Customer Service: Rants, Raves, Back Pats, and Appreciation

[Xyril]

You're assuming corporate has two bleeps to rub together for the opinion/wellbeing of anyone below corporate. Generally speaking, they don't.

Maybe not, but that cuts both ways. If you've documentation justifying the reason for the ban and a guy being carried off (even if not formally arrested), and you trespass the guy for life, nobody's going to come down on the local manager and say "I don't care how much trouble he is, rescind the ban so that we can make a few more bucks off that guy."

Also, as Peelee mentioned, you've gotta watch out for yourself. If that guy comes back weeks later and complains that he was kicked out for no reason, and you don't have a police report and names of witnesses, then throwing you under the bus could very well become the path of least effort on their part even if they don't actually believe him.

[WarKitty]

We have a fun one. It's kind of annoying but I also see where the customers are coming from

We have a bunch of phone lines that come into our call center. One of these lines is apparently one digit off from a major telecommunications company, which I will refer to as MTC. Somehow, at some point, MTC has put on of our numbers in as one of their support numbers on an internal document. Which results in them transferring customers who are looking for troubleshooting to our number.

I have gotten yelled at so much over this. I get a lot of people very angry and demanding that I do something because they're tired of being transferred and sitting on hold. I have a lot of people who start yelling as soon as I answer the phone, or more commonly as soon as I start explaining that it's the wrong number.

Unfortunately, I have exactly zero affiliation with MTC, which means there is absolutely nothing I can do to solve their problem.

(I do get it though - most people have trouble believing that they were transferred to a completely unrelated company, and not just the wrong department.)

[Random Sanity]

Maybe not, but that cuts both ways. If you've documentation justifying the reason for the ban and a guy being carried off (even if not formally arrested), and you trespass the guy for life, nobody's going to come down on the local manager and say "I don't care how much trouble he is, rescind the ban so that we can make a few more bucks off that guy."
.

You have a lot more faith in corporate overlords than my experience justifies.

[Peelee]

You have a lot more faith in corporate overlords than my experience justifies.

Nah, it's just most corporate overlords won't care about small fry like that. Absent a police report, they are more likely to not care in the customers favor. A police report against a customer means they're more likely to care in favor of the employees.

[Random Sanity]

Nah, it's just most corporate overlords won't care about small fry like that. Absent a police report, they are more likely to not care in the customers favor. A police report against a customer means they're more likely to care in favor of the employees.

That's exactly what I was talking about - police reports (and laws in general) aren't worth the paper they're printed on when there's money to be made. A customer who's barred from your store is spending their money somewhere else, ergo said barring is not going to stick once brought to corporate's attention.

"Care in favor of the employees"? Who are you trying to kid? Employees are disposable automatons that exist only to print money for their masters, as far as a corporate suit is concerned. If they're not doing that, fire them and get new ones.

[Peelee]

That's exactly what I was talking about - police reports (and laws in general) aren't worth the paper they're printed on when there's money to be made.

When the money to be made is on a three dollar hamburger, yeah, the police report is absolutely something the company will use to say "sucks to be you, guy who can't buy here anymore." Yeah, companies can and have flouted laws when they could make enough money on it, but you're conflating millions of dollars with peanuts and applying the same principle.

[John Cribati]

The 1-hour photo kiosk seems to have some quality that reduces a person's capacity for critical thinking and reading comprehension.

Like, even before they start, dozens of customers find themselves stumped by the adapter cables we have. People will try and plug their phone into a loose head that's clearly not connected to the cable in the electrical sense. Or people won't realize that someone left one of the heads on the base cord (this became especially frustrating when we had to replace the black cord with a white one. And attach the adapter heads to the cord with rubber bands).

Then actually using the kiosk. 30% of customers seek a mouse when the smallest observation of the screen will let you know, in rrasonably large letters, that you can "Touch anywhere to begin."

Then there's the complete inabilitt to find the option they want (usually it's "Prints and Enlargements." You know, the very first option once you touch the screen). After that, they come to a screen that gives you two options: Choose images and sizes you would like to print or Print all in one size.
While I admit that "print all in one size" is kind of vague wording, it's the second option on the screen, and there are directions that say that choosing it will quickly print a set number of pictures in one size. Still, a frighteningly large percentage of people will ask for help and say something along the lines of "I want to pick the ones I want" and I want to just... Shove their face into the screen. Bonus points go to the lady who, when faced with these two options, Chose Print all in one size, realized that it wasn't what she wanted, selected the "Back" button... And then chose Print all in one size again. Twice.

