The GM is an idiot

[Silkenfist]

(((Latem: I tried to do this exactly with a Troll in Shadowrun. Planned to give him 0 Willpower and let him only follow instructions resolved in a priority list determined by his decker friend/owner. DM intervened. Instead, I got an Orcish Shark Shaman with extraordinary sexual attraction to overweight Troll women. Good times...)))

OOC: Silkenfist smiles broadly. Now this looked more like a story for heroes.

IC: Fear not, good man. We have come to free you of the Orcs. We will prevent them from eating more innocent babies.

OOC: Silkenfist hesitates. Who was "we" actually. Everyone seemed to be off punching rats and behaving unheroically. Well, they would certainly hear the rallying cry. Heroes always do.

IC: Companions, come with me. Together we will kill the Orcs. Dangalf rushes out of the tavern with his staff raised and readied. Followed by... the other brave heroes, he attacks the enemies.

[LatemYvaeh]

Latem looks up from his computer upon hearing the in game cry from silken fist

Ah a chance to be boldly thrown into the fray,

Diana stops shoving things upon hearing a voice of command calling her to arms her muscles remember the task Kill the Orcs even if she doesn't

With a blood thirst battle cry Diana Pulls out her bow nocks an arrow and charges out of the bar following Dangalf her sing song has changed

Kill the Orcs
Follow the commands in order dummy
Nock the bow
Find the orc
Shoot the orc
Repeat

[Koga]

OOC:
".....

Well, I guess I'll have to change my stradegy..."


Koga scribbes a note to Hank.

Hank, I'm going to stab these dead rats with my knives, lacing the knives with the blood of these filthy rats. Thus leaving them with bacteria that will permit me to inflict disease with every attack.

Filth Fever
Fort save: 11
Damage: 1d3 dexterity and 1d3 constitution.


I don't want those jerks to know cause then they'll want to lace the pitchforks and everything with rat guts, and knowing a couple of them bathe in it then throw themselves at the orcs. Their stupidity is killing me, I can feel it.

[chrono]

Ey, zip it, hair boy!
Chrono glares at Koga. One may have noted that Chrono's been doing a lot of glaring and deep breath taking. Go figure.

While you flap your mouth and pick rodents off the floor we already fought the orcs once, and we could have done better if only Bayar had lasted one more round and that keg of beer hit the orcs rather than everybody else.
And another thing...
Deep breath again.
Making rodent stew isn't heroic. At best you'd give them indigestion. Do you think they took over the land without a single healer? And more importantly, can you make stew to poison hundreds of orcs out of a handful of small rats? Or do you think they set up dozens of guard posts and built a booping citadel for twenty orcs?

[Koga]

OOC:
"The point of the stew was never to kill all the orcs. Just the women and children... the decrease in morale and slaughtering of their innocent will fuel them with terror and confusion, they'll attack relentlessly, and leave themselves open to a metaphorical flanking..


I should write a self-help guide! It could be the sequel to Sun Tzu's: The Art of War!"

[chrono]

Chrono gives Koga a baffled look.
You change your mind every 3 seconds, don't you? How's about this: we already established empirically that 3:1 odds against our favor are lethal to us. Taking this another step, it takes less than two dozen orcs to kill us all. Now how are those villages that have been beaten badly before and don't have enough heroism to kill a bunch of rats distract the entire orc force minus just enough orcs for us to kill?

Chrono reflects a bit on his own words.

You know, you could be a lot more helpful if you help Latem there with those orcs...

[Bayar]

So, I finished my character and entering the tavern.

I attack the bartender. He is selling booze to underaged corpses, which is against the law.
And before argueing with me, cows eat grass, but they might eat oaths and stuff from time to time. All that gets fermented in it's 4 stomachs. Guess how booze is created: fermentation.

So, milk is booze.

Attack: (1d20+5)[25] (4 from strenght and 1 from my fighter bonus on attack)
Damage: (1d6+4)[6] . (4 from strenght)

You said sword. I got a shortsword, since it is the weakest. and will probably make you less bitchy about it.

[Bayar]

Oh, CRIT !

(1d20+5)[11]
(1d6+4)[8]

That will teach Bob to mess with the laws of science !

