Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

[Inevitability]

New campaign started, some nice quotes from our characters meeting. This is in a pretty modern setting, around 12030 HE (Google Kurzgesagt HE if you don't know what that year is).

Isn't 12030 HE somewhere in the future? Wikipedia says the current year is 12017.

[Diachronos]

Player 1: "I broke the ice block puzzle before."
DM: "No, you fixed that puzzle."

Game Spectator: "Have you tried licking it?"
Player 1: "No, this isn't one of my puzzles."

[LastCenturion]

Isn't 12030 HE somewhere in the future? Wikipedia says the current year is 12017.

This is true. It's mostly modern, a little bit in the future. General summary is that everything goes terribly in a few years and most world governments become super isolationist, super totalitarian, or both. We're in America, which is both. We're trying to...

Actually, it'd take a while to flesh out the whole thing. I'll make a campaign diary for it though. Setting it up as soon as I post this and check my other subscriptions.

EDIT: Link is here.

[DigoDragon]

Moon: “My perk is fine, just a boatload of skill points.”
Doc: “Embracing your inner earth pony?”
Moon: “Heh, it really is a reflection of what Moonshadow has been doing lately; Sneaking around, picking locks, and shooting things.”
Doc: “I wanted something to be better at shooting things, but alas, doesn't exist with cybernetics. I am a bit jealous of that part.”
Moon: “If it makes you feel better, getting better at shooting was the one skill that Moonshadow didn't get.
Doc: “Because when Moon and Doc are back to back in a shootout with super mutants, Doc can rest easy knowing Moon isn't going to hit her targets?”
Moon: *throws down a cloud-bomb, Doc finds himself back to back with a mop*

Choro: “By the power of Greyskull!”

Doc: “Generally it isn't a good idea to pick fights with intangible things that have an intelligence score.”
Moon: “Nonsense. Not only is it profitable and gets rid of annoying hauntings, you can then turn your experiences into a wildly popular film that becomes a cult classic. Followed by two really bad sequels.”

Doc: “Moony might want to ask if Matrix grenades are gonna hurt her two cyborg friends.”
Moon: “I figure one of those cyborgs can tell her that themselves.”
Doc: “Only if she lets them know she's packing grenades.”
Moon: “Don't worry, she'll share her new toys with the group.”
Doc: “Is that info forthcoming somewhere in the middle of combat with the robots?”
Moon: “By the way, I got these!” *boom!*

[D.KnightSpider]

Bradford: Sir, the new capture reports have arrived. One of them is another Albino Squid. The other... appears to be some sort of... cartoon horse?
Zander: ... Is this another joke, Bradford?
Bradford: No, sir. This came straight from Dr. Vahlen.
Zander: Ask her if she's been drinking again. Wait. Ask her if she's been playing with the Alien Entertainment Device again then ask her if she's been drinking.

GM: That's the last one. The UFO is yours.
Lisa: Great. First item of business: pick up the van.
Ray: Whatever you say. Although just how you're going to set this thing down in the middle of Los Angeles without attracting attention is beyond me.
GM: Actually, I think your first item of business should be figuring out how to fly the thing. Because, spoiler alert, you can't.

Ray: UFOs run on brain power.

Lisa: Being cybernetic isn't supposed to be a drawback!

Lisa: *punches the control panel*
Control Panel: *shatters*
UFO: *starts dropping out of the sky*
Lisa: ... Percussive maintenance isn't supposed to work this way...

Ray: Breakfast Items

Ray: We're about to drop a UFO onto a heavily-populated city.
Lisa: At least this time it's unintentional?

Fashion Statement: Finally, someone in charge! I wish to lodge a complaint with your service. These accommodations appear to be nothing more than a rather large and drab fishbowl. Seahorses live in fishbowls, and I'm not that kind of girl.

Fashion Statement: I can assure you, I am not in league with the aliens.
Zander: Doubt it. You were seen palling around with an Albino.
Fashion Statement: I'd never! I have half a mind to sue you for slander!

Gumdrop: The politically correct phrase, Mr. Zander, is 'Great White Flumph'.

Zander: One of his kind, *points at Gumdrop* killed three of my men.
Fashion Statement: Ooooh... Awkward...

