LGBTAI+ #58 Infinity 2.0: The Darth Arminius Apology Thread

[Xihirli]

Today was my first birthday as a girl and the GSA sang me "happy birthday" and they used my chosen name and it was beautiful.

[JusticeZero]

my upbringing gives me no tools for how to deal with this.

Well, what did you want to accomplish with dealing with it? that's sort've the starting point.. :)

[Grytorm]

I'm up in Seattle for a few days by myself. Brought my skirt up to wear but forgot my earrings and lipstick. Started to think about how little I've done in the last 2 years. And that stupid unresolved uncertainty. Now I go sleep.

[ArlEammon]

I"m at a major crossroads in my life, please PM me if you want to counsel a grief stricken guy who doesn't want to go looney

[Heliomance]

Just had a letter from the hospital about surgery. 10-12 month wait to get an outpatients appointment, then another 2-6 months after that for surgery. I've spent a chunk of this evening weeping - it's just taking so long.

[noparlpf]

That's nuts. I'm sorry, Helio.

[EternalMelon]

Went to my first LGBTA+ Meetup! And my second! I was super shy during the first meeting but I went out all done up for the second and made friends! Friends that were fine with my awkward shyness! Also left my house done up today, so that's liberating, and scary.

EDIT: Now my brains going back over the whole event trying to pick it apart and show me how awkward and terrible I was. But I aint havin' none of that ****.

[Serpentine]

Watching a Korean movie called Man On High Heels right now. It's a gangster action movie, where the hero is also a trans woman secretly going through transition.
It's really interesting so far. A bit of a mixed bag between extremely problematic and, I think, quite well done. Like, I'm pretty sure (though I don't really know) all the trans characters are played by cis people, albeit some by men and some by women; and at one point a doctor tells the main character to avoid doing things to "act like a man", like swearing or drinking, because otherwise the hormones won't work. On the other hand, the main character is a huge badass, and it seems to be fairly sensitive to how hard the process can be. I think that if you like the idea of an action-drama movie with a trans protagonist, and you won't find the problematic stuff too upsetting, it might be worth having a look.

[Delusion]

swearing[/B] or drinking, because otherwise the hormones won't work.

So thats why my boobs are still so tiny.

[Serpentine]

So thats why my boobs are still so tiny.

Literally the context in the movie.
*doctor pokes at main characters chest*
"I hope you're not still lifting weights. We should be seeing more results by now."
*goes into long list of all the manly things the main character should stop doing that will interfere with the hormones*

[Lentrax]

Well, s***. I guess I'd better cancel my usual weekend of Arnie movies, cigar smoking, and binge drinking.*

* Lentrax does not actually drink or smoke. And she only occasionally watches Arnie movies.

[Lissou]

Plus I'd think that working out your pecs may help a little bit if what you want if for your breasts to be more visible. I know some women who've had success with it, and it's true they weren't trans but for a trans woman who is taking hormones I don't expect the situation would be different. As I understand, hormones are the big reason why muscles develop differently on people who were AMAB vs AFAB, and once you're taking hormones you're fine.

[noparlpf]

I don't know anything about breasts, but I'd assume it'd look more prominent if the thing it's on top of is bigger?

[Lissou]

I don't know anything about breasts, but I'd assume it'd look more prominent if the thing it's on top of is bigger?

Right. That's what I meant. So the whole thing makes even less sense to me than the "don't swear", which is just silly but won't change anything one way or the other.

[Dire Moose]

Great to hear things are going so well for you, Xihirli and EternalMelon.

Heliomance, I'm sorry they're making you wait so long.

Ravens_cry: Maybe respond if you like the guy, ignore it if not?

Also, remember when I posted this?

One good thing coming up for me in the near future I should mention.

Back when I was having a major crisis about my gender identity last fall/winter, I talked to a lot of people in order to help try to make sense of myself. Most of them were unable to help me resolve it despite having dealt with it a lot themselves, including a professional gender therapist.