And Then actually making the order, which consists of touching the image you would like printed, then hitting a big obvious + sign dorectly beneath it to print in standard size, or else hitting one of the series of slightly less obvious + signs at the bottom of the screen that corresponds to the size you want. A shocking number of people are unable to tell a + sign from a - sign.

Then there are the folks who ask me why, say, their square photos get cut off when printing in a size other than 4x4 or 8x8, and I thus find myself teaching kindergarten geometry to a 30-hear-old.

Penultimately, the customer has navigate to the checkout menu to put in their phone number ("Do I have to put my number?" "Do you want us to be able to find your order when you come back?"). Again, a pitifully large number of people will type in their phone number and wait several minutes as the computer waits for them to hit the "Enter" button, not thinking that maybe the computer needs some sort of other instruction. And then when I say to hit "Enter," many of them select "Clear." If the system finds their number in the database, it will display the name attached to it and the instruction to select their name if it appears, or the "New Customer" option if it doesn't. More sitting and staring at the screen.

And finally, when the order uploads, the kiosk instructs them to "Please remove media" which, while again a bit poorly worded, you'd think the meaning would be obvious. Wrong.

Not to mention those who want their 200 pictures printed immediately.

[Peelee]

1-hour photo stuff

Oh man, it's been like that since those things were first introduced. Be glad you've never had to deal with APS. It itself wasn't bad, but the people... Oh Lord, the people. I'd ask if they had an APS camera (they never did. If they had an APS camera, they wouldn't be asking me questions about it), I'd tell them not to buy it, I'd tell them it wouldn't work in their 35mm camera, I'd tell them it was more expensive to buy, and to process, and they'd have to get a camera that would fit it since THEY WOULDN'T HAVE AN APS CAMERA DAMMIT and I would never be able to talk them out of buying it, since I'd always hear a cashier griping about how it must be a bad format since it's returned a lot.

I also a had a girl ask, and I quote, "how long does the one hour photo take?" To be fair, she rephrased it after her boyfriend fell down laughing at my reply, and I was amused enough (and dead enough) to help her out, but still. Helluva way to ask.

[darkrose50]

I am an insurance agent, and my department has a project.

Step 1: Call the customer and ask if they have any questions about their policy.
Step 2a: If they say yes, then answer their question, and then proceed to step 3.
Step 2b: If they say no then proceed to step 3.
Step 3: Blast them with pages and pages of facts using a script that looks like War and Peace fan-fiction . . . about how their policy works . . . even if they said that they did not have any questions about how their policy works.

. . . Step 3 also begins by asking them for their first name, last name, and address . . . because reasons of stupidity (HIPPA says that we cannot give out their information . . . but how a X insurance policy works is not individually identifiable information . . . it is quite literally public information . . . I have the BCBC of IL HMO . . . try your best to figure out my name and address and phone number, and so on with that information).

If BCBC of IL called me wanting me to give them my PII . . . I would be like WTF is wrong with you!

[Peelee]

I am an insurance agent, and my department has a project.

Step 1: Call the customer and ask if they have any questions about their policy.
Step 2a: If they say yes, then answer their question, and then proceed to step 3.
Step 2b: If they say no then proceed to step 3.
Step 3: Blast them with pages and pages of facts using a script that looks like War and Peace fan-fiction . . . about how their policy works . . . even if they said that they did not have any questions about how their policy works.

. . . Step 3 also begins by asking them for their first name, last name, and address . . . because reasons of stupidity (HIPPA says that we cannot give out their information . . . but how a X insurance policy works is not individually identifiable information . . . it is quite literally public information . . . I have the BCBC of IL HMO . . . try your best to figure out my name and address and phone number, and so on with that information).

If BCBC of IL called me wanting me to give them my PII . . . I would be like WTF is wrong with you!

Oh good lord, I hate BCBS IL. "Tell the automated system the patient's contract number, date of birth, name. Let us read that back to you as you put it in to confirm it. Now, let us tell you the patient's contract number, date of birth, and name."

Imagine that for thirty minutes, and that's their provider line.

[darkrose50]

Oh good lord, I hate BCBS IL. "Tell the automated system the patient's contract number, date of birth, name. Let us read that back to you as you put it in to confirm it. Now, let us tell you the patient's contract number, date of birth, and name."

Imagine that for thirty minutes, and that's their provider line.

I work for an insurance company (not BCBS of IL, I get that though my wife's work) . . . but we use the same phone numbers that customers use . . . it is a nightmare. "We are busy right now please **** off by looking up the information yourself online . . . did you know that you can **** off and call us later (and hopefully forget about it) . . ."

Menu #1 . . . lots of options . . . press 3 for billing
Menu #2 . . . lots of options . . . press 1 for billing
Menu #3 . . . lots of options . . . press 2 for billing . . . then I get billing.

