Critters III! Now also in 5e!

[Metastachydium]

Ah, I see how it is, now, Sir! Another 40+ HD thing that is also a BIRDY forced to fight other BIRDIES?! You want to make me sad and miserable ON PURPOSE!

Anyway,

Experiment X
Colossal Aberration

Full Attack: 2 Slams +45 melee (2d6+17) and 3 Beaks +45 melee (4d8+9) or Disintegrator +29 ranged (disintegration)

Beaks should have 4d8+8 for damage, rounding down.

Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Stunning Blow, Swat, Constrict (2d6+17), Trample (3d8+26)

Trample damage should be 3d6+25 (see above).

Skills: Climb +17, Intimidate +20, Jump +17, Listen +10, Search +10, Spot +10

2 skill points remain available.

Otherwise, we have a nice clean job here. Well done!

Force Field (Su): As a Move Action, Experiment X can use it's force field belt. While active, the force field blocks all ranged attacks, including area of effects. Once activated, it lasts for one minute, and then can't be used again for 24 hours.

I like this one in particular, and would probably allow it once per encounter or even more often with a cooldown. Kiting is a pain and this is an answer!

"Squawk!"

Also, SQUAWK indeed! Go, green birdies! Make that Musk Ox pay!!

[Bhu]

Javelina
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 2d10+4 (15 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 60 ft. (12 squares)
Armor Class: 16 (+1 Size, +1 Dexterity, +4 Natural), touch 12, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/-1
Attack: Gore +4 melee (1d6+1) or Javelin +4 ranged (1d4)
Full Attack: Gore +4 melee (1d6+1) or Javelin +4 ranged (1d4)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Ferocity, Javelin
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Scent
Saves: Fort +5, Ref +4, Will +1
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 12, Con 15, Int 3, Wis 13, Cha 10
Skills: Listen +2, Search -2, Spot +2, Survival +2
Feats: Run
Environment: Warm Desert
Organization: Solitary or Squadron (5-10)
Challenge Rating: 1
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Neutral
Advancement: 3-4 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

These are the most adorable, little feral hogs. That can magically summon and fire barbed javelins. For pointless reasons. Or maybe no reason. Apparently made by Druids, who wanted to give their piggies a defense against hunters.

Ferocity (Ex): A Javelina is such a tenacious combatant that it continues to fight without penalty even while disabled or dying.

Javelin (Su): A Javelina can spit up something resembling a harpoon as a Standard Action. This is a ranged attack with a range increment of 30 feet that does 1d4 magical piercing damage. If it successfully confirms a critical hit it sticks in the opponent doing an additional point of damage at the beginning of each of the Javelina's turns. A DC15 Heal check is necessary to remove it wihout doing another 1d4 damage (or as a Standard Action, it can just be pulled out, but the target takes 1d4 damage).

Combat: Javlina's quietly sit back and puke javelins until you go away. Should that fail, they run at you at top speed like they've decided life is optional. En masse. Then they do a little celebratory dance on your body after.



Javelina
"Ladies and gentleman, this is Harlan Jurgens, along with my assistant Jim. We're in the country of Texicas today, looking at the Javelina!"

Mean Little (beep)
"Also known as Tayassu Texicas!"

"These adorable little monsters are capable of magically harpooning hunters, leading to a dramatic rise in their population."

"Local pitchfork mobs accuse the Druids of meddling."

"The Druids accuse the local hunters of over-hunting and cruelty."

"Today, we're going to cast Speak With Animals and find out the truth!"


Making Crops Disappear, One Field At A Time

"Hi there little fella!"

" HOLY (beep) GNOMES CAN TALK! HEY GUYS!"

"I can see this will be a banner episode..."

"Who made you little guy?"

"Muh (beep) parents. Ain't that how Gnomes are made?"

"I hate to be the bad guy here, but I feel the need to remind everyone that this is a family show..."

[Bhu]

Antelope Squirrel
Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 2d10+6 (17 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares), Burrow 20 ft., Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class: 18 (+3 Dexterity, +3 Dodge, +2 Natural), touch 16, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +2/+4
Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d6+2)
Full Attack: 1 Bite +5 melee (1d6+2) and 2 Claws +0 melee (1d4+1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Comin' Through!
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Scent, Dodger, Leaper
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +6, Will +2
Abilities: Str 14, Dex 17, Con 16, Int 3, Wis 14, Cha 13
Skills: Balance +11, Climb +11, Jump +11, Listen +4, Search +5, Spot +4
Feats: Weapon Finesse, Run (B)
Environment: Warm Desert or Plains
Organization: Colony (2-20)
Challenge Rating: 1
Treasure: Usually None
Alignment: Usually Neutral
Advancement: 3-4 HD (Medium), 5-6 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: ---

Antelope Squirrels are adorable ground squirrels with teeniest antlers the size of a deer. They're so named because of their leaping gait, similar to that of a Springbok. Would be hunters should aware they're a little....easily panicked.

Comin' Through! (Ex): The Antelope Squirrels movement doesn't provoke attacks of opportunity. If it makes a melee attack, it can move before and after the attack, as long as it's total movement doesn't exceed it's land speed. It also doesn't take a penalty to AC when charging.

Dodger (Ex): Antelope Squirrels have a Dodge Bonus to AC equal to their Dexterity Modifier.

Leaper (Ex): The DC of the Squirrels Jump Checks doesn't double if it doesn't have a running start, nor does it take a penalty if the squirrel hasn't moved.

Skills: Antelope Squirrels have a +8 Racial Bonus on all Balance, Climb, Jump, and Search checks. They may always take 10 on a Balance or Climb check, and may use their Dex or Str mod for Climb and Jump checks, whichever is better.

Combat: Antelope Squirrels panic easily, and tend to panic run in random directions. They also get mad easily, and bite the living crap out of whatever is near. Basically so much as glancing at them starts a horrified stampede, or a battle royale.



Antelope Squirrel
"Ladies and gentleman, this is Harlan Jurgens, along with my assistant Jim. We're in the country of Texicas today, looking at the Antelope Squirrel!"

Don't Spook Them
"Also known as Ammospermophilus Texicas!"

"These little squeakers should be approached with caution!"

"Or not at all."

"Which means you know whats next?"

"Speak With Animals again?"


Squeak. Squeak I Say!

"Hi there little Mister fuzzy!"

" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

clawclawclawbitebitebite

"How is that spell even working on Magical Beasts..."

"Woah! Woah, calm down! We come in peace!"

"(beeep) man, you nearly gave me a (beep) heart attack!"

"Family show...etc., etc..."

[Bhu]

Texicas Rattler
Medium Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 4d10+4 (26 hp)
Initiative: +7
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares), 20 ft. Climb, 20 ft. Swim
Armor Class: 17 (+3 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +4/+5
Attack: Bite +7 melee (1d6+1 plus poison)
Full Attack: Bite +7 melee (1d6+1 plus poison)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Poison, Rattle
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Scent, Blindsight 10 ft. Tremorsense 30 ft.
Saves: Fort ++5, Ref +7, Will +3
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 17, Con 12, Int 5, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills: Balance +11, Climb +11, Hide +9, Listen +8, Spot +8, Survival +3, Swim +9
Feats: Improved Initiative, Weapon Finesse
Environment: Any warm or temperate land
Organization: Solitary or Den (10-1000+)
Challenge Rating: 3
Treasure: Usually None
Alignment: Usually Neutral Evil
Advancement: 5-6 HD (Medium), 7-12 HD (L
Level Adjustment: ---

These are larger than usual Diamondback rattlesnakes modified by mages to be guard critters. Unfortunately, they turned out Evil. Even they admit it.

Poison (Su): Injury, DC 15 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based with a +2 Racial Bonus), Initial damage is 1d6 Dex, Secondary damage is vulnerability to the Rattler's Rattler attack (see below).

Rattle (Su): The Rattler can use it's Swift Action each round to use it's Rattle attack. Any living creature within 20 feet of the Rattler must make a DC 14 Willpower Save (Save DC is Wisdom based) or be Nauseated until the beginning of the Rattlers next turn. If the target has taken the Secondary damage from the Rattlers poison, it takes a -2 Penalty on Saves against the Rattle attack, and can't move while it is Nauseated.

Skills: Rattlers have a +4 racial bonus on Hide, Listen, and Spot checks and a +8 racial bonus on Balance and Climb checks. A Rattler can always choose to take 10 on a Climb check, even if rushed or threatened. Rattlers use either their Strength modifier or Dexterity modifier for Climb checks, whichever is higher. A Rattler has a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform some special action or avoid a hazard. It can always choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered. It can use the run action while swimming, provided it swims in a straight line.

Combat: Rattlers will bite as many foes as possible before using it's Rattler attack. They aren't very smart, but they do have a certain cunning.




Texicas Rattler
"Ladies and gentleman, this is Harlan Jurgens, along with my assistant Jim. We're in the country of Texicas today, looking at the Texicas Rattler!"

Always Have A Gun Out In The Desert
"Also known as Crotalus Texicas!"

"These rattlesnakes were originally created by the Death Brothers."

"Who, coincidentally, are now dead."

"And it's time we found out why!"

"Are we sure this is wise?"


Beware The Rattle

"We come in peace!"

" Of course you do. And that's why we're going to lay our eggs in your small intestines."

"Saw that coming..."

"Why did you kill your creators?"

"They gave us opportunity."

"Really? That's it?"

[Bhu]

Mockingbird
Diminutive Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1/2d10 (2 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), Fly 50 ft. (Average)
Armor Class: 17 (+4 Size, +3 Dex), touch 17, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-14
Attack: Peck +8 melee (1 point)
Full Attack: Peck +8 melee (1 point)
Space/Reach: 1 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Personal Insults
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Polyglot
Saves: Fort +2, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities: Str 4, Dex 17, Con 10, Int 14, Wis 14, Cha 14
Skills: Balance +5, Bluff +4, Hide +17, Listen +4, Perform (Insult) +6, Sense Motive +4, Spot +4
Feats: Ability Focus (Personal Insults), Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment: Warm or Temperate deserts or plains
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Ridicule (10-20)
Challenge Rating: 1/3
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: 1 HD (Tiny)
Level Adjustment: ---

These adorable little magical birds evolved naturally. Which is astonishing, given their skill at profanity laced insults. No one is certain why they do it, it's just assumed they find it amusing.

Personal Insults (Su): The Mockingbird can lob off an insult as a Standard Action. The being this insult is targeted at must make a DC 14 Willpower Save (Save DC is Charisma based), or be Sickened with Rage for 1 Minute. This is a language dependent, sonic, mind-affecting effect. During this time it takes a -2 penalty on all attack rolls, weapon damage rolls, saving throws, skill checks, and ability checks. It also takes a -2 Penalty to Armor Class.

Polyglot (Su): The Mockingbird can speak and understand all known languages.

Combat: Mockingbirds rarely fight. They mostly insult, fly away, come back and repeat. People are torn between hating them, and finding them hilarious.



Mockingbird
"Ladies and gentleman, this is Harlan Jurgens, along with my assistant Jim. We're in the country of Texicas today, looking at the Mockingbird!"

A Little Mean Spirited
"Also known as Mimus Texicas!"

"These magical birds are unusual in that they came about naturally, and there aren't any casters responsible for them."

"Which doesn't explain why they're so vicious in their personal attacks."

"We could always ask. They seem to speak just about every known language."

"There's a flock now."


(beep)

"Good morning kind sirs. Can we bother you for an interview?"

" (beep) off."

"Shocking..."

"Why you little..."

"Here's where (beep) Jim reminds us it's a family show. Hahahahhaha!"

