Things I May No Longer Do While Playing 14: The DM is not my therapist.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

** Neither may they take Favoured Enemy (Me).

*** Favored Enemy (NPCs) is too meta.
**** Favored Enemy (PCs) is right out.

[Rockphed]

*No matter how silly the US judicial system appears to me, they still won't let me cite Alien vs. Predator as legal precedent.

Hey! They let someone submit a brief in Klingon, so shoot for the stars and try to live your dream.

[TeChameleon]

* if step one of the plan is 'create a new universe', I may be overdoing it on the ambition
** if step one actually works, and step two is 'ensure clean water supplies for an impoverished area', that seems, at the very least, a bit of a lateral step
*** step three being 'make nice gifts for party members' may lead to some questions as to what my actual plan is
**** pointing out that the plan pointedly does not include any godkilling because the party already killed and ate a couple, and reality needs some time to recover, is once again venturing into overly-ambitious territory

[KorvinStarmast]

* May no longer trade group sex for a map (IC).
** May no longer head to the basement when the monk wanders upstairs. (As it worked out, the monsters were in, you guessed it, the basement).
*** May not roll a 19 on the investigation check with a fighter when the wizard rolls a 12.

[Anonymouswizard]

* May no longer trade group sex for a map (IC).

Hey, if everybody's consenting and you're not forcing the GM to roleplay it

Those where the two hurdles my uni group found when we tried to pimp out the dwarf (look, it was GURPS and do she had the highest Sex Appeal skill).

[KorvinStarmast]

Hey, if everybody's consenting and you're not forcing the GM to roleplay it V

We do 'fade to black' once the role play gets to the point of consent. Easier for everyone.

[Anonymouswizard]

We do 'fade to black' once the role play gets to the point of consent. Easier for everyone.

I mean there's nothing wrong with going further, as long as all the PLAYERS are consenting.

* 'Nowhere' is not a command to strip.
** I may not interpret it as one.
*** I must remain fully clothed at all points during the game.
**** So should my character.

[Lord Torath]

* May no longer trade group sex for a map (IC).

Hah. This reminds me of Romancing the Stone. Granted, in that case it was 'seduce to steal the map', rather than 'seduce in exchange for the map'.

[PhoenixPhyre]

Hah. This reminds me of Romancing the Stone. Granted, in that case it was 'seduce to steal the map', rather than 'seduce in exchange for the map'.

Technically, the map was a counter-offer. The ladies asked for a price, the druid (acting as pimp) said "25 GP", the ladies countered with "20 GP + a map of the area" and the party accepted.

[Pauly]

* May no longer trade group sex for a map (IC).

** May no longer trade group sex for a map (OOC)

[and yes this incident did happen irl, but not to me. Not sure what the in game item being traded was as I was too busy bleaching my eyeballs and ears.]

[KorvinStarmast]

Technically, the map was a counter-offer. The ladies asked for a price, the druid (acting as pimp) said "25 GP", the ladies countered with "20 GP + a map of the area" and the party accepted.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, but having to burn that Indomitable in order to overcome the lost save versus exhaustion was an interesting price to pay for a wild rumpus ...

[Anonymouswizard]

To complete the set:
*** May not trade a map for group sex (in or out of character).

* Gender is not 'a strange human concept us elves have no use for'.
** My elf PC is allowed to be intersex. This does not mean that every elf is.

[RedMage125]

* Gender is not 'a strange human concept us elves have no use for'.
** My elf PC is allowed to be intersex. This does not mean that every elf is.

I've had an Eladrin character just had gender listed as "Elf".

[Metastachydium]

I've had an Eladrin character just had gender listed as "Elf".

And I'm currently playing a Shambling Mound whose gender is listed as "Mound".

[KorvinStarmast]

And I'm currently playing a Shambling Mound whose gender is listed as "Mound".

You are a naughty boy sprout.

[Bohandas]

*The philosopher's stone is not plutonium

EDIT:

*The Riddler's evil plan in Batman Forever was not "literally Google"
**or Amazon Alexa

EDIT:

*Captain America does not encourage kids to use performance-enhancing drugs
**Neither does Underdog

[Alabenson]

And I'm currently playing a Shambling Mound whose gender is listed as "Mound".

* My warforged's gender is not "sexbot"
** Nor is my warforged's battlecry "Assume the position"

[KorvinStarmast]

* I may no longer, when casting Speak With Dead (ritual, warlock) make the third question: "Who is the better guitar player, Eric Clapton or Jimmy Page" as one of the five questions.

** I may no longer frown at the DM when the corpse answers "Ask Prince"

Spoiler: why that joke works

Show

(which is what Clapton answered when asked what it felt like to be the best guitarist in the world).

[Anonymouswizard]

* My warforged's gender is not "sexbot"
** Nor is my warforged's battlecry "Assume the position"

Sorry, this isn't 'things I totally should be doing while playing', you might need to start a new thread

[BisectedBrioche]

* Tieflings are not proficient with hot beverages of any kind!

[Anonymouswizard]

* Warlocks do not have to undergo a naked transformation sequence to use their powers.
** No not even then.
*** Mainly because I will describe it.

[Rater202]

Under no circumstances can my gimmick be that my blood is a separate entity that is subservient to my will and who happens to be made of an improbably large number of magical artifacts and pieces of advanced technology so that every time I get cut a whole ****ing arsenal pops out.

[TeChameleon]

Under no circumstances can my gimmick be that my blood is a separate entity that is subservient to my will and who happens to be made of an improbably large number of magical artifacts and pieces of advanced technology so that every time I get cut a whole ****ing arsenal pops out.

See, I'd allow this, and then have the character be prone to nosebleeds by DM fiat... "Is that a plasma cannon up your nose, or are you just happy to see me?"

* I am no longer allowed to create superweapons. The DM is tired of needing to have a backup setting.

[Lord Raziere]

* I may not be a hybrid of Klyntar, Jenova, the Flood, the Redlight Virus and the Tyranids
** The Forerunners are not food for my inevitable expansion, nor is the Halo universe expendable
*** May not go to Kingdom Hearts just to acquire the power of Darkness as a heartless and destroy all of its worlds
**** May not create Infinite Celestialsapien-Human hybrid clones of myself to throw at my enemies
***** my main body being invincible while my vulnerable heart is in a separate body made of darksteel is just cheating

[KorvinStarmast]

* May no longer spar the patriarch of the clan (my party mate's clan) and when I have beaten him (wooden weapons) look around at the gathered crowd and cry out "Are you not entertained?"

** May not then engage in horizontal workouts with two of the more athletic ladies in the crowd

*** May also not get the berserkers from the Silver Horn of Valhalla (we called them vikings since there were some berserkers fighting us) drunk after they dismember most of the opposition.

**** May not tell a lich who is trying to no longer be undead/redead/not dead the following: "Having been raised on a farm, I learned that sometimes you have to realize that you can't un**** that goat."

[Rater202]

I should probably stop trying to figure out how to get everything needed for my entire power growth path early on into the campaign.

[Bohandas]

The Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear is not an excerpt from a speech by Franklin Roosevelt

[Alabenson]

**** May not tell a lich who is trying to no longer be undead/redead/not dead the following: "Having been raised on a farm, I learned that sometimes you have to realize that you can't un**** that goat."

This phrase is not related to why my character is an adventurer, and I am forbidden to insinuate otherwise.

[Telok]

Triple weapon fighting with laser chainsaw pasties is no longer allowed.

[Rater202]

I need a very good reason to claim to be a tree if I'm human-sized, human-shaped, and demonstrably made of meat.