Hilarious Moments of DnD Games

[BloodyAngel]

I think most of these stories are funniest to the players who have been there, and less funny if retold... but I'll try my hand at a few.

A friend of mine is playing a gnome rogue, and decides to get back at the party's barbarian for a few too many jokes about his height.

Thus, the gnome plants a few dozen bounty posters all over town saying. "Wanted: Elven Ears. 100 Gold per pair. See (barbarian's name) at the red boar inn for payment."

The result? On our second day in town, an elf with a bandaged head bursts into the barbarian's room, along with 4 of his friends. Points at him... shouts "YOU!", and they beat the hell out of him. The poor bastard had no idea why.


One player of mine was running a female character who was in disguise as a boy... because her homeland did not allow females to become knights. The character was beautifuly roleplayed... and despite dropping many a hint about her true gender, none of the players picked up on it. Though they did mercilessly tease "Justin" for being slightly effeminate. The worst instance of dropped hints that they missed was an encounter with a band of three Satyrs in the woods... who proceeded to charm and carry off all of the females in the group (A ranger and a warmage), but not the knight (Knights have oddly good will saves).

When the knight and the men of the party go off to get them back, the party bard tried to negotiate with them... But their common was horrible. The satyrs sniff around a bit... look everyone over, and offer to trade the ranger (who was both tomboyish and lacking in charisma) for the knight. This prompted a bevy of jokes about the knight's sexual preferences... and STILL no one caught on that he was a she! It took literal MONTHS of game time before they did, and that was only because a rogue was trying to blackmail her and she came clean to the group before he could. Justin and the Satyrs still makes us chuckle.

[KillianHawkeye]

So, this was supposed to be a huge, epic battle. First round of combat, and the BBEG (named Alhandra, btw, which is an interesting story in and of itself) goes first, somehow. Shock trooper for all of the armor class that she could muster, and charged at the spellcaster. She needed just about anything other than a one to hit her. What happened? A one. Not only that, but since we play with the fumble variant, she failed her DC 10 Dex check, so she missed her next turn.

The party starts killing her (no surprise there). However, she's still doing okay. So she does combat brute for the triple damage and attacks one of the melee PCs that are attacking her.

A one. Again.

And then she failed her Dex check. Again.

The party took her down in four rounds, and suffered not a single wound. Alhandra was only able to act twice.

This is what DM screens are for. Random chance should never be allowed to ruin your plans of having a dramatic or climactic encounter.

Last weekend one of my players (a Tibbit Swashbuckler) had been blinded and fatigued by an enemy sorceror and seperated from the rest of the party. The sorceror's pet minotaur was moving in for the kill when it rolled a 1 on it's attack roll. Then on my player's turn she managed a successful Tumble (despite heavy penalties) out of the minotaur's reach and was subsequently dragged to safety by her riding dog mount. The minotaur was pissed.

[Panda-s1]

I play in a group with one too many people. One of the characters we had earlier on was Smeesh (sp?), a half-orc barbarian with an Int of 7, and always talked in third-person ("Sounds good for Smeesh!"), and his player roleplayed his stupidity like no one's business. Anyway early on in the campaign (around level 3) we ran into a half-dragon going down a road. Now a half-dragon should be really hard to kill, even for a party of eight people, and this was meant to be a challenging encounter. Smeesh rages and manages to crit and kill the half-dragon in three rounds. We all feel a sense of relief, but the guy playing the barbarian decides to keep raging and runs 150 ft. down the road.

Nothing. Runs another 150 ft.

Nothing. Runs another 150 ft.

Nothing. Runs another 150 ft.

Finally the DM gives in and says "Alright, you run into a brown bear. You get a surprise round because it doesn't know what the **** is going on." He swung with his greataxe and missed, badly. So regular round begins and he hits the bear for near minimal damage. Then the bear makes his full round attack, crits twice, and kills the barbarian, taking him to -12 HP. We finally get there and being the ranger I try to Handle Animal the bear back into the woods, but it's no use we had to kill the bear.

