The GM is an idiot

[Quxelopqr]

(ooc: sorry about the lack of posting, my internet's been shaky lately.))

ic: Kam goes along with the group to kill the rats, commenting to Harry "But aren't you already dead? How can you die twice?"

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"The milk? Oh, ehrm... I suppose they serve milk too. They ahve some cows outside. Yeah, that's it! Cows!"

In-Game
"Good question, sir cleric. Let's go find out! There's five of us, that might be enough to face this terrible threat!"
Bob, the innkeeper, gives Harry the key to the cellar and you all head outside and into the cellar door you had somehow failed to notice earlier but is obviously there nonetheless.

There are some crates downstairs and barrels lined up against the wall. At the back of the cellar there is a squeaking and several rats can be seen in front of a large hole in the wall. They don't seem to notice you, despite the fact that you're not that far away from them.
"All right, men, what's the plan?"

[Koga]

OOC:
"I take the shovel! The shovel is all mine! The versatility of the shovel is paramount to a rogue and his brilliant plans!"


Infact Koga goes over a plan he just thought up when he heard the word "shovel"...

"You assclowns lead the orcs down to the village right? They charge into battle and I dig holes lots and lots of holes and they trip and fall in them! They'd be easy pickings to kill at that point because they're prone, flat-footed, and unable to make any actions besides strength checks to get out of their predicament. Not to meation I get sneak attack bonus untill they get out of the hole and even then still have like a round of sneak attack...


This has to be my best plan yet!"

[The Necroswanso]

"Rats Why does every ****ing adventure begin with killing rats in a cellar?
Whatever, Jericho goes along. And I guess since they're unarmed he'll just start stoomping on them."


"Wretched beasts! How dare you...Burrow holes under this tavern. BEGONE!"

[Duke of URL]

IC: Xian Li enters his combat meditative state. In the blink of an eye, he ponders the existence of a rat, it's purpose in the Great Wheel of Life, and it's soft, defenseless points. Strike like a cat...

OOC: "Yes, we can use our contributions to the plan as a way to reflect the personalities and desires of our characters! Perfect!"

[The Necroswanso]

"Or you can quit annalyzing everything before you get the Freaudian slip and just play the damn game."

[Koga]

OOC:
"I refuse to degrade myself to fighting little rats, I don't play Final Fantasy for a reason! I implore that if we just come up with a decent plan and use our common sense, we can tackle any ordeal! With this shovel I could defeat a red dragon!"


Koga scribbles a stradegy drawing depicting him digging a hole, and the dragging tripping over the hole and falling prone, sneak attack to his eyeballs, the dragon is now blinded and suffers a 20% concealment penalty to all attacks, against anyone...


"If I can do that to a dragon just immagine what I could do to those orcs! I'll fight them myself if I have too... I'll show all of you!"


IC:
JohnJohn refuses to fight stupid rats when there are orcs to contend with. And gets up on a horse with a shovel holsterd on his back and kicks it to move up hill so he can takeon the orcs.


OOC:
He passes a note over to the GM.

When I meet the orcs I'm going to ask them to trust me and help them attack my comrades. Cause they're morons...

[The Necroswanso]

"That's an all well and good idea. Except that if there's ANY semblence of the original rules in that book you'll need a strength score of atleast 20 to hit anything. You're level 0, you have a base attack bonus of 0, AND you're wielding a shovel, which is an improvised weapon at a -4 penalty. Just because you say you can kill a collosal red dragon with a stare doesn't mean you actually can. If you wish to kill yourself fine, go ahead, hell, I'll even help you by sending undead rats at you.
BUT if you actually WANT to play the damn game, the rest of us will be here NOT acting like stuck up spoiled retarded mongoloid children. SO, ARE YOU DONE YET!!!? Because if you're so god damned willing to derail the ****ing game, you don't actually have to play! Just because you have no intention of enjoying it does't mean others don't aswell. So, anytime you're willing to cut this **** out, is good.
I'm not going to pretend to know what's on that paper you handed Hank, but I'm willing to guarentee it's along the lines of, "I don't like where this is going, I'm selfish, they should die now." And everyone here knows I'm right.

NOW HANK! WHAT DO I ROLL TO STOMP ON AND DAMAGE THE RATS!!!!!!!?

