Things I May No Longer Do While Playing X: Bard is not a valid choice

[CrazyPenguin]

Unless the alternative was colonoscopy with a fork.

* May not suggest using fork for colonoscopy instead.
** That goes for any other cutlery as well.

***I will not shove sharp objects into the bum of any character, no matter how much they deserved it.

[hewhosaysfish]

*****I may not round out the group by making a renowned gemcutter known only as "The Ace of Diamonds"

I was going to suggest a baseball player.

[Anonymouswizard]

*****I may not round out the group by making a renowned gemcutter known only as "The Ace of Diamonds"

*****(*?) The group cannot encounter a successful banker known only as 'The Ace of Coins'.

[TeChameleon]

*****(*?) The group cannot encounter a successful banker known only as 'The Ace of Coins'.

N*+1: Neither the town drunk nor the tavern keeper may be known as the 'Ace of Cups', no matter how high their fortitude save or skill at mixing drinks may be.
N*+2: And no, you can't call the Fighter 'The Ace of Swords'. Just... no.

[Lord Torath]

N*+1: Neither the town drunk nor the tavern keeper may be known as the 'Ace of Cups', no matter how high their fortitude save or skill at mixing drinks may be.
N*+2: And no, you can't call the Fighter 'The Ace of Swords'. Just... no.

N*+3: The trophy fisherwoman is not the Ace of Bass.

[Socratov]

N*+3: The trophy fisherwoman is not the Ace of Bass.

N*+4: My Perform(Poetry) bard cannot be called Ace of Base.
N*+5: Neither can my Perform(base) Bard

[JAL_1138]

N*+6: My wizard is not the Ace of Wands.

[CrazyPenguin]

N* +7: The word "ace" is now banned in all forms.

*All of my players have lost their mayonnaise privileges

[goto124]

*As a player, I may create a Battlerager/Bard who fights by dancing and smashing people with hip-checks
*As a DM, I may create a boss who smashes the players using hip-checks while dancing

** Cannot create a male hip-dancer.
*** Cannot challenge the boss to a hip-dancing contest.
**** Cannot imagine the scenario in MLP form.

I'm sure whoever was going to receive this operation is grateful for its banning.

And everyone in the vicinity. Including the players and GM.

[Esprit15]

* No, my PC cannot be the BBEG of the DM's next game.
** No, the reason is not because they are not evil enough. Do not take this as challenge.

* The Archivist may not out-fighter the fighter.

* May not take the more broken Salient Divine Abilities.

* May no longer use the term "Arbitrarily large" to describe anything to do with my character, mechanical or fluff.

[JAL_1138]

** Cannot create a male hip-dancer.
*** Cannot challenge the boss to a hip-dancing contest.

I think I just found my next bard.

[Rerem115]

*It is acceptable to role-play the descent of a party into villainy
**It is also acceptable to retire characters that would be uncomfortable with the actions of an evil party
***However, the "BBEG" cannot be the (good) former members of the party, as they try to stop the evil party's rampage across the nation
****If the former members of the party band together anyway, I'm not allowed to call it "the Antiparty"; that's just confusing

[GreyStormcrow]

*It is acceptable to role-play the descent of a party into villainy
**It is also acceptable to retire characters that would be uncomfortable with the actions of an evil party
***However, the "BBEG" cannot be the (good) former members of the party, as they try to stop the evil party's rampage across the nation
****If the former members of the party band together anyway, I'm not allowed to call it "the Antiparty"; that's just confusing

*****Besides, no one wants to see what happens when a Party comes into contact with an Antiparty. Some of us like living.

[Rerem115]

*Secretaries cannot cast Hold Person at will.

[JAL_1138]

*Secretaries cannot cast Hold Person at will.

**May not reply "Maybe technically not, but a maxed Knowledge: Bureaucracy skill can accomplish functionally the same thing in the right circumstances."

[sengmeng]

*I cannot power any device by reacting paladins with antipaladins.

[2D8HP]

** Cannot create a male hip-dancer.
*** Cannot challenge the boss to a hip-dancing contest.

I think I just found my next bard.

*I cannot power any device by reacting paladins with antipaladins.

Man do I love this thread!
Scotty:
"Captain we have no more dilithium crystals!"
Kirk:
"Just throw some more Paladins and bearded Paladins into the reactor then".

[CrazyPenguin]

*I wasn't kidding when I said the party had its mayonnaise privileges revoked.
**Seriously, the party will UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be allowed anywhere near mayonnaise.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

**May not reply "Maybe technically not, but a maxed Knowledge: Bureaucracy skill can accomplish functionally the same thing in the right circumstances."

