Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition IV: Just what Doc Ordered

[Taet]

P3: And now your robot kitty is all drugged up. He's probably just sitting and watching the sparkly lights.
P5: No, no, he's chasing the sparkly lights! Like a laser pointer! He's running around in circles chasing his own tail! /spins finger around

P5: This is how you tell the difference. You take a little hammer, and you hit it. If it goes 'clang', it is probably a construct. Move the hammer a little and hit it again. If it ever at any point says 'ow', it is probably living.

P3: [derpy voice] Now I'm going to do lots of damage to you...
/game breaks for a minute while P3 & P5 get the giggles

P2: I just want to burn things!
P5: But this table is made out of metal--
P2: There's terrain on it. That's flammable.
P3: And there's plywood on top of it.
P5: Oh, that's a relief. If you were talking about melting the metal I'd have to question your choice of accelerant.

P1: I don't mind if you chew the scenery, as long as you repair and repaint it afterward...

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

All it needs now is a unicorn!
There we have it

Hee hee. The GM got a good one right there. :3

Grok: Can Grok fit in box?

If Grok fits, Grok sits?

P5: This is how you tell the difference. You take a little hammer, and you hit it. If it goes 'clang', it is probably a construct. Move the hammer a little and hit it again. If it ever at any point says 'ow', it is probably living.

This sounds exactly as one of my players would. :3

---

Morning: *Pulls out accessories from a chic saddlebag, nearly identical in color, though one is obviously scarlet and the other is most definitely crimson. She pulls out another scarf, this one a deep Tyrian red*
Morning: “I have brought everything that I think I will need - a scarf... a shawl... and another scarf... you know, it is true what they say: you can never have too many accessories.”

Gizmo: “Gizmo is going to pick up a few books, a few on dead languages (you never know, ancient city of alicorns and all) and some on marelantis (if they have the Shepard's Journal I want it).”
GM: “You do realize that the archive is essentially a library, right? They're not gonna let you cart out an entire wing worth of books, even if it is for the sake of Equestria.”

Gizmo: “Genealogy is a fun subject, und you can learn a lot about your family from it.”
Reuben: “Genieology? Like, the wish-granting kind?”

Gizmo: “"How do you suppose it sank all those centuries ago?”
Autumn: “I imagine Windsoar sank in the usual way. It crashed into the ocean and didn't float.”

Reuben: “Since it'll be supper soon, how about I cheer you up with something home cooked? As in, a more homely dish.”
Calamity: “A homely......dish.....?”
Reuben: “The fancy food the train serves is quite nice, but sometimes a simple dish brings about a joy you simply cannot find in an expensive meal.”
Calamity: *Looks past Reuben, directly at Autumn, with an expression that seems to ask 'was he just trying to hit on me?'*
Reuben: *Pokerface.jpg*

Gizmo: “I think even Twilight would say you have enough books.”
Reuben: “I would be worried if Twilight ever said that.”

[RCgothic]

Gizmo: “"How do you suppose it sank all those centuries ago?”
Autumn: “I imagine Windsoar sank in the usual way. It crashed into the ocean and didn't float.”

Hehe. These are fun to be reminded of.

[goto124]

Gizmo: “I think even Twilight would say you have enough books.”
Reuben: “I would be worried if Twilight ever said that.”

Any relation to the Twilight series?

[RCgothic]

Any relation to the Twilight series?

Nope.

Spoiler

Show

[DigoDragon]

Hehe. These are fun to be reminded of.

They really are. Plus, it helps me remember little things I may have forgotten, like certain names or places, that might show up again. ^^

Any relation to the Twilight series?

We did encounter a vampire once (vampony?)... didn't sparkle though.

[GrayGriffin]

Jericho: “Ha ha! Villians in the night, consider yourselves warned! You are surrounded by me, the great Sniper King, and my eight thousand followers!”
Mike: * As your words echo out, you hear gasps of surprise, and the bushes just erupt in immediate, hurried conversation.
Mike: “Should we run?” “No, you idiot, he’s bluffing!” “B-but eight thousand men!” “Like he’s got even eight!”

Jericho: “You cannot run from justice and his eight thousand followers!”

Surolam: “You should really have listened to what my dear King had to say.” Surolam steps out, walking as regally as she can, raising her hands so that her clawed nails are clearly visible. “You are hardly worth the time it would take for him to eliminate you.” She bares her teeth at Thief 1 all of a sudden. “I suppose we shall have to do it in his stead.”
Rook Gunner 1: “Uh, guys, is she gettin’… pointier?”

[Milodiah]

PC1: "Hey, buddy, ya seen a vomitin' gangster round here?"