In the next session we started right where we left off and the barbarian gets resurrected by a black dragon (long story) and runs off into the woods, mainly 'cause his player wasn't there. The DM used the tainted resurrection table in HoH and later on he wakes up in the forest alone and his clothes are bloodstained. He acquired a taste for raw flesh. He finally caught up to the rest of our party who were resting in two Leomund's Tiny Huts that create food at will.

Smeesh decides that he wants roasted halfling.

The DM decrees that he's gone from Chaotic Neutral to Chaotic Evil, but everyone in his hut was sleeping and he got away with it. Unfortunately he went to the other hut the next morning and, being the lovable idiot he is, decides he wants roasted halfling again in front of the party's CN halfling rogue. As a last resort, Smeesh decided he wanted to eat a sweet battle axe, and one appeared in his hands. It was made of chocolate. Smeesh fell in battle pretty quickly, but I'll never forget him and his manner of referring to himself in third person. He was the comic relief of that game, but his player decided to not be in the campaign anymore, and now the game kinda sucks. Oh well.

[Gawain]

We were going through Tomb of Horrors, and I don't know if this was actually part of the module or improvisation on the DM's part, so possible minor spoiler warning here.

Anyway, we come across a door with no visible handle but surrounded by buttons on all three edges. The gnome thief/illusionist walks up, gives it a professional once over and decides:
Gnome: "I'll stand in front of the door and push a button on the left and right side at the same time."
DM: "WHAM!! The door slams in and downwards, crushing you beneath it!" (rolls some damage).

We were all laughing pretty hard at the image of that, then I gave my best Yosemite Sam impression with a muffled "Close it! Close it! Close it up again!!". That pretty much did us all in for about ten minutes.

[Baxbart]

- 13th Level Cleric killed by a bear (A normal one, mind you... not even a giant bear... or a dire bear!)

- The literal translation of camels as 'ships of the desert' (Masts, rigging, cannons and all...) - Very surreal

- Being attacked in the middle of the desert by a migrating 'Damn Crab'. I think it was supposed to be a random encounter because the DM was bored, but the female elf Rogue just walked up and waved cheerily, giving a 'hello'. The monstrous crab turned out to be an intelligent monstrous crab, and somehow the elf managed to seduce him so that he wouldn't kill the party (4 level 3s... but we're sub-optimal... and don't really stick to the rules). Needless to say, my cleric had to pray for spells with his fingers in his ears that night...

- Rolling high enough on a bluff to convince a nomad that we were selling cookies for charity (in the middle of the desert). Said cookies turned out to be whatever we had lying around - namely baked camel droppings.

- Electing the INT 6 Half Orc Fighter as leader of the party. Spending 6 months in town trying to organise a party, and eventually getting into a drunken fight with himself (He was seeing double and looked in a mirror, then proceeded to argue with himself - in character), and critted himself... with a dire flail. He died a hero (of sorts).


We never get anything done with my group... but damn is it fun.

[Hawriel]

My party opens the door to the room with the big evil. A vampire lizard king. The bard in the party finaly snaps after trudging through a half sunken fort in a swamp full of troglodites and lizardmen with undead. He shouts "There is a fish on the alter, come and get it frog boy!!!". then charges, the rest of the party fallows him. At the end of the round all but my thief and one other party member are alive. The Lizard king casted cloudkill on his action. I made a paire of boots from his hide.

Jaymar the lawful good cleric of Tyr was traveling along the road with his party when they where aproched by bandits. The usual banter of give me your gold with the reply of no cominced. It ended with Jaymar worning the bandit to leave or els he and his companions will hut them. The banded leader replied with "what friends?". Jaymar to his dismay looked hehind him and not a soal was to be found. The rest of the party quickly hid apon seeing the bandits. They never told poor Jaymar what was going on.

