Revenge of Random Places and Plots

[Deathkeeper]

[Cathedral Of Adventure]

Luna shakes her head.
”If they try to beguile us, we can get past it. I can try being something without ears if I have to. We can’t get around being struck by lightning. It’s really fast, you know.” the teenager insists.

[Earl of Purple]

Cathedral of Adventure

"Yeah, I guess that all makes sense. But if I get beguiled and eaten by satyr, I'll stab you, Luna." That's probably an empty threat. No way Tertia can stab Luna if she's been eaten by satyr. Besides, satyr aren't known for the anthropophagous habits, even if they aren't always particularly pleasant.

Tertia will then start to cut through the vines, carefully to avoid being slashed by hastily-retracting thorns. At least, she will until Septimus joins her, then she'll hold back so the person who is actually wearing armour can take the lead. Though cutting through things with her kris is pretty fun, so she'll make sure to slice at any Septimus misses.

[Rebonack]

[Cathedral of Adventure]

"Swoosh!" Gladius helpfully says as he gets swung through the vines. The cut isn't as clean as Tertia's kris, but that sword is no doubt sharp. It takes a few minutes of work, but once the brambles are cleared our heroes discover-!

A room!

With a moooooose!

The moose looks like it has wooden antlers and grape vines are growing all over it. Dancing around the moose are several fauns playing reed pipes while another group of satyrs pound on drums. Great clusters of grapes constantly grow from the vines, only to be plucked off by nymphs and tossed into the great stone wine-press that fills the center of the chamber. Hooves stomp at the grapes, mashing it into juice that flows like a stream from a spigot in the side of the wine-press. Lounging along side the press is a small collection of various fae making merry. Mostly elfs, supernaturally attractive in appearance and motion. Everything about them just seems perfect. Though there's also a bugbear present, a furry black monster with a face like a humanish bear, tusks like a boar, claws like a mole, and the hooves and tail of a cow.

One of the elfs immediately notices our heroes.

"Friends!" he (she? It's hard to tell) calls out, waving our heroes over. "Come join our festivities! The stinking corpse of the seraph is finally gone!"

[Deathkeeper]

Cathedral of Adventure

Luna looks in surprise at the party. She hadn’t really been expecting a fey party. She moves immediately closer to Tertia. Satyrs are known perverts! They’ll go right for a pretty girl like Tertia, and she has to be a good friend and protect her from creeps!
”Your offer is kind but we must be on our way. Our mothers expect us home for supper.” Luna says slowly. You have to be careful with fey! Can’t give them anything. Can’t take anything. No names. That’s what her parents told her. Else you might get Got and spend forever doing something horrible.

[Earl of Purple]

Cathedral of Adventure

Tertia's going to try and keep in front of Luna as well, when she sees the satyr. She's too flat and bony for the satyr to be interested in, but maybe she can help keep them off Luna. She holds her kris tight, though she's not sure if the orichalcum counts as iron... And her other daggers are steel, too. "Does anyone have any iron? Hold it tight and don't let go." That's pretty much the extent of her knowledge of fae, a little titbit from her father about why he kept a pouch of iron filings in his pocket.

Tertia resolves that if they get out of here, she's going to go to a blacksmiths and file some iron until she's filled her old coin-pouch with the stuff.

[Rebonack]

[Cathedral of Adventure]

"I've got my hatchet," Septimus whispers back. And then, "Uh, thaaaat's a great offer. But we have to decline. Like my friend said, we need to be home in time for dinner."

He almost said thank you.

Don't do that.

Do not do that, Septimus.

The young man is backing up, trying to get the girls behind him to move toward the mysterious foggy hallway instead of trying to body-block the other. Whatever is in there has GOT to be better than a room full of reveling fae. There's no way getting involved there would turn out well for them. Stories abound of people who get involved with fae revelers and those stories never turn out well. Maybe they dance until their feet or blood nubs. Or they get trapped in the Dreamlands for hundreds of years. Or they are ensorcelled and become a faerie themselves. None of those are outcome that our heroes are looking to experience right now.

And as if to make matters worse! A few women are approaching the group now. There's nothing immediately or obviously bestial about them, but something in the way they move seems too feline. Like you're watching a stalking lioness rather than a human woman.

"Maenads..." Sep mutters. "Okay we're running now!"

And he immediately dashes down the hallway!

Run away!

Run awaaaaaay!

[Deathkeeper]

[Cathedral of Adventure]

Luna does a double-take as Septimus sprints away. Oh no, she hadn't even gotten to endanger herself talking to cute satyr boys! Probably for the best.
"Ack! S-" Luna clamps her hand over her mouth and sprints after him, her hooves clopping loudly against the floor.