"No, here's where I remind you I'm a Ranger."

[Bhu]

El Chupachango
Tiny Undead
Hit Dice: 3d12 (19 hp)
Initiative: +9
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Climb 30 ft.
Armor Class: 20 (+2 Size, +5 Dex, +3 Natural), touch 17, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-7 (+5 attached)
Attack: Bite +8 melee (1d3) or Fling Poo +8 ranged (1d4)
Full Attack: Bite +8 melee (1d3) or Fling Poo +8 ranged (1d4)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Attach, Blood Drain, Create Spawn, Fling Poo
Special Qualities: Low-light Vision, Darkvision 60 ft., DR 10/Silver and Magic, Fast Healing 5, Spider Climb, +4 Turn Resistance, Vulnerabilities
Saves: Fort +1, Ref +8, Will +5
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 20, Con -, Int 4, Wis 14, Cha 10
Skills: Balance +13, Climb +13, Escape Artist +6, Hide +21, Listen +12, Move Silently +13, Search +8, Spot +12, Survival +4
Feats: Alertness, Weapon Finesse, Combat Reflexes (B), Dodge (B), Improved Initiative (B), Lightning Reflexes (B)
Environment: Warm Desert or Plains
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Troop (10-40)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Advancement: 4-6 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment: ---

Currently thought of as an urban legend, someone has infested parts of Texicas with vampire monkeys. No one knows why, and honestly no one cares. They just want them dead again. Or at least to stop doing certain things.

Attach (Ex): If a Chupachango hits with a touch attack (or it's bite), it latches onto the opponent’s body. An attached Chupachango is effectively grappling its prey. The Chupachango loses its Dexterity bonus to AC and has an AC of 15, but holds on with great tenacity. Chupachango have a +12 racial bonus on grapple checks (already figured into the Base Attack/Grapple entry above).

An attached Chupachango can be struck with a weapon or grappled itself. To remove an attached Chupachango through grappling, the opponent must achieve a pin against the Chupachango.

Blood Drain (Ex): A Chupachango drains blood, dealing 1d4 points of Constitution damage in any round when it begins its turn attached to a victim.

Create Spawn (Su): If the Chupachango drains a Monkeys Constitution to 8, the Monkey raises as a Chupachango in 1d4 days.

Fling Poo (Ex): The Chupachango can "produce" a ranged throwing weapon as a Movement Action. This "weapon" has a range increment of 20 feet. It does 1d4 negative energy damage.

Spider Climb (Ex): A Chupachango can climb sheer surfaces as though with a spider climb spell.

Vulnerabilities: Exposing any Chupachango to direct sunlight disorients it: It can take only a single move action or attack action and is destroyed utterly in the next round if it cannot escape.

Skills: El Chupachango have a +8 racial bonus on Balance, Climb, Hide, Listen, Move Silently, Search, and Spot checks. They can always choose to take 10 on Climb checks, even if rushed or threatened. They use their Dexterity modifier instead of their Strength modifier for Climb checks.

Combat: These things are like regular, pissed off monkeys. But worse. Much, much worse. Ever smelled undead poo? Why do the undead even produce waste anyway? And how?



El Chupachango
"Thank the Gawds that's over. I'll be happy if I never see Texicas again!"

Not Yet An Official Species
"Agreed. Um..Harlan, look out the window..."

"What am I supposed to look at? The monkeys?"

"Exactly. Monkeys aren't native to Texicas."

"They could be summoned."

"Do summoned monkeys drink blood from the city guard?"


Stay Out Of Flinging Range

"Maybe...this makes me happy we're leaving for Florida in the morning."

" SKREEEEEEE!"

"Assuming we see the morning. You got a Daylight spell by any chance?"

"We have to film this. We'd be the first to cover their species."

"Seriously?"

[Metastachydium]

This is one lovely set! (Especially the BIRDY. But it's a lovely set overall too. Do you actually use these guys in your setting?)

Javelina
Small Magical Beast

Speed: 60 ft. (12 squares)

Heh. What's with you and miniature pigs on steroids?

Attack: Gore +4 melee (1d6+1) or Javelin +4 ranged (1d4)
Full Attack: Gore +4 melee (1d6+1) or Javelin +4 ranged (1d4)

So the puked up javelins don't count as thrown?

Skills: Run
Feats: Listen +2, Search -2, Spot +2, Survival +2

I sense two lines switched there.

"Muh (beep) parents. Ain't that how Gnomes are made?"

Sometimes I'm not sure, honestly.

Antelope Squirrel

Comin' Through! (Ex): The Antelope Squirrels movement doesn't provoke attacks of opportunity. If it makes a melee attack, it can move before and after the attack, as long as it's total movement doesn't exceed it's land speed. It also doesn't take a penalty to AC when charging.

Dodger (Ex): Antelope Squirrels have a Dodge Bonus to AC equal to their Dexterity Modifier.

Leaper (Ex): The DC of the Squirrels Jump Checks doesn't double if it doesn't have a running start, nor does it take a penalty if the squirrel hasn't moved.

That's antelope mobility right there! Nice. (Weird twitchy jumps are the most thematic that way, but the no AoOs deal's where it gets real cool.)

Texicas Rattler
Medium Magical Beast

Organization: Solitary or Den (10-1000+)

…
Oh, my. At least they aren't fast.

Poison (Su): Injury, DC 15 Fortitude Save (Save DC is Constitution based with a +2 Racial Bonus), Initial damage is 1d6 Dex, Secondary damage is vulnerability to the Rattler's Rattler attack (see below).

Rattle (Su): The Rattler can use it's Swift Action each round to use it's Rattle attack. Any living creature within 20 feet of the Rattler must make a DC 14 Willpower Save (Save DC is Wisdom based) or be Nauseated until the beginning of the Rattlers next turn. If the target has taken the Secondary damage from the Rattlers poison, it takes a -2 Penalty on Saves against the Rattle attack, and can't move while it is Nauseated.

Didn't expect nausea as such there, but I like the synergy.

Mockingbird
Diminutive Magical Beast

BIRDIES!

Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), Fly 50 ft.

What maneuverability?

Skills: Bluff +4, Listen +4, Spot +4

There should be some 10 more skill points available. (These birdies are smart!)

Feats: Weapon Finesse

I kind of feel like Ability Focus would be a better fit here. These birdies are really more combat support material than fighting fighters, and I'm led to believe they also find dealing damage of the non-physical sort funnier-

Polyglot (Su): The Mockingbird can speak and understand all known languages.

Good synergies once again!

and finding them hilarious.

Also, cute.

El Chupachango
Tiny Undead

Create Spawn (Su): If the Chupachango drains a Monkeys Constitution to 8, the Monkey raises as a Chupachango in 1d4 days.

Well, damn. That's, like, one round of average damage! Do I see a deliberately built in potential for spiralling?

Fling Poo (Ex): The Chupachango can "produce" a ranged throwing weapon as a Movement Action. This "weapon" has a range increment of 20 feet. It does 1d4 negative energy damage.

Now this is where I expected the sickened condition and its ilk.

Skills: El Chupachango have

Isn't el the singualr form?

[Tzardok]

I kind of feel like Ability Focus would be a better fit here. These birdies are really more combat support material than fighting fighters, and I'm led to believe they also find dealing damage of the non-physical sort funnier-

It's Diminuitive. Weapon Focus as a Bonus Feat makes a lot of sense here.

[Metastachydium]

It's Diminuitive. Weapon Focus as a Bonus Feat makes a lot of sense here.

Very true! With that damage and reach, handing it out for free besides something more immediately useful is really just a quality of life thing.

[Bhu]

Do you actually use these guys in your setting?)

Whenever the party stumbles in the right direction.

Heh. What's with you and miniature pigs on steroids?

I likee the micro piggies.

So the puked up javelins don't count as thrown?

nope

Well, damn. That's, like, one round of average damage! Do I see a deliberately built in potential for spiralling?

Isn't el the singualr form?

alas, I do not speak spanish

[Bhu]

Grizzled Mantis
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 8d10+32 (76 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares), Fly 40 ft. (Poor)
Armor Class: 18 (-1 Size, +1 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 17
Base Attack/Grapple: +8/+20
Attack: Claw +15 melee (2d6+8)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +15 melee (2d6+8) and 1 Bite +15 melee (1d8+4)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Immunities
Saves: Fort +10, Ref +7, Will +4
Abilities: Str 26, Dex 13, Con 18, Int 3, Wis 14, Cha 11
Skills: Climb +9, Hide +4 (+12 in foliage), Jump +9, Listen +4, Move Silently +3, Spot +8, Survival +4
Feats: Improved Initiative, Improved Multiattack, Multiattack
Environment: Warm Forest or Marsh
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 6
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Neutral
Advancement: 9-12 HD (Large), 13-24 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

"Bert. that dead tree is looking at us..."

Grizzled Mantises are necrophages dwelling in the Floridian swamps. The swamps are teeming with corporeal undead (despite the local governments protests to the contrary), and it's presumed someone made them to take care of the problem. The average Grizzled Mantis weighs just over a half ton, and stands at least 12 feet tall. It has a long beard, and it's exoskeleton is colored and textured to resemble the rotting vegetation of it's swampy home.

Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, a Grizzled Mantis must hit with its claws attack. If it wins the ensuing grapple check, it establishes a hold and makes a bite attack as a primary attack, with it's full Str modifier to damage.

Immunities: A Grizzled Mantis is immune to disease, energy drain, paralysis, poison

Skills: A Grizzled Mantis has a +4 racial bonus on Hide and Spot checks. *Because of its camouflage, the Hide bonus increases to +12 when a mantis is surrounded by foliage.

Combat: Grizzled Mantids are ambush predators who use their camouflage to lie in wait to grab passers=by.


Grizzled Mantis
"Ladies and gentleman, this is Harlan Jurgens, along with my assistant Jim. It is our misfortune to be in the country of Florida today, looking at the Grizzled Mantis!"

Undead Munchers
"Also known as Gonatista necrophaga!"

"These magical insects feed strictly on corporeal undead, which are rumored to infest the swamps."

"Said rumors are denied by the local government, raising the question of whether or not someone created these creatures.."

"Wait, that one just killed an alligator, and hung it from a tree."

"Fascinating. I'd be willing to bet they're actually carrion eaters as opposed to obligate necrovores."


Not Above Killing The Living

"So if they can't find undead, they simply kill whats available, and leave it to rot so they can eat it later?"

"Yes. Very smart critters."

"I suddenly feel less safe. I assumed we wouldn't be targeted by them."

"Relax, we still have the cube of force."

[Bhu]

Hogchoker
Medium Magical Beast (Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 4d10+12 (34 hp)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 5 ft. (1 square), Swim 40 ft.
Armor Class: 15 (+5 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +4/+6
Attack: Grapple +6 melee touch (Grapple)
Full Attack: Grapple +6 melee touch (Grapple)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Ambush, Improved Grab, Constrict
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Camouflage, Hold Breath
Saves: Fort +7, Ref +4, Will +2
Abilities: Str 15, Dex 11, Con 17, Int 4, Wis 12, Cha 8
Skills: Hide +2 (+6 underwater), Listen +5, Spot +5, Survival +2, Swim +10
Feats: Alertness, Improved Initiative
Environment: Warm Aquatic
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Usually Neutral
Advancement: 5-6 HD (Medium), 7-12 HD (Large)
Level Adjustment: --

"Bert, why do our fishing trips always go horribly wrong?"

"Damned if I know Abner."