The party is clearing out a dungion fighting orcs, wizards and what not. After a hard fight out side of a door to a large room the party finaly gets to see whats on the other side. The bard Jack the Dashing with the party hathered around the door to meat what ever threat may be on the other side opens the door. He sees a wizard in the final jestures of casting a spell aiming right for the door. Jack slams the door shut just in time for it to be blasted by a lightening bolt. Some of the party takes damage from the exploding door and from the lightening. Jack still with his hand on the doorknob chucks the knob at the wizard. He rolls a crit hitting him in the forhead. Jack and the fighter then rush the wizard killing him. Jack picks up the doorknob and keeps it as a trophy. He then proseads to chucks it at the next wizard we encounter again rolling a crit. The doorknob has been in the party ever sence and has rolled a crit on many a spell caster. Real crits no fudging.

[Fuzzy_Juan]

Bopo...the demented Kender played by one of my buddies...always good for a huge laugh. We were in a 2nd ed campaign...so some rules were a bit looser...namely, the spell wish...the only limits were what the DM allowed...not as defined by rules.

Well, as a 'joke'...one of the players who found a ring of wishing (with 3 wishes...I think) gave it to Bopo...Bopo was astounded and very pleased...and then promptly forgot about it. We all waited for the first time Bopo messed up and said the magic words...'I wish'.

Next game session, Bopo was marveling at some dragons after a long discussion about pets and cows...I don't know why...there was also a spellfire user in our group...Bopo started on a long and lengthy discussion about all this and then said the magic words...

'You know what would be the best pet in the whole world...' In a single long sentance that ran on forever...and I mean 5 minutes of straight talking without a noticable pause by the player...he detailed a fusion of all the types of dragons in the world, infused with the power of spellfire (cause it is so pretty), and all wrapped up in a single creature but it's a cow (yes...with the mind of a cow too)..."...I wish I had one of those."

We were all dumbfounded by the long elaborate discussion that we nearly didn't realize what had happened...then the dm got a funny look..."what did you just say?"..."I said I wished I...oh crap..."

Well...that gave birth to the first prismatic cow, or Dracmoo...'Domu'.

His second wish came when a new party member asked about Domu, he told of how he was talking to us about what would be really neat and Domu just appeared, how he must be a gift from 'insert god here'. And then he started to go into detail about Domu's life, and all manner of things...and once again said the magic words...this time he was talking about how he would like Domu to have a companion so that he wouldn't be lonely and could et married and have little dracmoo's of his own...well...here came a female Dracmoo...(our later games in the same world was inhabited by a small number of Dracmoos...the most innately powerful creatures in the game...and they have the brains of cows...

The last wish wasn't so spectacular, but made me the most annoyed at him and caused some good laughs...we had all forgotten that he still had acharge on that ring. Well, his Kender was getting really annoying...so I was trying to enforce a bit of restraint...then came the magic words...

"I wish you wouldn't be mean to me anymore!"

Bopo's player suddenly covered his mouth and said oh crap...I'm sorry. The rest of us all got wide eyed and everyone stared at me...while I stared at the DM hoping that Bopo was out of wishes...nope...that was his last wish. Everyone started laughing their asses off...

Well...it could have been interpreted many ways, but the DM was the final arbiter...he ruled that I had now the equivalent of a magical compulsion that I could not be mean to Bopo in any way...but I had to follow Bopo's code of behaviour when dictating what 'mean' would be since his intent was what bound me. Needless to say, if a kender doesn't have free reign over your belongings, they find it a bit mean...and they don't like anyone telling them to not do things...or be yelled at or lecured...or strangled....my character would have left in disgust to get away from it all, but then came the perfect words..."you're my best friend...please don't go...It would be mean to just leave me now that we're such good friends."

There might have been ways to twist my way out, but th eDM was amused enough by the whole affair that I pretty much became attached to the Kender...Too bad starngling or posoning him would have been mean...

[Superglucose]

Today one of our characters SERIOUSLY overbid on a quest item in an auction because he didn't want to go on an adventure hook the dm was giving us. Unfortunately, we didn't have 15,000 platinum, and were facing execution for his actions. So the gm decided to bail us out by having us run the challenge of champions thing and putting a wager on ourselves. Well on one of them our ranger rolls like a 2 on his balance check and falls into the acid, and on another we just phail with a capital ph, putting us in second place.

