Things I May No Longer Do While Playing XI: I May Not Postpone Naming My Thread

[goto124]

*** I am proactively banned from taking notes on this for next Saturday's session.

**** Must not attempt to make Digo read the alt text of the next comic strip, Seeker of Thrones 6-64.

[JAL_1138]

* JAL's 10 foot (and one inch) pole is not a mimic.

Oh gods. Why. Why would you do this. Now I'll never be entirely sure. The 10ft (and 1") pole was the one thing I could always count on.

*looks at 10ft pole* Et tu, Brute? *backs away pointing a crossbow at it*

But wait...*looks at crossbow*...you might be one too. *drops crossbow and backs away holding a dagger*

No, wait...what if the dagger is--gah!

*repeat until JAL is gibbering madly in the corner, having shed all of his possessions, convinced that everything might be a mimic, and eventually dies of thirst three days later because he can't trust his waterskins not to be mimics and/or filled with Reduced water weirds*

[Anonymouswizard]

Oh gods. Why. Why would you do this. Now I'll never be entirely sure. The 10ft (and 1") pole was the one thing I could always count on.

*looks at 10ft pole* Et tu, Brute? *backs away pointing a crossbow at it*

But wait...*looks at crossbow*...you might be one too. *drops crossbow and backs away holding a dagger*

No, wait...what if the dagger is--gah!

*repeat until JAL is gibbering madly in the corner, having shed all of his possessions, convinced that everything might be a mimic, and eventually dies of thirst three days later because he can't trust his waterskins not to be mimics and/or filled with Reduced water weirds*

How do you know you're not a mimic?

I have been planning an adventure where if the PCs get knocked unconscious they wake up in a room naked with all their equipment on the floor.

If the look closely (say they're checking the equipment and succeed on a DC10 Perception check) then they feel like something is not quite right about their stuff. If they don't or ignore the warning they have a combat encounter. One mimic per piece of non coinage equipment on their character sheet.

Sure, I'll have to dodge dice, but it's their fault for picking up equipment that has seemingly been removed from their bodies and left in a pile in the same room.

[Lord Raziere]

Oh gods. Why. Why would you do this. Now I'll never be entirely sure. The 10ft (and 1") pole was the one thing I could always count on.

*looks at 10ft pole* Et tu, Brute? *backs away pointing a crossbow at it*

But wait...*looks at crossbow*...you might be one too. *drops crossbow and backs away holding a dagger*

No, wait...what if the dagger is--gah!

*repeat until JAL is gibbering madly in the corner, having shed all of his possessions, convinced that everything might be a mimic, and eventually dies of thirst three days later because he can't trust his waterskins not to be mimics and/or filled with Reduced water weirds*

* may not point out that this proves that the non-optimal mindset has one survival trait over this one, because it assumes that almost nothing is a mimic
** May not make a library where all the books are mimics to lure in wizards, and thus bite off their head when they try to read them.
*** May not replace the wizard's spellbook with a mimic
**** may not replace all candle of invocations with mimics
***** on the flip side, can't take a page from dark souls and whack every chest with my sword just to be sure.
****** nor can I take a page from dark souls DM-wise and design everything as a relentless death trap to waste as many resources as possible around every corner filled with attacks that take out big chunks of your health, but only because I placed an obvious sword in a bonfire somewhere that they could see that transports them to a world very much like it when they try to touch it and left them to figure out what it is without telling them.

[JAL_1138]

How do you know you're not a mimic?

I have been planning an adventure where if the PCs get knocked unconscious they wake up in a room naked with all their equipment on the floor.

If the look closely (say they're checking the equipment and succeed on a DC10 Perception check) then they feel like something is not quite right about their stuff. If they don't or ignore the warning they have a combat encounter. One mimic per piece of non coinage equipment on their character sheet.

Sure, I'll have to dodge dice, but it's their fault for picking up equipment that has seemingly been removed from their bodies and left in a pile in the same room.

