Personal Woes and Advice 4

[Eldariel]

Thank you for the advice, Chen. This is not my major, but my minor, so I could study something else as my minor, but that would postpone my graduation. The thing is that I want to study this discipline, but one of the primary teachers is straight from your worst nightmares. I spoke with a friend of mine, who has the same major but different minor, and his minor is considerably harder than mine. His minor is philosophy and he has to study like a madman. My minor is very easy, but the teacher is a madwoman. So I don't know which is worse.

Is this the general opinion? Can you perhaps just alter your point of view to make her more tolerable to you? Or can you just take book exams? I know I've mostly skipped courses I don't feel like attending by just taking the book exam, though I've yet to encounter a prof I couldn't get along with. If you need to be present on the courses, I recommend you should probably just strive to focus on her positives and avoid interaction in the lecture if possible. From the prof's point of view, they are usually too busy to antagonize individual students so chances are you'll be fine if you just let things slide.

[Icewraith]

What did you guys do in college when you had a teacher who was absolutely horrendous?

I have the same teacher, whom I can't stand, in four courses, and I can barely tolerate her lack of pedagogical talent, interpersonal skills, her voice and her general level of sanity. I don't know what to do. I have to finish all her courses in order to graduate.

Finish all her courses and graduate.

Make sure any assignments are done at a high level of quality so you don't need to go to office hours or otherwise unnecessarily interact with her.

If you have questions about her competence, double-check your notes for errors.

But otherwise- you're going to have to deal with this person without ticking them off even though you don't like them. It's a part of the real world managing to intrude on your college experience. It's a necessary skillset.

[Jon_Dahl]

Is this the general opinion? Can you perhaps just alter your point of view to make her more tolerable to you? Or can you just take book exams? I know I've mostly skipped courses I don't feel like attending by just taking the book exam, though I've yet to encounter a prof I couldn't get along with. If you need to be present on the courses, I recommend you should probably just strive to focus on her positives and avoid interaction in the lecture if possible. From the prof's point of view, they are usually too busy to antagonize individual students so chances are you'll be fine if you just let things slide.

Important questions! Her courses have almost no students, and the average is around four or five students per class. I know that one student quit all her courses early on and she said that the teacher was "irritating" in her opinion. I kind of felt sorry for the teacher when she asked us if we knew why the student wasn't attending her classes anymore. Other students seem very flexible and they could never view her critically, so I guess they are ok with her. The book exam idea is excellent but also difficult! It's because the exam books are mostly not available in my country. I would say that about 90% of the books are not sold here (that includes library loans). And about antagonizing individual students... I think that she thinks that she is lecturing to dozens of students, so from her point of view you are correct. Unfortunately, it's just me and maybe one or two other students, so yeah... Antagonizing is all over the place.

[Jon_Dahl]

Finish all her courses and graduate.

Make sure any assignments are done at a high level of quality so you don't need to go to office hours or otherwise unnecessarily interact with her.

If you have questions about her competence, double-check your notes for errors.

But otherwise- you're going to have to deal with this person without ticking them off even though you don't like them. It's a part of the real world managing to intrude on your college experience. It's a necessary skillset.

I hear you, Icewraith. I guess that is how I have to do it, but it just hurts my soul, my essence, my brain, my intestines, my molecules, my ki, my everything. It's just awful. You know?

[factotum]

I hear you, Icewraith. I guess that is how I have to do it, but it just hurts my soul, my essence, my brain, my intestines, my molecules, my ki, my everything. It's just awful. You know?

Same thing applies if you end up getting someone you dislike intensely as your manager when you start a job--you pretty much have to make it work regardless, or else quit and find another job.

[Jon_Dahl]

Same thing applies if you end up getting someone you dislike intensely as your manager when you start a job--you pretty much have to make it work regardless, or else quit and find another job.

Yeah, but at least finding someone like her should be a one-in-a-million incident. That comforts me a little bit.

[Thundercracker]

What did you guys do in college when you had a teacher who was absolutely horrendous?

I have the same teacher, whom I can't stand, in four courses, and I can barely tolerate her lack of pedagogical talent, interpersonal skills, her voice and her general level of sanity. I don't know what to do. I have to finish all her courses in order to graduate.

Suck it up and get through it. Keep a record (with dates) of all the ridiculous things she says and does, including to other students, just in case she tries to deny anything. Save emails and correspondence from her as evidence if you can.

Other than that you're going to have to learn to deal with people you don't like in your professional life. Might as well get a start now when it has less of an impact.

[dehro]

Just to understand... Would this be the same Portuguese teacher that you don't find very good on account of your experience with the language being different and who ignored your confrontation with the other student? The one you wished deportation on?

