoy it if you've taken that many courses even though it isn't your major. What would you do with a history degree? Why did you choose your current course of study to begin with? These are rhetorical questions, not ones you need to answer here.

Your situation reminds me of a roommate I had in college. He was majoring in mechanical engineering with minors in math and Spanish. In the eight semesters I knew him in college, he always failed at least one class, some of them more than once, and always complained about how much he hated the classes he had to take again. Yet if I suggested that he might consider studying something else, he would absolutely refuse to consider the idea. When I graduated, he was at the end of year five and still at least a year from finishing school. I lost touch with him after awhile, but as far as I know he never did complete that program.

You aren't him (at least I hope not), and just because it went that way for him doesn't mean it will for you. But it's worth considering the possibility that the course you've been pursuing isn't the one you need to stick with, unless you're sure it's the one you want.

[The Fury]

So, I'm still not sure of my insurance status. I should be insured since the first but I haven't received any membership card or confirmation of my enrollment. Since the company that I worked at changed its upper management there's no longer an on-site HR manager to ask about it, though the person that handles payroll tells me I can request a temporary membership card. I'm reluctant to do so, maybe because this honestly is something that can wait. I think I might actually need psychiatric help though-- More than once I've had councilors recommend that I at least go in for evaluation and maybe consider the possibility of medication. I've been resistant to the idea. I've struggled with depression for years now, but the past year and a half has been... well, pretty rough.

I've always enjoyed doing creative stuff, drawing, writing, storytelling and such. I don't anymore. I keep thinking that I'll eventually come around and start doing it again. I mean, creative slumps don't last forever, right? I feel like I'm getting worse though, not better. I've tried doodling on notepads or trying to write out stories from ideas in my old notebooks but I can't do it. I don't mean that I didn't like what I came up with, just that it required more willpower than I actually had in me. Literally nothing came of it. I know this really shouldn't bother me as much as it does, I honestly wish I didn't care.

[chainer1216]

Hey there! I'm having an issue I never expected to face and could use some advice.

as a child I was very emotional and my parents were very angry and harsh people, never physically abusive, and my mother only crossed the line to verbally or emotionally abusive a couple times, and I've always told myself I'd never become like that.

Well puberty hit and I developed some social anxiety issues, I did a complete 180 personality-wise, I became very withdrawn and quiet. The anxiety, the harsh parents and all the "fun' stuff one goes through in highschool caused me to fall into a very bad depression. From the time I was 14 to the time I was 26 not a day went by that I didn't think of killing myself, whenever my mind went idle, like when trying to sleep, I would just get stuck thinking about how worthless and pathetic I was.

Then I met a girl, and things went horribly. it was just a cluster **** of bull**** for two years that ended with her and I making a clean mutual break from each other...and a few day later her trying to kill herself(due to consequences of something she did after the split) and me needing to literally patch her back up and take care of her for awhile.

A month or two passed and she got better, a mutual friend had a party we both went to and while there she just treated me like dirt. And thats it, I had enough, we went outside and we have an argument, she actually pushed me hard enough that I stood up for myself.

And that snapped me out of my 12 year depression. In the coming weeks I started to feel very different. No longer did I contemplat suicide, I didn't feel like there was something constantly squeezing my heart, still had the anxiety but the insomnia greatly lessened.

It was great...for a while. But a new issues come up. I've turned into my parents. I can no longer control my anger. I never feel the urge to become physically violent but I have absolutely no patience and cannot help but be...well an ******* to people who slight me in any way no matter how slight.

I hate it, this is honestly worse than before. I've been struggling with this for 2 years now and havent really made any headway. And worse yet I work in security, where my job is to be nice to *******s.

[Insane Trystane]

Hey there! I'm having an issue I never expected to face and could use some advice.

as a child I was very emotional and my parents were very angry and harsh people, never physically abusive, and my mother only crossed the line to verbally or emotionally abusive a couple times, and I've always told myself I'd never become like that.

Well puberty hit and I developed some social anxiety issues, I did a complete 180 personality-wise, I became very withdrawn and quiet. The anxiety, the harsh parents and all the "fun' stuff one goes through in highschool caused me to fall into a very bad depression. From the time I was 14 to the time I was 26 not a day went by that I didn't think of killing myself, whenever my mind went idle, like when trying to sleep, I would just get stuck thinking about how worthless and pathetic I was.