[chrono]

Chrono gives Bayar a baffled look.

Bayar, are you a total noob? Haven't you at least played MMOs or Quests? You never ever attack the town guard or a quest giver NPC... This can't end well.

Chrono sighs. He then shrugs and withdraws to a part of the table that's not immediately adjacent to him or Koga.

On the bright side, Drek already went to help with the rat problem. I think he'll lay low for a while, just until everybody meets their impending doom.

[LatemYvaeh]

Latem looks around and glances hopefully at Silk but not seeing any sort of plan forming he decides to act

Diana walks around the town looking for the orcs

Spot (1d20)[20]

If she manages to see the orcs walking down the hill towards the town she stops and shoots at them

Attack ](1d20)[14]
Damage if that is a hit ](1d8)[3]

All the while chanting her sing song command

Kill the Orcs
Follow the commands in order dummy
Nock the bow
Find the orc
Shoot the orc
Repeat

He then goes back to work on his PC it appears he is trying to get a WiFi connection for some reason

[Bayar]

Chrono gives Bayar a baffled look.

Bayar, are you a total noob? Haven't you at least played MMOs or Quests? You never ever attack the town guard or a quest giver NPC... This can't end well.

Chrono sighs. He then shrugs and withdraws to a part of the table that's not immediately adjacent to him or Koga.

On the bright side, Drek already went to help with the rat problem. I think he'll lay low for a while, just until everybody meets their impending doom.

Actually, I did. Lots of them. Lineage 2 is a good example. Attack the NPC's all you want, they wont die. And the guards fight back. But with a bit of tactic, you can take them down. Heh, we were making bets to see who can kill a guard without dying. Fun times.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"I never said the rats were poisonous, Koga. Oh, and Bayar, if you're so eager to enter the game with your new character, you should remember there's a penalty for new characters"
Hank smiles broadly. He clearly hadn't forgotten about Bayar's attack in the beginning of the evening.
"See, your total stats need to equal or be lower than half of your stats when you died. I don't believe that's the case with your new character. So before you enter the game, see to that. See, I told you I'd figure something out for rerolls, Chrono! He-he-he-he-he *snort* *wheeze*"
Hank takes out his inhalor and desperately starts breathing the drug.

In-Game
Harry comes to Kam's aid, attacking the rat with his staff:
(1d20)[15] +1 to hit. (Rat AC 15)
(1d6)[2] +1 damage. (Rat hp 1)
Hit, the big rat dies. Anyone in the room (Kam, Harry and Xian Li) can now loot the chest. There's also the rat corpse and the bunch of little rats in the alcove.

Silkenfist storms an Orc:
(1d20)[6] +3 to hit. (Orc AC 13)
(1d6)[4] +3 damage. (Orc hp 5)
Miss.

Physical storms an Orc:
(1d20)[11] +2 to hit. (Orc AC 13)
(1d6)[4] damage. (Orc hp 3)
Hit. The orc dies.

The two rats each attack an Orc:
(1d20)[11] -4 +4 to hit. (Orc AC 13)
(1d4)[3] -4 +4 damage. (Orc hp 5)
Miss.

(1d20)[20] -4 +4 to hit. (Orc AC 13)
(1d4)[2] -4 +4 damage. (Orc hp 5)
Hit. Orc hp down to 3.

[Duke of URL]

IC: Xian Li relaxes slightly, and proceeds to stomp out the nest of baby rats before turning his attention to the chest.

OOC: "Almost finished with this... um... 'quest'. Maybe we can finally get on with some story after this..."

[MrEdwardNigma]

In-Game
The baby rats die a horrible death. Xian Li opens the chest and finds, ehrm, three items. The first is bottle with a thick green liquid. The label reads "Ressurection Potion". The second item is a +1 sword. The third was a single +2 arrow.

"I suggest we split the loot equally" Harry said.

[Koga]

OOC:
"Yes, I agree, sense you all are more adept at dying, you can take the Ressurection Potion, we should bring that +2 arrow to the ranger, and I'll take the sword. As a sword's critical range is 19-20, giving it a 10% success rate to hit regardless of the opponent's AC. You all could never appreciate the value of a large critical range and only worry about damage, damage, damage...


Sense I never left the cellar I kindly ask the monk for the sword."

