Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

[DigoDragon]

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"Note to self: When someone asks you to "sample" a potion to identify it, say no."

I would have thought that kind of advice went without needing to write it down, let alone saying.

DM: "Napalm will always be terrifying, by merit of it being f***ing napalm."

This goes well with my old Shadowrun group that believed flamethrowers to be terror weapons illegal on any planet.

A DM who is encouraging his players to resort to flammable death? That's new.

Pshaw, I did that all the time. Course anytime I did, my players would extinguish all fire sources within 50 yards because they knew I was up to something. XD

Lisa: I feel stupid for even asking this, but... why do you even have access to sixty industrial-strength mirrors?
Fashion Statement: *perplexed* You don't?

Think about the name, Lisa. :3
Yeah, I'm to genre-savvy to survive this group.

Google isn't telling me what those things even are, let alone their purpose!

I'd Google it, but I'm pretty sure it would come up with a certain pink-mane pony having super-strength powers...

GM: I'm going to try to kill myself. See you next Saturday, I guess.

I really don't blame the GM. Like, at all. :o

Temporarily out of FOE quotes, so have some vintage D&D quotes from about 11 years ago:
DM: "What? How could Aberham Lincoln be beaten by the Metric System!?"

DM: "Okay I have my choice of 'Blood-n-Tears' or Barbed Wire. I'll go with the wire."

DM: "The pillar of light peeking over the horizon. The average horizon is about 3 miles out and since it's as big as the sun at this distance the pillar is anywhere betweem 3 miles and 96 million miles away."
Nagumo: "...can we narrow this down a little?"

Shiro: "The Path of Truth is absolute and require much searching."
Nagumo: "Well I drove a castle into the ground so I think that should count."

DM: "After the civil war East Inverness changed the eagle coin to the hawk."
Nagumo: "And the west half adopted the flaming chicken?"

Nagumo: "I'll roll a listen check... 8. I hear natural gas. Probably my own."

DM: "Go on and walk on by. Look like you're part of the problem."

Phone: "Thank you for calling Bast Tech Support. If you wish to give prayer, press 1. If you need divine intervention, press 2."

City Guard: "You guys are either the bravest heroes or the stupidest adventureres ever."
Vincent: "I answer to both."

Niomi: "I can spit on him and he'll heal 24 hit points. I'm that good."

Vincent: "I just wanted to confirm that the winged panther kissed you and it wasn't a taste test."

Vincent: "Damn it, it's like another Digo Adventure! I know Sir Kain is partly to blame, but damn you Digo!"

DM: "Yes, they're vegetable brained as much as they are... vegetable bodied."

Vincent: "Niomi, cast Detect Evil on the DM."
Niomi: (*pseudo-claws at her eyes*) "I'm blind!!"

Vincent: "Damn you, grey areas of morality!"
Niomi: "Hon, this is where fire comes in handy."

[CrazyPenguin]

A DM who is encouraging his players to resort to flammable death? That's new.

I guess I'm still transitioning away from my last Exalted character, who literally had the word "burning" in his name.

As much as a floating squid/jellyfish can be.

Is Gumdrop a flumph?

Not exactly an ingame quote, but at the moment it was kind of hilarious.

Me: So this is my new character, Joyce Joystar Zoidberg, Zoidberg's daughter, aka JoJo Zoidberg.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with this character concept.

I would have thought that kind of advice went without needing to write it down, let alone saying.

What about magical toxic waste?

This goes well with my old Shadowrun group that believed flamethrowers to be terror weapons illegal on any planet.

As opposed to reality, where flamethrowers are legal in most U.S. states.

Pshaw, I did that all the time. Course anytime I did, my players would extinguish all fire sources within 50 yards because they knew I was up to something. XD

Most of the player in my game right now are new to tabletop roleplaying games. They're not nearly paranoid enough yet. But they'll learn soon enough...

DM: "What? How could Aberham Lincoln be beaten by the Metric System!?"

Is this "Aberham Lincoln" different from Abraham Lincoln?

City Guard: "You guys are either the bravest heroes or the stupidest adventureres ever."

There's a difference?



Sadly, I seem to be fresh out of quotes until my group meets again...

[Inevitability]

DM: I just realized this is the first time I ever used the phrase 'frozen pony'.

[TheTeaMustFlow]

Strasser(OoC): Yea verily, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for I have AC 27 and three overlapping hit point pools.

Strasser(OoC): I cast Power Word: Nope.

The Maverick Cop: Detective [I forgot the name], NYPD.
The Martial Artist: ...We're in LA.
The Maverick Cop: Do you have any idea what kind of day I'm having!