Then I met a girl, and things went horribly. it was just a cluster **** of bull**** for two years that ended with her and I making a clean mutual break from each other...and a few day later her trying to kill herself(due to consequences of something she did after the split) and me needing to literally patch her back up and take care of her for awhile.

A month or two passed and she got better, a mutual friend had a party we both went to and while there she just treated me like dirt. And thats it, I had enough, we went outside and we have an argument, she actually pushed me hard enough that I stood up for myself.

And that snapped me out of my 12 year depression. In the coming weeks I started to feel very different. No longer did I contemplat suicide, I didn't feel like there was something constantly squeezing my heart, still had the anxiety but the insomnia greatly lessened.

It was great...for a while. But a new issues come up. I've turned into my parents. I can no longer control my anger. I never feel the urge to become physically violent but I have absolutely no patience and cannot help but be...well an ******* to people who slight me in any way no matter how slight.

I hate it, this is honestly worse than before. I've been struggling with this for 2 years now and havent really made any headway. And worse yet I work in security, where my job is to be nice to *******s.

Oh man. Having seen what emotionally unhealthy homes can do to people, let me express my deepest sympathies, as well as congratulations for overcoming previous situations. I've known a couple people who have negligible amounts of patience, and they've seemed to do well by finding alternate outlets for their frustration. That said, my particular basket of personal issues doesn't include a temper (well, not too often), so I don't have any specific advice, but I know that there are a lot of resources out there for learning to better deal with... less-than-optimal people and situations. :P If this is something you feel is important to work on, go for it. It'll be tough, and you won't be perfect, but who ever was? It'll be a process, but from how yoy've said you feel about it, I think it'll be a worthwhile one.

[Glass Mouse]

Hey there! I'm having an issue I never expected to face and could use some advice.

as a child I was very emotional and my parents were very angry and harsh people, never physically abusive, and my mother only crossed the line to verbally or emotionally abusive a couple times, and I've always told myself I'd never become like that.

Well puberty hit and I developed some social anxiety issues, I did a complete 180 personality-wise, I became very withdrawn and quiet. The anxiety, the harsh parents and all the "fun' stuff one goes through in highschool caused me to fall into a very bad depression. From the time I was 14 to the time I was 26 not a day went by that I didn't think of killing myself, whenever my mind went idle, like when trying to sleep, I would just get stuck thinking about how worthless and pathetic I was.

Then I met a girl, and things went horribly. it was just a cluster **** of bull**** for two years that ended with her and I making a clean mutual break from each other...and a few day later her trying to kill herself(due to consequences of something she did after the split) and me needing to literally patch her back up and take care of her for awhile.

A month or two passed and she got better, a mutual friend had a party we both went to and while there she just treated me like dirt. And thats it, I had enough, we went outside and we have an argument, she actually pushed me hard enough that I stood up for myself.

And that snapped me out of my 12 year depression. In the coming weeks I started to feel very different. No longer did I contemplat suicide, I didn't feel like there was something constantly squeezing my heart, still had the anxiety but the insomnia greatly lessened.

It was great...for a while. But a new issues come up. I've turned into my parents. I can no longer control my anger. I never feel the urge to become physically violent but I have absolutely no patience and cannot help but be...well an ******* to people who slight me in any way no matter how slight.

I hate it, this is honestly worse than before. I've been struggling with this for 2 years now and havent really made any headway. And worse yet I work in security, where my job is to be nice to *******s.

Oh boy. Much sympathy and many hugs to you. Abusive childhoods can really mess you up.

One thing I've learned, however, is: Deciding not to do something isn't enough. Deciding not to be angry and abusive like your parents is basically useless unless you develop the tools to do something differently. You'll still feel hurt, you'll still feel angry, and unless you replace the coping mechanisms your parents taught you with something more constructive, you'll just keep reproducing it.

Which is not your fault. It just means we can't produce perfect solutions and emotional responses out of thin air. You have work to do to get over this.

I half suspect that you weren't so much depressed as repressing everything that's now flooding out, but I'm no therapist, and we here can't diagnose. Either way, have you seen someone professional for the depression? Can you keep seeing that person? If not, are you at school and does the school have any counselors on standby? Does your budget allow you to go find proper help if free help isn't available?

