1001 Worthless Magic Items/Devices! (For Fun)

[Anonymouswizard]

I'm sure there's a large market for those

Dragons, or lonely female humanoids?

231. Orb of Tribble Control: this magical Orb allows you to command Tribbles.

[goto124]

Dragons, or lonely female humanoids?

Fire was involved.

[Malachite]

9.The Dagger of Healing: You stab it into someone, and they are healed for a certain amount, but they also take the same amount as damage for being stabbed

Does this dagger therefore deal double damage to undead? Sounds too useful to me!

[ImNotTrevor]

Dragons, or lonely female humanoids?

231. Orb of Tribble Control: this magical Orb allows you to command Tribbles.

232: Orb of Treble Control: this magical orb allows you to control the intensity of high-pitched noises.

[goto124]

Does this dagger therefore deal double damage to undead? Sounds too useful to me!

If so, it doubles as a foolproof Detect Undead.

*stabs a guy*
*guy is hurt, then healed*
"Oh, this guy isn't a vampire after all!"
"It still hurts! Why didn't you just use a Detect spell or garlic or something?"
"A vampire would've seen those coming! No one expects a healing dagger!"

[Gallade]

232: Orb of Treble Control: this magical orb allows you to control the intensity of high-pitched noises.

233: Orb of Dribble control: Gives you a +10 CMD bonus against maneuvers to remove the orb from your possession.
234: Portable Plot Hole: Can be used to instantly move time forward several days/hours and end up in an entirely different place and situation with no indication or allusion to what happened in the meanwhile.
235: Portable Fourth Wall Hole: Can be used on any ceiling. Characters will be able to see the DM, players, and the room they're in from it.

[goto124]

Does 235 force the GM to saw a hole in the gaming table?

[Gallade]

Does 235 force the GM to saw a hole in the gaming table?

No, but if the models they're using have a roof or a ceiling they have to cut a hole through them.

[JoeJ]

236 Wand of light detection. This wand appears white to normal vision only if there is any ambient light. In complete darkness, it turns black.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

235: Portable Fourth Wall Hole: Can be used on any ceiling. Characters will be able to see the DM, players, and the room they're in from it.

That's not useless at all. PC's are power mad enough without consciously knowing they have plot armor.

[Lurking drunk]

236. Mirror of Bad Day-
Mirror that always reflects you as drunk and dirty, with long unpolished nails, and rotten teeth, etc...
237. A Huge Red Button of Amnesia-
Compels you to press it and makes you forget why you just did it
238. Headband of Vast Fake Intellignce-
You sound intelligent as Einstein at worst, but you're still stupid.
239. Unseen Servant-
An invisible, mindless servant you just can't find right now
240. +bazillion vorpal shocking burst spell storing flame burst thundering bane everything ice burst all magical enchantments ever existed adamantine longsword-
cap is +10 ya cheater
241. Beer bottle of soberity-
Makes you even more sober than before you drank it

[Anonymouswizard]

236. Mirror of Bad Day-
Mirror that always reflects you as drunk and dirty, with long unpolished nails, and rotten teeth, etc...

242 Mirror of Bad Day: takes one down. Sings a sad song just to turn it around. Says it doesn't know. Tells you don't lie. Works at a smile and goes for a ride.

[Gallade]

243: Shield of Hindsight: This shield provides a +4 deviation AC bonus against attacks which hit you during the last turn.

[nedz]

244. Helm of Annihilation: summons spheres of Annihilation.

[Drakeburn]

245. Butter Sword: A sword made entirely out of butter, which inflicts 1d4 nonlethal damage, and the wielder must make a check to resist having the weapon disarm itself. But it goes good on your toast

[ThinkMinty]

If so, it doubles as a foolproof Detect Undead.

*stabs a guy*
*guy is hurt, then healed*
"Oh, this guy isn't a vampire after all!"
"It still hurts! Why didn't you just use a Detect spell or garlic or something?"
"A vampire would've seen those coming! No one expects a healing dagger!"

The Healing Dagger is actually useful, then. Torture implement, great against undead, sounds like a nice item.

[8BitNinja]

246. Wand of Paula Dean: can turn any food item into butter

247. Ring of Temporary Pleasure: Makes wearer feel happy for 5 minutes, after 5 minutes it becomes an ordinary ring

248. Ninja Garb of 8 Bit Ninja: look, sound, act, and feel like 8 Bit Ninja

[ReaderAt2046]

249: Bow of Sneezing: Deals no damage. If hit (touch attack), target is struck by an uncontrollable sneezing fit for 1d4 rounds.