The Hogchoker is a 7 foot long flatfish that easily blends in with the river bottoms of Florida's waterways. They're favorite food is feral hogs (hence the name), but they'll gladly ambush anything that gets near, leaping from the river to enfold them and squeeze them to death. Dragging them back into the river is the tough part. Apparently they're a naturally evolved critter, as no one has claimed them as creators (and who would make guard critters that focused on pigs anyway?).

Ambush (Ex): If the Hogchoker's target is flat-footed or Denied it's Dexterity Bonus to AC, it gets a +4 Bonus on it's Grapple Check.

Improved Grab (Ex): The Hogchoker can make a Grapple Check without provoking an attack of opportunity.

Constrict (Ex): The Hogchoker does 1d8+3 damage with a successful Grapple Check.

Camouflage (Ex): The Hogchker can use the Hide skill in any sort of natural terrain, even if the terrain doesn’t grant cover or concealment.

Hold Breath (Ex): The Hogchoker can survive out of the water for a number of rounds equal to 4 × its Constitution score before it risks suffocating.

Skills:-A Hogchoker has a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform some special action or avoid a hazard. It can always choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered. It can use the run action while swimming, provided it swims in a straight line. A Hogchoker gains a +4 racial bonus on Hide checks when in the water. Further, a Hogchoker can lie flat in the water with only its eyes showing, gaining a +10 cover bonus on Hide checks.

Combat: Hogchkers are ambush predators who grab critters who stop by the riverbank to drink. The fry choke their would be eaters by swelling up inside their throat, but the adults lie semi-concealed in the river bed, leaping up to grapple those who get close.



Hogchoker
"Ladies and gentleman, this is Harlan Jurgens, along with my assistant Jim. Once again, were in Florida today, looking at the Hogchoker!"

Porcitarians
"Also known as Trinectes maculatus!"

"These magical fish feed strictly on anything foolish enough to approach them."

"But mostly feral hogs."

"I understand they get their name from their young swelling up in the throats of animals that accidentally ingest them while drinking."

"Well, that, and they're extremely flexible. The adults engulf and crush prey."


Limited Capabilities on Land

"Jim! Look!"

"Holy crap, it's dragging a pig into the water."

"Are there any records of them having amphibious abilities?"

"There will be now."

[Bhu]

Brown Basilisk
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 3d10+3 (19 hp)
Initiative: +2
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares), Swim 20 ft.
Armor Class: 17 (+1 Size, +2 Dex, +4 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +3/+0
Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d6+1)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Gaze Attack
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Low-light Vision, Run on Water
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +5, Will +2
Abilities: Str 12, Dex 14, Con 12, Int 3, Wis 12, Cha 11
Skills: Hide +6 (+10 in natural settings), Listen +5, Spot +5, Swim +9
Feats: Alertness, Blind-Fight
Environment: Warm Marsh
Organization: Solitary or colony (3-6)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Always Neutral
Advancement: 4 HD (Small), 5-9 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

Brown Basilisks are a 6 legged Florida variant that has a bit of a higher metabolism. They are famed for their ability to run on water, and their persistent nature. They will literally spend hours gaze sniping potential prey from cover. They are about the size of a mid range dog.

Gaze Attack (Su): 2d4 negative energy damage, range 30 feet; Fortitude DC 11 for half damage. The save DC is Charisma-based.

Run on Water (Su): When taking the Run Action, the Brown Basilisk can run across the surface of the water. It can only remain on the surface as long as it continuously takes the Run Action.

Skills:-A Brown Basilisk has a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform some special action or avoid a hazard. It can always choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered. It can use the run action while swimming, provided it swims in a straight line. The basilisk’s dull coloration and its ability to remain motionless for long periods of time grant it a +4 racial bonus on Hide checks in natural settings.

Combat: Brown Basilisks try to remain just in range to let their Gaze attack do it's job.



Brown Basilisk
"Ladies and gentleman, this is Harlan Jurgens, along with my assistant Jim. Today we take a look at the Brown Basilisk."

Teensy Basilisks
"Also known as Basiliscus venenatus!"

"These local Basilisk variants are a dark brown, with 6 legs, and flappity dorsal crests."

"Their gaze doesn't petrify prey, but does sap it's life force. They are much more active than their more common cousins."

"Possibly more magical as well. Locals tell tale of them running on water."

"There go some of them now. They can really move."


Active Hunters

"Is it me, or is the rest of the wildlife fleeing from that direction as well?"

"Indeed. That doesn't bode well."

"Do you see anything?"

"Only because of the ring you got me. And I don't like what I'm seeing."

[Bhu]

Leatherback
Medium Undead
Hit Dice: 14d12 (115 hp)
Initiative: +3
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), 20 ft. Swim
Armor Class: 28 (+3 Dex, +10 Natural, +5 Deflection), touch 18, flat-footed 25
Base Attack/Grapple: +7/+16
Attack: Claw +18 melee (1d6+11) or +1 Scimitar +17 melee (1d6+10/15-20) or +1 Dagger +11 ranged (1d4+10)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +18 melee (1d6+11) and 1 Bite +18 melee (2d4+6/18-20) or +1 Scimitar +17/+17/+12 melee (1d6+10/15-20) or +1 Dagger +11/+6 ranged (1d4+10)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Snapping Bite
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Retreat Into Shell, DR 10/Silver, Float, Undead Toughness, +2 Turn Resistance, Undead traits
Saves: Fort +8, Ref +7, Will +11
Abilities: Str 28, Dex 16, Con -, Int 12, Wis 15, Cha 6
Skills: Climb +16, Hide +10, Jump +16, Knowledge (History, Local, Nature) +9, Listen +11, Move Silently +10, Search +10, Spot +11, Survival +10, Swim +17
Feats: Alertness, Great Fortitude, Improved Multiattack, Multiattack, Track
Environment: Any
Organization: Unique
Challenge Rating: 9
Treasure: See below
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Advancement: 15+ HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

Leatherback has inhabited the swamps as long as anyone can remember. The former turtle turned undead has some purpose in his continued unlife, but if anyone but him knows it they aren't talking. There are rumors about some unspecified revenge against vague enemies, but in truth no one knows anything. All that's known is that he occasionally, violently murders some of those who enter his territory. Or maybe even helps them, at his whim. Leatherback appears as a dead Tortle, with parched, leathery hide and pitch black eyes.

Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, Leatherback must hit with a claw attack. It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it succeeds in establishing a hold, it attacks with it's Bite each round it makes a successful Grapple check.

Snapping Bite (Ex): Leatherbacks bite threatens a critical on an 18-20.

Retreat Into Shell (Ex): As a Standard Action, Leatherback can withdraw into it's shell. While in it's shell it's Natural Armor Bonus to AC increases by +2.

Float (Ex): Leatherback can float on the surface of water without making Swim Checks.

Undead Toughness (Ex): Leather back gains an additional +2 hit points per die, and a +2 Bonus on Fortitude Saves.

Combat: Leatherback has goals, and as such he picks and chooses his fights. Most people traveling the swamps never even catch a glimpse of him. If he does want to kill you, he tends to rely on attacking from ambush.

Equipment: +1 Keen Speed Scimitar
+1 Returning Dagger
+2 Amulet of Mighty Fists
Ring of Chameleon Power
+5 Ring of Protection
Note: Equipment already figured into statblock



Leatherback
"Oh. I see what you mean now. You there! We can both see you!"

Swamp Guardian?
"We come in peace. We're here to..."

"I...know who...you are...

"Friend or foe then?"

"Neither...but you...are in...my...territory...

"We're trespassing then?"

"Is there a way to make this right?"

"No...need...I am...merely here...to warn...you...

"Warn us of what?"


Local Mystery

"You are...moving north...that is...not wise..."

"We were told there was especially diverse wildlife north of the swamp."

"You were...lied to..."

"To what purpose?"

"And by who?"

"There are...those who would...demonstrate...their power...and you...have a palantir...

"So they intend to make an example of us by broadcasting our deaths?"

"Indeed."

"Thank you. We'll keep our eyes open. How can we thank you?"

"Before...you leave...tell them...I am coming..."

"Who should we say is coming?"

"They...will know..."

[Metastachydium]

Grizzled Mantis
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 8d10+32 (68 hp)

72 hp.

Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.

You know, mantises are among the few insects I wouldn't penalize in terms of reach.

Skills: Climb +9, Hide +4 (+12 in foliage), Jump +9, Listen +4, Move Silently +3, Spot +8, Survival +4

2 skill points too many spent; Hide is +16 in foliage.

Feats: Improved Initiative, Multiattack

I sense a missing feat.

Grizzled Mantises are necrovores

Necrophages. *Necrovore is an unholy mixture of Greek and Latin roots.

dwelling in the Floridian swamps. The swamps are teeming with corporeal undead (despite the local governments protests to the contrary), and it's presumed someone made them to take care of the problem. The average Grizzled Mantis weighs just over a half ton, and stands at least 12 feet tall. It has a long beard, and it's exoskeleton is colored and textured to resemble the rotting vegetation of it's swampy home.

Immunities: A Grizzled Mantis is immune to disease, energy drain, paralysis, poison

Otherwise a nice concept. I like the dedicated anti-prey defenses there.

"Also known as Gonatista necrophagous!"

Gonatista necrophaga. It's feminine.

[QUOTE]

Hogchoker
Medium Magical Beast (Aquatic)

Skills: Hide +2, Listen +5, Spot +5, Survival +2, Swim +10

You might want to figure those bonuses to Hide in this line.

Hold Breath (Ex): The Hogchoker can hold its breath for a number of rounds equal to 4 × its Constitution score before it risks suffocating.

Further, a Hogchoker can lie flat in the water with only its eyes and nostrils showing, gaining a +10 cover bonus on Hide checks.

Wait. Hold Breath? Nostrils? What is this thing?

Brown Basilisk
Small Magical Beast

Attack: Bite +4 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +4 melee (1d6+1)

+5 to hit (size).

Skills: Hide +4 (+8 in natural settings), Listen +5, Spot +5, Swim +9

I see 2 skill points still available.

Run on Water (Su): When taking the Run Action, the Brown Basilisk can run across the surface of the water. It can only remain on the surface as long as it continuously takes the Run Action.

Hey, I like this! (Go, lizard!)

"Also known as Basiliscus venenum!"

That's a noun and a neuter one at that. Try venenatus or venenifer perhaps?

[QUOTE]

Leatherback
Medium Undead

A TURTLE! (That sounds like it should live in Texas and carry a chainsaw, but still.)

Attack: Claw +17 melee (1d6+10) or Scimitar +16 melee (1d6+9/15-20) or Dagger +11 ranged (1d4+9)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +17 melee (1d6+10) and 1 Bite +17 melee (2d4+6/18-20) or Scimitar +16/+16/+11 melee (1d6+9/15-20) or Dagger +11/+6 ranged (1d4+9)

+18 to hit with claws and bite; 1d6+11 claw damage. +17/+12 to hit with scimitar, for 1d6+10 damage. I think enhancement bonuses to weapons are usually noted in statblocks too.

Skills: Climb +16, Hide +10, Jump +16, Knowledge (History, Local, Nature) +9, Listen +11, Move Silently +10, Search +11, Spot +11, Survival +11, Swim +17

I think I might count 2 too many skill points spent there. Do check.

[Bhu]

The Florida Dead

Florida Dead is an Acquired Template that can be applied to any corporeal Aberration, Animal, Giant, Humanoid, Magical Beast, Monstrous Humanoid or Vermin. They are turned by another Dead, or exposed to the toxins produced by certain industrial magics. Florida Dead appear as blackened, rotting (occasionally oozing) zombies. They are compelled to bite others, and thus spread the infection.