[Bayar]

Is it too late for Wings to say "Res pls? " ?

And crit's are good only in some situations. What happens if your target is immune to crits ? I could tell you how you can get a 15-20 threat range, but it wont make you a good fighter, since only a 20 is a certain hit/threat. If a foe has an AC greater than a threat number other than 20, then you miss regardless.

Dont get what you are saying Hank. Is that a homebrew?

[Koga]

Is it too late for Wings to say "Res pls? " ?

And crit's are good only in some situations. What happens if your target is immune to crits ? I could tell you how you can get a 15-20 threat range, but it wont make you a good fighter, since only a 20 is a certain hit/threat. If a foe has an AC greater than a threat number other than 20, then you miss regardless.

Dont get what you are saying Hank. Is that a homebrew?

OOC:
"No No No, you're confusing critical for confirmation. Critical succeeds always when you roll X or higher on the table given, confirmation is always 5% IE: rolling a 20. You roll a confirmation seperatly from a critical thus doing multiple damage but not succeeding in the attack, or succeed in the attack but not do multiple damage."

Koga passes a note he wrote while saying that too Bayar.

It's a house rule I madeup, Hank's not too savy in D&D. If we use this house rule our attacks and damage will be more severe..

[chrono]

Friggin' Lineage... There had to be a counter example darnit..., Chrono murmurs under his breath.

Suit yourself then, he shrugs, Go for it. You've got Koga's full support. I ain't stopping ya - I'm curious if the barman will pulverize your new character with one hit or it will be a fair fight - you against all the patrons. As for Drek...

Chrono reflects on Hank's resurrection statement. Drek is at the treasure site and a +1 sword sounds great, except... I'd have to be mad to do any fighting now that I know what death costs... Running around screaming seems to work just fine.

Drek takes a peek inside the chest:
So I ain't really the one to take the sword... The potion is also useful, but I'd rather have somebody else carry it. After all, if I die and I have it, that'd be plain stupid, eh? As for the arrow of slaying, you can keep it... Though now that I think of it wielding a bow has some great potential for avoiding assaults on my brittle constitution... *sigh* No gold, gems, goodies or deeds to a large ranch then? We might as well keep on looking.

OOC:
Hey Hank, hopefully when you calculate XP you'll take roleplaying into account, as well as the fact that Drek took out 3 rats and dealt quite a lot of damage to the orcs in the process.

[LatemYvaeh]

Latem looks around in confusion who the hell is Physical ------ then he gets it

Umm Hank my character is not named Physical since you decided it is a girl her name is Diana. Physical is just the block of stats I was looking at just as a litter further down I had written Mental

But anyway I see you have decided to roll all the dice that is fine with me.
He reach out and carefully packs away his dice into their crown royal bag and then closes the box with the dice inside and puts the box back into his backpack.

Any way Diana continues her sing song chant and shoots at another orc

Kill the Orcs
Follow the commands in order dummy
Nock the bow
Find the orc
Shoot the orc
Repeat

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
Hank looks a bit puzzled because of all the numbers being thrown around. He decides to ignore it and goes on to answer Bayar.
"Yes, that is a homebrew. Every time your character dies you need to add up all it's ability scores and divide by two. The sum of all your new ability scores can't be higher than this, so you need to substract off of the new scores until you have that amount. You can never go lower than 21 in total though. But you're in luck this time"

In-Game
Harry picks the bottle as his share of the loot, exits the hole, then exits the cellar and feeds the contents of the bottle Wings' corpse. Wings is resurrected.

Meanwhile, the Orcs attack the rats:
(1d20)[15] +3 to hit. (Rat AC 14)
(1d6)[2] +3 damage. (Rat hp 1)
The rat dies.

(1d20)[4] +3 to hit. (Rat AC 14)
(1d6)[5] +3 damage. (Rat hp 1)
Miss.

(1d20)[5] +3 to hit. (Rat AC 14)
(1d6)[6] +3 damage. (Rat hp 1)
Miss.

[MrEdwardNigma]

In-Game
Dangalf attacks the Orcs:
(1d20)[12] +3 to hit. (Orc AC 13)
(1d6)[4] +3 damage. (Orc hp 3)
The Orc dies.

