"Help Wanted!" Let's Build a Notice Board

[Wheaton's Whelp]

Not all villages, towns, cities get to be the center piece of a campaign, and many settlements don't get dedicated writing time/prep time. Time to add to the DM bag of tricks and create a series of notice board postings which can serve as potential work contracts, adventure hooks, NPC & business introductions, news stories, witty comic relief, and so much more!

D&D itself and popular video games like the Witcher 3 have positively reinforced into many of our minds a fondness for notice boards. Many d100 boards like This Homebrewery List exist, but fall short in providing their full potential. The goal for this thread is to provide fun and quirky ideas like the d100 lists, but as a community go beyond and include information about the NPC who posted the notice, how the post could change with time, encounter building ideas based on the notice, etc. All the nice, little details to make your players wonder if you're a master at improv.

BASIC RULES: PLEASE READ
Do not contradict previous posts: Modifying said posts is acceptable, but don't modify it to death.
Here and Now (to a degree) rule: Additions are recommend to be set in the current time-frame of the setting. However, backstory can be important to provide context, just don't go too far back.
Balloon Corp. Rule: No absolutes (EX: monopolies, only one magic-capable race, etc.) This is mainly so that there are no hangups down the road and so that there are as many possibilities for adding things as possible.

1. Warning! (Example from Witcher 3)
To the clever f*** who's taken to relieving himself on my doorframe every night - if you're reading these words, pay attention! I've purchased a top-notch dwarven crossbow at market and am going to sit by my window, day in and day out, till the end of the world, if I have to, waiting for you to show again. So unless you want a bolt between your eyes or up your hiney, go empty your water somewhere else, you dirty hooligan!
–-Olbracht Viegerman, 1C Foreman's Alley

Potential Additions: Background for Olbract Viegerman, information about who is doing the peeing/why they are, or a future posting regarding Olbracht's situation (He's getting hanged for shooting an innocent victim mistakenly; Lightly-Used Crossbow for Sale)

[JNAProductions]

tu-mi dog ran awy. i ned him bak. pls pls pls, i rlly miss him. hees namd george.

Spoiler: Translation

Show

2-My dog ran away. I need him back. Please please please, I really miss him. He's named George.

Because good GOD is that hard for me to read.

[Westhart]

(3)

NOTICE

A group of rabid dwarves have been spotted in the hills, terrorizing villagers. We recommend that villagers stay in their homes from Sunset to sunrise, and do not stray too far from your homes.

Sincerely,
Garamond Randstein
Head of the King's Guard

Potential Additions: An award for dwarven "pelts" or similar, posters looking for a missing person or missing people, info about where the dwarves came from, recruitment for a posse to hunt the dwarves down.

[GorinichSerpant]

Attention Citicens

By Royal decree hats of the coloration known as purple are banned to be worn by anyone of the mercantile trade. Any trader, vender or haberdasher caught wearing a purple hat will be sentenced to death by the gallows. Anyone who informs the city guards of the violation of this decree will be awarded two copper pieces.

Stamp of the Royal Crest of Ocorus.
May the King ever Wisen.

[jqavins]

A group of rabid dwarves have been spotted...

Potential Additions:

• A denial that any dwarves are to blame, and calling Garamond Randstein a dirty racist.
• A restatement that it most certainly is rabid dwarves.
• A rebuttal that it must be goblins, because dwarves can't even get rabies.
• A reward of 5 c.p. for information leading to the apprehension of whoever it is who presumes to argue so with the head of the King's Guard.

Potential adventure hooks:

• The arguer is an actual troll.
• It really is rabid dwarves, or close enough, because there is a mad wizard doing experiments on innocent dwarves which leave them violently insane.
• It's goblins, and the city officials know it, but use the event as a pretense to promote their anti-dwarf agenda.

IV - Don't buy stuff from Bjorn Cinelli, who owns the Cinelli General Goods store. He ripped me off for two whole gold pieces. I don't want anybody to rob him and get my money back, and I definitely don't want anybody to beat him up, and I'm definitely not winking while I write this.

