Corrupt a Wish III: Granted, but it's on Fire!

[MutantDragon]

Granted. Now your computer is constantly malfunctioning.

I wish that there was a official pokemon splatbook for 5e.

Granted! Official does not necessarily mean good. Take 2d6 psychic damage.


I wish for a bicycle.

[bug_sniper]

Granted. You get an engine with a 2-phase cycle. It can only intake and exhaust fuel and it doesn't have a compress phase or a power phase and so it's not a functional engine.

I wish that bullets would turn completely into cotton candy as soon as they leave a gun.

[Edreyn]

Granted.
Now when the Earth is invaded by aliens who use only teeth, claws and great numbers, the humanity is defenseless against them.

I wish a full scale sequel of good quality of Planescape: Torment will be released this year.

[MutantDragon]

Granted.
Now when the Earth is invaded by aliens who use only teeth, claws and great numbers, the humanity is defenseless against them.

I wish a full scale sequel of good quality of Planescape: Torment will be released this year.

Granted! Unfortunately, it's scheduled to release the same day as the Antichrist's first day at work, which is the same day as Loki leading the giants against Asgard, which, coincidentally, is the same day as seven suns appear in the sky.

Edit: (Shoot, I forgot a wish. I wish I made a wish.)

[Dire Moose]

I wish to become a Goddess.

[Edreyn]

Granted. You are now a goddess. But in this world, deity's powers and very existence depend on the number of worshippers. You have just one, though very devoted, but he is going to die from old age in 3... 2... 1...

I wish to write a book so successful and popular that people will be still reading it even after hundreads of years from now.

[thegreatqwerty]

Wish Granted. Your book is a Big Brother book from 1984.
I wish that my wish isn't granted.

[bug_sniper]

You're implicit wish to trap the genie in a paradox isn't granted. The genie is really smug at how he doesn't need to grant anything extra at all to bring you the outcome that you've wasted a wish, as well as an abundance of .

I wish I could worship Dire Moose so that she can continue to exist.

[Killerkat]

Granted, but now she has icky powers over bugs.

I wish for a fish delish.

[farothel]

I wish for a fish delish.

Granted, but it´s fugu prepared by a beginner chef.

I wish to have my own millennium falcon

[paddyfool]

You get the putrefied corpse of a bird of prey that died 23 years and 343 days ago.

I wish for my very own star destroyer

[Dire Moose]

Granted, but you can’t do anything with it as it requires thousands of people to operate and maintain it, and you don’t have that kind of money so all you’ve got it a rather useless hunk of metal that eventually falls out of orbit and crashes.

I wish I wasn’t suffering from anxiety attacks.

[Bucky]

Granted, your depression is now so intense that even anxiety no longer registers.

I wish for a pet puppy.

[bug_sniper]

Granted, but it comes with a flea circus and the fleas aren't very good at juggling and tying balloons.

I wish for bug-hunting drones.

[Ironsmith]

Okay. They're gonna take a while to optimize your code, though.

I wish for some cozy beachfront property.

[bug_sniper]

Granted. It's humid and warm, which makes it very cozy if you're an insect.

I wish for ant-hunting drones, cricket-hunting drones, termite-hunting drones, and bedbug-hunting drones.

[Rollin]

The genie also long-presses when copying your wish, resulting in its being granted five times over. This does not benefit you in the least.

I wish I had a tablet.

[Dire Moose]

You get a large stone tablet air-dropped on your head.

I wish I had a warp-capable starship.

[Rollin]

You get a large stone tablet air-dropped on your head.

I wish I had a warp-capable starship.

You get a starship capable of warping any navigational instruction given it.

I wish I had an ambassadorship.

[TheHalfAasimar]

You get a starship capable of warping any navigational instruction given it.

I wish I had an ambassadorship.

You get an ambassadorship, but it goes so slow it's useless.

I wish I had a group to play 3.5e or PF2e with.

[Aedes]

You get an ambassadorship, but it goes so slow it's useless.

I wish I had a group to play 3.5e or PF2e with.

You find a group, but they're all dysfunctional edgelords who wreck the campaign and steal your dice.

I wish I had more time in the day to do stuff.

[TheHalfAasimar]

You find a group, but they're all dysfunctional edgelords who wreck the campaign and steal your dice.

I wish I had more time in the day to do stuff.

Wish granted! However, it's barely enough to notice.

I wish that my family would play TTRPGs with me.

[Lacco]

[Insert family member] enters the room with a cheerful: "Hey, [TheHalfAasimar]! You play RPGs, right? We agreed to play - and guess what? It's F.A.T.A.L time!"

I wish for an RPG system that has the combat system of Riddle of Steel, the magic system of Ars Magica and the worldbuilding on level of Hârn, while remaining perfectly playable!

[Mister Tom]

Granted. No-one else wants to play it though: anyone you talk to about the subject decides you're a weird obsessive.

I wish to be accepted into a fun RpG group. (Ruh roh)

[TheHalfAasimar]

Granted. No-one else wants to play it though: anyone you talk to about the subject decides you're a weird obsessive.

I wish to be accepted into a fun RpG group. (Ruh roh)

Granted. It's just me, you, and someone else neither of us know.

I wish that I had 3.5e D&D stuff.

[Naysmith]

Granted. It's just me, you, and someone else neither of us know.

I wish that I had 3.5e D&D stuff.

Granted, but someone shredded it first.

I wish for the worst possible wish.

[TheHalfAasimar]

Granted, but someone shredded it first.

I wish for the worst possible wish.

Wish granted! You then realize that, yes, things could be worse.

I wish that I had inspiration to write.

[Smoutwortel]

Wish granted! You then realize that, yes, things could be worse.

I wish that I had inspiration to write.

You get schizophrenia and start seeing the most exceptional and horrible hallucinations to the point that you have to write about it or go mad.

I ask for unlimited power.

[TheHalfAasimar]

You get schizophrenia and start seeing the most exceptional and horrible hallucinations to the point that you have to write about it or go mad.

I ask for unlimited power.

Wish granted! You become a god-like being, but because no one knows who you are, or worships you, you are rendered powerless from lack of belief.

I wish that I was a better poet.

[Smoutwortel]

Wish granted! You become a god-like being, but because no one knows who you are, or worships you, you are rendered powerless from lack of belief.

I wish that I was a better poet.

You become even worse at poetry. You were a better poet(before this wish)

I wish for the world to burn.