To serve monster: What creatures would you eat?

[Vizzerdrix]

A Mimic surely tastes like something by definition.

As for other meals: if I had a low INT score I'd probably want to sample an Ochre Jelly on the belief it would taste like jelly.

I would assume that due to the shape changing nature of a mimic, it would have a stringy yet gooey texture and the meat would (like bears and most predators) taste somewhat like what it had been eating. Personally I would prep it like fish cakes and deep fry it in oil, using lots of spices to adjust the flavor due to a scavengers diet.

Ochre Jelly would need the acid to be neutralized, then most likely have flour mixed in to give consistency. It may be decent to turn into noodles this way. Maybe in a pasta salad with the slight remaining acid serving as a " built in" vinegar like dressing.

As for elf, you would want to prep it like lean meats. I would do as the deer hunter do and make sausage by adding fat from pork. Maybe make a marrow broth and stew some of it too.

[Saintheart]

Seeing as we're plunging down this rabbit hole (and not hunting any rabbits because we're eating our fill of terrified Oozes or Outsiders) would anyone like to speculate on the relative caloric advantages and disadvantages of given monsters?

That Gelatinous Cube is just no good for the BMI score, but a nice Tendriculous could contribute a lot of vital greens without adding too many kcal to the daily limit, especially if you're on a keto diet.

[Maat Mons]

I’d figure oozes would be like jellyfish, laughably poor in nutritional value. If the internet can be trusted, one cup of dried jellyfish contains about 20 Calories, and fresh jellyfish is 95% water, so one cup of fresh jellyfish would contain about 1 Calorie.

[Beni-Kujaku]

I’d figure oozes would be like jellyfish, laughably poor in nutritional value. If the internet can be trusted, one cup of dried jellyfish contains about 20 Calories, and fresh jellyfish is 95% water, so one cup of fresh jellyfish would contain about 1 Calorie.

Agree with that. Animal calorie is mostly contained in fat and muscles, of which the oozes don't really have any. They're mostly acidic water with no actual cell in there. In my opinion, outsiders are about as nutritive as eating dirt or water from their home plane. I'd say Prime Material digestive systems would not be able to digest them, but that they would be of about equal nutritional value to an equal mass of regular animal if we could.

Plants would be as ubiquitous as plants in our world, with celery being basically slightly more corporeal air when it comes to eating it, and potatoes being able to feed entire populations with relatively small crops.

Humanoids, giants and monstrous humanoids, animals, magical beasts and vermin are as close as they can be to our anatomy, and would be as nutritious as the closest animal in our world would be.

Undead would be poisonous to eat (obviously), but also actually drain you of your energy as their Negative Energy would cancel your body's Positive Energy. An excellent way to lose weight! Deathless would be the opposite, filling you with quick energy the way sugar does.

Don't eat Constructs, they're generally made of metal and magic. Unless you're an incantifier. And even then, see a dentist afterwards.

Dragons are a fun one. They could be like crocodiles (fishy flavor, birdy texture), and feed you like you were eating an enormous chicken, but I suspect there are some really nutritious parts in there, like eating the draconis fundamentum would probably fill you with more energy than you ever had in your life. That or ignite your guts and kill you on the spot.

Fey creatures are probably nutritionally close to animals, but I suspect that there is something in their anatomy that prevents creatures from the Material Plane from consuming them. Maybe they have an adverse reaction to the iron in one's body, or maybe they're just so volatile that they disperse into dust soon after being killed. I doubt creatures that mysterious can be eaten so easily.

Finally, aberrations, like always, are all over the place. I wouldn't be caught dead eating a gibbering mouther or a skybleeder, as they would probably be poisonous as all hells, but a catoblepas or a rust monster should be safe and provide nutrition similar to a cow or a very big ant (though the rust monster might also be full of undigested rust, so ask your local japanese chef to prepare it like one of their fugus). Beholderkin feel like a whole lot of nothing (porous anatomy means it is approximately as filling as cotton candy) while illithidkin would probably be similar to the original body, except the tadpole and tentacles, which would taste and feed you like squid. I can see mind flayers be a gourmet dish, having a variety of flavour depending on which part you eat. And finally, Phaerimms would be absolutely horrendous to eat and probably dry your guts alive even after death. These things are adverse to all life about as much as Undead.

[Fero]

I imagine Ankheg tastes somewhere between crab and mushroom.

[Metastachydium]

As for elf, you would want to prep it like lean meats. I would do as the deer hunter do and make sausage by adding fat from pork.

Did you mean: pork form Orc? At long last, friendship and harmony in death!

As for other meals: if I had a low INT score I'd probably want to sample an Ochre Jelly on the belief it would taste like jelly.

It's yellow, acidic and trying to eat one's flesh. I bet it tastes like pineapple.

terrified Oozes

Also, it's immune to fear. Entirely ethical eating, I tell you!

[atemu1234]

Agree with that. Animal calorie is mostly contained in fat and muscles, of which the oozes don't really have any. They're mostly acidic water with no actual cell in there. In my opinion, outsiders are about as nutritive as eating dirt or water from their home plane. I'd say Prime Material digestive systems would not be able to digest them, but that they would be of about equal nutritional value to an equal mass of regular animal if we could.

Plants would be as ubiquitous as plants in our world, with celery being basically slightly more corporeal air when it comes to eating it, and potatoes being able to feed entire populations with relatively small crops.

Humanoids, giants and monstrous humanoids, animals, magical beasts and vermin are as close as they can be to our anatomy, and would be as nutritious as the closest animal in our world would be.

Undead would be poisonous to eat (obviously), but also actually drain you of your energy as their Negative Energy would cancel your body's Positive Energy. An excellent way to lose weight! Deathless would be the opposite, filling you with quick energy the way sugar does.