[Beacon of Chaos]

Lisa: Being cybernetic isn't supposed to be a drawback!

Remember parents, always talk to your cybernetic children about proper rust-proofing.

---

Sinclair: I record the whole thing. There's a Space Youtube, right?

Sara: Have you thought about a hobby?
Sinclair: Hmm...
Fiona: Have you thought about... gambling?

Fiona: A package has arrived for me from Space Amazon.

Fiona: I was so drunk I nearly picked a fight with a slot machine.
Sinclair: I did that once. Never again.

Spectre: I don't drink.
Ax: You do now.

Ax: What do you know about girls?
Spectre: Well, I've done research...

Ax: Orion, have you met Spectre?
Orion: How's it going?
Spectre: H-H-Hello, your name's Spectre. I mean-

Ax: For the record, in terms of personality, Orion is this.
Entire group: *Raucous laughter*

Sinclair: Damn!
Spectre: What?
Sinclair: We should have made your last name "Gadget"!

Ax: Hey, it's Space Obama! Spobama!

GM: No, no charm. You'll have to exploit your mastery of paperwork for this one.
Ax: Uh oh.

GM: He played a stunning rendition of the national anthem for no one and his cat.
Ax: I don't have a cat.
GM: You do now.

GM: A pair of boobs walks towards you.
Sinclair: Is it Mai Valentine?

[IntelectPaladin]

Alright, here are a few more for you today:

Me: Well, why didn't you inform me we weren't conquering the evil empire!? I've got nine statues on standby already!"
Splitting the party backfired. On it's own backfire.
Druid:"War. What is it good for anyways. What good use could there be for an entire nation to call on it's soldiers lives.."
Me:"Let's see.. Defending yourself against a totalitarian aggressor, destroying a threat to existence itself, freeing slaves of a nation,"
Druid: "Yes, well-"
Me:"Dealing with raiders from another world, destroying an evil dragon, (Or defending a just dragon,)
Druid:"Alright, I get it, that's enough."
(Short pause.)
Me: "Well, you don't have to be such a bear about it."
The only reason I survived that terrible pun was both my apology, and my empire.
DM: "The empire of silver has split into two factions so far. The ones who support the new emperor,
and the ones who want your head on a pike."
Me:" Wait a moment, were they being literal?"
DM:"I suppose so, why do you ask?"
Me:" I ask for the opposition's messenger to be sent in, and then.."
(Short time.)
Messenger: "Unsurper! I come bearing your-...Where is the pretender? And why is this battle-standard placed on the Silver Throne?
Me(With my undead head atop the pike): "Perhaps this arrangement would suit the rebellion's various requests, I imagine?"
Messenger:*Faints in the most ungraceful way possible.*
He swan-dived into the nice tiling.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you have a better day!

[LastCenturion]

Party Face, on our plans: "today, a city. tomorrow, a state. the day after that is wednesday, which is poker night with the Lochsons, but the day after that we do America. After that, some other country. Saturday is league night, but Sunday we can probably take the UN. Let's find out!"

Ranger: "ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED"
NPC: "Basically."

Ranger: "It's actually just infested with half-demons; it's fine."

Sniper: "I just realized; I'm the Illuminati"
Face: "I KNEW IT!"

DM: "Wait, what are you riding?"
Sniper: "The Ranger."
Ranger: "Full attack with a penknife, jerk."

Me: "I have a sword larger than I am strapped to my back. Will that affect negotiations?"

Sniper (OoC): "Who has the biggest weapon? I'll shoot that one."
Me (OoC): "I think that's me."

Me: "How hard is it to kill a boat, anyways?"

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

Lisa: Being cybernetic isn't supposed to be a drawback!

My cybernetic Doctor agrees with this. :3

Lisa:[/B] ... Percussive maintenance isn't supposed to work this way...

I find that works less effectively the more modern the tech. Future alien computers probably even less so.

Fashion Statement:[/B] Finally, someone in charge! I wish to lodge a complaint with your service. These accommodations appear to be nothing more than a rather large and drab fishbowl. Seahorses live in fishbowls, and I'm not that kind of girl.

Best hero returns.

Sinclair: I record the whole thing. There's a Space Youtube, right?