So afterwards my wizard walks up to the other team we tied with for second place (who split the pot with us), and challenge them to a duel for the rest of the money. He takes off his gauntlet and slaps their leader across the face, and says "I challenge you to a duel!"

Well, his gauntlet is enchanted to bullrush anything it hits, so my GM rolls a save, and it comes up a 1. "He flys back five feet and lands on his ass, looking rahter surprised."

The table couldn't stop laughing.

Needless to say, we won the duel handily and now are NOT going to face execution.

[Stormageddon]

I was playing a Halfling Rogue/Sorceress. The party was investigating a dungeon where a group of Drow and Humans were working together to open a gateway to the demon plain. The female wizard in the group cast charm on the leader of the humans, and was pretending to be a cousin of the noble family that was behind the operation, and I was the her advisor. So the poor soul ends up leading us through the dungeon to where some Drow clerics are translating ancient demonic texts. I offer to help translate. So the female wizard leaves me there goes off and kills the human leader while I am stuck with a bunch of grumpy drow who weren't really buying the cover story. So I try to read some of the text that the Drow are going through. ancient demon language, Not a language I had. Try to read script. Natural 1. So my charter is sitting there badly failing his buff checks pretending like he knows what's going on, when the high priest ask what it is that I am read.

I have my charter look her dead in the eye and say:

"It's a grocery list!"

and that when the fun began.

[Dairun Cates]

Oh lord. Seeing as I'm a GM, I don't know where to begin. My players have probably killed more braincells than drinking, headbanging, and surfing the internet could ever possibly kill combined.

Do I tell you about the Kata maneuver? A fighting style invented by one of my players where you self-inflict falling damage to do massive damage to your opponent from the pure force of your weight going into the attack. A fighting style that my players have constantly honed and perfected into a viable and not-stupid strategy. A fighting style that has Crit WAY MORE than it should.

Do I tell you about how players have legitimately pulled off bluff checks for a boss to hurt himself or even just flat-out give up?

Do I tell you about the fact that the word "You" can't be used in one of my campaigns without causing a massive interruption that lasts a couple of minutes?

Do I tell you about how one of the few times I got to play, I played the single most unlucky AND lucky character in the history of any role-playing game ever?

How about the time we gimped a CR 11 encounter with a thermal detonator and a cleaning droid?

How about the time I learned to regret letting my players play as the reoccurring villains for one session?

Lord... The list goes on. I'll think of some of the better ones and expand on them later.

[Skjaldbakka]

I'm assuming all of it.

I approve of this message. *applause*

[Totally Guy]

At the beginning of our last campaign our gnome sorceror wanted to buy a magic item at level 1. Our DM invented an item called the cat dog dice. 2d6 one that barks that meows when rolled. This item just hung about in our inventory for about 5 months...

When we were crossing the desert the DM said that there is a chance to enounter a dragon here but that won't happen unless I roll above 97 on these D%. And it rolled a 99. So a big blue Dragon showed up.

The paladin wanted to fight it outright. We wanted to negotiate with it pretending to be evil. We had a drow beguiler as understudy party face.

This led to the paladin attacking the party where I, Obon the cleric of Kord, restrained him. The dragon picked up the paladin and we succeeded in convincing him to give us a ride. But the Dragon was going to take us the the Dragon Oasis first. To meet his children.

We debated about what to do for ages and the DM was starting to threaten us with "you've been riding the dragon for an hour now he's nearly there". So I said, Why don't we put the cat dog dice in its ears?

And with that we prompted a crash landing and flight spells allowed us to catch the paladin. Then we beat it up while it was stuck in the sand.

[EndlessWrath]

So We tried out 4e... and wouldn't ya know it...my brother wanted to DM a little adventure... little my @$$...

our group consists of Myself (Eladrin wizard 10) a dwaven Warlord 10, a Changeling Rogue 10 thing... and an Eladrin Ranger 10.