Do you have a Team You? Friends and family members who you trust and with whom you could talk this through? Because your uncontrollably petty anger doesn't come from nowhere. It's likely a lifetime's worth of anger bubbling at the surface, and you need to deal with the actual anger, the one you feel towards your parents, your ex, probably yourself as well.

(and for the record, I know there's a lot of cultural pushback against it, but it's absolutely okay to be angry at ****ty parents)

I really, really, really recommend you find a professional. They can help you with cooldown methods, anger management, etc. Sometimes, just making that first bit of headway can be a tremendous help.

Because anger can be a force for good. Anger is what helps you stand up for yourself and others, and sometimes is the only way you'll get **** done. But you need to control it. Not repress it, not let it loose. Anger needs to be the fuel for constructive behaviours (such as standing up to abuse), but you need to learn those behaviours before anger can be helpful.

You can do it. It's hard work, and it's frustrating, but you deserve better than what your parents gave you. Go get it.

[Cristo Meyers]

Hey there! I'm having an issue I never expected to face and could use some advice.

as a child I was very emotional and my parents were very angry and harsh people, never physically abusive, and my mother only crossed the line to verbally or emotionally abusive a couple times, and I've always told myself I'd never become like that.

Well puberty hit and I developed some social anxiety issues, I did a complete 180 personality-wise, I became very withdrawn and quiet. The anxiety, the harsh parents and all the "fun' stuff one goes through in highschool caused me to fall into a very bad depression. From the time I was 14 to the time I was 26 not a day went by that I didn't think of killing myself, whenever my mind went idle, like when trying to sleep, I would just get stuck thinking about how worthless and pathetic I was.

Then I met a girl, and things went horribly. it was just a cluster **** of bull**** for two years that ended with her and I making a clean mutual break from each other...and a few day later her trying to kill herself(due to consequences of something she did after the split) and me needing to literally patch her back up and take care of her for awhile.

A month or two passed and she got better, a mutual friend had a party we both went to and while there she just treated me like dirt. And thats it, I had enough, we went outside and we have an argument, she actually pushed me hard enough that I stood up for myself.

And that snapped me out of my 12 year depression. In the coming weeks I started to feel very different. No longer did I contemplat suicide, I didn't feel like there was something constantly squeezing my heart, still had the anxiety but the insomnia greatly lessened.

It was great...for a while. But a new issues come up. I've turned into my parents. I can no longer control my anger. I never feel the urge to become physically violent but I have absolutely no patience and cannot help but be...well an ******* to people who slight me in any way no matter how slight.

I hate it, this is honestly worse than before. I've been struggling with this for 2 years now and havent really made any headway. And worse yet I work in security, where my job is to be nice to *******s.

Oh wow, I'll third the offering of support and sympathies. You've got a double-whammy here: anger couple with the fact that, as you've just discovered, standing up for yourself can feel pretty dang good.

I've had similar issues with my temper and anger issues, and still do. Definitely, definitely talk to a professional. It sounds like all of these things are relatively new to you, so you haven't developed the mechanisms other people have for dealing with them. Getting those is going to be the hardest part, because knowing how to do it logically isn't the same as actually developing the skill. It's going to take a lot of practice and bumps.

I can only talk from my own experience, and that does involve the urge to hit things so these may sound like overkill, but there are a few things I've found that can help when the temper starts to spike.

- Don't be afraid to just walk away. If something is really setting you off, then don't be afraid to get the heck out of that situation. Excuse yourself politely as possible and don't let yourself get roped back in until you're ready. "Hey, look, can a get a minute to take a breath?" works wonders in a lot of situations.

- Get a Place. A Place is someplace you can go where a) you can be alone to recoup and b) people know not to bother you when you're there. Doesn't have to be a room all your own, just someplace that you can go to calm down when you really need it.

- Find an activity that you enjoy that gets you on your own and make time to do it everyday. If you've been trying to get yourself into a gym (*raises hand*), this is a great time. It gives you a time to both do something you enjoy and calm down. Physical activity tends to be better, but not required.

[chainer1216]

Thanks for the well wishes everyone.

I wish I could go see a therapist, but funds are far too tight to allow that sadly.

And Team Chainer is pretty much nonexistent anymore. Best friend A joined the army and is currently deployed, Best Friend B decided we could no longer be friends due to differing political beliefs. I have plenty of other friends but no one my anxiety allows me to open up to.