Apparently there's a Space Hulu, so...

Sinclair: Damn!
Spectre: What?
Sinclair: We should have made your last name "Gadget"!

Pfffthahaha!!

Me: "Well, you don't have to be such a bear about it."

Hee hee, I get it. :3

Me: "How hard is it to kill a boat, anyways?"

Real easy if you're on the boat. ;)

Moon: “Why did I not think of this stuff before they got into the pod?”
Doc: “Because Moonshadow wasn't making any money off it then?”

Fan Knife: “The only difference between the two are the metal to meat ratios.”

Doc: “Should I see myself out, or...?”
Abbas: “You could jump out the window.”

Doc: “And with that, I jump out of a perfectly serviceable building.”

Nightcore: “Stellar, if I knew the dog would pull you out as soon as you finished surgery, I would've kept them waiting.”

Choro: “Do you two have dreams? Not literally. Do you have goals? Ambitions?”
Cassidy: “Find a safe spot to settle down, a job, patricide, the usual. I'd probably be taking care of whatever kids my sister ends up popping out, so that's about as far as I've gotten on the settling down side of things.”
Choro: “Aww... [Strawberry] wants to find love?”
Doc: “Choro, I do not think that means what you think it means.”

[Inevitability]

DM (singing): Behold Rhogji / the brave roguadin! / His cranium / is all empty within!
Player: Still smarter than some of the PC's we've had.

[Inevitability]

New campaign!

The players are a duergar eldritch knight, a human paladin, a half-orc barbarian and a barbarian/ranger/moon druid. The campaign plot involves them trying to survive in a monster-filled postapocalyptic world after waking up with no memory.

DM: So, what alignment did you settle on? TN? CN?
Barbarian: CE.
DM: So you're CE, the paladin is LE, the eldritch knight LG... Wait a minute I need to check something.
Ranger: Yeah, I'm CG.
DM: I refuse to believe this is unintentional.
Paladin: We average out to neutrality!

Barbarian: An apocalypse campaign? That means zombies!
DM: You're level 10!
Barbarian: Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!

Paladin: So, when are we going to get XP for this roleplaying?
DM: WHAT ROLEPLAYING?

DM: Just for the record, everyone is naked.
Paladin: Is my moose too?

Fighter: Did he cast Find Steed already?
DM: More like FIEND Steed, amirite?
Paladin: Actually, my moose is a celestial I've forced to serve me.
DM: That is needlessly cruel, incredibly silly, and most importantly; rules-legal.

Ranger: I said my character was animal-tastic, not animalistic!

Ranger: I am known as... the battleranger!
Barbarian: You need a new name.

DM: Seriously, guys? You're splitting the party in the second room?

Barbarian: I vote for whoever is fattest!
DM: That would be the moose.

Barbarian: How about you hire me and I give you food.
Paladin: Fine. However, since I didn't say for how long I had to employ you, I immediately fire you. Now give me the food.
Barbarian: I'm going to steal it back!
DM: Lawful Evil meets Chaotic Evil, I see.

DM: It's amazing how you can have alignments that are completely opposite yet have the cause of your fights be stuff like 'who gets what piece of loot?'.

DM: You're saying you run through the tunnel?
Barbarian: ...I meant to say 'walk' there.

DM: Let me get this straight: you are going to cut open the mutated frost giant's bowels, then examine whatever half-digested, filthy, possibly also mutated meat you find in there?
Paladin: Basically.
DM: *sigh* Roll for necrogastroenterology.

Barbarian: I begin chopping off heads!
Paladin: They aren't mine, are they?

DM: It's funny how the CE and LG guys are getting along best.

DM: Feeding something doesn't automatically tame it.

[DigoDragon]

DM: Feeding something doesn't automatically tame it.

Unless you're James of Team Rocket. :x


Digo: "It was a unicornacopia of crap."

Spoiler: Wherein I Gained a Level in Snarking.

Show

Mel: "You gave me five tarts."
GM: "From where?"
Digo: England, I think."
Nick: "Salty little creatures, aren't they?"

GM: "In the morning, everyone takes a look at your chest. -I mean, your mimic's chest. -Err, the box. Thing. ARG!!"