PC1: "There ya are, Mike! What happened?"
PC2: "I read dis book, an' I jus' started pukin'. Plus mah mind is merged with tha infinite!"
PC1: "That sounds bad for ya."
PC2: "Yeah...BLUUUUUUUUGH!"

[AdmiralCheez]

Nadarr: Well, we don't have any paddles, but we have a few obnoxious warhammers. That's close enough, right?


Julio: When I say "No hitchhikers," I mean it!
DM: Except now it's skewered to the deck and can't move.


Nadarr: Yes, let's take out our junk in the Lake of Eats Everything.
(beat)
Nadarr (OOC): Oh, sorry mom, I forgot you were in another voice channel.

DM: Your glowing bar of soap now purges invisibility.

[kopout]

Party: Do you know why the hobgoblins were after you?
White dragon: I duno, I prolly ate someone I shouldn't of.


[Telepath attempts to contact the dragon]
Dragon: Oh, ****, the voices are back.

[JohnTheSavage]

"I'm starting to consider the bizarre idea that I'm not perfect!"

[DigoDragon]

GM: “Cassidy just has enough responsibility in her to cover for both herself and her druggie of a sibling.”
Viridia: “Give [Strawberry] to Viridia. She knows how to handle druggies.”

GM: “Doc could probably crib some sweet medical gear from Stitchheart if he just asked, given that she's convinced he's a nurse of some kind.”
Doc: *Glare*

GM: “Fan Knife is easily the most dangerous of those options, for the record.”
Viridia: “Yeah, but she's also the most vulnerable to tentacles.”

Doc: “Well, I expect a ton of fights as I go hunt down some loot for myself in the backwater hallways. Addendum-- Not as in ‘I want a ton of fights!’ More like ‘Oh no, a ton of fights’.”

Doc: “Net Result—The GM finally gets that Doc/Stitchheart fanfic ship he's always wanted. Wait a minute...”

Doc: “Viridia in a lab coat with hair up in a bun?”
Viridia: “That'd be Stellar.”
Stellar: “I'm sure Stellar would play sexy-scientist dress-up if Viridia asked her nicely. Or crudely.”

GM: “DM'ing a game with all the rules on Google Docs without the rules would be sort of awkward for everyone.”
Doc: “But... you're the GM. Aren't the rules more like guidelines for you?”
GM: “I prefer the term 'first citizen'.”

Doc: “Sketched Stellar in a lab coat and Viridia with her new hat. And Doc in a penguin costume. For some reason.”
Stellar: “Why wouldn't Doc be in a penguin costume?”

[goto124]

GM: “Doc could probably crib some sweet medical gear from Stitchheart if he just asked, given that she's convinced he's a nurse of some kind.”
Doc: *Glare*

So it is a Gender Is No Object world! Nope, not linking to TVTropes.

Doc: “Sketched Stellar in a lab coat and Viridia with her new hat. And Doc in a penguin costume. For some reason.”
Stellar: “Why wouldn't Doc be in a penguin costume?”

Obligatory.

[DigoDragon]

So it is a Gender Is No Object world!

Eeyup! Doc's annoyance is purely because his profession is of a doctor.

Obligatory.

Pffft, well I didn't expect that. XD

White dragon: I duno, I prolly ate someone I shouldn't of.

This seems to be a common issue with white dragons. I had one in a campaign I ran long ago that ate an NPC he shouldn't have.

[dargman69]

Yes Adepha, we've already Established that I accidentally married you and Spark to each other and you've been dragon married since we were like, eleven.

[Anonymouswizard]

GM: you pick the statue up, and drop it. Everyone else roll theology (skaven). *various rolls* You (elf) think it's not important, you (priest) know it's important, you (skaven and alchemist who broke it) know it's the primary shrine of the Horned Rat in the area.

GM: guy knows how to grovel.

Priest: *note* I'm leaving a note to my Lictor saying that (alchemist) is probably a witch.

[bulbaquil]

This seems to be a common issue with white dragons. I had one in a campaign I ran long ago that ate an NPC he shouldn't have.

And white dragons wonder why adventurers hunt them...

[Necroticplague]

Gene: I'm not sure which is sadder: that the only people who've been contacting my skype are turing-incomplete chatbots, or that I still respond to them.

[Anonymouswizard]

Dwarf: The Skaven is the only one I don't have a grudge against!

Priest: I'm going to take the punch.
GM: You take three damage.
Priest: My breastplate absorbs it.
Dwarf NPC: ow, I'm punching you in the face next time.

[Draconium]

Me: "What did you do in D&D today?" Well, we kidnapped a Paladin...

[GAAD]

P1: I need some way to stall the Folded Dragon. I roll for Trapmaking.
Me: You're not trained in that skill.
P1: It doesn't matter. How hard can it be?
...

...

...

...

...