[Lleban]

Attention Lowlanders

There has been an infestation of gremlins spotted not far from this village. Make sure to lock up your grain stores, while larger than gremlins, are quite resourceful and can steal un protected grain with ease. Be sure to not let you're children work the fields unsupervised as wolves and hyenas often follow gremlins.

[Cap'm Bubbles]

6. Notice to Sam Eats-His-Own-Foot-By-Gnomish-Tradition: I know it's you that's been stealing my sand witches for lunch every day. I know you know that you can't harvest the little buggers for yourself. I know that you'll cease and desist, and give me back the little hats they come packaged with.
(Tacked on top of this notice, in identical paper, is the following)
6A. Notice of hiring. Mercenaries with a striking absence of scruples encouraged. Help wanted in retrieving stolen treasure from one ne'er-do-well. Payment received on completion, "substantial" reward.
---Quintus Petty, West Wallaby Lane.

Additional Details: Quintus wants to keep his supply of novelty treats (sand witches, think marshmallow peeps but with little witch hats on top) from being eaten by his coworker in whatever business you choose during lunch. Besides a potential hiring by the party for what is essentially an intimidation job, Quintus should be particularly inept at stopping this and at hiring, continuing to add more posts on top of his original on the notice board, culminating in "Notice: in need of more ink for noti-". An arson report may show up as well, indicating his house and confectionery have burned down out of his spite or temper.

[jqavins]

7. Pleze help. I cant find my hous.

The notice is from a small child, but s/he's not lost; the house is actually gone, without a trace.
---------------------------

8. Wanted: a lover to satisfy my wife. I just can't take it any more.

[DuctTapeKatar]

HELP WANTED!

Adventurers to assist in the research of Dangreg Keep

Little is known about the keep, and the fact that many of the villagers in our little hamlet has spun a thick veil of rumors and myths around the structure has assisted in obscuring the truth about it. I would venture to the keep alone, but among the rumors is one including multiple sightings of ghouls inside the keep.

I require assistance in defending my person and searching through the keep. I won't lie, I expect whatever to linger in the keep to be something weak and easily taken care of, but I also want to ensure that if there are ghouls in the keep that they can be dealt with. I would prefer at least three individuals interested in unraveling the keep's secrets.

For more details, contact me at the Skarhause Inn.

Lissandra Haecraft

Details: There are ghouls in the keep, and are easy to deal with. There's also something much, much worse in there as well, a mindless creature known as "the corpse of the heretic," which is a high-level ghoul with class levels that is immune to divine magic.

[Solaris]

8. Wanted: a lover to satisfy my wife. I just can't take it any more.

She's a dragon. He's a gold-digger. They met when he was trying to rescue a princess from the dragon's clutches so he could get her hand in marriage, but when he actually saw the princess, the himbo-in-shining-armor opted for the flying reptilian superpredator instead.
One can only hope that the dragon utilizes some shapechanging magic.

[Sivarias]

"Please come save us from the fearsome fire spirit that is torching our people and houses! We can't keep rebuilding our town!!"
-City Council of Letherblaka

Progression
-Mentions of unearthly howls
-Corpses turning up Torches, their last moments outlined on the brick behind them
-The fire spirit seems to be targeting the local Halfling family

"Can someone help me find my cat Ashes? She went missing ages ago and I have no idea where to find her!"
-Sully the Halfling Child, Letherblaka

Progression
-Ashes is apparently eating the tuna left out for her but the bowls are inexplicably burned

Resolution
-An aspiring Mage was practicing enchanting but didn't properly seal the circle so Ashes got in. She now glows in the dark and breathes fire (appropriately leveled for the party). When spooked she belches flame and bolts, the killing are all accidental.

Level One Stats here

[Vogie]

Some throwbacks:

Join the Army! Travel the world! Meet interesting people! ("... and kill them!", tagged on in graffiti)
Recruiter's office between the tanner and fletcher on north side of town

Barber-Surgeon Wanted. No experience needed. Must have, or purchase, own tools. Inquire above Madame Lovett's bakery, Fleet Street

Used Tombstone, perfect for people with initials K. E. G.