Size and Type: Size is unchanged, Type becomes Undead.

Hit Dice: All current and future Hit Dice becomes d12's.

Speed: Unchanged, but if it can fly, maneuverability is reduced to clumsy.

Armor Class: The base creatures Natural Armor Bonus to AC increases by an amount dependent on it's Size: Tiny or smaller (+0), Small (+1), Medium (+2), Large (+3), Huge (+4), Gargantuan (+6) or Colossal (+11).

Attacks: If the base creature has no natural attacks, it gains a Primary Slam attack, and a Secondary Bite attack. If it has natural attacks, but no Bite attack, it gains a Bite attack. It has 2 Slams and a Bite with a Full Attack (or it's regular attack routine plus a bite if it has natural attacks as the base creature).

Damage: Bite and Claw damage depend on Size: Tiny or smaller (1d3), Small (1d4), Medium (1d6), Large (1d8), Huge (2d6), Gargantuan (2d8), or (4d6).

Special Attacks: Retains all Special Qualities of the Base Creature, plus gains the following:

Toxic Bite (Su): The Bite of the Florida Dead is incredibly toxic. Injury, Fortitude Save (Save DC is 10 + Hit Dice), Initial and Secondary damage depends on size. Tiny or Smaller (1 Con), Small (1d2 Con), Medium (1d3 Con), Large (1d4 Con), Huge (1d6 Con), Gargantuan (1d8 Con), or Colossal (1d10 Con). If the Second Save is failed, the target must make an additional Save each day, and if it fails one it acquires the Florida Dead template if it qualifies (and dies if it does not. This is a magical poison. If the Con loss kills the target, it also gains the Florida Dead template.

Attach (Ex): If a Florida Dead hits with a bite attack, it latches onto the opponent’s body. An attached Florida Dead is effectively grappling its prey. The Florida Dead loses its Dexterity bonus to AC, but holds on with great tenacity. Florida Dead have a +4 racial bonus on grapple checks.

An attached Florida Dead can be struck with a weapon or grappled itself. To remove an attached Florida Dead through grappling, the opponent must achieve a pin against the Florida Dead.

Special Qualities: Retains all Special Qualities of the base creature, plus gains the following:

The creatures Darkvision extends to 60 feet (or it gains Darkvision if it has none)

DR 5/Silver

+2 Turn Resistance

Saves: Unchanged.

Abilities: +4 Str, -2 Dex, -2 Int, -2 Wis, -4 Cha. Constitution becomes -.

Skills: Unchanged.

Feats: Unchanged.

Environment: Any

Organization: Solitary, Group (2-10), or Mob (11-30)

Challenge Rating: +1

Treasure: Unchanged.

Alignment: Always Neutral or Chaotic Evil.

Advancement: Unchanged.

Level Adjustment: ---

Example of creature using template here:

Mr. Abednego (Human Expert 6/Florida Dead)
Medium Undead
Hit Dice: 6d12 (39 hp)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)
Armor Class: 14 (+2 Natural, +2 Armor), touch 10, flat-footed 14
Base Attack/Grapple: +4/+8
Attack: Slam +8 melee (1d6+4)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +8 melee (1d6+4) and 1 Bite +3 melee (1d6+2)
Space/Reach: 5 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Attach, Toxic Bite
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., DR 5/Silver, +2 Turn Resistance
Saves: Fort +4, Ref +2, Will +6
Abilities: Str 19, Dex 10, Con -, Int 11, Wis 12, Cha 4
Skills: Bluff +6, Intimidate +6, Knowledge (Local) +9, Listen +10, Sense Motive +10, Spot +10
Feats: Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Power Attack
Challenge Rating: 7
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Level Adjustment: ---

Mr. Abednego is an employee of an unknown business whose by product is an incredibly toxic goo that turns the living into undead. He was cheap hired muscle/lower management until an accident turned him zombie.



5E Florida Dead
Any Aberration, Beast, Giant, Humanoid, or Monstrosity that is corporeal can become the Florida Dead..

Challenge. Recalculate the Challenge Rating after you apply the template.

Type. Type changes to Aberration.

Armor Class. The Base Creatures gains a bonus AC based on Size: Medium/Large (+1), Huge (+2), or Gargantuan (+3).

Attributes. Base Creature loses -2 to all ability scores except Str, Con and Cha. Strength and Constitution increase by an amount depending on the Base Creature's Size (maximum of 30): Small (+2), Medium or Large (+4), Huge or bigger (+6). Cha is lowered by -4. All scores have a minimum of 1.

Damage Resistances. The base creature becomes resistat to the following damage types: Bludgeoning, Piercing and Slashing from nonmagical attacks that aren't silvered.

Damage Immunities. The base creature becomes immune to the following damage types: Necrotic, Poison.

Condition Immunities. The base creature becomes immune to the following conditions: Poisoned.

Saving Throws. The creature becomes proficient in Wisdom Saving Throws.

Senses. If the base creature has no Darkvision (or it's range is less than 60 feet), it gains Darkvision with a range of 60 feet.

Turn Resistance. The Florida Dead have advantage on saving throws against any effect that turns undead.

Undead Toughness. If damage reduces the Florida Dead to 0 hit points, it must make a Constitution saving throw with a DC of 5 + the damage taken, unless the damage is radiant or from a critical hit. On a success, the zombie drops to 1 hit point instead.

New Action: Multiattack. The base creature gets it's regular attacks, plus a Bite. If it has no attacks it gains 2 Slams and a Bite. If it already has a Bite, that Bite now gains the poison damage appropriate for it's size, plus the attach ability.

New Action: Bite. The Base Creature gains a Strength based melee attack whose range and Piercing/Poison damage is based on Size: Small (5 ft., 1d4+1d6), Medium (5 ft., 1d6+3d6), Large (5 ft., 1d8+4d6), Huge (10 ft., 2d6+5d6), or Gargantuan (10 ft., 3d6+6d6). If this attack is successful, the Florida Dead attaches to him. While attached, the Florida Dead doesn't attack, and it's opponent automatically takes it's bite damage at the start of each of the Florida Dead's turns. The Florida Dead can detach itself by spending 5 feet of it's movement. A creature, including the target, can use its action to detach the Florida Dead. To do so it must succeed on a Strength (Athletics) or Dexterity (Acrobatics) check contested by the Florida Dead's Strength (Athletics) check.

New Action: Slam. The Base Creature gains a Strength based melee attack whose range and Bludgeoning damage is based on Size: Small (5 ft., 1d4), Medium (5 ft., 1d6), Large (10 ft., 1d8), Huge (10 ft., 2d6), or Gargantuan (15 ft., 3d6).


The Florida Dead
"We're flying invisible over a bug inested swamp Harlan. What's our end game here?"

Secret Pollution

"Before we get involved by delivering that fellows message I want to scout out the north swamps a little. See what's going on."

"There's a glowing light over there!"

"Look at all those barrels oozing slime!"

"Whatever is in there is corrosive enough to eat through the wood."

"Some local alchemist or Wizard is using the swamp as an illegal dumping ground for toxic waste."

"This needs to be filmed before we go."


Intelligent Zombies

"Not so fast Jim. Look over there."

"They look like zombies of a sort."

"But for the oozing toxins they look like our recent friend."

"Good thing I purchased these Holy Hand Grenades in town when I heard the rumors of the undead."



Holy Hand Grenade
Price (Item Level): 1800 GP
Body Slot: - (Held)
Caster Level: 9th
Aura: Moderate; (DC:18) Evocation
Activation: Standard (Thrown)
Weight: 1/2 lb.

This appears as a white hand grenade. It may be thrown as a grenade-like weapon. Anything in the square it lands in, and all adjacent squares takes 9d6 Fire Damage, and Evil opponents take an additional 4d6 untyped damage.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Fireball, Light of Mercuria (see spell compendium)
Cost to Create: 900 GP, 1 day, 36 XP



Not So Holy Hand Grenade
Price (Item Level): 1800 GP
Body Slot: - (Held)
Caster Level: 9th
Aura: Moderate; (DC:18) Evocation
Activation: Standard (Thrown)
Weight: 1/2 lb.

This appears as a black hand grenade. It may be thrown as a grenade-like weapon. Anything in the square it lands in, and all adjacent squares takes 9d6 Fire Damage, and Good opponents take an additional 4d6 untyped damage.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Fireball, Inflict Moderate Wounds
Cost to Create: 900 GP, 1 day, 36 XP


Holy Hand Grenade
Wondrous item, rare
This item appears to be a round, white metal ball, with a ring on some sort of mechanism sticking out of the side. It weighs a 1/2 pound, and is about the size of an apple. You can use an action to throw the grenade up to 60 feet. The grenade explodes on impact and is destroyed. Each creature within a 10-foot radius of where the grenade landed must succeed on a DC 15 Dexterity saving throw or take 8d6 fire damage plus 3d6 radiant damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one.



Not So Holy Hand Grenade
Wondrous item, rare
This item appears to be a round, black metal ball, with a ring on some sort of mechanism sticking out of the side. It weighs a 1/2 pound, and is about the size of an apple. You can use an action to throw the grenade up to 60 feet. The grenade explodes on impact and is destroyed. Each creature within a 10-foot radius of where the grenade landed must succeed on a DC 15 Dexterity saving throw or take 8d6 fire damage plus 3d6 necrotic damage on a failed save, or half as much damage on a successful one.

[Bhu]

A cookie for any non-Floridians who get the reference
Old Drakov
Huge Monstrous Humanoid (Amphibious, Aquatic)
Hit Dice: 17d8+102 (178 hp)
Initiative: +5
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 60 ft.
Armor Class: 21 (-2 Size, +1 Dex, +12 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple: +17/+37
Attack: 1 Bite +28 melee (2d6+12) or +1 Longspear +28 melee (3d6+19/x3)
Full Attack: 1 Bite +28 melee (2d6+12) and 2 Slams +23 melee (1d6+13) or +1 Longspear +28/+23/+18/+13 melee (3d6+19/x3)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Swallow Whole, Spell-Like Abilities, Summon Sharknado
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Keen Scent, Blindsense 30 ft., SR 25, DR 10/Magic, Energy Resistance 10 (cold, electricity, fire)
Saves: Fort +13, Ref +11, Will +16
Abilities: Str 35, Dex 13, Con 23, Int 14, Wis 18, Cha 18
Skills: Climb +12, Concentration +16, Diplomacy +14, Intimidate +14, Knowledge (Arcana, Local, Nature, the Planes) +12, Listen +8, Sense Motive +6, Spellcraft +6, Spot +8, Swim +20
Feats: Alertness, Great Fortitude, Improved Initiative, Iron Will. Power Attack, Weapon Focus (Bite)
Environment: Florida
Organization: Unique
Challenge Rating: 14
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Advancement: By character class
Level Adjustment: ---

Old Drakov began life as a merely oversized Hammerhead Shark that became a terror of the fishing trawlers in Florida. Scars from the fishermen's spears on his head greatly resembled the symbol of a violent ruler from the land they lived in before being placed in the Jesters Realm, and they began calling him 'Old Drakov' after that ruler. Many anti shark purges were conducted to remove them from the fishing areas, resulting in Druidic intervention. In addition to blowing up most of the fleets, they Awakened the sharks to give them enough guile to avoid traps. Old Drakov may have been a mistake. After years of attempts on his life, he was bitter. Events were to soon twist him further. Firstly, he learned of what the fishers referred to him as, and was grievously insulted that they would name him after a monstrous dictator. Secondly, the fishers eventually killed what was (unknown to them) his wife and sons. He claims he promised his soul to a 'God of Evil', though the most likely suspects do not claim him.