[Jon_Dahl]

Oh yes, I just heard that one of her courses will be two months shorter than planned and the rest of it will be done with a book exam! I'm so happy! I have never heard of such sudden change before, I find this very peculiar... It's not even because of lack of students, because the registration period for that course has not even begun! So they cut the course down to half, before anyone could even register... My imagination is running wild here.

[Eldariel]

Oh yes, I just heard that one of her courses will be two months shorter than planned and the rest of it will be done with a book exam! I'm so happy! I have never heard of such sudden change before, I find this very peculiar... It's not even because of lack of students, because the registration period for that course has not even begun! So they cut the course down to half, before anyone could even register... My imagination is running wild here.

Probably related to the governmental university cuts and changes in the system around here. At least my uni (the University of Helsinki) is basically redesigning everything from the ground up, and courses under the old system are thus getting cut down to size with minimal resources.

[Jon_Dahl]

Probably related to the governmental university cuts and changes in the system around here. At least my uni (the University of Helsinki) is basically redesigning everything from the ground up, and courses under the old system are thus getting cut down to size with minimal resources.

You're absolutely right, I will still let my imagination run ;)

Just to understand... Would this be the same Portuguese teacher that you don't find very good on account of your experience with the language being different and who ignored your confrontation with the other student? The one you wished deportation on?

I will keep the truth a secret :P

[FinnLassie]

Psychological testing/mental health assessment coming up next month. Can't wait for those questionnaires, apparently one of them has ~350 questions... apparently the reason I'm going to go through these is because I've had a psychosis type of an experience... though I bet this would've come up anyways...

[HalfTangible]

Psychological testing/mental health assessment coming up next month. Can't wait for those questionnaires, apparently one of them has ~350 questions... apparently the reason I'm going to go through these is because I've had a psychosis type of an experience... though I bet this would've come up anyways...

I took a mental health test like this once. They stopped when I was tired, if that helps.

[FinnLassie]

I took a mental health test like this once. They stopped when I was tired, if that helps.

Yeah... I just kinda don't get it. We've got two appointments booked which make 5 hours altogether. No idea how well my concentration is gonna behave in those circumstances.

[Icewraith]

Yeah... I just kinda don't get it. We've got two appointments booked which make 5 hours altogether. No idea how well my concentration is gonna behave in those circumstances.

Eh, just do your best, be honest, and try to be consistent. Personally, any question I feel that the answer is "it's complicated" I just take my best guess and circle the question number.

[WarKitty]

So it's been hell today. Got into an argument with my mother last night. Well she was fussing at me for snapping at her. I ended up crying and hyperventilating a bit because I was upset. I get frustrated because I feel like much of the time when I say no to something, there ends up being something wrong with my approach.

So mom got mad at me for "throwing a temper tantrum" because I was crying and hyperventilating. I ended up in my room and was kind of muttering to myself, and mom got even madder at me because she overheard. She ended up dragging me out of my room and telling me I had to go to a hotel for the night.

[TechnOkami]

So it's been hell today. Got into an argument with my mother last night. Well she was fussing at me for snapping at her. I ended up crying and hyperventilating a bit because I was upset. I get frustrated because I feel like much of the time when I say no to something, there ends up being something wrong with my approach.

So mom got mad at me for "throwing a temper tantrum" because I was crying and hyperventilating. I ended up in my room and was kind of muttering to myself, and mom got even madder at me because she overheard. She ended up dragging me out of my room and telling me I had to go to a hotel for the night.

If it's any consolation, I've never met your parents and I immediately dislike them.

I'm sorry about your generally sh!tty situation. Many hugs.

[Swenner]

If you have a problem, go fix it. Your therapist isn't there to live your life, you are.

Whining about feeling lonely won't help your life be what you want it to be. Unless you want your life to just be moping about loneliness.

You've obviously never suffered from depression. If only your suggested course of action were that easy.

[Alent]

Aiee... anxiety fun. I managed to fall while picking something up yesterday, and really tweaked the wrist my doctor operated on a week ago. Cast and sling helped protect it, but I'm scared I undid all the things he repaired since it'd stopped hurting and now has a dull ache and tugging sensations that don't seem to be fading as fast as it seems like they should.

I've got a call in to the doc to see if I need to have him check it out earlier than the two week mark, but I'm scared that I might have messed it up again, or even worse.

[Icewraith]

You've obviously never suffered from depression. If only your suggested course of action were that easy.

No, this is at least partially correct. At some point you'll need to gather yourself for a big push to get through doing something your depression insists will be terrible. Depression is hard because positive action is hard to take, but positive action is one of the best things you can do for yourself if you suffer from depression. It breaks up the mental cycle of being too afraid of failure to get anything done and thinking you're a failure because you can't get anything done.