Finally, one trans woman who had been talking with me on this one IRC (which ravens_cry is also a member of) was able to calm me down like nobody else really could, and really spent some time with me helping work things out and put them in perspective. We've remained close friends after that, and she was also with me through losing my job and my girlfriend last summer, where she was able to help lift me out of that.

As it turns out, she's having her SRS done in late October right here in the Phoenix area, where she'll be staying for almost a month. We're both looking forward to finally meeting in person. :)

Well, we've continued talking over Skype about various things every day since then, and have become very close to each other, more so than anyone else either of us have met before. At this point, we've mutually decided to take the next step and she's my girlfriend now. We both love each other and look forward to the future, and even though we live far away, her living situation was always a temporary one while she cleared up a few things, so she will be moving to Phoenix in about a year's time or so. In the meantime, we've arranged to visit each other several times over the next year.

[Lentrax]

Great to hear things are going so well for you, Xihirli and EternalMelon.

Heliomance, I'm sorry they're making you wait so long.

Ravens_cry: Maybe respond if you like the guy, ignore it if not?

Also, remember when I posted this?



Well, we've continued talking over Skype about various things every day since then, and have become very close to each other, more so than anyone else either of us have met before. At this point, we've mutually decided to take the next step and she's my girlfriend now. We both love each other and look forward to the future, and even though we live far away, her living situation was always a temporary one while she cleared up a few things, so she will be moving to Phoenix in about a year's time or so. In the meantime, we've arranged to visit each other several times over the next year.

*hugs*

Congrats on taking that step. It's a big one and you both deserve it. I wish for nothing but happy times for both of you.

[Xihirli]

Other thing: I have now built up enough estrogen to have cramps.

Mixed feelings.

Namely, they are "YAAAAAAY" and "OWWWWWW."

[Comrade]

Well, we've continued talking over Skype about various things every day since then, and have become very close to each other, more so than anyone else either of us have met before. At this point, we've mutually decided to take the next step and she's my girlfriend now. We both love each other and look forward to the future, and even though we live far away, her living situation was always a temporary one while she cleared up a few things, so she will be moving to Phoenix in about a year's time or so. In the meantime, we've arranged to visit each other several times over the next year.

That's great to hear, Dire Moose. Glad things are going well for you.

[Jormengand]

Other thing: I have now built up enough estrogen to have cramps.

Mixed feelings.

Namely, they are "YAAAAAAY" and "OWWWWWW."

Ugh, yes, this is familiar. All the hugs, if you want them.

[Xihirli]

Hugs are nice most of the time.

[Lissou]

Are those cramps in the lower abdominal area, or something completely different? Either way, congrats and commiseration :)

[Heliomance]

Other thing: I have now built up enough estrogen to have cramps.

Mixed feelings.

Namely, they are "YAAAAAAY" and "OWWWWWW."

I had cramps some months ago, looked into the matter, and discovered that actually "period" cramps in trans women aren't a thing. Mine were due to trapped wind!

We don't have a uterus to tear itself apart, so your cramps almost certainly aren't to do with the oestrogen. Sorry!

[Jormengand]

I had cramps some months ago, looked into the matter, and discovered that actually "period" cramps in trans women aren't a thing.

This is odd, because mine have been pretty regularly on the expected cycle multiple times in a row. Either I'm weird and my body is massively overreacting to what it thinks should be happening, or it's just a massive coincidence.

[Serpentine]

I had cramps some months ago, looked into the matter, and discovered that actually "period" cramps in trans women aren't a thing. Mine were due to trapped wind!

We don't have a uterus to tear itself apart, so your cramps almost certainly aren't to do with the oestrogen. Sorry!

I've been wondering about that, since it seems to be fairly common among trans women I know. I figured that since the "spoot out all the stuff" hormone also works to the same effect on the poopchute it must still have an effect in the absence of a uterus. I wonder what's going on there.