P2: So I'm locked out from our base with an avatar of Greed hot on my tail?
Me: Yup.
P2: So in order to escape I have to run through [P1]'s gauntlet of improvised traps?
Me: Yup.
P1: This should be fun...

P3: I ask the bartender what he knows about the rampaging lizardman.
P2: The term is Lizardfolk.
P1: I thought [GAAD] said he was a Folded Dragon.
Me: Wait. Aren't we in the middle of a chase scene? Since when did you get to a bar?
P3: Offscreen.

P3: I tell him Hekka Vainoe sent me.
P2: No that wasn't his NAME, I just couldn't remember!

P2: I make a spot check.
Me: Well, good. You find one of [P1]'s traps.
P2: But I didn't roll yet.
Me: Not that hard to miss a dangling morningstar right in front of you.

Me: Well. It looks like you finally got hit by one of [P1]'s traps. Tripwire, poison dart that... [P1], will you do the honours? What does it do?
P1: I dipped the arrow in the closest potion I could find. I was in a hurry.
Me: So, top of your character sheet then?
P1: Sure. Why not.
Me: [P2], the arrow hits you, deals 4 damage, and... restores you for 6.
P2: Awesome.
P1: Oh. So THAT's what a healing potion looks like. Good to know.

Me: Oh. This one's finally something dangerous! Here we go. The blade swings wildly, randomly careening towards... [roll] [P1]. REALLY? Man, these dice are against you today.
P3: Nah, the healing trap was all skill. No luck involved.

P1: Oh come on! I wanted to play as an awesome D&D inventor, not as the coyote from the freaking Roadrunner cartoons!
P3: Well, maybe you should have thought of that before rolling three natural 1's in a row on your Trapmaking checks earlier.
P2: Meep meep! *bweeew*

P2: Wow, I managed to accidentally kill a huge nerd who was no threat to anyone.
P3: For the tremendous achievement of building a mini dungeon full of traps that did nothing but eventually destroy himself, I nominate [P1]'s character for a Darwin Award.

P1: Hey, that was a great session. Can my new character be a cleric of my last one?
Me: Only if you take the Destruction and Healing domains.

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

Gene: I'm not sure which is sadder: that the only people who've been contacting my skype are turing-incomplete chatbots, or that I still respond to them.

But can they beat you in a Turing test? That's the real mark of sadness. :3

Me: "What did you do in D&D today?" Well, we kidnapped a Paladin...

#ButForUsItWasTuesday

Me: Not that hard to miss a dangling morningstar right in front of you.

Heh, so much for those traps.

---

Reuben: “I swear Reuben wasn't staring below the face, LOL.”
GM: “With that total on a Heart roll, she probably wouldn't even mind.”
Gizmo: “If looks could kill... I'm sure Gizmo would have been sidelined by Autumn.”
Reuben: “I wouldn't discount Morning though. Those petite legs alone would be worth at least 6d6 damage.”

Gizmo: (Impersonating Calamity) “This not food from Calamity’s home! This pony food! CALAMITY SMASH!”

Gizmo: “What? Stop looking at me like that. Just because Gizmo has a big mouth and no filter doesn't mean he's going to spill the beans. ...or what's left of them anyway.”

Reuben: “So I'm partially at the mercy of the other PCs for privacy on this little dinner activity?”

Morning: “What? Star hasn't fully captivated Reuben yet?! OPERATION: S.A.B.o.T.A.Ge engage!”
[Beat]
Morning: “Am I serious or am I joking? Dun dun DUUUNNN…”

Gizmo: “Wait, so we’re seeing how we can mess with Reuben's fake out date? Count me in.”
Reuben: “Hey, there's nothing fake about Reuben's Veggie Stew.”

GM: “Feel free to have Reuben return to the first class car now and invite Calamity to the date totally platonic cheering up meal. Rolls are required.”
Reuben: “Innuendo roll to convey to his friends that Reuben is looking to get a moment alone with Calamity.”
Dice: *Rolls a 2*
GM: “The one thing I have realized in my one year as a GM is that no matter what, your players will always be their own greatest challenge. Thanks for proving that to me again.”

Calamity: “I....well, this is pretty sudden. I had no idea you, uh, were interested. Well, you did go through the trouble of making this stew for me. The....feeling's not exactly mutual, but I do appreciate the gesture.”
Autumn: *Commiserating grimace with Reuben when his date is declined*
Gizmo: “Of course if someone were to leave Reuben alone with Morning and Calamity, just to make things funny/awkward, that's cool.”
Reuben: “You mean it’s not already awkward?”
Autumn: “But on the plus side, tasty stew for dinner!”

[goto124]

What species is Calamity?

Reuben: “I swear Reuben wasn't staring below the face, LOL.”
GM: “With that total on a Heart roll, she probably wouldn't even mind.”