GM: "Under his duster you see a six-shooter and a Bowie Knife."
Digo: "Ah, he's that kind of wizard. I think Terry Pratchett is gonna sue someone."

GM: "You notice Eddie is now a girl."
Digo: "What, like woke up one morning and made a decision, or...?"

Digo: "I see that the mule ate all our Wheaties."

Digo: "If you find it in your heart to forgive me, which Eddie splattered all over that tree..."

GM: "This hobgoblin suddenly launches straight up twenty feet into the air."
Nick: "I assume not under his own control?"
Digo: "Because everyone dreams of throwing themselves into the air for damage."

Digo: "Dude, there's no 'I' in team, unless you're the one in the 'A' hole."

GM: "Eddie hit his hoof so hard, his mulehood pops back out."
Everyone in the battle, both PCs and enemy hobgoblins: *Stops combat to stare blankly at the GM*

Digo: "The mage takes 5 damage and 7 damage."
GM: "He continues to run away for another 90 feet-"
Digo: "Oh, wait! I forgot my Favored Enemy bonus. That's another 8 damage."
GM: "-and he dies tired."

Mimic: "I haven't a name yet."
Mel: "I dub thee, Ethan Allen."

GM: "You see a treasure chest in the room."
Mel: "Guys, I have a chest."
Digo: "Yes. Yes you do."
Mel: "A treasure chest."
Digo: "One man's booty..."
Mel: "I am going to hit you."

GM: "You notice that the party is larger by two members."
Digo: "And bloodier by five."

Bahamut: "Trick-or-Treat ain't for another six months. Knock it off!"

Digo: "He's our combat porter."

Mimic: "What's paper?"
Nick: "It used to be your cousin Irvine."

GM: "So while you're all strapping armor to a chest..."

Digo: "Ah ha! Now you see the double-standard inherent in the system!"

Bard: "I think the ranger can tell that story better than I."
Digo: "Oh no you didn't!"

Mel: "There's a dragon in the woods. It ate the bandits."
City Guard: "There's a dragon in the woods?!"
Mel: "He's not local."
City Guard: "So the dragon is just passing through?"
Nick: "So are the bandits at this point."

Chris: "Put it on the Writs."

Digo: "So the mimic could have been the team barbarian? I mean, he's got the bare chest for it."
Entire Party & GM: *Groans*

[Sith_Happens]

DM: "Okay, I'm about to do something really cheesy."
Shonen (OOC): "Did you mean: 'This campaign?'"

August: "Do I need to call your father?"
Big Bad: "My father is dead."
August: "That won't stop me."

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

DM: It's funny how the CE and LG guys are getting along best.

Wow, those two must have some heck of a chemistry between them to work together well.

DM: "Okay, I'm about to do something really cheesy."
Shonen (OOC): "Did you mean: 'This campaign?'"

Shots fired! XD

GM: “Given that Choro also apparently missed that one of Cassidy’s dreams is patricide, perhaps Choro's Stable is a lot darker then we all originally imagined.”
Choro: “The phrase is 'willfully blind'.”

Doc's Post: “Thinking we should motion to be done so we can move the plot forward some to the next part—shopping Shipping!”
GM: “Fixed that for you.”

Viridia: “He's bald?”
Doc: “Hubcaps actually, with the little spinners.”

Viridia: “Viridia wanted to look over the room some more, then decided to follow Fan Knife. Into the closet.”

Viridia: “Instead of looking for anything cool, it looks like Viridia is staring longingly at Fan Knife. Hilarity ensues.”
Doc: “The Knifu Fun Closet. Walk-ins welcome.”
GM: “Fan Knife's actual 'Fun Closet' would be the hospital’s interrogation room, which was there before the world ended.”
Doc: “This must have been an interesting place to work at before the bombs.”

Doc: “I hope that's a saddlebag she borrowed from Nightcore. Otherwise, Stellar has amazing reach.”
GM: “Nightcore has no saddlebags Stellar could borrow, because magic and being part of an idealized lesbian couple.”
Doc: “How does that second part even equate to not having a saddlebag?”
Moon: “Because clearly they don't have any baggage.”

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "Long, long ago, when the gods were still young, this group met for our previous session."

Sheogorath: "My goal is to get a blowjob from the world."