We end up getting into a room...which is all magical. a bunch of portals...which lead to other pathways and such... you look over the edge or your path and there's nothing down there. We tried it out...it ends up being a "once you hit the bottom, you go to the top and start falling again"... Well we get into this huge fight with some CR 27 Maug... whats worse is the idea that there is about 100 other small creatures there too.

I arcane portal between two portals... disabling the ability to get next to us. my buddies attempt to attack the monster... which effectively has a 32 ac and DR 1000000000... thats an exaggeration..but its damn close.

The Maug Charges (it has flight casted on it too -_-) and knocks the Ranger and the Rogue through the original portal...and our Warchief jumps off the path.

our Dwarven warchief starts gaining speed... lots and lots of speed.... Ties his hammer to a 100 ft rope....

upon reaching maximum velocity he hurls the hammer and kills everything at lightning speed. The DM's jaw drops...

I come back in. cast feather fall and another Arcane Portal. We take the reward for killing the boss and live on our lives.
-----------
same DM a few years earlier... My first "adventure".... i put this in quotes because we didn't get through the second room...

I receive magical arrows... which are actually cursed arrows... called "refracting arrows"... I have an 80% chance of hitting something...trick is.. i got a 60% chance it would be myself or an ally... i couldn't dump the arrows either...another wonderful part of the curse. We ended up (first level characters) fighting a 2 Skeletons, 1 dog, 2 orcs, and a dragon. at the end of the first round.. our fighter was down (I shot him)... our cleric was dieing... and i was left fighting two skeletons who had DR 5 piercing... i was a Halfling Rogue...with a rapier.
--------------
If those two weren't funny enough... I was running a game.. and the Major City of Boccub was about to be destroyed (by the players). They were in a room.. and the ground was a big "disc"... they could jump off the edge into nothingness... but when they did..the world flopped and they were on the opposite side. Our player who played the Half-Orc Barbarian just went to the bathroom..so i was playing him (as DM). Our bard decided to bluff him into throwing the bard off the edge (rope attached) to see what would happen. He did, world flopped. now the 237lbs barbarian was being held up by our 40 or 50 lbs gnome bard. If this wasn't enough.. the bard was convinced he had to do it again...diplomacy/bluff... this happened like 3 times before the player came back... "WTF you Do with my Guy n00B!?!?!?"

guess ya had to be there

[The Extinguisher]

We were raiding a Gnoll cave, and we cleared out the first floor. We were looking around when we noticed a stairwell heading down. Naturally, we assumed something bad would be down there. However, we were all pretty hurt, so we needed to find a place to hold down the fort. But we really didn't want to be attacked while resting.

So we dropped a bag of poison caltrops on the top of the stairs.
Needless to say, we were treated to very amusing dialogue as we set up an mini camp and ambush.

We cleared most of them out with the caltrops and took the rest out as they rounded the corner.

Good times.

[TheCountAlucard]

In the very first session of my evil campaign, I seemed to be utterly unable to get "bugbear" and "owlbear" straight. I kept getting the two mixed up when I referenced one or the other.

Also, in a game that happened to a friend, the players were searching a room for magic items, and encountered a talking potato. It kept insulting the fighter, until he couldn't take it anymore and pulped it against the wall.

[Jade_Tarem]

One of the funniest moments in a recent game occured when the party unanimously elected one of the player's cohorts party leader. He was a wizard who spent most of the late game casting magic jar to possess the party's frenzied berserker/bear warrior barbarian and casting a sequence of powerful self-only buffs before wading into combat, along with using the barbarian's cloak of the bat. This abomination of magic actually had forms that could be triggered at the same time, meaning that the barbarian could turn into a "bearbat" basically at will. The ensuing creature created when the wizard got involved was, we calculated, a "Giant Dire Fiendish StoneShadowBearBatemental." Somewhere along the line, it obtained access to supreme cleave and a strength score that exceeded that of most gods.