And as for activities to relax with, I have plenty of them, video games, table top RPGs, martial arts, buildings things, but I just don't have time. I work 5 days a week and am on call the other two. I almost always work at least 60 hours a week.

[Serpentine]

*gasp*
Cristo Meyers! :O

Do have a good look at looking for professional or as-professional-as-possible help with it. There might be some free counselling services, or you could try a phone counselling service, or see if there's any support groups, or even just looking up some anger management websites might have something useful - I found a whole bunch (and a TV show) just by Googling "anger management" just now.

[JNAProductions]

Thanks for the well wishes everyone.

I wish I could go see a therapist, but funds are far too tight to allow that sadly.

And Team Chainer is pretty much nonexistent anymore. Best friend A joined the army and is currently deployed, Best Friend B decided we could no longer be friends due to differing political beliefs. I have plenty of other friends but no one my anxiety allows me to open up to.

And as for activities to relax with, I have plenty of them, video games, table top RPGs, martial arts, buildings things, but I just don't have time. I work 5 days a week and am on call the other two. I almost always work at least 60 hours a week.

*Offers extra hugs*

Best of luck to Best Friend A and to you.

And we here on the Playground will do what we can to help you out.

[Cristo Meyers]

Thanks for the well wishes everyone.

I wish I could go see a therapist, but funds are far too tight to allow that sadly.

And Team Chainer is pretty much nonexistent anymore. Best friend A joined the army and is currently deployed, Best Friend B decided we could no longer be friends due to differing political beliefs. I have plenty of other friends but no one my anxiety allows me to open up to.

And as for activities to relax with, I have plenty of them, video games, table top RPGs, martial arts, buildings things, but I just don't have time. I work 5 days a week and am on call the other two. I almost always work at least 60 hours a week.

Sorry to hear that. Try looking into volunteer helplines. There are almost always some and they can hopefully set you on a path to getting a handle on this.

It's good that you're trying now. The sooner you start, the easier it'll be.

Wish someone had impressed that one me back in the day.

*gasp*
Cristo Meyers! :O

Serp. Good to see you.

[Neftren]

Do you guys still do PMs? I've been in a rut lately, and would appreciate another person's perspective, only I'm not particularly comfortable posting on a publicly visible thread.

There might be an overlap with the Relationship Woes thread, but I thought I'd start here first ...

[lio45]

Sure, anytime.

And I'd go as far as saying you can probably look up who in previous pages officially said PMs were totally welcome (from memory, Glass Mouse, etc.) and feel free to PM them as well (I mean, you can simply copy/paste the same PM) to make sure you get a broad range of opinions.

[Alent]

Mhh, feeling kind of lost right about now.

Spoiler

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So... I've mentioned it before, but some 12~13 years ago (I'm... not even sure when exactly it happened anymore.) I maimed my right wrist and elbow tripping up the stairs. Two months ago I did the same thing in reverse: I fell downstairs and messed up my left wrist and elbow.

The first injury ended up becoming permanent and it pretty much ruined my original career plans. The injury isn't THAT bad, but it forced me to all but stop drawing and even now my entire right arm gets sore and cramps up just from drawing, carrying light weights for any length of time, or playing a video game. The first doctor I saw misdiagnosed it, and so the next seven years were spent bouncing from specialist to specialist, five of those years without medical insurance. Turns out I had an injury common to mountain climbing, and it became permanent when it didn't need to be, because of that bloody misdiagnosis. (Having a 1% reaction to Vioxx when it was prescribed didn't help much, either. In hindsight, I should have participated in that class action lawsuit.)

The depression from living with that's been bad enough, but now, with something wrong with the other wrist... I just feel lost. I've got an appointment next week with what should be one of the better wrist specialists in the region, but the nervousness is just... eating at me. It seemed like my wrist was getting better for a few weeks, then it started to get worse. I'm down to lifting heavy things with my right arm again, which is causing other problems and pain.

I don't even know what to do anymore. I'm self employed, so it's not like I can just take off sick and try to recover, there's literally no one else to do the work other than competition, which is fairly high around here with all the unemployed and underemployed IT people. Even worse, if this takes surgery, my family will probably be out of town when it happens and during the recovery window.