He was remade in body and soul, and gained a palantir, which allowed him to scry with the aid of a fellow shark who was a Wizard. While planning his revenge, he encountered a palantir show popular with Florida locals called "Shark Week". Shark Week was a week long series of programs dedicated to the dangers of sharks, and obvious anti-shark propaganda. Particularly galling was a palantir film called "Sharknado", about a tornado filled with sharks. Old Drakov smiled, for he knew he had found the method by which he would gain revenge. It took the aid of many of his brothers, but he eventually learned to create and summon a real Sharknado. And now Florida will pay! MWUHAHAHA!!

Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, Old Drakov must hit with its bite attack. It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it wins the grapple check, it establishes a hold and can try to swallow the foe in the following round.

Swallow Whole (Ex): Old Drakov can try to swallow a grabbed opponent of up to one size smaller by making a successful grapple check. Once inside, the opponent takes 2d6+12 points of bludgeoning damage plus 1d8+8 points of acid damage per round from Old Drakov’s digestive juices. A swallowed creature can cut its way out using a light slashing or piercing weapon by dealing 25 points of damage to the Old Drakov’s digestive tract (AC 16). Once the creature exits, muscular action closes the hole; another swallowed opponent must cut its own way out.

Old Drakov's gullet can hold 2 Large, 8 Medium or Small, 32 Tiny, 128 Diminutive, or 512 Fine or smaller opponents.

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): At Will: Chain Lightning, Control Winds, Fog Cloud, Greater Teleport (self plus 50 pounds only), Speak With Animals, Summon Nature's Ally VII, Whirlwind, and Whispering Wind. Caster Level 17th, Save DC's are Charisma based.

Summon Sharknado (Sp): Once per week Old Drakov can summon the Sharknado as a Spell-Like Ability with a casting time of 1 Minute (this is the equivalent of an Epic Level spell). This has a 20% chance of success, but if he sacrifices living creatures in a ritual beforehand, it increases the chance by 1% for every hit die worth of creatures sacrificed.

Keen Scent (Ex): Old Drakov can notice creatures by scent in a 180-foot radius and detect blood in the water at ranges of up to a mile.

Combat: If possible, Old Drakov will attempt to summon the Sharknado, before backing it up with his spells. Otherwise, he relies on his anthropomorphic shark servants, and wades into battle alongside them.




Old Drakov
"Good evening sir, we understand you're the local town council member for this area."

Shark Rights "Activist"
"We have an evil plot to report."

"So...you've found me at last. Very well! IT IS TIME I REVEALED MYSELF TO THE WORLD!"

"Well that seems a little too easy..."

"You humanoids have violated nature for the last time!"

"Wait a minute..."

"We thought you were violating nature?"

"Erm...no...wait what exactly are you here for?"

"Some one is dumping waste in the swamps north of here. That isn't you?"


Local Urban Legend

"Well no. No, I have an entirely different evil scheme."

"Really?"

"Yes, I plan on unleashing a Sharknado as revenge for the Shark Week psy-op you humanoids perpetrate every year."

"That sounds like a bad palantir play."

"What is a Sharknado?"

"So glad you asked!".


Man Fishin' Spear
Price (Item Level): 18,305 GP
Body Slot: - (Carried)
Caster Level: 12th
Aura: Strong; (DC:21) Evocation
Activation: - (Use Activated)
Weight: 8 lbs.

This appears to be a normal +1 Longspear, but when used against Humanoids it becomes a +3 Weapon and threatens a critical on a 19-20. Obviously designed my a nonhuman Mage...

Prerequisites: Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Foebane (see Spell Compendium)
Cost to Create: 9153 GP, 10 days, 366 XP



Man Fishin' Spear
Weapon (spear), very rare (requires attunement)
You gain a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with this magic weapon. This bonus increases to +3 against Humanoids, and also scores a critical on a 19-20 against Humanoids.


Longspear
This is identical to the Spear, except it weighs 5 lbs., and costs 5 gp. It also has the Reach and Two Handed properties. It loses the Versatile property, and damage increases to 1d8.

[Bhu]

Sharknado
Colossal Elemental (Air)
Hit Dice: 30d8+240 (375 hp)
Initiative: +15
Speed: Fly 100 ft. (20 squares), Perfect
Armor Class: 26 (-8 Size, +11 Dex, +13 Natural), touch 13, flat-footed 15
Base Attack/Grapple: +22/+52
Attack: Slam +28 melee (4d8+14)
Full Attack: 2 Slams +28 melee (4d8+14)
Space/Reach: 30 ft./30 ft.
Special Attacks: Air Mastery, Whirlwind, Warm Sharkery Goodness
Special Qualities: DR 10/-, Darkvision 60 ft., elemental traits, SR 27, Living Storm
Saves: Fort +18, Ref +28, Will +12
Abilities: Str 38, Dex 33, Con 26, Int 10, Wis 11, Cha 11
Skills: Listen +35, Spot +35
Feats: Alertness, Blind-Fight, Cleave, Combat Reflexes, Dodge, Flyby Attack, Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Mobility, Power Attack, Spring Attack
Environment: Florida
Organization: Unique
Challenge Rating: 16
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Advancement: 31-60 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment: ---
After obtaining a post as a city council member due to being unrecognized in his new form, Old Drakov began to set about researching a method for his revenge. Upon viewing the annual Shark Week, he saw a horrible little play called "Sharknado", about a shark filled tornado terrorizing a city. Old Drakov smiled. He would destroy the humans with their own vile propaganda.

Air Mastery (Ex): Airborne creatures take a -1 penalty on attack and damage rolls against a Sharknado.

Whirlwind (Su): The Sharknado can transform itself into a whirlwind once every 10 minutes and remain in that form for up to 30 rounds. In this form, the Sharknado can move through the air or along a surface at its fly speed.

The whirlwind is 5 feet wide at the base, 30 feet wide at the top, and 50 feet tall. The Sharknado controls the exact height, but it must be at least 10 feet.

The Sharknado’s movement while in whirlwind form does not provoke attacks of opportunity, even if the Sharknado enters the space another creature occupies. Another creature might be caught in the whirlwind if it touches or enters the whirlwind, or if the Sharknado moves into or through the creature’s space.

Creatures one or more size categories smaller than the Sharknado might take damage when caught in the whirlwind and may be lifted into the air. An affected creature must succeed on a DC 39 Reflex save when it comes into contact with the whirlwind or take 4d8 damage. It must also succeed on a second DC 39 Reflex save or be picked up bodily and held suspended in the powerful winds, automatically taking the indicated damage each round. A creature that can fly is allowed a Reflex save each round to escape the whirlwind. The creature still takes damage but can leave if the save is successful. The save DC is Strength based.

Creatures trapped in the whirlwind cannot move except to go where the Sharknado carries them or to escape the whirlwind.

Creatures caught in the whirlwind can otherwise act normally, but must succeed on a Concentration check (DC 15 + spell level) to cast a spell. Creatures caught in the whirlwind take a -4 penalty to Dexterity and a -2 penalty on attack rolls. The Sharknado can have only as many creatures trapped inside the whirlwind at one time as will fit inside the whirlwind’s volume.

The Sharknado can eject any carried creatures whenever it wishes, depositing them wherever the whirlwind happens to be.

If the whirlwind’s base touches the ground, it creates a swirling cloud of debris. This cloud is centered on the Sharknado and has a diameter equal to half the whirlwind’s height. The cloud obscures all vision, including darkvision, beyond 5 feet. Creatures 5 feet away have concealment, while those farther away have total concealment.

Those caught in the cloud must succeed on a Concentration check (DC 15 + spell level) to cast a spell.

A Sharknado in whirlwind form cannot make slam attacks and does not threaten the area around it.

Warm Sharkery Goodness (Su): When in Whirlwind form, a Medium Shark appears inside the Whirlwind at the beginning of each of it's turns. Roll a d20 at the beginning of each of the Sharknado's turns. On a 1 the Shark either attacks a non-shark creature within the whirlwind, or is expelled from it 100 feet in a random direction. If the shark attacks a creature with it's bite, It does an extra +20 damage. If expelled, randomly determine what direction it travels, and have it perform a Charge attack on the first creature whose square it enters. If successful both the shark and the target take 11d6 damage. For each shark past the first present in the whirlwind raise the threshold to cause an incident by 1. i.e. if there are two sharks, an attack or expulsion happens on a 1-2. If there are 6 sharks, it happens on a 1 to 6.

Living Storm (Ex): The Sharknado is always at the center of a storm 1d6 + 4 miles in diameter. Heavy precipitation in the form of either rain or snow falls there, reducing visibility ranges by half, resulting in a -4 penalty on Spot and Search checks. Heavy rain also extinguishes open flames and imposes disadvantage on Wisdom (Perception) checks that rely on hearing. Windstorms automatically extinguish unprotected flames and have a 75% chance of blowing out protected flames, such as those of lanterns. Ranged weapon attacks are impossible, and even siege weapons have a -4 penalty on attack rolls. Listen checks are at a -8 penalty due to the howling of the wind.

Combat: The Sharknado tends to immediately go into whirlwind mode so it can begin summoning sharks. It then wades into the party letting the wind and sharks take care of them.




The Sharknado
"Oh, I see. This is something out of a bad palantir play."

Arisen From Bad Fiction
"Lets hope this thing doesn't destroy any buildings that are hiding that goo."

"What are you two babbling about? I can't hear you over the winds?"

"WE NEED YOU TO SHUT OFF THE SHARKNADO SIR!"

"WHY WOULD I DO THAT?"

"WE SUSPECT SOMEONE IN TOWN IS STORING BARRELS OF A TOXIN THAT TURNS THE LIVING INTO UNDEAD!."

"WE CAN'T HAVE THE WINDS SPREADING IT EVERYWHERE!"

"AND YOU LOOK DOWN ON ME FOR CLAIMING SOMETHING OUT OF BAD FICTION!"

"IT'S NOT FICTION! IF THAT GETS LOOSE ALL YOUR SHARK BROTHERS ARE DEAD!"


Not As Shark Friendly As One Might Suppose

"Well (beep)..I don't want that. Settle down nado."

"Look we can prove what we say."

"You have footage on your palantir? I know you're a film crew."

"We do. We came here to show it."

"Assuming your revenge can wait?"

"It can. Let's see the footage."