[Earl of Purple]

Cathedral of Adventure

Tertia follows, glancing back regularly and prepared to shoot any Maenad that follows with her crossbow. Granted, the tips aren't iron- they're steel, to help punch through armour- but they're still hard, pointy and moving fast enough to penetrate bone.

"So, um. I... Am clearly not up on my folklore. What's with Maenads?" They didn't seem too scary to Tertia, not so much that she'd expect Septimus to run from them. And if it's just chivalry making him unwilling to hurt a woman, she'll stab him a little.

[Rebonack]

[Cathedral of Adventure]

"Crazy servants of Dionysus," Septimus says as he slips into the darkness of the cloud ((and Rebo works on making a new map because the one he had vanished)). "Crazy drunk things that will rip you apart in a frenzy. There are stories of women becoming maenads and killing their own children without realizing what they were doing."

Oh.

Well.

That's pretty terrible.

But the gods really DO love their tragedies.

The darkness in the cloud is thick. Thick and absolute. But our heroes will hear noises. Voices. Rumblings. Something is moving in the gloom. Our heroes will feel as if they're being scrutinized by something. Measured. Judged. Luna in particular will feel the weight of the thing's gaze upon her, heavy and stifling. It's uncomfortable to everyone, but to Luna it may as well be an iron yoke bearing down on her shoulders.

You do not belong here.

Whispers.

Voices.

Rumblings.

Flashes of light, like lightning, rippling through the thick clouds. A glimpse of something swaddled in thick darkness. Of wings and eyes and hands.

[Deathkeeper]

[Cathedral Of Adventure]

A yoke.
Is that a cow joke?
Shame on you narrator.

Luna puts a hand on Septimus’ arm.
”If we get eaten by a big monster this one’s on you. We’re picking up the pace.” she says, her voice shaking as she tries to pull the group along to get out of here as fast as possible. She doesn’t like this hallway. Not one bit.

[Earl of Purple]

Cathedral of Adventure

Since it's dark, Tertia slings her crossbow across her back, since it's less useful right now. She does draw her kris, however, the orichalcum blade feeling pleasant in her hands as she advances. She's holding it so the eye on the guard is facing forwards, as she's straining every sense to try and cut through the darkness.

"Shh. In the dark we need to use every sense. Not just sight. Sound is important too, so keep your ears peeled." But not literally. That would be quite a fae thing to do. She's also wondering if Luna has enhanced senses right now; cows have a good sense of smell, right? Maybe she should have listened to her mum and courted the rancher's son... On second thought, he was more interested in his cows and booze than any of the girls, least of all her.

[Rebonack]

[Cathedral of Adventure!]

"Getting eaten isn't any worse than what the maenads and satyrs would have done to us," Septimus whispers back.

The hallway is quite long and quite pitch black. As they creepy along, Luna will swear it feels like feathers brush against her on more than one occasion. But nothing attacks. It's just... watching. Judging.

For quite a while our heroes are groping around in the dark, surrounded by whispers, voices, the rush of wings, and low rumbling thunder. Then all at once the darkness clears. Set against the wall of the hallway, the vines clinging to it withered and dead, is an alter made of glossy grey-blue stone. Carved into its surface is a symbol like an idealized eye, surrounded by whorled patterns. There are bits of rubbish scattered around the alter, moss, matted cobwebs, splinters of bone, broken twigs.

The way forward is clear, but there are clear signs that something is up ahead. Bits of sooty grey down decorate the floor.

...and the occasional eyeball.

The eyes are apparently animated, because of course they are. Or at least that one is.

It's tracking our heroes movements, scooting around on the floor atop little feathers.

[Deathkeeper]

[Cathedral Of Adventure]

”I’d rather fight a hot monster than a gross barf inducing one! Ewww.” Luna pouts, swinging her staff like a golf club if any eyeballs get close to her. She really wants to get through here quickly.
”Can we please just get out of here?” the pressure is really making her want to get out of her disguise and go home.

[Earl of Purple]

Cathedral of Adventure

Tertia just glares at Luna. She said be quiet, and there's Luna, being a big loud cow-person, which is exactly the opposite of what Tertia wanted. "If we're quiet, we're less likely to be eaten. Because if we're noisy, we'll be heard and waken things that are sleeping. If they're asleep, they can't see us. But the good news is, it no longer matters. You're louder than a troupe of war-elephants, Luna." Tertia's not-quite whispering, but still speaking quite quietly.