Wait... would ponies have their equivalent to My Eyes Are Up Here?

[Theoboldi]

What species is Calamity?

She's a very grumpy pegasus pony, actually.

Wait... would ponies have their equivalent to My Eyes Are Up Here?

Though Digo didn't quote that part of the conversation, her not having anything to look at there was lampshaded. Maybe he just really liked her legs?

[GPuzzle]

Solera:"Your plan is, at the moment, to infiltrate the convoy and release the three frightened girls we met from earlier. This much, I like."
Nae: "Oh, that's what you wanted clarified. I'm all ears."
Solera: "However, the rest of it hinges on persuading these three terrified, likely inexperienced girls, with powers that we currently know nothing about, and expecting them to unleash hell on a military convoy."
Nae: "Phase two could use some optimisation, but that was the first thing that came to mind."

Solera: *to the tune of "Keep On Rockin' in the Free World"* "Gonna keep on walkin' through a warzone."

[DigoDragon]

She's a very grumpy pegasus pony, actually.

It was one of those on-a-whim kind of things that Reuben attempted to ask her out. ^^;
But perhaps in hind-sight, the 'opposites attract' theory works here? Reuben would soften her sour attitude and be more cheerful while Calamity would keep him on task and responsible. Who knows? I sure don't. That's part of the fun.

Though Digo didn't quote that part of the conversation, her not having anything to look at there was lampshaded. Maybe he just really liked her legs?

Strong legs, strong wings... we know Gizmo is a 'wings stallion'.

..ZZ Top song now stuck in my head.

[kopout]

DM:... but let's face it, you're covered in spiders and just set yourself on fire. So, happy birthday?

[GrayGriffin]

OOC Quote Roundup! (Mostly in reverse chronological order)

"Altair gets achievement: First one of Surolam's suitees she was mistaken for a couple with"
"And nothing can take that away from him. Heck, the NPC thought Surolam might have been pregnant. That gets bonus points in someone's books, though I have no idea whose."
"Meanwhile, jil managed to Swipe the First Dance with Surolam."
"Jericho got the first chest-touching"
"By 'Accident', but... well..."

"Hm, that's interesting. There are only 3 moves with Kiss in the name, and Lunar Hope will end up grabbing them all."

"So he gropes people to drain their energy?"

"'Okay, you know what? We'll leave you alone to do your thing if you just make this plant grow right away.'"

"Also, I kind of ship Molly/Surolam just for a 'belling the cat' joke"

"...gray stop shipping characters"

[Inevitability]

Me: Nature is bigger than a squirrel.
Player: How about a cow? It can't possibly be bigger than a cow, can it?

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

DM:... but let's face it, you're covered in spiders and just set yourself on fire. So, happy birthday?

That is... one heck of a birthday party.

"...gray stop shipping characters"

Does Gray have a chart? You know it's serious businesswhen they actually write out a shipping chart.

Me: Nature is bigger than a squirrel.
Player: How about a cow? It can't possibly be bigger than a cow, can it?

A little bigger than a cow. :3

---

Viridia: “...River is going to get a short, sharp visit from the smack fairy.”

Viridia: “Have the party in generic Japanese gear (Schoolgirl outfit, samurai armor, and so on) with Fan Knife looking on like ‘Filthy Gaijin’.”
GM: “Fan Knife's reaction would likely be more along the lines of 'Roll Initiative'.”
Viridia: “You mean ‘Nyoro~n! Roll initiative desu ne!’”
GM: “In addition, in case anyone thinks of making Stitchheart their waifu, they might need to worry about getting the knifu.”
Viridia: “That significantly shortens one's lifu.”

Stellar: “The thing about paying mercenaries is that you need to pay reasonably. That price is there for your protection! If you get hit you want them to come to your rescue. ‘Damnit, I'm not losing my 500 caps!’ Rather than ‘Huh, there goes my 50 caps.’”

Moon: “Oh, and Moonshadow does not approve of this reckless money spending. She'd be disagreeable about letting the two of them tag along for free, let alone paying them for it.”
GM: “It's a good thing that Cassidy might as well have the phrase 'Element of Reasonability' tattooed on her forehead, then.”

Doc: “You'll like Viridia. She's pretty level-headed and responsible...”
Viridia: “Heh. Oh, wait. You're serious? Let me laugh even harder.”
Doc: “Also, a pretty pegasus.”
Viridia: “The prettiest pegasus.”

Viridia: “Although she seemed to recall Diamond Dazzle being in that area, which probably wouldn't be the best way of gaining allies. ‘Hey baby, we banged at a drugged-up party. Help me take care of my eight-strong entourage?’”

Doc: “We'll need to grab Flagon on the way. I want to put his head on some ice.”
Strawberry: “Oh, hey, we can get his drugs now!”