WANTED: Security for graveyard. Inquire at Temple of Uthgar

Magical piece of driftwood, unknown origin. 8k Gold, or best offer. will consider trade for boat. Go to docks, ask for Shed

Hire your Local WIZARD
Lost Items Found. Paranormal Investigations.
Consulting. Advice. Reasonable Rates.
No Love Potions, Parties or Other Entertainment

WANTED: Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. Meet me at the Sloughin' Dolphin by the coast on day after harvest moon. You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.

[moossabi]

Balloon Corp. Rule: No absolutes (EX: monopolies, only one magic-capable race, etc.) This is mainly so that there are no hangups down the road and so that there are as many possibilities for adding things as possible.

I really really like this rule, but where does the name come from?

[Lleban]

I really really like this rule, but where does the name come from?

Back in the toxic seas some of the first few posts established monopolies that constrained the setting and made it a pain in the ass to flesh out later on.

[raygun goth]

Needed: Great gentlemen of the finearts to teach my son to be a lady in time for the WestminsterBall.

Will pay handsomely for your troubles

____________________________________



WANTED: Somebody to go to Sigil withme. This is not a joke. P.O. Box 231, Woodtown, Alaria. You'll getpaid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety notguaranteed. I have only done this once before.

____________________________________



dragon kidnapped by daughter

rewardfor dragon's safe return


____________________________________




The sewers need to be cleaned! TheCity-State needs fearless individuals for this job! Are you manenough to go down the manhole?


____________________________________



WANTED: Thirty dwarves and an airshipneeded for elaborate practical joke. Please re 023 9144 8772

____________________________________


Horse for sale. Good condition, oneprevious owner. Will swap for blind lizard or make me your best offer

____________________________________

Dangerous monster in basement. Pleaseassist.

____________________________________


Powerful monster has taken my housefrom me. Tired of bad service from local inn. Please help.

____________________________________


Monster following me to market, constantly staring at me. HELP

____________________________________

WANTED: Tailor for silk dressalteration. Will provide materials.

Must be proficient withmaking sleeves.

Must not be arachnophobic.
____________________________________

LOCAL SAGE NEEDS ASSISTANCE ORGANIZINGPROPHECIES INTO CORRECT CATEGORIES

NO HEROES PLEASE, TIRED OFTHEM LEAVING SUDDENLY

____________________________________


WARNING
Authorities suspect aNECROMANCER may be in the area. Several sightings of walkingdead.
Due to this emergency, KALZUTH'S CREMATORY is offeringdrastically reduced prices. Bodies raised range from fresh toskeletal; to keep your ancestors' remains safe, bring them to us.Mention this ad to get 2nd cremation free.


____________________________________

CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL

HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY COLLEAGUES AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE DWARVEN CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY, I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF 47,500,000 GP (FORTY SEVEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND GOLD PIECES) INTO YOUR ACCOUNTS. THE ABOVE SUM RESULTED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT, EXECUTED COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS (5) AGO BY A HUMAN CONTRACTOR. THIS ACTION WAS HOWEVER INTENTIONAL AND SINCE THEN THE FUND HAS BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF BOATMURDERED APEX BANK.

WE ARE NOW READY TO TRANSFER THE FUND UNDER MOUNTANS AND THAT IS WHERE YOU COME IN. IT IS IMPORTANT TO INFORM YOU THAT AS CIVIL SERVANTS, WE ARE FORBIDDEN TO OPERATE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT; THAT IS WHY WE REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE TOTAL SUM WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS: 70% FOR US, 25% FOR YOU AND 5% FOR LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES INCIDENT TO THE TRANSFER.