Hm...seems like some Raggamoffyns, Xavers, and maybe even trapping the coinage with a few Lock Lurkers would be appropriate here.

[DigoDragon]

**** Must not attempt to make Digo read the alt text of the next comic strip, Seeker of Thrones 6-64.

*snerk* I see. ^^;


* Banned from expending the contents of a fire extinguisher so that I can shove the vampire inside the cylinder in gas form and throw him out the airlock to safely reach the other starship without vaporizing in the sunlight.

[Fable Wright]

* No longer allowed to break reality in the new player's first session.

Backing up from how that happened...

* If I get godlike power from seeing my prophecies come true, I'm no longer allowed inside the fundamental pillar of reality that represents prophecies and motherhood.
** If I am somehow allowed inside, certainly not allowed to make a new prophecy inside said cave on a whim.
*** If I do, the DM is not allowed to forget this prophecy and accidentally make it come true.
**** If we somehow got to this point, I am not allowed to use this godlike power to create a location that births dream creatures. Inside the pillar of reality of birth and motherhood. The single oldest pillar of reality.
***** If we somehow got to THIS point, it should be the end of a campaign, NOT the first session we bring in a new player.

* May no longer screw up reality so badly that the rest of the party founds the SCP society to contain my mistakes.

[Rater202]

*When told to make the most overpowered thing I can, can't be the only one who makes Punpun.

[John Campbell]

* When playing a dwarf in 3.5, I am not allowed to ask the DM, "How deep are we now??" every two minutes just to annoy him by making him figure it out.

[goto124]

* Banned from expending the contents of a fire extinguisher so that I can shove the vampire inside the cylinder in gas form and throw him out the airlock to safely reach the other starship without vaporizing in the sunlight.

** Banned from using vampire-in-a-fire extinguisher to sneak him into a starship, under the guise of 'restocking safety equipment'.
*** Must not ask Digo what setting this is that has vampires and starships within vicinity of each other.

* When playing a dwarf in 3.5, I am not allowed to ask the DM, "How deep are we now??" every two minutes just to annoy him by making him figure it out.

** Must not fail at figuring it out, especially when 'figuring it out' amounts to 5 seconds of googling.

[danielxcutter]

*If my plan involves more than three dragons, it's vetoed.

[Anonymouswizard]

* If my plan requires more manufacturing facilities than are available on earth, I am to scale it down.

* There is no such thing as a controlled black hole.
** No, not even then.

[John Campbell]

* When the GM decides to have the party meet by having my character affected by a magical aggression field so the others restrain me and we team up to find out what's going on, that is not my cue to single-handedly take down the rest of the party.

** Especially when I'm playing a support caster with no actual combat spells prepared.

*** At least I shouldn't be so gleeful about it.

**** "One of my class features is literally 'laugh at them'," is not an excuse.

* My primary combat strategy should not be, "Be so annoying to try to fight that the bad guys just ragequit."

[danielxcutter]

*I must not make a build that can one-shot the BBEG in one turn.
**I must not make a build that can one-shot random encounters either, except with save-or-dies.

[JAL_1138]

*Wall of Thorns cannot be cast inside any part of any creature's anatomy.

[Guizonde]

not me but my monk:

*"ambiguously elven" is not a sexual orientation.
**either elves are all virgins or all are nymphomaniacs. choose one.
***no more speculating on the mating rituals of elves (for the dm's sake).

my turn:

*goblins are not "a healthy substitute for mushrooms".
** the bard is off the menu as well. monty python did it already.

i am banned from pronouncing the following in the presence of the bard: halfling war kazoo, bagpipes of chill dread, accordeon of humiliation, gratuitous groin attacks, karaoke, drinking contest, drinking song.

*most necromantic rituals don't involve a candlelit dinner and a barry white cd.
**if my descriptions turn the cleric into a necrophobe, i can't take her place because i'd do a better job. i'm a skillmonkey, not a medic (this time around).