I've got a bunch of stuff going RIGHT, right now, but the anxiety from this is making me feel like it's all fake or about to go away. (As if my impostor syndrome wasn't bad enough already.)

[Lycunadari]

So, a bit of an update from me:

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So, in early December I had a first appointment with the neurologist, (or rather with his replacement because he was on a congress or something, and this was the only way they could see me before the new year). She also thought that my health problems just come from depression and being lazy/inactivity (because I couldn't reach the floor with my hands, which I never could and aside from my mom no one in my family can, even my sister who used to do yoga and even has some hyper mobile joints (wrists, mostly)). So she just prescribed my an antidepressant (though only a tiny dose because I'm underweight) and told me to go for walks. Great. (Also, I think she diagnosed me with social phobia, but not sure. But I've suspected that for a long time, so no surprise there.) For the first 3 weeks the AD at least helped with my insomnia and made me tired ( I slept about 11 hours per day over the holidays), but now it's not even doing that anymore and I'm back to laying awake for hours every night. And I had a massive depression spike last week. She said I can up the dose a bit after a while so I'll do this tomorrow (I want to wait for the weekend in case I sleep so much again). And I'll probably ask the neurologist (the "right" one) during my next appointment in February if I can try a different one.

Additionally, I've been seeing a doctor for traditionally chinese medicine since October (don't worry, he's not some charlatan, he is a regular doctor just with further training for TCM). And while I'm a bit sceptical of things like acupuncture, at least he takes me seriously and that counts for a lot. I'll spare you my "diagnosis" I got from him, because that would be too long to explain here and I didn't quite understand everything myself. But he prescribed my some herb stuff I have to drink every day, I go to acupuncture every week and have some qui gong exercised I'm do every day (when I remember). So far, I haven't seen much improvement - my joints have gotten maybe a bit better, but I still have really bad days and I'm still tired all the time. Only thing that has gotten better is my nausea that often made it hard to eat anything. So that's something. I plan on asking him next week if/when I can expect to actually see positive changes. On Tuesday I also had an appointment with a TCM nutritionist, who thankfully didn't tell me to do anything drastic. The most I have to change is to eat less bread, especially wheat, and instead try to eat more warm meals. And cut out milk products as far as possible, which makes me (apart from eggs) basically vegan. Whelp. But I don't have to be strict, and I've played with the thought of becoming vegan before, so it's not that bad.

So while I do get some treatment now, I'd still like to know what is actually causing my issues, because I still really don't believe it's "only" depression. And telling people that my zang spleen and fu stomach are weak and I have to little xue (or something like that :P ) when they ask what's wrong with me is kinda awkward. I've read up some more on fibromyalgia, and the more I read about it, including discriptions written by people who actually have it, the more I think it could be the cause of my issues.

Spoiler: Symptom list from wikipedia (I know, I know), I've bolded the ones I have

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The defining symptoms of fibromyalgia are chronic widespread pain, fatigue, sleep disturbance, and heightened pain in response to tactile pressure (allodynia). Other symptoms may include tingling of the skin (paresthesias), prolonged muscle spasms, weakness in the limbs, nerve pain, muscle twitching, palpitations, and functional bowel disturbances.

Many people experience cognitive dysfunction (known as "fibrofog"), which may be characterized by impaired concentration,problems with short and long-term memory, short-term memory consolidation, impaired speed of performance, inability to multi-task, cognitive overload, and diminished attention span. Fibromyalgia is often associated with anxiety and depressive symptoms.

Other symptoms often attributed to fibromyalgia that may be due to a comorbid disorder include myofascial pain syndrome, also referred to as chronic myofascial pain, diffuse non-dermatomal paresthesias, functional bowel disturbances and irritable bowel syndrome, genitourinary symptoms and interstitial cystitis, dermatological disorders, headaches, myoclonic twitches, and symptomatic hypoglycemia. Although fibromyalgia is classified based on the presence of chronic widespread pain, pain may also be localized in areas such as the shoulders, neck, low back, hips, or other areas. Many sufferers also experience varying degrees of myofascial pain and have high rates of comorbid temporomandibular joint dysfunction.

So, my actual question this time is: do you think I should bring fibro up with my doctor (the TCM one. Or maybe my GP? I haven't seen her since October after the awful rheumy appointment, so I think she doesn't even know I've been seeing the TCM doctor. Whoops.)? I don't know how much he knows about it, and if he even does proper diagnosises (sp?). Also, there isn't a cure for fibro, so he prolly wouldn't be able to do much more that what he's already doing. And I don't want to appear like a hypochondriac who just looks up illnesses on the internet and is then convinced they have it...