The party battlecry after discovering this combo was to walk serenely out before approaching armies and shout "Everyone please remain calm! This is a field test of supreme cleave!"

Despite what it may sound like, other party members had crowning moments of awesome as well, and it was a rare day when one character stole the spotlight.

[Chronicled]

"Everyone please remain calm! This is a field test of supreme cleave!"

That's so sigged.

[Waspinator]

"You can't kill me! I'm too marketable to die!"

[nobodylovesyou4]

Also, in a game that happened to a friend, the players were searching a room for magic items, and encountered a talking potato. It kept insulting the fighter, until he couldn't take it anymore and pulped it against the wall.

I lol'd. HARD.

A rather recent one, we were playing a LoTR game set about 100 years after return of the king. my character was Billy Goodbody, halfling rogue. we started out in a stable somewhere in gondor, buying horses. being a halfling, i manage to steal 4 horseshoes (just because i felt like it).
so we go south to harod (sp?) to look for some ancient artifact thingy. we're attempting to get ourselves into a caravan, so theyll take us to see some traders who we think have the artifact. no one is really making any ground in diplomacy, so i decide to kill sometime. the conversation went thusly:

Me: Im BOOORRREEDDD.
DM: Okay, what do you do in the meantime?
Me: Hmm... *looks at inventory* Hey, I have horseshoes! Do they know how to play horseshoes?
DM: They've never even seen a horse, let alone their footwear.
Me: Well, I teach them to play horseshoes, then!
DM: Make a charisma check.
Me: I ROLLED A TWENTY!
DM: Alright, they love this game. A lot. They ask you what it's called.
Me: ....Billy. It's called Billy.

In the end, I became a celebrity amongst the Harodrin and managed to get us into the caravan. I ended up selling the horseshoes for 200g.

[Shademan]

So i DM'ed a small game fer some friends, they we're stuck in a cave filled with goblins and their hp was too low so they had to get out. but there was alot of goblins in the way. so the rogue(with a mithral chain shirt) with the most hp says "im gonna make them chase me, and when they do the rest of you get out."
so he runs towards the goblins and yell the cliched "you cant catch me you buggers!" and the goblins all stare at him. with wide eyes and open mouths, their faces filled with dread. "whats wrong? why dont they follow me?"
DM: "chain shirt covers your chest and stomach. you did not take ANY of the free starting clothes, nor did you buy any. YOU, my good friend... is PANTLESS!" several goblins want mentally scarred that day and they fled in panic.
the elf was much later arrested by H.P.D (hobgoblin police department) for streaking.

[banjo1985]

I once had a monk with a sling in a one shot adventure our group played in between campaigns. We came across some halfling slaves in the kitchens of an orc keep, fixing up porridge for the orcs. So on a whim, I asked for the halflings to throw some hot peppers into the mix, and used the piping hot mixture as sling ammunition.

I still remember the GM's face when his BBEG got an eye full of hot spicy porridge...he went down to the groups Fighter before he even had chance to clean the stuff out his eyes.

[Epinephrine]

"I don't think rage works that way."

Well, just because you CAN stop a rage if you want to doesn't mean that you will. I could use tabasco sauce on all my paper cuts, but I'd really rather not.

I played similarly recently; the party was slaughtering the enemy, the last two throw down their weapons and surrender, everyone else stands down. Raging guy just kills the first one yelling, "cowards deserve death" and starts toward the other one, still raging. Party calms him down, so he doesn't end up killing the other (mostly because of a low damage roll on his first attack, then good diplomacy by the party).

I figure it probably feels good to be in that rage - you wouldn't want to drop out of it suddenly, and going from raging and wanting to kill your enemies to accepting surrender from a guy who put an arrow in your shoulder 4 seconds ago in <6 seconds? Not what I picture.