Physical (good luck getting through to Hank, the name has been written... Wings there knows about this problem) attacks the Orcs:
(1d20)[18] +2 to hit. (Orc AC 13)
(1d6)[3] damage. (Orc hp 5)
Hit. Orc hp down to 2.

Harry Rotter attacks the Orcs:
(1d20)[2] +1 to hit. (Orc AC 13)
(1d6)[5] +1 damage. (Orc hp 2)
Miss.

((Oh, and other people rolling the dice is fine by me, preferred almost))

[Bayar]

In-game: Ah, thank you. I...seem to owe you one. Even though I cannot respect you as a friend, I can respect you as a brother in arms. Now, lets obliterate these orcs.

Fireball !

Umm...so what dice do we use for attack and damage of a fireball? since I guess that this is homebrew too, because wizards could get fireball at level 5...

Bayar passes a note to Koga:

Gotcha. I will try one of my own tactics. Will try to get on his soft side so he will trust me. Kinda hard after I almost cut off his throat, but whatever.

There is more than one way to abuse the rules. screw them up completely

[LatemYvaeh]

Latem looks up when hears the name Physical again with a sigh he looks at Hank and says Hank! his voice booms loud enough to be heard over a jet plane engine on the flight deck of an aircraft carrier (he knows this as he use to work as a safety officer in said enviorment) with a double snap of his fingers to make sure that Hank is looking directly at him.
Are you listening carefully I won't repeat myself again You can give stat equipment and any other thing you like but in order for a character to be fun for the person playing they have to be able to name them what they like. If you don't start calling my character Diana I will be forced to get your brother to explain it to you is that clear. He looks into Hanks eyes and waits for an acknowledgment.

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Critical... Silkenfist stares at the others with confusion. Does that mean, we do more damage? Well...the fight was going well already and that knowledge would certainly help them further.

IC: Dangalf hits the next Orc, shouting: This is for... for... for all the babies.

OOC: Hank, what's the name of this land again. Anyway, Dangalf shouts that the next time. Oh, and this time I attack with a Critical! Silkenfist smirks confidently and looks at LatemYvaeh seeking his approval.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
Hank looks at Latem, eyes vaguely glazed over.
"Wait a second, Latem, I've got to look something up"
He grabs his D&D book and starts leafing through it eagerly, occasionally stopping to take a breath. That's right, Hank needs to take breaths when leafing a book.

He finds the bit he was lookin for and shows it to Bayar. I reads "Fireball: 1d6 damage per level, 20-ft. radius."
"So since you're level zero, I guess it doesn't do any damage at all for now"

"The name of the land is Europe, Silkenfist"

[Bayar]

*sigh* orcs dont eat babies. It is just a superstition. I'we seen it on Mythbusters.



((You know you want to add that to your sig now ))

[LatemYvaeh]

Latem settles down and looks over at Silk Nice way to get into character Silk

With a look back at Hank

Any way Diana with a grin continues her sing song chant and shoots at another orc

Kill the Orcs
Follow the commands in order dummy
Nock the bow
Find the orc
Shoot the orc
Repeat

[MrEdwardNigma]

In-Game
The Orcs attack the rat:
(1d20)[4] +3 to hit. (Rat AC 14)
(1d6)[5] +3 damage. (Rat hp 1)
Miss.

(1d20)[19] +3 to hit. (Rat AC 14)
(1d6)[5] +3 damage. (Rat hp 1)
That kills the last rat.

They are then attacked by
Dangalf:
(1d20)[19] +3 to hit. (Orc AC 13)
(1d6)[2] +3 damage. (Orc hp 2)
The Orc dies.

Diana:
(1d20)[13] +2 to hit. (Orc AC 13)
(1d6)[3] damage. (Orc hp 5)
Orc hp down to 2.

Harry Rotter:
(1d20)[1] +1 to hit. (Orc AC 13)
(1d6)[3] +1 damage. (Orc hp 5)
Miss.

There is just one more Orc left now, and he decides to run away. As fast as he can, he runs up the hill.

[Bayar]

so, what other spells do I have in my spellbook ?

[MrEdwardNigma]

so, what other spells do I have in my spellbook ?

"Feather fall"