1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

[The Fury]

Is that an ancient tome with archaic text I only vaguely understand? I could give it to the party wizard or the bard, given enough time I'm sure they could get the gist of it. No need when I have my Ring of Wingdings! I still can't understand this dumb book but now I see the text as funny drawings!

Oh no! I'm stuck in a room with a death trap that will kill me in less than a minute! Good thing I have my Chalice of Courage! Pour in any liquid and it will transmute it into moonshine! I'm still doomed but now I'm too drunk to care!

[sengmeng]

867ish: X-ray Goggles

Gives the wearer eyeball cancer.

[8BitNinja]

Gallagher has full shows on Youtube. And they're hilarious. The watermelon thing is like... the last 5 minutes of a one hour show but it's what he's remembered for. But his comedy is top notch.

Thanks for telling me, I'll look him up.

868) Fire ball: a soccer ball made purely of fire. Not very good to play soccer with.

[Rockphed]

Thanks for telling me, I'll look him up.

868) Fire ball: a soccer ball made purely of fire. Not very good to play soccer with.

Sounds like an artifact from the elemental plane of fire. How long does the fire last? I imagine that it might be useful for things other than playing soccer.

[8BitNinja]

Sounds like an artifact from the elemental plane of fire. How long does the fire last? I imagine that it might be useful for things other than playing soccer.

It lasts for a while, but it has to be re inflated every now and then.

[Katrina]

The Pathfinder Spell "Beguiling Gift" makes a lot of this useful. (Will Save or use the item I just handed to you in the most normal fashion to use it. ) But maybe I'm just a munchkin. Or prone to abusing spells. >.>'

[ComradeBear]

The Pathfinder Spell "Beguiling Gift" makes a lot of this useful. (Will Save or use the item I just handed to you in the most normal fashion to use it. ) But maybe I'm just a munchkin. Or prone to abusing spells. >.>'

Or just missing that the point of the thread is to make "useless" items or items that are puns/jokes rather than legitimately useless items. :P

869: Immovable Rod
It's still sitting exactly where it was made. Meaning in space. Because the planet has moved out from underneath the rod. So there's that.

[Segev]

869: Immovable Rod
It's still sitting exactly where it was made. Meaning in space. Because the planet has moved out from underneath the rod. So there's that.

A clever artificer could use this to determine the exact center of the universe by calculating the speed and direction with which it whips away from him when created. Assuming he's not bisected by it in the process.

[8BitNinja]

870: The Bloodthirsty Dagger: It floats around, seeking mortals to- okay that is blood coming out of me, I think it got me.

[Knaight]

A clever artificer could use this to determine the exact center of the universe by calculating the speed and direction with which it whips away from him when created. Assuming he's not bisected by it in the process.

A really clever artificer could do that at a healthy distance to avoid the bisection problem.

[goto124]

What if the rod creates a hole through the Earth instead?

How durable is the rod? I suppose really high heat and pressure would destroy it.

[ComradeBear]

What if the rod creates a hole through the Earth instead?

How durable is the rod? I suppose really high heat and pressure would destroy it.

Destruction requires that some part of it moves, so no. I should probably mention that the rod has a temperature of 0K, or Absolute Zero for those unfamiliar with Kelvin temperatures. The rid is immovable. So are all the molecles that comprise it. It's basically a rod-shaped packet of pure Inertia.

I'm getting too in-depth for a stupid joke.

[sengmeng]

870) Immovable Rod

This guy is named Rodney and he has a +8 bonus to resist bull rushes.

[8BitNinja]

871) Helmet of Impact: a helmet that increases the trauma administered to the wearers head

[ComradeBear]

872: Executioner's Axe
This can of body spray makes you smell like an executioner.

873: The Box
I don't really...know what's in the box. I've looked in there but I can't remember what's in there. I know it isn't a sphere, though.

874: Stone of procrastination
Eh I'll edit in the description later.

[Help there's a]

875. Sheild of Blunt Arrows. No, it doesn't blunt any arrows that hit it...it is made of and will periodically spray blunt arrows.
876. Dagger of Total Vigilance. Until the dagger is taken out of your hand, you cannot sleep, rest, fall prone, be stunned...or drop your weapon.

[sengmeng]

875) Animated Object

Usually a large mallet, this cartoon object can be used to hit someone over the head. It doesn't deal damage, but illusory birds fly around the target's head for a few seconds.

876) Ring of Magic Defection

When worn, it immediately teleports you to the presence of a foreign king and compels you to swear allegiance to him.