[WarKitty]

So my basic problem right now is stress relief. Simply put, I don't feel like I have any outlet that's really working. My benzos aren't cutting it and I can't seem to get a doctor to listen to me long enough to mess with meds (plus I can't afford to see one until January). Therapy for me has varied between laughably ineffective to actively detrimental, mostly the latter. I have no one in real life to talk to and no time to go make friends because freaking everything is in the evenings or weekend times when I work. And when I'm not working I don't have a car so I can't really go anywhere, even if I had the time.

And I just don't know what to do.

[Pyromancer999]

So my basic problem right now is stress relief. Simply put, I don't feel like I have any outlet that's really working. My benzos aren't cutting it and I can't seem to get a doctor to listen to me long enough to mess with meds (plus I can't afford to see one until January). Therapy for me has varied between laughably ineffective to actively detrimental, mostly the latter. I have no one in real life to talk to and no time to go make friends because freaking everything is in the evenings or weekend times when I work. And when I'm not working I don't have a car so I can't really go anywhere, even if I had the time.

And I just don't know what to do.

Are you able to get out and jog/walk/bike? Regular exercise can help people feel better(Endorphins and all that), plus those can also be a good way to expand your travel radius as you build up endurance, although how much so does rely on the time you have available and how easy it is to walk about.

Another option I've found to be good is reading. Granted, you have established you don't have much mobility, but if you can get a ride to your local library every once in a while, you can always stock up on books to read.

[Lissou]

Another option I've found to be good is reading. Granted, you have established you don't have much mobility, but if you can get a ride to your local library every once in a while, you can always stock up on books to read.

Many libraries nowadays offer ebooks that you can borrow on line and read on all sorts of devices. I favor ebook readers, but you can also read them on a computer, phone or tabler. You don't have to leave the house at all for those.

[WarKitty]

Is it stupid of me to get anxious when I see somebody has read my message but hasn't responded (and has changed their avatar or username or something)? Even though they've explained that sometimes they just want to keep to themselves and not talk? To feel like they do want to talk to people, just not with me?

If it helps, you're not the only one.

[Lethologica]

Is it stupid of me to get anxious when I see somebody has read my message but hasn't responded (and has changed their avatar or username or something)? Even though they've explained that sometimes they just want to keep to themselves and not talk? To feel like they do want to talk to people, just not with me?

No, it's not stupid--and that anxiety is why social media implemented that feature in the first place, to pressure people to respond or send more messages. Knowing it's manipulation by a third party may help you avoid pinning undue responsibility on the person you're talking with.

[Comrade]

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[FinnLassie]

Spoiler: might not be the best for the squeamish

Show

I am feeling physically sick due to anxiety. I was vomiting on Thursday and only realised that it was due to anxiety after I started going through what was scheduled for the next day (an exam followed by therapy, what a combo). I got a bit better on Friday as it eas reeeally snowing outside and my weekend had been going well... until I realised that I have psychological testing at 8.30am. Now it's about 1am and have already had a few tastes of spew... so I guess I will be throwing up soon. I don't think I will make it tomorrow. Today. Ugh.

[Grytorm]

Hmm. I have arguably a minor problem. I'm often somewhat aware of people's likely ethnic heritage when it is rather distant from typical white European. Twice lately I have got into minor squabbles with my family members when telling an anecdote about my day I include this detail without any other major physical characteristics except gender unless it is directly relevant. Both times they were fairly upset about that. I understand why and really agree with their arguments. But it was still frustrating. Responses?

[HalfTangible]

Hmm. I have arguably a minor problem. I'm often somewhat aware of people's likely ethnic heritage when it is rather distant from typical white European. Twice lately I have got into minor squabbles with my family members when telling an anecdote about my day I include this detail without any other major physical characteristics except gender unless it is directly relevant. Both times they were fairly upset about that. I understand why and really agree with their arguments. But it was still frustrating. Responses?

"This house looks like a bunch of dirty [n-words] live here!" -My dad

Tell your folks to care less about using physical descriptions that just happen to include race.

[Comrade]

Spoiler: might not be the best for the squeamish

Show

I am feeling physically sick due to anxiety. I was vomiting on Thursday and only realised that it was due to anxiety after I started going through what was scheduled for the next day (an exam followed by therapy, what a combo). I got a bit better on Friday as it eas reeeally snowing outside and my weekend had been going well... until I realised that I have psychological testing at 8.30am. Now it's about 1am and have already had a few tastes of spew... so I guess I will be throwing up soon. I don't think I will make it tomorrow. Today. Ugh.

Jeez, I'm sorry to hear you were feeling so crappy... I hope you made it through okay?