[Bhu]

Moonatee (Quarter Moon)
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 5d10+10 (37 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), Swim 30 ft.
Armor Class: 16 (-1 Size, -1 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+13
Attack: Reluctant Headbutt +8 melee (1d6+6)
Full Attack: Reluctant Headbutt +8 melee (1d6+6)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: -
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Blindsense 30 ft., Float, Hold Breath, Lunar Phase
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +3, Will +3
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 9, Con 15, Int 3, Wis 11, Cha 6
Skills: Listen +3, Spot +3, Survival +2, Swim +12
Feats: Endurance, Iron Will
Environment: Warm Aquatic
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Herd (3-8) plus Potential Pitchfork Mob of Commoners (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 6-7 HD (Large), 8-15 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---


Moonatee (Waxing Moon)
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 5d10+10 (37 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), Swim 30 ft.
Armor Class: 16 (-1 Size, -1 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+13
Attack: Headbutt +8 melee (2d4+6 plus Stun)
Full Attack: Headbutt +8 melee (2d4+6 plus Stun)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Stunning Headbutt
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Blindsense 30 ft., Float, Hold Breath, Lunar Phase
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +3, Will +3
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 9, Con 15, Int 3, Wis 11, Cha 6
Skills: Listen +3, Spot +3, Survival +2, Swim +12
Feats: Endurance, Iron Will
Environment: Warm Aquatic
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Herd (3-8) plus Potential Pitchfork Mob of Commoners (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Advancement: 6-7 HD (Large), 8-15 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---



Moonatee (Full Moon)
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 10d10+40 (95 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares), Swim 30 ft.
Armor Class: 16 (-1 Size, -1 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple: +10/+21
Attack: Headbutt +16 melee (2d4+10 plus Stun)
Full Attack: Headbutt +16 melee (2d4+10 plus Stun)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Stunning Headbutt
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Blindsense 30 ft., Float, Hold Breath, Lunar Phase, DR 5/-
Saves: Fort +11, Ref +6, Will +5
Abilities: Str 24, Dex 9, Con 18, Int 3, Wis 11, Cha 6
Skills: Listen +5, Spot +5, Survival +3, Swim +15
Feats: Cleave, Endurance, Iron Will, Power Attack
Environment: Warm Aquatic
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Herd (3-8) plus Potential Pitchfork Mob of Commoners (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 5
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Evil
Advancement: 11-15 HD (Large), 16-30 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---


Moonatee (Waning Moon)
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 5d10+10 (37 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), Swim 60 ft.
Armor Class: 18 (+1 Size, -1 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 18
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+1
Attack: -
Full Attack: -
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Adorable
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Blindsense 30 ft., Float, Hold Breath, Lunar Phase
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +3, Will +4
Abilities: Str 10, Dex 9, Con 15, Int 6, Wis 13, Cha 15
Skills: Listen +4, Spot +4, Survival +3, Swim +8
Feats: Endurance, Iron Will
Environment: Warm Aquatic
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Herd (3-8) plus Potential Pitchfork Mob of Commoners (10-100)
Challenge Rating: n/a
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Advancement: 6-7 HD (Small), 8-15 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---


Moonatee (New Moon)
Large Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 5d10+10 (37 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), Swim 30 ft.
Armor Class: 16 (-1 Size, -1 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 16
Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+13
Attack: Reluctant Headbutt +8 melee (1d6+6)
Full Attack: Reluctant Headbutt +8 melee (1d6+6)
Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.
Special Attacks: Spell-Like Abilities
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Blindsense 30 ft., Float, Hold Breath, Lunar Phase
Saves: Fort +6, Ref +3, Will +5
Abilities: Str 18, Dex 9, Con 15, Int 13, Wis 14, Cha 12
Skills: Diplomacy +7, Knowledge (Arcana, History, Local, Nature, Religion) +3, Listen +5, Spot +5, Survival +5, Swim +12
Feats: Endurance, Iron Will
Environment: Warm Aquatic
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Herd (3-8) plus Potential Pitchfork Mob of Commoners (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral Good
Advancement: 6-7 HD (Large), 8-15 HD (Huge)
Level Adjustment: ---

Moonatees are adorable, blubbery, moon-eyed sea critters. At least most of the time. Their appearance and abilities vary with the phases of the moon. During the quarter moon they use the statblock above. During the waxing moon they are violent and aggressive. During the full moon they become hulking monsters. During the waning moon they are little, cuddly critters. And during the new moon they are wise, old critters. Floridians adore them, and causing them harm will bring a mob down on your head.

Float (Ex): Moonatees can float on the surface of water without making Swim Checks.

Hold Breath (Ex): Moonatees can hold their breath for a number of rounds equal to 4 × their Constitution score before they risk drowning.

Lunar Phase (Su): The Moonatees statblock varies depending on the exact phase the moon is in at any given time. Use the appropriate statblock given above for whichever phase the moon is in. Moonatee's heal all damage and lose any conditions that are upon them when the phase of the moon changes.

Stunning Headbutt (Su): Any creature successfully struck by the Moonatee's Headbutt must make a Fortitude Save (Save DC is based on Str) or be Stunned Round. Dave DC is 16 for waxing moon, and 22 for the full moon.

Adorable (Su): Any creature attempting to harm, or allow a Moonatee to come to harm, must make a DC 16 Willpower Save (Save DC is Cha based with a +2 Bonus). If it fails it cannot harm the Moonatee, nor will it allow it to be harmed.

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): At Will: Augury, Sanctuary, Shield of Faith. 1/Day: Divination. Caster Level 5th.

Skills:-A Moonatee has a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform some special action or avoid a hazard. It can always choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered. It can use the run action while swimming, provided it swims in a straight line.

Combat: For most phases of the moon, Moonatees will run away and/or seek help. In the waxing moon they swim straight up and start whacking you with their head. If the moon is full, they go full-on mini-kaiju rampage. They're real danger is the mob of fanatic stans who lurk quietly nearby, hoping for an excuse to 'protect' their beloved sea critters.











Moonatees
"We're sitting in an arena, waiting to see an animal "prophet", whilst conspiring with a genetically altered shark who wants to destroy humanoidkind, in hopes of stopping a polluter from ending the world. How has our life come to this Jim?"

Their Fans Are Called Moonenites

"Darned if I know."

"This is the shakiest ground we've been on in a while."

"Don't have much choice if we want to set things right.."

"Oh look, the mayor is getting ready to speak."

"GOOD EVENING PANAMA CITY! WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN THE MOONINITES RUN WILD ON YOU?"

"That inspired confidence..."


Full Moon Fever

"BRING FORTH THE OUTSIDERS!"

"Here we go..."

"Good evening, Mr. Prophet sir. We..."

"The bad guys are in the Great White North. In the city of (beep beep)."

"Is it really called that?"

"Fraid so."

"The censor is gonna be working overtime on this one."

[Bhu]

72 hp.


.

I have made the usual changes.

[Metastachydium]

The Florida Dead

Toxic Bite (Su): The Bite of the Florida Dead is incredibly toxic. Injury, Fortitude Save (Save DC is 10 + Hit Dice)

That's very unusual. Is the lack of good abilities to base it on the source of concern here? You can always add racial bonuses.

, Initial and Secondary damage depends on size. Tiny or Smaller (1 Con), Small (1d2 Con), Medium (1d3 Con), Large (1d4 Con), Huge (1d6 Con), Gargantuan (1d8 Con), or Colossal (1d10 Con). If the Second Save is failed, the target must make an additional Save each day, and if it fails one it acquires the Florida Dead template if it qualifies (and dies if it does not. This is a magical poison. If the Con loss kills the target, it also gains the Florida Dead template.

(This feels a bit like a disease awkwardly turned into a poison, mechanically.)

The creatures Darkvision extends to 60 feet (or it gains Darkvision if it has none)

I'd simply go with Darkvision 60 ft., unless the base creature already has it with a better range.

Intelligent Zombies

…just what we needed!

Holy Hand Grenade
Price (Item Level): 1800 GP
Body Slot: - (Held)
Caster Level: 9th
Aura: Moderate; (DC:18) Evocation
Activation: Standard (Thrown)
Weight: 1/2 lb.

This appears as a white hand grenade. It may be thrown as a grenade-like weapon. Anything in the square it lands in, and all adjacent squares takes 9d6 Fire Damage, and Evil opponents take an additional 4d6 untyped damage.

Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Fireball, Light of Mercuria (see spell compendium)
Cost to Create: 900 GP, 1 day, 36 XP

A product of Antiochia!

A cookie for any non-Floridians who get the reference

Old Drakov
Huge Monstrous Humanoid (Amphibious, Aquatic)

Attack: 1 Bite +28 melee (2d6+12) or +1 Longspear +28 melee (3d6+13/x3)
Full Attack: 1 Bite +28 melee (2d6+12) and 2 Slams +23 melee (1d6+13) or +1 Longspear +28/+23/+18/+13 melee (3d6+13/x3)

Longspear should have 3d6+19 damage (two-handed).

Saves: Fort +13, Ref +11, Will +14

Will +16.

Swallow Whole (Ex): Old Drakov can try to swallow a grabbed opponent of up to one size smaller by making a successful grapple check. Once

I think you left an alternat name for this guy in there as an accident.

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): At Will: Chain Lightning, Control Winds, Fog Cloud, Greater Teleport (self plus 50 pounds only), Speak With Animals, Summon Nature's Ally VII, Whirlwind, and Whispering Wind. Caster Level 17th, Save DC's are Charisma based.

I see no scrying here or scrying device under treasure. How's that?

Summon Sharknado (Sp): Once per week Old Drakov can summon the Sharknado as a 1 Minute Action

I get what you mean, but there's no such thing as that term.

(this is the equivalent of an Epic Level spell). This has a 20% chance of success, but if he sacrifices living creatures in a ritual beforehand, it increases the chance by 1% for every hit die worth of creatures sacrificed.

[EVIL laughter.]

Sharknado
Colossal Elemental (Air)

Oh, man.

Initiative: +11

+15.

Armor Class: 27 (-8 Size, +11 Dex, +13 Natural), touch 14, flat-footed 15

AC 26, T 13.
Base Attack/Grapple: +22/+52

Special Qualities: DR 10/-

That should read DR 10/CHAINSAW!!

Skills: Listen +27, Spot +16

27 skill points remain unspent.

Feats: Alertness, Blind-Fight, Cleave, Combat Reflexes, Flyby Attack, Great Cleave, Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Mobility, Power Attack, Spring Attack

No Dodge means this thing doesn't qualify for Mobility and Spring Attack. Latter would be a pity.

Warm Sharkery Goodness (Su): When in Whirlwind form, a Medium Shark appears inside the Whirlwind at the beginning of each of it's turns. Roll a d20 at the beginning of each of the Sharknado's turns. On a 1 the Shark either attacks a non-shark creature within the whirlwind, or is expelled from it 100 feet in a random direction. If the shark attacks a creature with it's bite, It does an extra +20 damage. If expelled, randomly determine what direction it travels, and have it perform a Charge attack on the first creature whose square it enters. If successful both the shark and the target take 11d6 damage. For each shark past the first present in the whirlwind raise the threshold to cause an incident by 1. i.e. if there are two sharks, an attack or expulsion happens on a 1-2. If there are 6 sharks, it happens on a 1 to 6.

Hell, yeah.

Moonatee (Quarter Moon)
Large Magical Beast

Attack: Reluctant Headbutt +8 melee (1d6+6)
Full Attack: Reluctant Headbutt +8 melee (1d6+6)

Awwww.

Skills

One too many skill point spent.

Organization: Solitary, Pair or Herd (3-8) plus Potential Pitchfork Mob of Commoners (10-100)

Best organization item ever.

Moonatee (Waxing Moon)
Large Magical Beast

Skills: Listen +3, Spot +3, Survival +3, Swim +12

See above.

Moonatee (Full Moon)
Large Magical Beast

Skills: Listen +5, Spot +5, Survival +4, Swim +15

See above.

Moonatee (Waning Moon)
Small Magical Beast

Armor Class: 17 (+1 Size, -1 Dex, +8 Natural), touch 10, flat-footed 17

AC 18, FF 18.

Skills: Listen +4, Spot +4, Survival +4, Swim +8

See above.

Moonatee (New Moon)
Large Magical Beast

Saves: Fort +6, Ref +3, Will +3

Will +5 (feat).

Skills: Diplomacy +6, Knowledge (Arcana, History, Local, Nature, Religion) +2, Listen +5, Spot +5, Survival +5, Swim +12

INT is a blessing… And a curse! 6 skill points remain available by my count.

Adorable (Su): Any creature attempting to harm, or allow a Moonatee to come to harm, must make a DC 16 Willpower Save (Save DC is Cha based with a +2 Bonus). If it fails it cannot harm the Moonatee, nor will it allow it to be harmed.