250: Inon stone: Looks and behaves exactly like a Ioun Stone, but has no mechanical effect of any sort.

251: Ring of Visibility: While wearing this ring, you cannot be effected by any spell that grants invisibility or concealment.

[ThinkMinty]

252. Ring of Schnell Turning: Allows the wearer to turn around really fast.

253. Ring of Lizardry: Allows the wearer to speak to lizards.

254. Helm of Similar Alignment: When worn, the wearer changes alignments as though affected by a Helm of Opposite Alignment, but only to one that is within one step of their previous alignment, as seen on this tiny chart:

LG	NG	CG
LN	TN	CN
LE	NE	CE

[8BitNinja]

255. Bag of Infinite Holding: A bag that when an item is put inside, it is there forever

256. Ring of the Spy: Wearer attracts enemy spies to spy on him

257. Shortsword of Weakness: Wielder loses 1 strength/minute while wielding the sword, loss is permanent

258. Saddle of the Halfling: When applied to a mount, the mount turns into a halfling

259. Amulet of Drawing Affection: Everyone within a 30 foot radius of the wearer will follow the wearer, be unusually kind to them, and never leave them, soon becoming creepy and clingy. Wearer cannot take off the amulet

300. Supersoaker of Disgust: All water fired out of the supersoaker turns into urine

[Anonymouswizard]

301. Fanfiction McGuffin: can only be wielded by those called Marian Susan.

302. Sword of the Fighter: while this is in a character's possession they forget how to be decent with any other weapon.

303. Stovepipe Hat of Class: makes the user look like they are a better class than they are. Also gives +10 awesome, because it's a stovepipe.

[ImNotTrevor]

259. Amulet of Drawing Affection: Everyone within a 30 foot radius of the wearer will follow the wearer, be unusually kind to them, and never leave them, soon becoming creepy and clingy. Wearer cannot take off the amulet

304. Amulet of Drawing Affection: Whenever the wearer witnesses displays of affection, they are compelled to make a drawing of it.

305. Cybernetic Tuxedo: I mean, what else do you really need to know? Look how cool it is. It doesn't do anything special, but look at it. SO COOL.

[BootStrapTommy]

I've a list, somewhere. I will have to go find it.

[8BitNinja]

306. Gauntlets of Spider Crawling: Upon equipping, black widows will crawl out of the gauntlets

307. Gauntlets of Gauntlet: Any who equips it will turn into a 1st level fighter and will stay a first level fighter, their armor will turn red, hear a voice in their head say "welcome red warrior" When ever they are hungry, they will hear, "red warrior needs food badly" At low HP they will hear "red warrior needs food badly" if they shoot a piece of food or a potion, the voice will say "red warrior shot the food/a potion" If an invisibility potion is consumed or an invisibility spell is cast, they will hear "red warrior now has brief invisibility"

[Gallade]

308. The Naked Gun : This firearm gains +2 on To-Hit and critical confirmation rolls as long as the wielder is not wearing any clothes and is visible to the target.

[Dexam]

309. Wand of Detection: conjures a magnifying glass, deerstalker hat, and smoking pipe for 1d4+1 hours; items are non-functional unless used in the process of solving a mystery or crime.

310. Wand of Detect Self. When activated gives the location of the bearer of the wand, relative to itself.

[8BitNinja]

311. Ring of Rings: Wearer gets a random ring if a ring is not on their finger

[Gallade]

312. All Fools Vest: This vest can, on command, summon any tool the wearer desires: however they disappear as soon as they are moved from the spot they appear in or touched by a creature or another tool.

313. Buffering cap: The wearer will occasionally freeze in place, then continue acting as if nothing had happened.

314. Sleeves of Many Garnishments: Putting these cloth tubes on instantly transforms everything else the user is wearing into an array of sauces, vegetables and spices.

[ImNotTrevor]

315. Ring of Beyonce> Can only be worn by individuals that the original creator likes. (And yet he always seems to keep it until it's too late!]

316: Ring of Rings- Whenever worn, causes all nearby bells to ring incessantly

317; Wand of Inconsistent Punctuation: whenever mentioned in a post... this wand causes the post to have inconsistent punctuation?

[Braininthejar2]

in an intrigue-based campaign, the 256 could be incredibly useful.