*unless there's a very good reason, no defenestrating the bard.
**cannot use his lyre as a means of provoking blunt force trauma.
***cannot use his lyre as a means of provoking mental trauma either.
****cannot use his lyre as a means of provoking aural trauma. that's the bard's job.

*no more tricking the paladin into throwing a table to win an argument. i shouldn't have used strength as a dump stat if i wanted to throw tables.

*there's no such thing as "preemptive sterilization for the good of the world".

*i can't invent skateboards, roller skates, or surfboards.
** water-skiing behind a galleon is right out (despite the fact it's doable irl).

*if i can bypass a dungeon using a crowbar, a grappling hook, 10m of rope, and an intimidation check or three, i'm not to tell the dm to "step his game up".

[DigoDragon]

** Banned from using vampire-in-a-fire extinguisher to sneak him into a starship, under the guise of 'restocking safety equipment'.
*** Must not ask Digo what setting this is that has vampires and starships within vicinity of each other.

It's Celestia's Finest. Basically Equestria in a less-dark cyberpunk setting, and we're a special forces unit put together to rescue the Elements of Harmony from an escaped Chrysalis on a space station.


* When Pinkie Pie gives us a box of cupcakes for the upcoming battle, we do not question it.

[Rater202]

* When Pinkie Pie gives us a box of cupcakes for the upcoming battle, we do not question it.

...Are you gonna throw them on the ground and then they'll explode and Discord will pop out?

Please tell me that she said, "when the time comes, you'll know what to do."

*I can't defeat Batman by building a three story tall robotic Ozzy.

[danielxcutter]

*Wall of Thorns cannot be cast inside any part of any creature's anatomy.

**Or Create Food and Water.

***Or Minor Creation, Psionic.

[DigoDragon]

Please tell me that she said, "when the time comes, you'll know what to do."

She did.

Our confidence did not gain any points with her.

[Sgt. Cookie]

*Even if I'm playing a Bard, Bollywood style interludes still isn't a good enough reason for my DM to allow Leadership.

[Anonymouswizard]

*Even if I'm playing a Bard, Bollywood style interludes still isn't a good enough reason for my DM to allow Leadership.

** There is no Summon Backup Dancers spell line.


* If my rocket design relies on substances that cannot exist I must mention this to the GM before asking for approval.
** Under no circumstances am I to calculate the actual time taken for any space travel, even if it's a simple question of turning the lightyears into gigametres and dividing the total by the jumps per second.
*** I am banned from designing my own space travel systems, even if they're faster than the standard one.

[GAAD]

*My players are no longer allowed to clear dungeons by filling them with mustard gas and calling it a day.
*I am no longer allowed to make dungeons that are vulnerable to being mustard gassed.

[danielxcutter]

** There is no Summon Backup Dancers spell line.

***The Summon Monster spell line is not an acceptable substitute for that either.

[Guizonde]

*My players are no longer allowed to clear dungeons by filling them with mustard gas and calling it a day.
*I am no longer allowed to make dungeons that are vulnerable to being mustard gassed.

*even if i'm banned nuclear weapons already, i'm not to take notes on the bacteriological and chemical weapons i'm not banned yet.
** asking for an nbc-proof suit is shady at best, a dead giveaway at worst.

[sengmeng]

*No more ranks in Profession (Mohel)

[shelledhound]

I may not name all of my NPCs in a session Frank
*Any iteration of Frank is also right out.
**planning an uprising of Franks is also frowned upon.
***Carl and George are banned for the same reason

[JAL_1138]

I may not name all of my NPCs in a session Frank
*Any iteration of Frank is also right out.
**planning an uprising of Franks is also frowned upon.
***Carl and George are banned for the same reason

**** "Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler" is right out.

[DigoDragon]

* We're no longer allowed to read the descriptions of the spells before preparing them.

[Rater202]

*I can't transform all of my enemies into individual grains of rice, helpless but aware then when I have enough to fill a rice cooker cook and eat them alive to absorb their souls and power.