AWWWW.

[Bhu]

I think you left an alternat name for this guy in there as an accident.

Major oopsie on my part. That name was the cryptid who was the loose inspiration.

I see no scrying here or scrying device under treasure. How's that?

He is a bit mad.

That should read DR 10/CHAINSAW!!

Alas there are no chainsaws in D&D. Yet.



I modified the rest. Much thanks as usual for your editing. Fair warning, there's a bird this week.

[Metastachydium]

Major oopsie on my part. That name was the cryptid who was the loose inspiration.

Thought so. Hence my not including the name in the quote.

Alas there are no chainsaws in D&D. Yet.

[OMINOUS orchestral cue!!]

Fair warning, there's a bird this week.

A BIRDY! I like this kind of warning.

[Bhu]

B]Wrong Whale[/B]
Gargantuan Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 20d10+140 (250 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: Swim 50 ft. (10 squares)
Armor Class: 20 (-4 Size, +1 Dex, +13 Natural), touch 7, flat-footed 19
Base Attack/Grapple: +20/+45
Attack: Tail Slap +29 melee (3d6+19)
Full Attack: Tail Slap +29 melee (3d6+19)
Space/Reach: 20 ft./15 ft.
Special Attacks: Ram, Capsize, Spell-Like Abilities
Special Qualities: Darkvision 120 ft., Blindsight 120 ft. Hold Breath
Saves: Fort +19, Ref +13, Will +9
Abilities: Str 36, Dex 13, Con 24, Int 14, Wis 16, Cha 16
Skills: Knowledge (Geography, Nature) +22, Listen +25, Spot +25, Survival +15, Swim +21
Feats: Alertness, Blind-Fight, Cleave, Diehard, Endurance, Great Cleave, Power Attack
Environment: Temperate or cold aquatic
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Pod (5-30)
Challenge Rating: 11
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral Evil
Advancement: 21-32 HD (Gargantuan); 33-60 HD (Colossal)
Level Adjustment: ---

Whalers originally called Right Whales by the name because, for a variety of reasons, they were the 'right' whale to hunt. At some point it's assumed a feistier than usual Druid modified a few of them. Wrong Whales only differ from Right Whales in that they are slightly larger, solid black, and usually quite scarred from their many battles. They are dedicated to ending whaling, but some of them moonlight as destroyers of fishermen and sailors too. Someone has also clearly taught them weather magic, making them far more dangerous than the average whale.

Ram (Ex): As a Full Round Action, the whale can make a Charge attack, potentially hitting multiple targets. The first target hit takes 3d8+19 damage, and the whale immediately gets a Bull Rush attempt as a Free Action, without provoking an attack of opportunity. If this succeeds, the target is also pushed to the left or right of the whale, allowing the whale to continue moving if it still has movement left. As long as it has movement left, and potential targets keep failing the opposed Bull Rush check, it can keep trying to plow through targets.

Capsize (Ex): A submerged whale that surfaces under a boat or ship less than 25 feet long capsizes the vessel 95% of the time. It has a 50% chance to capsize a vessel from 25 to 70 feet long and a 20% chance to capsize one over 70 feet long.

Spell-Like Abilities (Sp): 1/day: Call Lightning Storm, Control Weather, Fog Cloud, Sleet Storm Caster Level 9th.

Blindsight (Ex): Whales can "see" by emitting high-frequency sounds, inaudible to most other creatures, that allow them to locate objects and creatures within 120 feet. A silence spell negates this and forces the whale to rely on its vision, which is approximately as good as a human’s. As a Swift Action, once per turn it can change the area of it's Blindsight to a 240 ft. cone or a 720 ft. by 10 ft. Line. This change lasts until the end of the round.

Hold Breath (Ex): A whale can hold its breath for a number of rounds equal to 8 × its Constitution score before it risks drowning.

Skills: A whale has a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform some special action or avoid a hazard. It can always choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered. It can use the run action while swimming, provided it swims in a straight line. *A whale has a +4 racial bonus on Spot and Listen checks. These bonuses are lost if its blindsight is negated.

Combat: Wrong Whales use their spells as a distraction before ramming the ship. Then they pick off the sailors one by one.




Wrong Whale
"Ladies and gentleman, this is Harlan Jurgens, along with my assistant Jim. Today we take a look at the Right Whale."

Definitely The Wrong Whales To Mess With
"Also known as Cacobalaena glacialis!"

"So called because whalers consider them the best for hunting, hence the 'Right' whale."

"Um... Harlan, we have a problem. That whale is a little too big, and is headed straight for the boat."

"Perhaps he's curious?"

"Oh crap! That's not a Right Whale, that's Eubalaena malum!"


Competent Weather Mages And Political Activists

"That explains the sudden oncoming storm..."

"Looks like we have to go folks! Be right back!"

"Do you think it's sent on purpose, or just doing it's usual activities?"

"I don't think we'll get the chance to ask it."

[Bhu]

Rubber Boa
Small Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1d10+1 (6 hp)
Initiative: +4
Speed: 20 ft. (4 squares), Swim 20 ft., Climb 20 ft.
Armor Class: 16 (+1 Size, +4 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 15, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-2
Attack: Bite +6 melee (1d3+1)
Full Attack: Bite +6 melee (1d3+1)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Constrict, Improved Grab
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Scent, Rubbery
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +6, Will +1
Abilities: Str 13, Dex 18, Con 13, Int 3, Wis 12, Cha 6
Skills: Balance +12, Climb +12, Hide +12, Listen +5, Move Silently +8, Spot +5, Swim +9
Feats: Weapon Finesse
Environment: Temperate plains, forest, hills or mountains
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 1
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 2-3 HD (Medium)
Level Adjustment: ---

Rubber Boas are 3 foot long constrictors with smooth, rubbery scales. They are generally bright pastel colors not normally found in nature. Not only do they look rubbery, they are quite stretchy and bouncy. It's uncertain why they evolved in this manner, but it makes clubbing them impossible. Sadly, this hasn't stopped their exploitation, as their rubber nature makes them valuable. Not that many people are willing to risk the weather to get them.

Constrict (Ex): On a successful grapple check, a Rubber Boa deals 1d3+1 points of damage.

Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, a Rubber Boa must hit with its bite attack. It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it wins the grapple check, it establishes a hold and can constrict.

Rubbery (Ex): The Rubber Boa is immune to Bludgeoning and falling damage. It bounces if it falls. The distance it bounces is 5 ft. less (for example if it falls 60 ft., it bounces back up 55 ft. This repeats until it's movement reaches 0. Because of this, and it's prodigious leaping ability, the Boa can always Take 20 on a Jump Check, and doesn't take Check DC penalties for not having a running start. If an opponent hits the Boa with a Bludgeoning weapon, and confirms a critical hit, the opponent immediately gets a Bull Rush attempt as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.

Skills: Snakes have a +4 racial bonus on Hide, Listen, and Spot checks and a +8 racial bonus on Balance and Climb checks. A snake can always choose to take 10 on a Climb check, even if rushed or threatened. Snakes use either their Strength modifier or Dexterity modifier for Climb checks, whichever is higher. A snake has a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform some special action or avoid a hazard. It can always choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered. It can use the run action while swimming, provided it swims in a straight line.

Combat: Bite and grapple is the standard Boa attack plan.



Rubber Boa
"Ladies and gentleman, this is Harlan Jurgens, along with my assistant Jim. Today we've arrived in the Great White North!"

Surprisingly Active In Cold Weather
"Today we look at the Rubber Boa, also known as Charina flexilis!"

"Their bodies are very flexible, to the point of stretching if pulled on."

"This means would-be snake hunters cannot use clubs to kill them, the way they do other snakes."

"There are stories of people swatting them with sticks, only to have the stick bounce off and hit the wielder."

"I doubt they're that rubbery."


Bounces When It Falls

"What's that man doing?"

"He appears to be hucking one of the snakes off a hill..."

"SEE! IT BOUNCES!"

"Lets hope he won't be attempting to prove any other folk tales."

"SIR! PLEASE DON'T THROW THE WILDLIFE, SIR!"

[Bhu]

Loon
Tiny Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 1d10+1 (6 hp)
Initiative: -1
Speed: 10 ft. (2 squares), Fly 40 ft. (Average), Swim 10 ft.
Armor Class: 12 (+2 Size, -1 Dex, +1 Natural), touch 11, flat-footed 12
Base Attack/Grapple: +1/-9
Attack: Beak +2 melee (1d3-2)
Full Attack: Beak +2 melee (1d3-2)
Space/Reach: 2 1/2 ft./0 ft.
Special Attacks: Crazy Bird
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Float, Hold Breath, Power Dive, Whacky
Saves: Fort +3, Ref +1, Will +2
Abilities: Str 6, Dex 8, Con 12, Int 6, Wis 14, Cha 14
Skills: Hide +7 (+17 under water), Listen +3, Spot +3, Swim +8
Feats: Ability Focus (Whacky), Weapon Finesse (B)
Environment: Cold or temperate aquatic
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Flock (10-100)
Challenge Rating: 1/2
Treasure: None
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Advancement: 2 HD (Small)
Level Adjustment: ---

Loons are weird little waterfowl that resemble the common loon. Physically. Mentally they display the intellect of a young child, and can mimic phrases they overhear. The bad or incomprehensible phrases being the ones they usually remember. They like to scream said phrases into the void, without context. Surprisingly quick when they need to be, they tend to lapse into brief moments of frothing madness when attacked, simultaneously hitting everything near them with their armor piercing beak.

Crazy Bird (Su): As a Full Round Action, the Loon does 1d3 piercing damage to every creature within 10 feet of it.

Float (Ex): Loons can float on the surface of water without making Swim Checks.

Hold Breath (Ex): A Loon can hold its breath for a number of rounds equal to 4 × its Constitution score before it risks drowning.

Power Dive (Ex): When Flying, the Loon may charge straight do onto land or into water. This is a melee touch attack with it's beak done during a Charge. If it succeeds, the Loon does 2d3-2 damage.

Whacky (Ex): Loons are immune to mind-affecting effects. Charisma based skill attempts against them (or by them) take a -4 Circumstance Penalty. The Loons odd behavior, and shouted non-sequiturs, make those around it nervous. Anything able to see or hear the Loon must make a DC 14 Willpower Save (Save DC is cha based) or be Shaken for 1 Minute.

Skills: A Loon has a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform some special action or avoid a hazard. It can always choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered. It can use the run action while swimming, provided it swims in a straight line. *A Loon can lie in the water with only its eyes showing, gaining a +10 cover bonus on Hide checks.

Combat: Loons tend to go nuts, start screaming gibberish, and pecking like mad at everything in range.




Loon
"Ladies and gentleman, this is Harlan Jurgens, along with my assistant Jim. Today we're looking at the not so common Loon!"

Surprisingly Active In Cold Weather
"Also known as Gavia insana!"

"They are wll known for their abilities to sprout random sayings, and today we will attempt to communicate with them. Jim, you're up!."

"Greetings, sir bird. Do you understand common?"

"BEHOLD! 'TIS A GOBLIN!"

"And we're off to a great start..."

"I am not a goblin, sir."

"PUSHY WOMEN LIKE TO MAKE COOING NOISES!"


Bounces When It Falls

"Okay, try using Speak With Animals II. It works on magical beasties as well."

"Can you understand me now sir?"

*screams*

"Okay, I think it's repeating gibberish it's heard."

"KISS ME, I'M DROWISH!"

"Well, we tried at least."