[IntelectPaladin]

Here's what I got this time:
And yes, I promise I'll stop this "ongoing train" thing.
"DM: It is clearly the same huge armored form of you're ally, Sir Je-
Warlock: "I attack! Arcane bolt!"
Thief: "I can't believe this. Sneak attack!"
Ranger: "Acid arrow! That should get through!
Me: "Seriously!? Was this about the Kingdom Come incident!?"
I had to choose to save a PC, or a floating castle. I forgot we had a rez.
Ranger: "That's not you anymore! We can kill and loot, we're murderhobos, dangit!"
Warlock: " The moral compass is dead, and I've never felt so free!"
Thief: ."..I don't care who wins, I'm taking the train."
I didn't expect a TPB. They said THEY liked me, and that their "Chars" didn't. Oy vey.
DM: "Well, let's see, that...doesn't get past your A.C."
Me: "I am not putting up with the yahoo reasoning of this! What can I do, exactly?"
DM: Well, have a look at your new char sheet.
Me: "... Well. Destructive Retribution it is."
It wasn't a rampage, It was self defense in rampage-esq styling. No one died.
Theif: "I thought you said you'd never associate with the unholy!"
Me: "I said I would never associate with demons. The undead are fine."
I've reformed vampires, as well as a lich. If I can save them, I usually will.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a better day!

[Beacon of Chaos]

Sheogorath: "But napalm just doesn't hold the same terror in the public consciousness right now, what with the clowns running amok."

This line alone is pretty hilarious to me.


Fresh batch from tonight's session. This was a good 'un:

GM: A brontosaurus peeks its head over the wall and gives you a knowing wink.

Dimir: I vote we name our airship Shippy McShipface.

Brough: We need to call it something manly!
Valena: Ugh, you always have to be so macho. Might as well call it the Waving ****.
Brough: Yeah, let's go with that.

Valena: I burst onto the balcony and sing a Disney song!
GM: Did you remember to put your clothes on first?
Valena: Nope!

Dimir: A park filled with dinosaurs. That's something that has never gone badly, ever.

Dimir: I want to tame a dragon! I'll just feed it... someone.

Valena: What has this pirate actually pirated?
Dimir: Mp3s.

Dace: Where is one-eye?
GM: He's making himself useless.

Polykritos: I am rich with the blessings of the lord! *throws up on the guard captian then falls down a flight of stairs*

Polykritos: I'm sorry, but we're taking this vessel! *he punches the merchant clear off the boat*
Dimir: We're the good guys! *thumbs up*

GM: Valena is rubbish at fighting a dragon without a rider.
Valena: It won't stop wiggling!

[DigoDragon]

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What about magical toxic waste?

Anything with the word 'waste' in the name is a flag. If it were Magical Toxic Juice, you'd have a line going back around the block wanting to buy it. ;)

Is this "Aberham Lincoln" different from Abraham Lincoln?

Well obviously! Your history book doesn't show Abraham Lincoln ever losing to the Metric system, does it?

DM: I just realized this is the first time I ever used the phrase 'frozen pony'.

o/~ Do you want to freeze a pony? o/~

The Martial Artist: ...We're in LA.
The Maverick Cop: Do you have any idea what kind of day I'm having!

Ouch, that is a Really bad day... Wait, is this maverick cop John McCain?

Thief: ."..I don't care who wins, I'm taking the train."

I literal train robbery! o.o

Valena: I burst onto the balcony and sing a Disney song!
GM: Did you remember to put your clothes on first?
Valena: Nope!

So it's a 60s Disney song then?

Dawn Star: "I can sum up Dawn's motive as 'Scoops some butter and applies it to Silver's ego'."
Silver Lining: "The carrot was ill-placed, I'll say that much."
Dawn: "Sometimes a carrot is just a carrot. In this case a floating carrot which will provide yummy vitamin B."

Nobility: "I am also very interested meeting the changeling, and if it is a trap, to make a musical number called 'I told you'."

Dawn: "That seems oddly specific for a pony campaign. I thought musical numbers didn't need justification."

Dawn: "I am both proud and scared at how prepared Nobility is with musical numbers."
Nobility: "She has a lot of time alone in the bath."

[goto124]

I literal train robbery! o.o

The realization hit me like a freight train.

"Take anything that isn't nailed to the floor" indeed.

Nobility: "She has a lot of time alone in the bath."

But has she spent a lot of time with someone else in the bath?

[Coventry]

"Take anything that isn't nailed to the floor" indeed.

"Nailed down" is why all characters should carry claw hammers and pry bars.

[digiman619]

Valena: I burst onto the balcony and sing a Disney song!
GM: Did you remember to put your clothes on first?
Valena: Nope!

Clearly it's In a World of My Own from Alice in Wonderland.

[DigoDragon]

But has she spent a lot of time with someone else in the bath?