DM: "Remember that time I got through an entire room description without being interrupted? Neither do I BECAUSE IT NEVER F***ING HAPPENED"

Draco: "Killing animals isn't hilarious, it's just fun."

DM: "For a brief moment, the street is calm. Then, Draco flies through the bar window."
Shad: "For f***'s sake!"

Ella: "I use my familiar to cheat at cards."

DM: "We cut back to the street outside, where some guy has just finished cleaning up the shards of broken bar window. [A paladin] smashed through the other window."
Shad: "I WALK OUT OF THE ROOM FOR 30 SECONDS AND YOU GET INTO TWO BAR FIGHTS. FOR. F***'S. SAKE."

DM: "He flies through the hole where the window was. Because you've already broken every window in this bar."

DM: "We're past 'losing sanity.' My sanity has been shattered, ground into dust, set on fire, passed through the digestive system of a cat, and launched into the sun."

DM: "[The cleric] finished casting raise dead. You are now alive."
Harukai: "I start screaming."

Sheogorath: "I buy a yellow robe."
DM: "Okay. You are now the King in Yellow. Have fun, try not to be killed by crazy old men with C-4"

DM: "Not one of you will just do this in a reasonable manner, will you."

DM: "This poor squire. In the past thirty seconds he's been groped, insulted, emasculated, and nearly stabbed three times."

DM: "They are drinking dark red wine."
Sheogorath: "Okay, I sit down."
DM: "Really?"
Sheogorath: "Yes?"

Sheogorath: "Wait! I wanted red robes, not yellow."
DM: "Well, well just retcon it. FOR I AM KIND AND MERCIFUL."
Sheogorath: "Nah."
DM: "You sure? I'll let you have red robes instead."
Sheogorath: "No! I'll just pour the wine all over my robes!"

Sheogorath: "It's not really 'leather armor' as much as 'kinky sex gear.'"

NPC Paladin: "Would you like to join [knightly order of paladins]."
Draco: "You don't know us very well, do you?"

DM: *gets up, walks out of the room, sits down on the kitchen floor, and laugh-cries*

Draco: "I don't understand why people say 'lmao' and 'lol.' Like, neither of those sound like laughing."

DM: "You figure it would be best to keep [the dragon eggs] warm and moist."
Draco: "So could we-"
DM: "No."

DM: "I step out of the room for thirty seconds and the campaign becomes an orgy."

Gana: "So how long've you been green?"

DM: "One day, there will be an enemy strong enough to pose a serious threat to Draco.
Draco: "But it is not this day."

DM: "I regret giving you that sword. So very, very much."

[Inevitability]

Wow, those two must have some heck of a chemistry between them to work together well.

I didn't say they worked together well, I said that out of all party members they got along best.

Sadly, that's more because of CG's and LE's behavior than anything else.

[solidork]

Half-Orc War Cleric: "Can I just... burrito him?"

[Shinn]

Barbarian - Listen, I understand that you're broke, you need money, yadda yadda, but I'm sure you won't get anything good by robbing it.

Rogue - Oh ? And why so, Mr "Smarter-than-thou" ?

Barbarian - Because you want to pickpocket a snake, damnit !

DM - Actually, he gets a point.

[CrazyPenguin]

DM: "The entire dungeon is mimics. Except for the empty space, which is gelatinous cubes."

[vasilidor]

(ME):"No, I don't consider Manx to be over powered...
...in rifts..."

(ME):"Is it immune to acid?"

GM:"you see a Basilisk, coming down the trail."
Everyone(-dwarf/me): we hide from it.
Dwarf/me: "I take a picture of it!!"

DM: "why does your character keep trying to be friendly with the monster?"

me:"the answer to your riddle is" *fireball* *rolls damage* "and the same to all other riddles"


GM:"you see a spider-"
Me:"I shoot it"

[Grimjudgment]

Fighter: I wave to the entity if chaos
(Me) DM: The chaos entity teleports in front of you
Fighter: I poke it
DM: You turn green
Fighter: I poke it again
DM: The chaos entity turns green and you revert to normal.
Rouge: Guys, get back on task, we need to find those cats that are lost in Limbo! Bubble buddy, can you help us?
DM: Bubble buddy, really?
Fighter: he's definitely bubble buddy
Wizard and cleric both agree
DM: Okay, fine, you can can call him bubble buddy.