[Astrella]

Well the estrogen I take (estradiolvalerate) does list cramps as a side effect and do have cramps once a while so I don't think it's unusual.

[Iethloc]

I haven't had any cramps, but my migraines, which used to be very regular (once a month I get several in a row over a few days, and I've already heard the obvious comparison), have become much more irregular. They're also less severe, which is unusual considering I've heard a lot of times that feminizing HRT can cause migraines or make them worse.


A little over a month ago, I decided when I was going to go full time: my birthday, December 4th. As it draws closer, I've been getting more and more nervous about it. I've been nervous about whether I'll lose enough weight before then, if my face will change enough before then, about how strangers will react to a 6ft woman with broad shoulders, and a lot more. It's been getting bad the past couple of days.

I have a couple appointments today. The distraction should help.

[Lappy9001]

So, I'm not really a regular around the thread but I'm interested in being a private consultant for people who need help. If I'm able and you guys are looking for people to fill that role.

A little over a month ago, I decided when I was going to go full time: my birthday, December 4th. As it draws closer, I've been getting more and more nervous about it. I've been nervous about whether I'll lose enough weight before then, if my face will change enough before then, about how strangers will react to a 6ft woman with broad shoulders, and a lot more. It's been getting bad the past couple of days.

I have a couple appointments today. The distraction should help.

Good for you!

The first time I went 'out' in public was simultaneously one of the most frightening and liberating experiences of my life. The best advice I can give is that if people are looking at you, assume it's because you look gorgeous unless they give you reason to believe otherwise

One thing I've noticed about being a trans woman is that I've gotten really perceptive to other people's eyes on me, but don't let it get you anxious or it'll drive you crazy. I've been really startled at how much confidence I've gained since transitioning and I've been continually pleasantly surprised at people's reactions. I will say that if you're already on HRT, you might get outed by your appearance before you're ready. I've been on it for about 9 weeks and I've already had some people note that my face has changed slightly. There's also the chance that you're inclined to being on the busty side which might cause breast development to happen relatively quickly. Of course, everyone is different but it's something to be aware of.

Also, I"m 6'3" and love heels if that makes you feel any better about your height

[Xihirli]

Are those cramps in the lower abdominal area, or something completely different? Either way, congrats and commiseration :)

Thank you!

[Iethloc]

I will say that if you're already on HRT, you might get outed by your appearance before you're ready. I've been on it for about 9 weeks and I've already had some people note that my face has changed slightly. There's also the chance that you're inclined to being on the busty side which might cause breast development to happen relatively quickly. Of course, everyone is different but it's something to be aware of.

I've actually been on HRT for just over 5 months now, and my face has changed a whole lot, partly thanks to me shaving all of my facial hair now. Strangers still gender me male. It's surprised me how much that can hurt, even though I haven't made any attempt to present as female.

As for breast development, I'm pretty sure I'm so inclined, and I'm happy with what's happened so far. They definitely won't be a hindrance when the time comes.

Also, I"m 6'3" and love heels if that makes you feel any better about your height

It does, actually. I don't stress over my height very often, but it just makes stuff worse when I do since I can't change it. I don't think I'll be wearing heels much, though.

[Lappy9001]

I've actually been on HRT for just over 5 months now, and my face has changed a whole lot, partly thanks to me shaving all of my facial hair now. Strangers still gender me male. It's surprised me how much that can hurt, even though I haven't made any attempt to present as female.

Yeah, it stings, especially when I do present female (which is most of the time). Even unintentional misgendering hurts (like 'man', 'dude', 'guys', etc) even I know that wasn't the intent. It's caused me to get better myself about saying stuff like that.

It does, actually. I don't stress over my height very often, but it just makes stuff worse when I do since I can't change it. I don't think I'll be wearing heels much, though.

But they're so comfortable

But I might be an oddball there since I've taken to wearing heels like a duck takes to water.