Don't eat Constructs, they're generally made of metal and magic. Unless you're an incantifier. And even then, see a dentist afterwards.

Dragons are a fun one. They could be like crocodiles (fishy flavor, birdy texture), and feed you like you were eating an enormous chicken, but I suspect there are some really nutritious parts in there, like eating the draconis fundamentum would probably fill you with more energy than you ever had in your life. That or ignite your guts and kill you on the spot.

Fey creatures are probably nutritionally close to animals, but I suspect that there is something in their anatomy that prevents creatures from the Material Plane from consuming them. Maybe they have an adverse reaction to the iron in one's body, or maybe they're just so volatile that they disperse into dust soon after being killed. I doubt creatures that mysterious can be eaten so easily.

Finally, aberrations, like always, are all over the place. I wouldn't be caught dead eating a gibbering mouther or a skybleeder, as they would probably be poisonous as all hells, but a catoblepas or a rust monster should be safe and provide nutrition similar to a cow or a very big ant (though the rust monster might also be full of undigested rust, so ask your local japanese chef to prepare it like one of their fugus). Beholderkin feel like a whole lot of nothing (porous anatomy means it is approximately as filling as cotton candy) while illithidkin would probably be similar to the original body, except the tadpole and tentacles, which would taste and feed you like squid. I can see mind flayers be a gourmet dish, having a variety of flavour depending on which part you eat. And finally, Phaerimms would be absolutely horrendous to eat and probably dry your guts alive even after death. These things are adverse to all life about as much as Undead.

It's worth noting that the Aberration are one of the few types given as a source for a disease - Blue Guts, from Book of Vile Darkness, if I remember correctly.

[RexDart]

My current character is a butcher by trade, and always on the lookout for creatures that would make good eating.

I'm most curious about what giant bugs (ants, spiders, scorpions, etc.) would be like. Bugs are known IRL as a good source of protein, but small enough you kinda have to either eat the whole thing or grind them up into some sort of paste. But what about a spider the size of a Volkswagen?

[Maat Mons]

Some people say bugs taste like shellfish.

The largest species of scorpion gets to around 2 ounces. That's about 1/8th the minimum size at which a lobster can be harvested. The largest species of spider gets to around 6 ounces. That's actually in line with some crabs.

[atemu1234]

I wonder if you could make a stew out of an Aoa... Hopefully it isn't as toxic as quicksilver.

[Saintheart]

I imagine Azers would taste a bit burnt no matter where on the rare scale your cooking preference was.

[Ramza00]

have not read Dungeon Meshi, but if that was real I would be asking Schmendrick the Sorcerer to try their hand at plot magic

[Metastachydium]

I imagine Azers would taste a bit burnt no matter where on the rare scale your cooking preference was.

Yeah, they are somewhat Burnie even when Hurt.

[atemu1234]

Chilled Intellect Devourer, for the Indiana Jones jokes.

[liquidformat]

As for other meals: if I had a low INT score I'd probably want to sample an Ochre Jelly on the belief it would taste like jelly.

I would imagine ochre jelly would have a slight hint of iron flavor to it.

I’d figure oozes would be like jellyfish, laughably poor in nutritional value. If the internet can be trusted, one cup of dried jellyfish contains about 20 Calories, and fresh jellyfish is 95% water, so one cup of fresh jellyfish would contain about 1 Calorie.

I recently got to try jellyfish in SF china town and they used it instead of rice noodles; really had no flavor but absorbs pretty much any flavor you add to it and the consistency reminded me of firmer tendon.

[MaxiDuRaritry]

This is a thing: https://www.google.com/search?sca_es...ih=701&dpr=0.9...

[atemu1234]

Do you think Neothelid would taste more like an eel or maybe a snake? I think it would have too much muscle to taste like a worm on its own.

[Lvl 2 Expert]

The minotaur in my avatar was a little afraid but is happy with the direction of this thread. Keep up the good work!

[noce]

In a previous campaign a fellow player kept eating gnome brains. It was my duty, as the LN dwarf with a broomstick up his ass, to stop his abominable life once and for all.

[Metastachydium]

Do you think Neothelid would taste more like an eel or maybe a snake? I think it would have too much muscle to taste like a worm on its own.

I'd think in terms of something more like a mollusk, perhaps an aquatic slug.

The minotaur in my avatar was a little afraid but is happy with the direction of this thread. Keep up the good work!

Well. Seeing how vocal the "cattle is for eating and it tastes good" and "cattle is bad for the air, let's get rid of them all forever" crowds can get… Just make sure you know you're not yet in the clear!

In a previous campaign a fellow player kept eating gnome brains. It was my duty, as the LN dwarf with a broomstick up is ass, to stop his abominable life once and for all.

…
I see how only eating the brain might strike a Lawful sort as rather wasteful, but… What else would you argue one should do about a Gnome, overall?

[Psycho Ban]

Aren't trolls basically infinite hamburger machines?

[Bullet06320]

The minotaur in my avatar was a little afraid but is happy with the direction of this thread. Keep up the good work!

where's the beef?

come to think of it, we did a planar binding of celestial cattle to make cheese with thier milk once

[Vizzerdrix]

Aren't trolls basically infinite hamburger machines?

Welcome to hydra-Burger home of the Hydra Burger. Would you like to try our new troll nuggets?

[atemu1234]

Welcome to hydra-Burger home of the Hydra Burger. Would you like to try our new troll nuggets?

My only complaint is that the Trollburger with Hydranuggets would make more sense.

[AnonJr]

My only complaint is that the Trollburger with Hydranuggets would make more sense.

Yeah... I'm not eating the troll's nuggets.

I do like the idea of an artificer with a collection of mud golems that have gardens on their back. You always know where the fresh basil is - he's standing right there.