I hope not. She's technically underage. :x


Dawn: "How about you colts? Anything you want to confide with the floating princess of friendships?"

Silver: "I'll trust my friends, though. And you and Dawn, I guess."
Dawn: "Um, thanks?"

Nobility: "Could you at least *try* to act like... somepony normal and sane?"

Dawn: "You sound pretty confident, like a pony who has at least 12% of a plan going on."

Curtain Call: "They managed to code taste into this game--I'm impressed!"

Curtain: "Well, this is a beta, so there are bound to be bugs, right? There's probably someone working to patch the game right now."
Nobility: "Translation from dorkish please!"
Dawn: "Curtain thinks that this 'game' has some mistakes and they'll get fixed once we play through it and achieve victory."
Nobility: "What, a game? This is NOT Dorkland. The game was just... a portal or something. Don't be more stupid than you are. You are making Silver Fail look smart!"

Nobility: "Does this supposed 'Game' remind you, any game you have played before? A game where... you actually can feel.. pain?"
Dawn: "Dodge ball."

[DCraw]

Player: [singing] How many Gnolls must a man hunt down, before you call him a man?
NPC Mentor: I Told You! To complete the Rite of Initiation bring me the heads of three Gnolls, each the leader of their pack. Now get back to work!

[Cristo Meyers]

Just one. Too much vacation prep to get much time in.

"Great, you're back. Now get back out there and steal more candy from more babies!"

[Beacon of Chaos]

So it's a 60s Disney song then?

Clearly it's In a World of My Own from Alice in Wonderland.

I do not understand these references. :/

[Necroticplague]

GM: as your lawyer slithers in....
Gene: wait, slithers?*realizes the implication* Man, there are so many jokes about that I could make.....
Namely, the implication her lawyer was a Naga. Those ones practically write themselves.

[Theoboldi]

I hope not. She's technically underage. :x

What do you mean, technically? She is literally 12 years old.

[CrazyPenguin]

GM: as your lawyer slithers in....
Gene: wait, slithers?*realizes the implication* Man, there are so many jokes about that I could make.....
Namely, the implication her lawyer was a Naga. Those ones practically write themselves.

Suddenly, Sergeant Schlock appears and eats the lawyer.

[Rerem115]

"Gnomes. They pull their weight."

"Can I get you a drink?" "No, I don't need help being stupid."

"The night is young, I'm no longer a single father; the world is my oyster."

"Can I get a stick of jerky in my bloody mary? No wait, I'll get flashbacks to that night."

[GrayGriffin]

Serknight: “Gwuh-” blink, blinkblink :…Oh. Oh dear. I-I won’t stand for this!" *squirms*
Jericho: “Well, you can’t really. You’re kinda suspended by ropes.”

Serknight: “…” *sighs* “I suppose I could.” *cranes his neck back up* “Listen and know, jailers, that I aided the prosecution! Keep that in mind when I am delivered unto your mercy.”
Geistowl 1: “It is known.”
Noctowl 1: “It is irrelevant.”
Spectowl 1: “it is of tangential interest.”
Serknight: “…I have no idea what that means for me.”

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "I just want you to know, I am seriously and legitimately concerned for your mental health.
Draco: "More than you usually are?"
DM: "Yes, more than I usually am."

[Inevitability]

NPC: Just give up! I already have a nemesis, and he's much less simple-minded than you are!
PC: Really? Guess I'll have to kill you then. I'm too dumb to solve this rationally, aren't I? *devours NPC*

[DigoDragon]

I do not understand these references. :/

Old animations in the 50s and 60s were very... controversial by today's standards. :3


No game quotes today, but I collected some hurricane quotes~

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Doc: "I had considered flying a kite out in the hurricane, just for something to do."
Drake: "Dammit, now I wish I had thought of it."
Doc: "Um, it's probably best you don't follow my advice when I'm bored."
Drake: "Do you not know me?"

Darkwolf: "Apparently Bank of America's teller systems are down across the eastern seaboard due to hurricane Matthew."
Kitten: "When BoA is down, it's called weekdays."

Doc: "Here I'm talking about a halo on a palm tree and then Facebook suggests the 'Naughty Nerds' group for me to join. Uh, what are you trying to say, FB?"

Doc: "If I were by myself, I would have slept through this storm."
Paddy: "Only if you have kick everyone out of the house."
Drake: "You'll want to lay down a net in Georgia then."

Stragus: "OK, yeah. You just stay over there. You stay on your side and I'll stay on mine."
Cora: "Oi. Don't tease the apocalyptic hurricane!"

[digiman619]

I do not understand these references. :/

And him bursting into song onto a balcony without getting dressed first indicate that he's in his own little world in his head, thus explaining my reference.