THE TRANSFER IS RISK FREE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM AN ACCOUNTANT WITH THE DWARVEN NATIONAL MINING CORPORATION (DNMC). IF YOU FIND THIS PROPOSAL ACCEPTABLE, WE SHALL REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENTS:

(A) YOUR MERCHANT GUILDSMAN'S NAME AND SCRYING ADDRESS

(B) YOUR PRIVATE SCRYING ADDRESS -- FOR CONFIDENTIALITY AND EASY COMMUNICATION.

(C) YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER STAMPED AND SIGNED.

ALTERNATIVELY WE WILL FURNISH YOU WITH THE TEXT OF WHAT TO WRITE INTO YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER, ALONG WITH A BREAKDOWN EXPLAINING, COMPREHENSIVELY WHAT WE REQUIRE OF YOU. THE BUSINESS WILL TAKE US THIRTY (30) WORKING DAYS TO ACCOMPLISH.

PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY.

BEST REGARDS

URIST SUNDERTRUST

[noob]

We are searching for people which are not adventurers to make sure the adventurer party guarding the gold cart does not just steal it.

Help us please: Our house is on fire.

Help us please: Our fire elemental is dying.(after someone tried to fix the first problem)

Help us please: Adventurers did kill our fire elemental with fire and our house is again on fire.

Wanted:ink(written with blood)

[Avigor]

Potentially multiple postings of a similar nature of:
Help! My crops are dying, my cattle are missing!
The end result is that an Ankeg has staked out the farm as it's feeding grounds. (I used something similar myself once)

[Ninjadeadbeard]

Help!

Boy gone missing! Goblins kidnapped suspected!

Any help wanted! REWARD! Speak to Farmer Roner about particulars.

Spoiler

Show

The old farmer just needs a hand bringing in the harvest, will also reward for saving boy's life, come to think of it.

[PopeLinus1]

2/26
Notice:
100 gold pieces for whoever can defeat the gloomshadow bandits.
3/7
Notice:
100 gold pieces for whoever can rescue the Bounty hunters known as the Elminsters guild from the gloomshadow bandits
3/12
Notice:
100 gold pieces for whoever can find the whereabouts of the team of rescuers known as the The shadow captives, who went missing near the gloomshadow bandits
3/19
Notice:
100 gold pieces for anyone who can find, and than resurrect the corpses of the Diviners who were searching for the shadow captives, known as the The AgentSearchers. They were last known to be divining information about the gloomshadow bandits.
3/26N
Notice:
100 goldpeices towards anyone who can rescue the team of ressirecters know as the Holy Fist from the gloomshadow bandits.

[noob]

Then the adventurers might discover all that was misinformation made by Moonshadow bandits for intimidating the bounty hunters which might come for them.(potential plot hook)
Or they discover that in fact the Moonshadow bandits were recruiting people and then mind controlling them for improving their army.(and make them disappear so that nobody knows what they are planning because people can spot dominated persons if they get suspicious)

[JeenLeen]

"Concerned citizens will pay for information revealing the criminal or decadent activities of orcs and those of orcish blood in our fine city. Payment ranges from 5 copper to 5 gold, depending on value and credibility of the information. See the Human Preservation (HP) members at the tavern on 5th Street for payment."
Or swap the racial categories for any other fantastical racism, as desired for the city or a subgroup within the city.

"Humanoid blood required by local cleric for experimentation. I have tools to extract blood. Please see me at 1420 Lockheed Street after sunset for details. Can provide healing spells and/or Regeneration spell to replenish blood lost. Free casting of Cure Disease included. Payment of 1 gold for ten minutes of work."
Update added:
"To be clear, do not bring me blood in a vial or bucket. Come and I'll help with extracting it."
--from a Good or Neutral vampire cleric, trying to find willful sources of blood. Either have him really use mechanical means to drain the blood, which he later drinks in private, or drink the blood and use magic to muddy memories.

[GreatKaiserNui]

Notice.
To stimulate domestic wool consumption and general trade, all men over the age of 6, except those of note, on pain of fine, be required to wear a woolen cap. Purple dye shall remain unacceptable for any head wear.