The chaos entity in Limbo essentially became the most liked NPC in the game. I don't know whether to be proud or ashamed that I turned a chaos entity into "Bubble Buddy"

One of my players even drew him and everything.

[ZeroGear]

Reason: "Why are we in the Everfree again?"
Fluttershy: "Oh, um, picking herbs?"
Reason: "Why did we agree to this again?"
Drift: "Because we needed work?"
Reason: "Why do I keep listening to you again?"
Drift: "Because I'm your friend?"
Reason: "...I don't think that right."

DM: Off in the distance, you hear something big approaching.
Reason: How big?
DM: This big.
Drift: ...damn that's big.

Reason: "Tree pegasai and no plan amongst you?"
Thunderlane: "None of us are really known for our planning ability."
Reason: "And this just enforces my theory that most pegasai are birdbrains."

Reason: "...all of you, shut up before I make you into a pegasus turducken!"
Drift: "...that sounds both delicious and painful at the same time."

Drift: "Where did she pull that cannon?"

Drift: "What's got you in a huff?"
Reason: "My nose is jammed full of confetti. All I can smell is pink."

Pinkie Pie: "You can stay with me tonight!"
Drift: "Sweet!"
Reason: "Should I be worried of what's going to happen?"
Pinkie Pie: "Don't worry, I'll tie him to the bedpost!"
Reason: "...I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that."

Twilight: "Would you like to stay in the castle tonight?"
Reason: "Depends, am I going to wake up with wires coming out of my head?"
Twilight: "Um...no?"
Reason: "Good enough for me."

DM: As you walk into the room, you notice several items strewn about the room in a disorderly manner, including a tuba, a trombone, checkers, a twister game, several streamers and...some other things. On the floor, you notice a pink sleeping bag containing two occupants. One is your friend, who seems to be held immobile by the other occupant, who is wrapped around him as if he was some sort of huggable plus animal.
Drift: "I'm trying to figure out ow to wake her without dying."
DM: As you look up, you notice that there seems to be some sort of large crack in the ceiling right above them.
Reason: "...I'm just going to slowly back out of the room, close the door, and pretend I didn't see anything."

Reason: "Must you hit on everything that is sentient and has a pair of ovaries?"
Drift: "...maybe?"
Reason: "...do I need to worry about little Surprises bouncing around some time in the future?"
Drift: "Noooooo, I don't think so."
Reason: "Are you sure?"
Drift: "Pretty sure."
Reason: "Give me a percentage."
Drift: "I'm about 85% sure."
Reason: "And the other 15%?"
Drift: "Those are the events from last night I can't remember."
MR. Cake: "Say sonny, why is the tub filled with banana pudding?"
Drift: "...including that one."

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

DM: *gets up, walks out of the room, sits down on the kitchen floor, and laugh-cries*

I know that feeling, buddy. Players don't let players break GMs. D:

I didn't say they worked together well, I said that out of all party members they got along best.
Sadly, that's more because of CG's and LE's behavior than anything else.

Oh! I thought that... hmm. That's not a good sign of the party's future.

Half-Orc War Cleric: "Can I just... burrito him?"

I hope that's just the half-orc mispronouncing "berate". >.>

Barbarian - Because you want to pickpocket a snake, damnit !

Pffft. :3

When the barbarian makes a better logical argument...

DM: "The entire dungeon is mimics. Except for the empty space, which is gelatinous cubes."

I think there was an actual dungeon like this in 2nd ed. D&D O.o;

Well, maybe not so much the cubes. That's a touch different.

GM:"you see a spider-"
Me:"I shoot it"

Appropriate response, really.
(course if the spider happened to be the party's pet, then expect some massive revenge from the PCs upon thee who slain it)

The chaos entity in Limbo essentially became the most liked NPC in the game. I don't know whether to be proud or ashamed that I turned a chaos entity into "Bubble Buddy"

One of my players even drew him and everything.

I would just accept this and be proud of my creation. The fanart alone says something about the NPC. XD

Drift: ...damn that's big.

"It was wearing a kraken and dreadnought as earrings!"