[WarKitty]

Ok, I get it, you want us to meet you when your flight lands. That's a thing we do. We even track the flights so if it comes in early or late we'll still be there! This does, however, rely on you keeping us informed of the flight you are currently on. If you decide to change to an earlier flight and don't tell us, you won't get picked up.

Calling up your overpriced travel agent and complaining to them that the car you booked wasn't there to pick up up, resulting in our poor trainee getting yelled at and having no clue why, is not appreciated.

[veti]

The 1-hour photo kiosk seems to have some quality that reduces a person's capacity for critical thinking and reading comprehension.

Or to put it another way, some appallingly bad user interface design has been perpetrated on your system. An interface that depends on reading comprehension to perform the most routine functions - is doomed before the customer even arrives.

I suggest you do a study. Next week, keep count of how many customers use a particular machine, and how many of them get stuck at which points. Then send all that info to the manufacturer of the machine. I guarantee they'll be interested. They should have done such a study themselves, of course, but from your story it's pretty clear they didn't.

Do it well enough, there could be a better job in it for you. Interface design is a big thing, and user testing is a pretty good entry to the subject.

[darkrose50]

Per instructions I called 1100 people on “the first tab” of an Excel Spreadsheet . . . one thousand one hundred . . . we were supposed to call people on the second tab of the Excel Spreadsheet . . ..

I will be crying in the corner eating ice-cream and chocolate if anyone comes looking for me.

[Peelee]

Per instructions I called 1100 people on “the first tab” of an Excel Spreadsheet . . . one thousand one hundred . . . we were supposed to call people on the second tab of the Excel Spreadsheet . . ..

I will be crying in the corner eating ice-cream and chocolate if anyone comes looking for me.

I hope you're probably by the hour

[darkrose50]

Customer: “I need a problem fixed.”

Me: “Our systems are down, and I will call you when they are back up.”

Customer: “I need a problem fixed.”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, I cannot fix anything. Our systems are down.”

Customer: “How can I get my problem fixed.”

Me: “I will call you when our systems are back up.”

Customer: “What do I do in the mean time?”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience. Our systems are down, and I will call you when they are back up.”

[darkrose50]

I hope you're probably by the hour

It ended up only being for a smaller section of the calls. I get paid by the hour and I get paid by the sale.

[John Cribati]

So I'm working in the aisle and a customer calls me over to the next aisle, points to a little tag beneath a product that says "But 1 get 1 FREE with card, and asks me if ot means that the product that the tag is beneath is offered for But 1, get 1 Free.

Like. Yes. You have established that despite English not being your first language, you have sufficient comprehension skills to deduce that. Why was my presence necessary?

[DearJtheDM]

I work in a bank call center. I had a caller last month that was calling for details on her husbands account. I could tell right away that she was tired, and angry. So pleasant as I could I told her that sure you know all your husbands info, and I am sure that make life easier for the both of you but rules are rules, and it is his account, not yours.

At the end of the call she just blows up, "You guys are the most [expletive deleted], [expletive deleted], [expletive deleted] bank, and that we can [expletive deleted] ourselves."

She did have the courtesy to thank me though:
"Thank you for your [expletive deleted] lack of help."

Before she hung up, I thanked her for calling, and told her that I hope she has a great rest of her day.

[Khedrac]

I work in a bank call center. I had a caller last month that was calling for details on her husbands account. I could tell right away that she was tired, and angry. So pleasant as I could I told her that sure you know all your husbands info, and I am sure that make life easier for the both of you but rules are rules, and it is his account, not yours.

At the end of the call she just blows up, "You guys are the most [expletive deleted], [expletive deleted], [expletive deleted] bank, and that we can [expletive deleted] ourselves."

She did have the courtesy to thank me though:
"Thank you for your [expletive deleted] lack of help."

Before she hung up, I thanked her for calling, and told her that I hope she has a great rest of her day.

Well done for maintaining your professionalism whilst understanding (and from the sound of it) being sympathetic to someone you were unable to help.
Personally I don't think there can be justification for her actions, but we don't know her situation and everyone has a breaking point for stress (and she sounds well past hers).

[darkrose50]

Me: The underwriting department requires a letter with [1] the companies letter head, [2] your first and last name, [3] the date your healthcare was terminated, and [4] the reason why your healthcare was terminated.

Customer: <unable to grasp this concept over ~12 calls and / or emails . . . somehow thinking that telling me over the phone and/or over email is somehow the same thing as a letter from a company . . . as if they would take people's word on whether or not they qualify . . . people would just get insurance when they were sick, and this would defeat the point of insurance.>

Me: <beating my head against a wall, until rendered unconscious>