[HammeredWharf]

So, my actual question this time is: do you think I should bring fibro up with my doctor (the TCM one. Or maybe my GP? I haven't seen her since October after the awful rheumy appointment, so I think she doesn't even know I've been seeing the TCM doctor. Whoops.)? I don't know how much he knows about it, and if he even does proper diagnosises (sp?). Also, there isn't a cure for fibro, so he prolly wouldn't be able to do much more that what he's already doing. And I don't want to appear like a hypochondriac who just looks up illnesses on the internet and is then convinced they have it...

Well, you'd have to hope it's not fibro, because no one knows what fibro is, but bringing it up shouldn't hurt. Sounds like your exercises are helping, if even a bit. If you've made noticeable progress in a bit over a month, that's already something, even though it might not feel like it. Other than that, treating symptoms is often a good idea while awaiting further info, so you could try paracetamol and maybe some sleep meds, if you haven't already. After all, while MDD is a thing you could also simply be feeling like crap because of joint pain and lack of sleep.

[Alent]

So, my actual question this time is: do you think I should bring fibro up with my doctor (the TCM one. Or maybe my GP? I haven't seen her since October after the awful rheumy appointment, so I think she doesn't even know I've been seeing the TCM doctor. Whoops.)? I don't know how much he knows about it, and if he even does proper diagnosises (sp?). Also, there isn't a cure for fibro, so he prolly wouldn't be able to do much more that what he's already doing. And I don't want to appear like a hypochondriac who just looks up illnesses on the internet and is then convinced they have it...

None of this is to be taken as gospel medical advice, because not only am I not a doctor, but I am largely basing these "go see a specialist" suggestions based on experience with my mother's fibromyalgia. First, you should be careful with the F word. Fibromyalgia tends to be an "I don't know" diagnosis when the above symptoms aren't caused by anything else. Jumping straight to an "I don't know" answer is a good way to miss something.

You might try to get tested for Allergies. Many people with bad allergies end up suffering Fibromyalgia, which has lead some to speculate that it's a form of allergic reaction. If you have allergies, start cutting as many of the allergens out of your lifestyle, and sometimes that can help. (Also, I've known a few people who swear by the belief that Fibromyalgia is an allergic reaction to stress hormones.)

From my experience with my mother's Fibromyalgia and allergies, Get a sleep study done and make sure you don't have some kind of sleeping disorder. Mom's fibromyalgia does better on a non-standard sleep schedule. That goes hand in hand with minimizing stress.

You might also look into Probiotic supplements. There's something called Leaky Gut Syndrome (Which I assume is what your Chinese practitioner is attempting to describe, based on what comes up when I google "Fu stomach".) that benefits from probiotics and digestive supplements. Stress causes all sorts of stomach problems, so alleviating those symptoms can help you live normally while you work out your stressors.

So... I wouldn't be surprised if your neurologist is on the mark, no matter how crazy her belief about being able to touch the ground with your fingers is.

[Lycunadari]

None of this is to be taken as gospel medical advice, because not only am I not a doctor, but I am largely basing these "go see a specialist" suggestions based on experience with my mother's fibromyalgia. First, you should be careful with the F word. Fibromyalgia tends to be an "I don't know" diagnosis when the above symptoms aren't caused by anything else. Jumping straight to an "I don't know" answer is a good way to miss something.

I'm aware. You probably haven't read my other posts here from a few months ago - I've been tested for a ton of things, and all the tests came back normal - that's why I'm even considering fibro - because it's something you can have while all your blood tests are normal.

You might try to get tested for Allergies. Many people with bad allergies end up suffering Fibromyalgia, which has lead some to speculate that it's a form of allergic reaction. If you have allergies, start cutting as many of the allergens out of your lifestyle, and sometimes that can help. (Also, I've known a few people who swear by the belief that Fibromyalgia is an allergic reaction to stress hormones.)

I don't have any allergies that I know of (I can't eat pineapple- I get stomach cramps from it. But I'm not even sure if that's an allergy.) And I've never had any of the typical allergy symptoms (rashes, running nose from grass pollen and such). So unless it's some strange allergy that mostly shows through joint/muscle pain, sleeping problems and fatigue, I don't think that's it.

