Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

[Anonymouswizard]

* Friendly Fire is not valid as my superhero's name or concept.

[VampiricLongbow]

*Rely on magical fantasy air tags to track party members in the event that they will surely be kidnapped and dragged into a subterranean complex.

[Bohandas]

*A character who mixes together spice, pixie dust, bug powder, soy sauce, rare candy, super mushrooms, liao, and garmonbozia is probably going to OD

EDIT:

*On a different note it has come to my attention that in Fallout 3 you're apparently not expected to immediately slaughter Ishmael Ashur and all his followers (including Sandra) the second they foolishly give you your gun back without even bothering to hear what he has to say
**You're supposed to wait for Wernher to ask you to do it as part of the plot
***You're not supposed to kill Wernher too
*****or to unceremoniously leave the Pitt immediately after finishing them all off without tying up any of the plot's loose ends
******Or, similarly, to immediately massacre Caesar's entire camp in New Vegas without talking to anyone
*******Even though what, in seriousness, could either of them possibly have to say for themselves?

[KorvinStarmast]

* I may no longer borrow the Whisper's jar (with a ghost trapped in it) to take to the Dimmer Sisters to get help in opening a magically locked chest. I had promised to bring it back, but the witch smashed it on the lock to help break the curse/spell that held it shut. The Whisper is really pissed.

** I may no longer offer blood and ash to help open a magically held lock.

*** May no longer cauterize the wound on my hand (where the blood came from, dagger slice) with the red-hot end of my smoke (which provided the ash).

[Rater202]

I am not allowed to describe a character as "if you asked H.R. Geiger to try and draw a MILF."

[DrewID]

I am not allowed to describe a character as "if you asked H.R. Geiger to try and draw a MILF."

<shudder intensity="Strong">And here I thought I was going to be able to sleep tonight.

DrewID

[Rater202]

<shudder intensity="Strong">And here I thought I was going to be able to sleep tonight.

DrewID

Heres the character in question.

Spoiler

Show

Tell me I'm wrong. I dare you.

[Anonymouswizard]

* My character's goal cannot be 'prove that the God-Emperor of Mankind was gay'.
** Because it's supposed to be something at least slightly challenging.

[danielxcutter]

***Proving he was bisexual is probably even less of a challenge.

[KorvinStarmast]

* I may no longer sing out loud part of Frank Zappa's Camarillo Brillo when the fortune teller in Krezk is laying out the cards.

Spoiler: aforementioned lyric excerpt

Show

She said she was a Magic Mama
And she could throw a mean Tarot
And carried on without a comma
That she was someone I should know

She had a snake for a pet
And an amulet
And she was breeding a dwarf
But she wasn't done yet
She had gray-green skin
A doll with a pin
I told her she was alright
But I couldn't come in

** May not suggest that she breed with a dwarf, rather than breed a dwarf.

Spoiler: why this elicited groans

Show

My PC is a dwarf.

*** May not accuse the Abbott of mutilating villagers to build whores.

**** May not tell the Abbott that getting Strahd to fall in love with a fleshy blow-up doll is a low probability course of action.

[thorr-kan]

Here's the character in question.

Spoiler

Show

Tell me I'm wrong. I dare you.

Ballpark, but not quite the right aesthetic.

Though I'm not the one calling you on it. I *HAVE* seen the right aesthetic and NOPED! right on by.

[Lord Raziere]

In honor of Abyssal Exalted manuscript preview coming out two weeks ago:
* My Daybreak Caste's reaction to Eye and Seven Despair's plan may not be to hold up her hand to stop the Circle and say "No no....let him cook. I wanna see how this plays out."

* May not trick the entire Guild into somehow signing a contract so they owe me a debt then kill them so they all go to the debtor's afterlife of the Underworld as an ironic punishment

* My master plan may not be to manipulate Mask of Winters and the Silver Prince instigating and enflaming their petty rivalry to forget everything else just so I can watch them duel each other while I eat snacks

* Despite their torturous nature, singing meme songs and things like "Its A Small World after All" is not in keeping with the chivalry of death
** Nor is showing people terrible sitcoms
*** or most youtube videos
**** or most fanfics
***** you have to have put some actual effort and art into making people despair and give up darn it!

* Attempts to draw smiley faces on the First and Forsaken Lion's armor will be met with severe punishment, no matter how much you care about him

* May not create a "Five-Day Fever" disease based on the fever I am currently experiencing to unleash upon my enemies as a Daybreak Caste.

[Anonymouswizard]

***Proving he was bisexual is probably even less of a challenge.

That's almost as easy as proving he was sexist!

[Bohandas]

*Cellulite is not a transuranic element
**or an ore thereof

[KorvinStarmast]

*Cellulite is not a transuranic element

It is now, in our Star Treak game. Thank you!

**or an ore thereof

It's harder than unobtanium to mine.

[Bohandas]

*Ponyo was not based on The Shadow Over Innsmouth
**or on The Call of Cthulhu

[razorfloss]

*Just because You can doesn't mean you should recreate the Thanos and Antman meme.
*Attempting to do so will have consequences
*God damnit that didn't mean use your familiar instead.

[Rater202]

Any build that lets me start with the combined powers and skills of eight different gods of destruction is banned no matter how rules legal.

[Anonymouswizard]

Any build that lets me start with the combined powers and skills of eight different gods of destruction is banned no matter how rules legal.

* Any build that takes away my ability to act is banned.
** I cannot stack disadvantages to have negative speed.
*** Even in deadEarth.

[sithlordnergal]

* I am no longer allowed to animate corpses via Dancing Object as a Creation Bard

** I am no longer allowed to use Performance of Creation to create siege weapons

*** I am no longer allowed to create Adamant or Tungsten Rods and use them for Kinetic Bombardment from our Airship

**** I am no longer allowed to play Creation Bards

[Tohron]

** I cannot stack disadvantages to have negative speed.

Just had a vision of a guy who tries to walk one direction, but keeps stumbling and falling/rolling/somersaulting in the opposite direction. Would definitely cause problems at any formal event.

[Bohandas]

*My superhero name is not "The Human Centipede"

[Killerkat]

* My Ranger may not have Favored Enemy (The King).

[Anonymouswizard]

* My Ranger may not have Favored Enemy (The King).

** Neither may they take Favoured Enemy (Me).

[KorvinStarmast]

* May no longer allow our party druid to pimp out my Fighter to a group of interested elven (drow?) ladies.
** May not suggest "Uh, sure, 25 GP for the night (shrug)" as a fee without (1) consulting with druid and (2) agreeing on their percentage.

[Rater202]

The elderly hunters the PC cell goes to for advice can't transparently be the Old Gods of Asgard.

[Anonymouswizard]

* 'The Emperor Protects' is not a valid substitute for contraception.
** If I keep this up I will not be allowed to have my characters even know about sec

[tyckspoon]

The elderly hunters the PC cell goes to for advice can't transparently be the Old Gods of Asgard.

*Naming them 'Tor', 'Odenn', 'Freija', and so on is not sufficiently opaque.

[Rater202]

*Naming them 'Tor', 'Odenn', 'Freija', and so on is not sufficiently opaque.

...That was actually an Alan Wake reference.

In the franchise and games related to it there exists a metal band from the 70s called the Old Gods of Asgard whose music and youthful antics all end up being tied to the plot to some degree and who did battle against the malevolent supernatural forces in the game in their youth.

[Metastachydium]

*No matter how silly the US judicial system appears to me, they still won't let me cite Alien vs. Predator as legal precedent.