[JupiterPaladin]

One of my players was a Cleric of Ralishaz (randomness) in an AD&D 2e game. He had a Wand of Wonder, a Wild Magic zone, and a black dragon to fight. As the black dragon prepares to melt the party with his acid breath, Mr. Random drops a charge off the wand and chucks the percentiles. I don't remember the exact results, but by the end, the dragon ended up losing all of his teeth and spewing acid across his nerve endings! It was pretty funny to have a dragon rolling in pain, still managing to crush a party member to death on accident. Same campaign, we had a Thief that was the classic "steal everything that's not Sovereign Glued down" type who would not learn a lesson. He ended up with 3 cursed swords (-2 version, yikes). Each time a threat popped up all 3 tried to arm themselves, forcing him to make sleight of hand skill rolls to juggle them while he fought at major negatives, or the swords would stab him themselves! That guy also had a +5 WIPE on his character sheet by the end of that campaign because he didn't know how to spell whip.

[brant167]

Two games ago the party of basically scoundrels heard about a big political gathering between the north and west leaders to deal with a sea orc invasion. We figured where there are nobles there are money and boons. So we began to hatch a plan to have our party be on one of the scouting ships. Our druid asked our illusionist "why on earth would they allow us who they don't know and have barely heard of to lead one of the main scout ships." Our illusionist looked directly into the druids eyes and with much vigor in his voice said, "Because we're expendable!" The game stopped for 5 mins b/c we couldn't stop laughing.

[Yvanehtnioj]

High-level evil campaign. (Player-killing allowed.) One of my players ruled a coastal town with a natural harbor. The opposition sent a Dragon Turtle to attack his town. Their plan was to 'godzilla' his town. When it reached the rocky border of the harbor and begin to climb over it, the player told me:

<Me>: Ok the turtle has reached the border of your harbor and is beginning to climb over the natural rocky wall.
<Player>: I goo its brain.
<Me>: Okay, roll for init--wha?
<Player>: I goo its brain.
<Me>: O_o

The player was a wizard who had made use of a wizard spell (Psychic Surgery) that allows the caster to possibly give a person Psionic capabilities. He and his elite guard became psions. No other player employed psionics.

He focused his psionic attack on the turtles mind (not hard) and attacked it (very effective). This virtually left the beast's body intact save for its brains gushing out of its eyes and nose. His townsfolk then proceeded to harvest the shell for shields and armored surfaces, the meat for a turtle soup feast.




I ended up using calculus to determine the amount of material he got.

[spamoo]

Somehow, we found ourselves transported to the realm of Lolth (we were lvl 9) and face to face with the Godess herself (not an avatar, the actual Godess). When we realized this, myself and our fighter ran like h*** back to the portal. However, our rogue decided to take a shot at her with a crossbow. His roll: Natural Twenty. He rolled another natural twenty to the confirm crit roll. According to our rules, a nat 20 on a confirm crit roll allows you to make a confirm insti-kill roll. The roll: 14 (adjacent to 20 on a d20). So far, the epicness and the hilarity of this have not been matched.

[Zeebiedeebie]

The boss monster for one of the dungeon crawls that I was running around 11th level (and was supposed to level the PCs up) was a beholder.

initiative order:
Barbarian
Bard
Wizard
Beholder()
The barbarian runs up to the beholder, but forgets to change weapons from his longbow to his two small size greataxes(one flaming/frost and one shock). He starts to change weapons, when the beholder uses one of its eye rays to throw him back against the wall.

The bard runs behind the beholder while invisible, then stabs the beholder with his shock rapier so that he will dismiss his invisibility and give the barbarian a flank next round.

The wizard casts disintegrate on the beholder, which rolls a nat 1 on its save.

The wizard rolls all 22d6, and gets 93 (I think).

The beholder had 99 hp to begin with!

[Burley]

Um...This thread is giving off an overpowering aura of Necromancy...

[nobodylovesyou4]

Um...This thread is giving off an overpowering aura of Necromancy...

my thoughts exactly - if you were to cast detect magic on it, its necromantic powers would knock you unconscious.

[TigerHunter]

*casts Thor's Lightning on the zombie thread*

*casts Raise Dead*

Carry on.