From my experience with my mother's Fibromyalgia and allergies, Get a sleep study done and make sure you don't have some kind of sleeping disorder. Mom's fibromyalgia does better on a non-standard sleep schedule. That goes hand in hand with minimizing stress.

Yeah, I want to get a sleep study done some time - I already asked my GP about it, but she said I should discuss it with the neuro, but I forgot with all the other stuff when I was there. Hopefully I'll remember next time.

You might also look into Probiotic supplements. There's something called Leaky Gut Syndrome (Which I assume is what your Chinese practitioner is attempting to describe, based on what comes up when I google "Fu stomach".) that benefits from probiotics and digestive supplements. Stress causes all sorts of stomach problems, so alleviating those symptoms can help you live normally while you work out your stressors.

So... I wouldn't be surprised if your neurologist is on the mark, no matter how crazy her belief about being able to touch the ground with your fingers is

Nope, that's like the opposite of what the TCM doctor meant. I have a "weak middle", meaning my stomach has troubles getting all the qi/energy from the food, so other parts of the body don't get enough, leading the ... I think it was liver to "overreact", leading to the joint pain. But the chinese "organs" (it's called different, but I don't know which terms are used in English) don't actually represent the actual organs (meaning, having problems with say, zang heart doesn't mean you have actual heart problems, it just means something is wrong with the things heart represents, and the word "heart" is just the closest translation. At least that's how I understood it. I study biology, I understand more of real organs. )
I actually took some probiotics after a (probably useless) antibiotic treatment last august (when I was still believed to have lyme).

I'm aware stress can cause stomach problems - I have pretty bad anxiety, and sometimes I get stomach ache and nausea in stressful situations. But that's exactly the reason why I don't think it's all caused by my mental illnesses: I know the physical problems I get from anxiety and depression (said stomach aches and nausea). But joint pain? Muscle pain? To the point where I can hardly walk? That simply doesn't feel like depression to me, especially because it started when my mental heath was getting /better/. (During the summer, when university was fun and interesting, I started finding friends here and was generally in a good head space. That was when my physical health started to get worse, and continued to get worse during the 2 1/2 months of free time where I literally had no stress at all - but was still in pain all the time. Of course I'm stressed now- uni is hard when you can't concentrate, don't have energy for anything and are in pain.)

[sktarq]

Fibro. This is a troublesome one. I don't know how it is in Germany but in my neck of the woods Fibro has become the go to diagnosis for doctors. It has become the - here is a diagnosis so I don't have to deal with you - version of medicine. My girlfriend, her mom, two aunts (on her dad's side), her grandmother, and nephew have all been diagnosed with it in the last seven years. . . Genetic issues have been deemed "unlikely" by my GF's doc. Plus a few other people. So I'd recommend ignoring a fibro diagnosis for as long as you can and keep plugging away at options. Besides Opioid addiction I've never seen any change come from a fibro diagnosis.

[\vent] of course your mileage may vary

[cavalieredraghi]

I have been having an issue in a number of different games here. I am too connected to my characters. When ever my character is slighted I feel slighted. I know I should not feel this way, and it is not the fault of the other players. I am not sure what to do anymore, I just need advice.

[WarKitty]

How do you handle feeling really bad about your body? I got yet another "you're what, 16, right?" the other day and it's really bothering me. How am I supposed to get a job when I look like I haven't finished high school? How am I supposed to meet people in real life that aren't creeps?

[dehro]

How do you handle feeling really bad about your body? I got yet another "you're what, 16, right?" the other day and it's really bothering me. How am I supposed to get a job when I look like I haven't finished high school? How am I supposed to meet people in real life that aren't creeps?

my cousin had the problem until her mid/late twenties, with people constantly confusing her for being about 15.. eventually she outgrew it.. but I know it was a constant source of irritation. I don't think she did anything particularly clever other than using make-up and dressing like an adult.. eventually people caught up. I don't know that it ever hindered her in a job application.

[WarKitty]

my cousin had the problem until her mid/late twenties, with people constantly confusing her for being about 15.. eventually she outgrew it.. but I know it was a constant source of irritation. I don't think she did anything particularly clever other than using make-up and dressing like an adult.. eventually people caught up. I don't know that it ever hindered her in a job application.