She's basically ignoring the eye, because whilst it's creepy and weird, it's also probably harmless. And if something is seeing through it, shooting it won't help because it's not like there's anywhere else to go.

[Rebonack]

[Cathedral Of Adventure]

Septimus' sheathed sword sure is being quiet, isn't it?

There's probably a good reason for this. Might have to do with the 'don't wake things up or you get eaten' problem our heroes are dealing with right now.

"We need to keep our wits together," Septimus says quietly. "And decide exactly how we're going to move forward. This is a dungeon, obviously. And there's probably stuff worth looting down here."

Like that weird alter? There's a set piece just sitting right there and everyone is too busy complaining to search!

These kids are just the worst adventurers ever.

Ever.

Swatting the eye is pretty easy. It goes bouncing across the floor like the grossest golf ball ever, rolling off into the gloom and vanishing from sight.

[Deathkeeper]

[Cathedral Of Adventure]

”You try walking quietly in these clogs!” Luna hisses, gesturing at her hooves. She’s at least trying to be quiet.
”Let’s just get out of here. Messing with altars is a bad idea and I hate this place.” she insists.

[Earl of Purple]

Cathedral of Adventure

Tertia unslings her back and pulls out some cloth bandages. "I should have thought of that. Here, wrap these around your hooves." She'll go check out the altar, but not take anything. "I'm not going to take anything, I just want to see if I recognise anything, OK? I'm pretty sure I've got more experience with cults than you do." ...Well, that might be a surprise. Tertia's family usually go to the shrine like everyone else, so how does she have cult experience?

[Rebonack]

[Cathedral Of Adventure]

"Why don't you just turn back into yourself?" Septimus counters. "That thing can obviously make clothing. You're wearing some right now."

Yeah, Luna.

Come on.

Stop being so weird.

The alter is... well. Odd.

Maybe not in the more typically odd way, though. It's littered with bits of stuff. Things that might have been sacrifices. But not sacrifices of meat or wine. More like the piles of rubbish those goblins left behind when they were killed. But aside from that symbol that sort of matches the one on Tertia's dagger, it doesn't have any obvious marking son it.

And then?

A voice comes from around the corner.

"Hey... umm... are you guys alright?" comes the voice, sounding a bit hesitant and uncertain. "I mean, you're taking a really long time is all. Should I.. um... should I just wait over here? Or come to you guys and eat you all? I'm kind of new at this, sorry."

Oh, that's nice. The awful monster lurking around the corner is apologizing.

[Deathkeeper]

[Cathedral of Adventure]

"If I change back I won't be able to carry the pack, dummy!" Luna hisses.
Aha! Luna thought something might be weird about Tertia's family. Maybe. Maybe she's just self-justifying.

Luna freezes, holds her staff tight in her hands and flattens herself against the wall by the corner.
....
"No that's fine. You can just stay there. And not eat any of us, actually. It's actually a really impractical thing to do. " she calls to the horrible monster around the corner.
See? Monsters are people too. Just possibly homicidal ones that Luna is hoping to dissuade.

[Earl of Purple]

Cathedral of Adventure

"I'm with Luna, I'd rather you stay where you are, if that's OK. Um, can I ask... What are you?" Because that might effect how they fight it and if they actually get eaten.

She's also a little glad she's not having to explain the thing she said about the cults, but... She doesn't think Luna's going to forget it any time soon, so she'll have to answer it eventually. Even if Septimus was probably oblivious enough to have missed the significance of it.

[Rebonack]

[Cathedral of Adventure]

"Yep, totally okay for you to stay over there," Septimus agrees with the girls. Then he glances over at them and whispers. "We're either running past fae or running past whatever that thing is. Either way, we're dealing with something. But whatever this monster is, it sounds like only one something that has no idea what it's doing."

He likes those chances better than trying to fight through a heap of satyrs and maenads.

The thing around the corner seems to consider the replies for a bit.

"Umm... okay. If you're sure? I'm really sorry. I'm not sure if 'wandering monster' is supposed to be literal or not. I guess not?" it calls back. "I'm a cherub, I think. I'm pretty sure I just started existing when the Splendor the next floor down decayed. It's really confusing, suddenly being a thing all of a sudden when you weren't a thing before, you know?"

Septimus has no personal experience with that.

"...maybe I made a mistake. Are you guys adventurers? Or are you wandering monsters, too? Because I don't think I'm supposed to eat you if you're the second one."

Oooh. That might be a way out of this. Quick! Someone roll a Deception Check!