Drift: "What's got you in a huff?"
Reason: "My nose is jammed full of confetti. All I can smell is pink."

Pffthahaha!

DM: As you walk into the room, you notice several items strewn about the room in a disorderly manner, including a tuba, a trombone, checkers, a twister game, several streamers and...some other things. On the floor, you notice a pink sleeping bag containing two occupants. One is your friend, who seems to be held immobile by the other occupant, who is wrapped around him as if he was some sort of huggable plus animal.

Some stallions have all the luck?

Seriously, this campaign has my interests and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. :D

Stitchheart: “I will need you to flex your right arm, to test the muscle implants.”
Doc: “Sure, seems reasonable to inspect the work.” (*flexes his new gun show*)
GM: “Doc might have noticed by now that Stitchheart didn't seem to be especially thrilled to be measuring his suddenly moderately buff self.”

Choro: “If Choro knew what I knew, she'd nominate Armoise for that extra spot. He's an occultist, so widespread bloody murder for an unknown reason should hopefully intrigue him.”

Doc: “Doesn't have to be equal, but all too often the two are picnic buddies sharing a bucket of fried chicken.”

Dr. Stitchheart: “Your friends said that you were to sleep on the way there. I would imagine that would be a conversation you would have with them.”
Doc: “Alright, let me go nap before I get dragged off to Walt Deathney World.”

Doc: “Well, glad Choro is a heavy sleeper then, because Doc will have to move her to get his clothes back.”

[Inevitability]

Player: If I ever make a giant ocean-swimming monster again, it's going to be able to navigate in a straight line.

[Recherché]

GM: What problems can't be solved with enough child soldiers?

Sera: We start by giving the children ranged weapons in their lunchboxes.
Izzy: Right because they need to protect themselves from dire bears.

[bulbaquil]

DM: As you walk into the room, you notice several items strewn about the room in a disorderly manner, including a tuba, a trombone, checkers, a twister game, several streamers and...some other things.

Is it bad that I interpreted "streamers" as meaning "people who broadcast live on Twitch/YouTube/etc."?

[ZeroGear]

Is it bad that I interpreted "streamers" as meaning "people who broadcast live on Twitch/YouTube/etc."?

The question is, what would they be streaming?

[bulbaquil]

The question is, what would they be streaming?

Gelatinous Cube Tetris? Where all the blocks are made out of acidic, sword-destroying goo.

[Inevitability]

Gelatinous Cube Tetris? Where all the blocks are made out of acidic, sword-destroying goo.

Read that as Gelatinous Cube Tennis for a moment.

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses!

Show

Player: If I ever make a giant ocean-swimming monster again, it's going to be able to navigate in a straight line.

I once witnessed my players actually rationalize that a drone they saw driving in a straight line was carrying a bomb. Which I was proud of because it had been some time since I explained that the model drone in question was designed to drive in circles (it mowed lawns).

GM: What problems can't be solved with enough child soldiers?

My old local group were pretty much murderhobos, but even they would say I'd of gone too far if I did this.

Is it bad that I interpreted "streamers" as meaning "people who broadcast live on Twitch/YouTube/etc."?

The question is, what would they be streaming?

The event that made the crack in the ceiling.

Maiden: “Now that we are alone here, just how will you pass the time?”

Fan Knife: “They're probably trying to find the bathrooms or or something.”
Viridia: “They're going to get themselves killed.”

Moon: “Where is Andante anyways?”
Viridia: “She told me to say that she's doing groceries. I'm pretty sure it was something like that.”
Moon: “So she's not doing groceries then.”

GM: “Fan Knife raised an eyebrow, and she sniffled, which was impressive for someone who was missing most of her nose.”

Doc: “Oh yes, warm clothes. Oooh, fresh scent too!”

Viridia: “They're probably dangerous in the 'I could stab you' type, but if you're getting danger, that's the kind you want, right?”
Fan Knife: “And how could you tell that she was a military mare, and not some up-jumped gang leader trying to claim a history?”
Viridia: “She knew a hippo who's part of their Legion thing, who we met.”
Fan Knife: “A hippo?”
Viridia: “Yeah. Brutus. We killed pirates together.”
Fan Knife: “…”