Well I've definitely hit the "late twenties" part already.

Feeling a bit better now (I think I was having a bad reaction to some meds), but I take words of encouragement.

[lio45]

Well I've definitely hit the "late twenties" part already.

Feeling a bit better now (I think I was having a bad reaction to some meds), but I take words of encouragement.

Try to look at it the other way -- isn't it great to look younger? Untold amounts of women are collectively spending billions of dollars every year to that very end... and you're outperforming them for free ;)

Some relatives who live pretty far away got to meet my gf (early thirties just like me) during the Christmas holidays for the first time, and thought she was in college... totally made her day (in a positive way).

For most of your life, you'll likely be glad you can pass off as younger. Since you're not there yet, I suppose all you have to do is keep that in mind :)

[WarKitty]

Try to look at it the other way -- isn't it great to look younger? Untold amounts of women are collectively spending billions of dollars every year to that very end... and you're outperforming them for free ;)

Some relatives who live pretty far away got to meet my gf (early thirties just like me) during the Christmas holidays for the first time, and thought she was in college... totally made her day (in a positive way).

For most of your life, you'll likely be glad you can pass off as younger. Since you're not there yet, I suppose all you have to do is keep that in mind :)

Not really. I think the "wanting to look younger" phenomenon is another aspect of the whole "women should want to look pretty and aging makes you ugly", which is frankly kind of toxic. It's a societal shame that we spend so much effort looking young and tell women that looking their age is a bad thing. I'd rather look like I have the experience I actually do under my belt, you know?

And I could especially do without being hit on by obnoxious teenagers.

[Ifni]

I'm in my early thirties, and if I wear jeans and a T-shirt and put my hair in a ponytail, I still get mistaken for a young teenager. I'm average height for a woman, but I only wear flat shoes (so I look shorter relative to women in heels), and I'm pretty skinny and flat-chested. Even dressing slightly more formally (i.e. jeans and a fitted shirt or blouse), and pinning my hair up, I get "So are you an undergraduate here?" (I'm actually a professor.) But at least then I'm being mistaken for a 20-year-old, not a 12-year-old.

Do you own a suit? I know they're hard to afford if you're having financial trouble, but a well-fitted suit makes it very hard for people to see you as "just a kid" unless they're being deliberately rude - when I did scholarship interviews for grad school (in my early 20s), I wore slacks and a sleeveless top for the first one and a suit for the second one, and it made quite a difference to both my own self-confidence and how the interview committee saw me. (I got the second scholarship, didn't get the first.)

I have a friend with the same issue - she found that having long hair and pinning it up, wearing a smart jacket (the kind of jacket that would go ok with a suit, even if you're not wearing a suit), and a bit of makeup did wonders in communicating I Am An Adult Professional, Please Treat Me As One. A stylish short haircut can work as well - I just don't go that route because my hair is unmanageable when it's short.

[lio45]

Not really. I think the "wanting to look younger" phenomenon is another aspect of the whole "women should want to look pretty and aging makes you ugly", which is frankly kind of toxic.

Both genders are affected by this phenomenon, and for the record I'd have made the exact same comment to a guy complaining about being too baby-faced. In fact I have a buddy who used to dislike that (he still can't grow a beard in his 30s and probably never will) but now he likes it whenever he gets carded.

Most people don't like the idea of getting old, and most people's looks (on a neutral evaluation chart) deteriorate with aging. If the latter fact is considered "toxic", well, too bad, but that's how things are.

Getting hit on is also pretty much unavoidable. Might depend on where you hang out, but again, it's not something you should be complaining about. By that, I mean that it's something you can fix, if you want, but that would come with other new drawbacks.

And if you are actually looking forward to aging faster... may I suggest starting to chain smoke cigarettes? That would work. :P

[dehro]

Both genders are affected by this phenomenon

I don't know how I forgot about that... I work in sales. Until I was 25, during trade shows, the only times I would be taken as seriously as my position demands (as in "no, I'm not here to bring you coffee or to take notes, I'm actually the guy you need to talk to"), would be when I was sporting a beard, so I couldn't be mistaken for an 18yo. Luckily growing a beard was never a problem, and now my face has aged to a point where even without one I can't pass for a student anymore. The first grey hairs showing up early helps too