[Bhu]

Polar Bearsaurus Rex
Huge Magical Beast (Cold)
Hit Dice: 20d10+120 (230 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares), Swim 30 ft.
Armor Class: 20 (-2 Size, +1 Dex, +11 Natural), touch 9, flat-footed 19
Base Attack/Grapple: +20/+37
Attack: Bite +27 melee (3d6+9)
Full Attack: 1 Bite +27 melee (3d6+9) and 2 Claws +27 melee (2d6+4)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Improved Grab, Breath Weapon
Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Scent, Immune to Cold, Vulnerable to Fire
Saves: Fort +18, Ref +13, Will +8
Abilities: Str 28, Dex 12, Con 22, Int 4, Wis 15, Cha 10
Skills: Hide -2 (+10 in snow), Listen +10, Spot +10, Survival +8, Swim +17
Feats: Alertness, Endurance, Improved Multiattack, Improved Natural Attack (Bite), Multiattack, Run, Track
Environment: Cold Plains
Organization: Solitary or Pair
Challenge Rating: 13
Treasure: None
Alignment: Neutral
Advancement: 21-30 HD (Huge), 31-60 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment: ---

Clearly made via the Owlbear Theorem, this chonkers T-Rex is covered in white fur. It's forelimbs are bigger, and tipped with paws. It also has teensy, little ears. Some damn fool gave it a breath weapon as well. As if being a Dinosaur wasn't enough...

Improved Grab (Ex): To use this ability, a Polar Bearsaurus must hit an opponent of up to one size smaller with its bite attack. It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity. If it wins the grapple check, it establishes a hold

Breath Weapon (Su): The Polarbearsaurus can breathe a 50 foot long cone of cold once every 1d4 rounds. Any creature in the area takes 15d6 cold damage, or half that with a successful DC 26 Reflex Save (Save DC is Constitution based).

Skills: A Polar Bearsaurus has a +8 racial bonus on any Swim check to perform some special action or avoid a hazard. It can always choose to take 10 on a Swim check, even if distracted or endangered. It can use the run action while swimming, provided it swims in a straight line. *A Polar Bearsaurus' white coat bestows a +12 racial bonus on Hide checks in snowy areas

Combat: The Polar Bearsaurus generally lights up potential dinners with it's breath weapon, before moving in for the kill.



Polar Bearsaurus Rex
"Well, here we are. The quaint little town of (beep beep)."

Surprisingly Sneaky In Snowy Weather
"Not much to look at beyond that massive alchemical plant just outside of town."

"Very telling, that."

"Excuse me sir! What's this village known for?"

"Well sir...the Polar Bearsaurus Rex was invented here."

"The what?"

"Surprised they didn't eat you on the way into town. Right bad pests, they are."

"So they're furry dinosaurs?"


Too Cute For Your Own Good

"Yessir. Darn fluffy too."

"What's their purpose?"

"Usual Wizard crap. Yet another madman who isn't satisfied with the abominations already available."

"We saw nothing on the way in."

"They're very well camouflaged. Musta been sleepin'."

"So, do they surround the town?"

"Good thing we have those rings."

[Metastachydium]

Wrong Whale
Gargantuan Magical Beast

That's a bit like the MM2 Leviathan, except brighter and a lot less clunky. I like this one.

Base Attack/Grapple: +20/+44

Grapple's +45 (20 BAB, +12 size, +13 STR).

Blindsight (Ex): Whales can "see" by emitting high-frequency sounds, inaudible to most other creatures, that allow them to locate objects and creatures within 120 feet. A silence spell negates this and forces the whale to rely on its vision, which is approximately as good as a human’s. As a Swift Action, once per turn it can change the area of it's Blindsight to a 240 ft. cone or a 720 ft. by 10 ft. Line. This change lasts until the end of the round.

I also can't believe they didn't give the Leviathan Blindsight! But that's MM2 for you.

"Oh crap! That's not a Right Whale, that's Eubalaena malum!"

Eubalaena mala would be the grammatically correct form, but it would still really mean 'Bad Good Whale'. How do you feel about Cacobalaena glacialis?

[QUOTE]

Rubber Boa
Small Magical Beast

Rubber boas are cute, and this is quite a literal take on them! I approve!

Rubbery (Ex): The Rubber Boa is immune to Bludgeoning and falling damage. It bounces if it falls. The distance it bounces is 5 ft. less (for example if it falls 60 ft., it bounces back up 55 ft. This repeats until it's movement reaches 0. Because of this, and it's prodigious leaping ability, the Boa can always Take 20 on a Jump Check, and doesn't take Check DC penalties for not having a running start. If an opponent hits the Boa with a Bludgeoning weapon, and confirms a critical hit, the opponent immediately gets a Bull Rush attempt as a Free Action without provoking an Attack of Opportunity.

I don't exactly get the logic behind this Bull Rush thing, though.

Loon
Tiny Magical Beast

A BIRDY!

Attack: Beak +0 melee (1d3-2)
Full Attack: Beak +0 melee (1d3-2)

+2 to hit (size).

simultaneously hitting everything near them with their armor piercing beak.

Crazy Bird (Su): As a Full Round Action, the Loon does 1d3 piercing damage to every creature within 10 feet of it.

Tiny birdy? Everything within 10'? Now, that's what I call bouncing!! (Go, birdy!)

A Loon can lie in the water with only its eyes and nostrils showing, gaining a +10 cover bonus on Hide checks.

While they do, in fact, have both eyes and nostrils, that's anaomically… Somewhat unlikely. Probably a tad uncomfortable too.

"Also known as Gavia insania!"

Insania is the noun, you want insana.

[QUOTE]

Polar Bearsaurus Rex
Huge Magical Beast (Cold)

And here's someone birdy-adjacent!

Special Qualities: Darkvision 60 ft., Scent

Cold subtype without the usual immunity/vulnerability clause?

Feats: Alertness, Endurance, Improved Multiattack, Improved Natural Attack (Bite), Multiattack, Run, Track

I'm sure I did it before myself, but I kinda don't like INAtt in species statblocks these days. "Usually bites harder than itself" is an odd thing, conceptually.

Clearly made via the Owlbear Theorem, this chonkers T-Rex is covered in white fur. It's forelimbs are bigger, and tipped with paws. It also has teensy, little ears. Some damn fool gave it a breath weapon as well. As if being a Dinosaur wasn't enough...

What? Everything is better with DINOSAURS! Even polar bears.

[Bhu]

I don't exactly get the logic behind this Bull Rush thing, though.

What does a rubber ball do when you whack it with a stick?



I has fixed the rest!

[Bhu]

Mega Beaver
Huge Magical Beast
Hit Dice: 14d10+70 (147 hp), 175 hp during Rage
Initiative: +4
Speed: 40 ft. (8 squares), Swim 40 ft.
Armor Class: 22 (-2 Size, +14 Natural), touch 8, flat-footed 22
Armor Class (Rage): 20 (-2 Size, -2 Rage, +14 Natural), touch 6, flat-footed 20
Base Attack/Grapple: +14/+30 (+32 w/Rage)
Attack: Bite +20 melee (3d6+8/18-20)
Attack (Rage): Bite +22 melee (3d6+10/18-20)
Full Attack: 1 Bite +20 melee (3d6+8/18-20) and 2 Claws +15 melee (2d6+4)
Full Attack (Rage): 1 Bite +22 melee (3d6+10/18-20) and 2 Claws +17 melee (2d6+5)
Space/Reach: 15 ft./10 ft.
Special Attacks: Vicious Bite, Tail Slap, Beaver Fever
Special Qualities: Scent, Hold Breath, Blindsense 30 ft., Darkvision 60 ft., Cold Resistance 20, DR 10/Magic, Speak With Animals, SR 23
Saves: Fort +14 (+16 Rage), Ref +9, Will +8
Abilities: Str 26 (30 Rage), Dex 10, Con 20 (24 Rage), Int 8, Wis 14, Cha 14
Skills: Craft (Dam-Building) +8, Knowledge (Geography, Nature) +2, Listen +10, Spot +6, Swim +16, Survival +4
Feats: Alertness, Endurance, Improved Initiative, Improved Natural Attack (Bite), Iron Will
Environment: Cold or Temperate Forests
Organization: Solitary, Pair or Family (2 Adults plus 1-6 kits of x Hit Dice)
Challenge Rating: 12
Treasure: Standard
Alignment: Usually Neutral
Advancement: 15-21 HD (Huge); 22-42 HD (Gargantuan)
Level Adjustment: ---

Mega Beavers are elephant sized cuties, and one of the most famous critters in the Great White North. Prone to mild madness and anger management issues, it's worth it to give them a wide berth. And don't mess with their dams. They're really fussy about those dams y'all. Worse, they're fairly smart, and a bit magical, so they aren't your average critters. They can't speak, but they generally know a common local language.

Vicious Bite (Ex): The Mega Beaver's bite threatens a Critical on a Natural 18-20. It ignores the Hardness of wooden items, and the DR/- of wooden beings.

Tail Slap (Ex): The Mega Beaver can slap it's tail thunderously into the ground, setting off a small quake. All creatures standing on the ground within 60 feet of it must make a DC 25 Reflex Save (Save DC is Con based and rises to DC 27 during Rage) or fall Prone and take 1d6 damage. Burrowing creatures within range must instead make a DC 25 (27 during Rage) Fortitude Save, or be Stunned 1 round and take 1d6 damage. If an opponent is Prone, the Beaver can make a Tail Slap on it, doing the normal effects plus requiring the prone target to make a DC 25 (DC 27 Raging) Reflex Save. If the target fails, it takes 15d6 Bludgeoning damage, or half that if the Save is successful (Save DC is Str based).

Beaver Fever (Ex): A Mega Beaver that takes damage in combat flies into a berserk rage on its next turn, clawing and biting madly until either it or its opponent is dead. It gains +4 to Strength, +4 to Constitution, and -2 to Armor Class. The creature cannot end its rage voluntarily. If it dies during Rage, it explodes doing 20d6 Fire damage within 100 feet (DC 22 Reflex Save for half damage, Save DC is Con based).

Hold Breath (Ex): A Mega Beaver can hold its breath for a number of rounds equal to 8 × its Constitution score before it risks drowning.

Blindsense (Ex): A Mega Beaver can locate creatures underwater within a 30-foot radius. This ability works only when the Mega Beaver is underwater.

Speak With Animals (Su): This ability works like speak with animals (caster level 8th) but is a free action and does not require sound.

Skills: Beavers gain a +4 Racial Bonus on Craft (Dam-Building) and Listen Checks. They also gain a +8 Racial Bonus on Swim Checks and may always Take 10 on a Swim Check.

Combat: Beavers will bluff to get you to leave. And when that bluff doesn't work, they will bring the hammer down, attacking without mercy.



Mega Beaver
"Them rings hain't gonna gitchoo past the beavers. They can sense the invisible thangs of the world."

Touchy, But Cute
"And your name sir?"

"I go by Napoleon Cornelius. I'm a trapper. Hunter. Prospector. Passable lover, and all that is man."

"Oh good, the local color commentary has arrived."

"I'll assume you don't mean the common beaver?"

"Naw sir! Castor titanus! The Mega Beaver!"

"Worst name ever..."

"And what would you suggest?"

"Me'n the boys are goin' beaver huntin'. Y'all coulld come with us."


You Should See The Dams

"We'll keep Speak With Animals II on prep. Just in case we need to chat with them when Cornelius and his men begin hunting them."

"When do you leave sir?"

*10 minutes. You can travel with us till we stop to shave the beavers. That'll getcha within spittin' distance of your goal.*

"Shave the beavers?"

"We only need some fur"

"Well, I guess that's preferable to killing them."