[D.KnightSpider]

Is Gumdrop a flumph?

Yepperoni. A master chef/cleric Flumph, to be precise.

====

Lisa: Sure. I could do that easy. If I were still bipedal.
====

Ray: The time has come. Release the jailbait!
Fashion Statement: *valley girl voice* That was, like, so immature. *regular voice* And to think that I used to like you.
Lisa: I know, right?
Ray: Wait-- what?
====

Lisa: Uh, newsflash, I almost committed suicide because of you!
====

Gumdrop: May I advocate for the sudden appearance of the villain?
====

Gumdrop: I would like to clarify something. My kitchen time yesterday had little to do with cooking food and everything to do with cooking chemicals.
====

Captured Bad Guy: I'll never talk-- you hear me! You'll get nothing from me!
Gumdrop: We have ways of making you talk. *floods the prison cell with pepper spray*
Captured Bad Guy: *anguished scream of pain*
Ray: ... uh... remind me never, ever to make Gumdrop mad.
Fashion Statement: *in awe*I have got to get some of that.
====

Ray: *slams newspaper down on table*
Newspaper Headline: White Stallion Captures Living Laser; Saves City
Ray: Can you believe this? They think Gumdrop caught the Laser single-handedly! They didn't mention us at all!
Gumdrop: I, er, have a good publicist?

[DigoDragon]

Lisa: Sure. I could do that easy. If I were still bipedal.

Bah, you bipedals and your upright posture. Totally overrated.


Fan Knife: “Yeah, they're mine. Thanks for not stealing them.”
GM: “Choro then got to watch Fan Knife's face go through some weird muscle contortions, possibly fighting muscle memory, until something approximating an awkward smile was present on her face.”

Viridia: “So... do we get anything for clearing out those vagrants? Caps? Ninja training? A crisp hoof-bump?”

GM: “Arranging the ghoul into a position that looked comfortable wasn't too hard, because Strata weighed about as much as a bag of twigs.”

Choro: (to herself) “No, don't be pushy! That's the Equestrian stereotype. You mustn't force people to talk to you. Be relaxed. Play it cool... Oh, but don't be cold!!”

Fan Knife: “Well, we'd have to start right about now, if you want sword lessons.”
Viridia: “Oh, very well. Teach me your ways, Fan Knife-sama-sensei-senpai-san-sama...kun!”
GM: “Fan Knife made several restrained faces as Viridia spoke, a few of which looked painful and at least one which made a loud popping noise that seemed to come from her jaw.”

[CrazyPenguin]

Bah, you bipedals and your upright posture. Totally overrated.

But thumbs are pretty great.

[Fable Wright]

Bah, you bipedals and your upright posture. Totally overrated.

Under. Underrated. Bipedal walking, sweat glands, and rampant superstition are what turned humans into Slenderman over the centuries.

People kinda take those things for granted nowadays, though.

[Inevitability]

Under. Underrated. Bipedal walking, sweat glands, and rampant superstition are what turned humans into Slenderman over the centuries.

People kinda take those things for granted nowadays, though.

I'm fairly sure Slenderman can't sweat.

[DigoDragon]

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But thumbs are pretty great.

Until you smash one of your own with a closing door. :x

Under. Underrated. Bipedal walking, sweat glands, and rampant superstition are what turned humans into Slenderman over the centuries.

Eh, I'll give you Rampant Superstition. That's a pretty useful evolutionary trait when dealing with herds.

Razor Pillow: "I vote we just do it now, what's the worst that can happen?"

Nocturne: "Plans keep forming in my head, each with really crippling holes in them-"
Crash Cart: "More or less holes than the breezies enacting those plans?"
Nocturne: "I feel like the breezies would be less 'filled with holes' and more 'turned to paste'."

Crash: "Well, we discovered the science of overkill. How many level ups is that worth?"

Crash: "I'll probably borrow the Ministry of Peace self-defense tactics. Namely to lie down in fetal position and cry until the battle ends."

Astral: "Yeah, if you will excuse me, I'm just going to get into the bunker now and lock the door. Let me know when the insanity ends."
Crash: "The insanity NEVER ends."
Astral: "Then let me know when the dragon is done eating everyone, I just realise I'm out of Sparkle-Cola."
Nocturne: "Well he's a computer so..."
Astral: "I guess I see your point."
Crash: "Well, we're breezies. Probably could shove us into the tape drive."

Astral: "You just don't take my Cola without asking, ok?"
Crash: "But just imagine how long one bottle would last a Breezie!"
Astral: "They can pay for it like the rest of us. Or better yet, they can pay me if they want more from my stash. Yeesh, precocious greedy little..."

[CrazyPenguin]

Crash: "Well, we discovered the science of overkill. How many level ups is that worth?"

There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'