***Bureaucramancy is not a legitimate school of magic.
**** Sir Humphrey Appleby is perfectly fine as an inspiration for a villain. A PC? Not so much.

[Socratov]

*Perform(sports commentary) for use on the battlefield is banned
**So is making a Lore Bard who uses it to power his Cutting Words
***"Green and gold ya ****" is not the verbal part of the Vicious Mockery cantrip
****I should stop giving the Criminal background to my characters who are inspired by Australians. Thjat joke has been dead and buried for a century by now.
*****Anything Australia inspired has now been banned in character creation or advancement for me
******This goes double for anything related to New Zealand
*******Yes, that includes anything Wales related and anything pertaining sheep.
********Scotland is right out.

[Fable Wright]

*I wasn't kidding when I said the party had its mayonnaise privileges revoked.
**Seriously, the party will UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES be allowed anywhere near mayonnaise.

Then you probably shouldn't have given them the alchemical jug that can make two gallons of mayo a day.

[Anonymouswizard]

* If I need to prove that the authoritarian state is evil, I should not show they are by having them ban tea.

*I am banned from using GiantITP usernames as complications.

[CrazyPenguin]

*I may not pelvic thrust doors open, the handle is there for a reason
**I may certainly not choose the door that the attractive female party member is bent over in front of
***I may not claim this was an accident
****I will not accidentally pelvic thrust a building to death

*I don't need to kick open unlocked doors
**Especially if the doors disintegrate when touched
***All this will result in is me looking silly when I fall on my face

*I will not ask stupid questions
**Nor may I ask questions I don't want to hear the answer to
***Because it will give the rest of the party ideas, that's why

*I will not begin dark rituals, "just to see what will happen"
**Especially when I'm the cleric of a good deity
***I will not accidentally summon Cthulhu

*I will not knock down buildings with my face

*I will not go the entire campaign without telling the party my character's name

*I will not nickname horrible eldritch tentacle monsters "Princess Molestia"
**Nor will I nickname it "Moonboob"
***The cleric is not named "Glowy Hands McGee
****Nor is the gnome called "Piss"
*****And the paladin's name is not "The Italian"
******Because this setting has no Italy, that's why
*******It doesn't matter that he only communicates in grunts and hand gestures, this setting still has no Italy
********I may not nickname party members

*Heal the enemy is not a good backup plan
**My plans will not end with comatose clerics
***Or comatose paladins
****My plans will not end with any party members in comas

*The proper response to being offered a glass of magical toxic waste is 'No thanks' not 'Maybe I can get the gnome to drink this'
**'I want to see what happens' is not a good reason for anything
***Because the last time that happened the cleric ended up comatose, and the time before that we accidentally summoned Cthulhu

*I will not break into random rooms in the inn looking for stuff to steal
**Because the wizard in the room next to me does not appreciate having his room broken into

[sengmeng]

*cannot name my warforged cleric "Healbot"

[Anonymouswizard]

*cannot name my warforged cleric "Healbot"

** My simian rogue is not called 'Skillmonkey'.

[Tohron]

** My simian rogue is not called 'Skillmonkey'.

***My 6 INT, 6 WIS Ogre Fighter is not called Big Stupid Fighter
**** I may not have a Venerable Dragonwrought Kobald Incantatrix Conjurer Wizard, and I may certainly not name him "God"

[Dire Roc]

*I will not knock down buildings with my face

** I will not knock down building with the party face.

[CrazyPenguin]

** I will not knock down building with the party face.

***Knocking down building with the party tank is questionable at best
****Especially when he rolled a 3 for Intelligence. The guy can't even talk, using him as a wrecking ball isn't cool.

[Anonymouswizard]

* If the party wizard dies it is considered polite if the Bard waits at least a round before singing 'ding dong the witch is dead'.

[Katrina]

* may not drop the body of the previous random encounter on the next random encounter.
** Even if previous encounter was an Ettin, and next encounter is Gargoyles waiting to attack us while we climb down a rock wall.

* Not allowed to carry around vials of poison labeled "Cure Light Wounds".
** No longer allowed to Cast "Unnatural Lust" on the Paladin's mount to get around the Paladin's will save.
*** Especially not in town.


* Not allowed to roll 14 successes on a Stealth check in Changeling: The Lost. Actually not allowed, the GM said the Hedge lost me and I ended up shunted into another realm. o.o'

* "Changeling in Eberron" is not a valid answer to the question of "What's your alignment?"
** If I was recruited as the Party Rogue, I should at least have the Trapfinding Class Feature (3.5 D&D)
*** No longer allowed to use Bluff checks to convince the party to do strange things to get by traps I can't find.
**** Especially if Experience and gut instinct have me avoiding actual traps that my character can't possibly find.