[Deathkeeper]

[Cathedral of Adventure]

"Well, if we were adventurers we'd already have tried to stab you and turn you into a hat, I'm fairly sure. That's how adventurers do. Besides-" she rattles a hoof on the floor.
"That's genuine hoof that is. If I met an adventurer they'd be trying to make me into a hat. So yeah. We're not things to be eating."

[Earl of Purple]

Cathedral of Adventure

"Yeah, a degenerate cultist brute, a horned shaman, a sword dragon and a degenerate cultist sneak. Just, so you know what to expect. Now we know you're a cherub, so it's only fair we share too." She motions at Septimus, Luna, Gladius and herself respectfully, giving each of the group a role and identity, ones which hopefully fit with what they each look like. Gladius is probably the most accurate, since he really is a sword dragon, but they're stuck with them now because at no point did they decide what they'd pretend to be if they were in a situation where subterfuge was necessary.

[Rebonack]

[Cathedral of Adventure]

"Oh, that's a good point. I hadn't thought of that," the awful thing around the corner replies. "Alright, I guess I can let you guys pass if you want. If you meet any adventurers, yell real loud and I'll come help you kill and or eat them."

Septimus gives the other a wary look.

Are they going to trust this thing?

Gladius remains conspicuously silent.

When you're tongue burns with the Light of Truth, sometimes saying nothing is the best course of action.

"So are we going to just walk past this thing?" Septimus whispers to the girls.

It sure sounds like that's what they're going to be doing.

[Deathkeeper]

[Cathedral Of Adventure]

Luna gulps, steels herself, and rounds the corner.
”K thanks seeyouaroundlaterbyyyyye~” she mumbles and tries to hurry past whatever this awful thing is.

[Earl of Purple]

Cathedral of Adventure

Tertia nods at Septimus but doesn't otherwise answer, before walking slowly and confidently after Luna, trying to stick to the shadows and darker areas as she imagines a 'degenerate cultist sneak' might. To be fair, it's also quite close to how she moves ordinarily, so... Maybe her self-labelling was correct in more than one of three particulars. Or maybe a 'degenerate cultist sneak' doesn't move very differently to a 'sneaky adventurer learning the ropes'.

[Rebonack]

[Cathedral of Adventure]

Septimus thinks this is all really absurd and follows the girls.

Around the corner they go!

And around that corner?

There's a thing.

Oh boy is that ever a thing.

Imagine for a moment a pudgy winged baby. Then increase it in size until it's about the size of a five year old child. Then give it limbs like a lobster from the elbows down and a nest of grasping baby arms sprouting from its chest. Finally, give it the head of some kind of awful deep sea fish with four fat baby faces growing out of the neck. The cherub watches out heroes pass with wide, unblinking eyes. "Umm... hi?" one of the fat baby faces says.

Oh gods...

This thing is awful.

Maybe they can just run to that gross looking organic iris door at the end of the hall and the cherub won't bother them.

[Deathkeeper]

[Cathedral Of Adventure]

Luna opens her mouth to say “hi” back, but it comes out as a horrible cross between that, a gag, and some noise a bovine would make. Maybe that will make her seem more monstrous.
But she’s going to all but sprint for that iris because she can’t stand looking at this thing for more than a second. They could have just talked to hot animal people instead. Why did Septimus make them do this? This is the worst.
Clop clop clop clop.

[Earl of Purple]

Cathedral of Adventure

Tertia's far more sedate in following, getting a good look at the cherub. "Hello." She's a bit disturbed by the cherub's horrific appearance, but she can at least trust that it's real. Not like those fae around the other corner. "Um, I need to keep up with the horned shaman." She'll speed up at that point, hoping desperately that the cherub can't tell how nervous she is. She's covering it pretty well, but Septimus and Luna would probably be able to tell. As would anyone that can see her sweating a little.

[billtodamax]

Lonesome Crag

Not far off the coast lies a small island, avoided by the local fishermen entirely. Some say it's home to an ancient ghost that brings down any vessel that gets near. Some say it was cursed by the last ounce of power in a dying druid, stoned to death by the ignorant locals thousands of years ago. Some say that the stories are hogwash and that it's the local currents that cause the water surrounding it to be so treacherous. Whatever their reason, noone has set foot on the island in living memory. There hasn't really been a reason to chance it.

Until now.

A ponderous noise, the low keening cry of a whale mourning its lost herd, emanates from the rock. A crack has appeared, and the waters have stilled around the rock. The call has gone out. But what's calling, and who is it calling for?