[Silkenfist]

((I think I know what is expected of me here ))

OOC: The rats are there? Waste no time! Fireball! All of them! Silkenfist nearly jumps up from his chair at the first sign of some actual roleplaying happening instead of directionless blathering. He settles down again as he sees the others don't share that much of his enjoyment. Calmer, he asks Hank: How much damage did I?

[Koga]

OOC:
"You said so yourself, we're at level zero, that means no awesome undead spells for you! Less by undead minions you meant you were going to throw the dead rats at me...

Granted this level zero thing does make my flanking stradegies a bit weaker, but level zero or not, attacks of oppurtunity still apply! And who said I'd hit them with the shovel? By the time they came running down here I'd have my knife in hand to stab them in the head or something. I'm always two steps ahead!


And that note so did not involve killing you guys. I don't know where you would get an idea like that... Heh-eh-heh...." Koga looks around the room as he laughs nervously..


"I would help you kill the rats, if these were like.. sewer rats or something. But they're fricking domesticated city-rats. They probably don't even have filth fever. Even if they did and I were to lace my knives with their blood, the incubation period is around 1d3 days. I don't have friggin three days to waste on the enemy! Tactical advantage is paramount!


So you all can sit around playing whack-a-mole while a genious.. that's me.. goes out and stops the orcs single handely! And an orc princess falls inlove with me, and we have wild, sweaty, orc sex! THE ROGUE LIFE IS GOOD!"

[The Necroswanso]

"Well have fun. But as you're the only one doing it, pelase do it quietly so that you're not interrupting the rest of us who are actually playing the game. You'll be mature enough to pull that off won't you?"

[Koga]

Koga thinks to himself: This is what I get for gaming at a sausage factory. A girl would've seen my uncanny ability to logicaly plan out a solution to the encounter and then lose control of all her basic verbal functions and ravage me...


He scribbles the possibility of super glueing his knives together to the shovel and creating a reach weapon morningstar. However that would detirorate it's usefulness as a shovel...

Koga officaly nicknames himself "The Think Tank". Seeing as the tank is always asscosiated with fighters, and he's a combat genius...

[The Necroswanso]

Koga thinks to himself: This is what I get for gaming at a sausage factory. A girl would've seen my uncanny ability to logicaly plan out a solution to the encounter and then lose control of all her basic verbal functions and ravage me...


He scribbles the possibility of super glueing his knives together to the shovel and creating a reach weapon morningstar. However that would detirorate it's usefulness as a shovel...

Koga officaly nicknames himself "The Think Tank". Seeing as the tank is always asscosiated with fighters, and he's a combat genius...

(((I just rofl'd my pants. It's sad because I used to game with a guy who had the exact same thought process... In fact he thought he was so smart that his Sorcerer didn't even need charisma. It was funny gaming with him until he stopped thinking and instead said the same crap aloud. It was agreed that he needed to leave, we killed his character, and I jumed him in an alley because he couldn't duck out like a gentleman if you know what I mean. However watching all of his plans fall apart during the game was fun times.)))

[chrono]

Chrono's eyes go obviously wide and a trickle of sweat runs down his forehead.

Wow, Necrowanso, thank you for bringing up improvised weapon penalty at this crucial point in time when most of us are in fact using improvised weapons. Which didn't seem like such a bad deal a few seconds before you opened your mouth.

Chrono takes a deep breath. He seems to be doing that more often. If it weren't for the lack of inhaler, you might have concluded he has asthma too.

Maybe we can take our zero-level behinds armed with improvised weapons, wielded through our negative modifiers and follow Redmage... err... I mean Koga's plan. I can see this ending well.

[Koga]

OOC:
Koga kicks his feetup
"Besides, just cause I'm the first one going into battle doesn't mean I'm going alone.

Bayar, how do you expect to get the exp you need fighting little rats? How much exp could these guys possibly be worth? Not enough to gain you levels that's for sure. It's offenssive to your skills as a mathamatician.

Duke, your monk is lawful good, would he in good judgement waste his time dealing with pests when there are brutal orcs terroizing the villagers?

Silkenfest, you want an oppurtunity to display your glorious evocation skills. You will never do this cooped up in a dinky tavern killing rats, you must set fourth against all odds and scorch the flesh of your enemies.

Chrono, you expect to write tales of people extertimnating little mice? Or would you rather take a little risk and have the inspiration to sing about a war waged on the orcs for attacking innocent villagers and witnessing heroism at it's finest?



Last I checked, we were the good guys.. And good guys don't pick on the weak... That's why we want to fight the orcs in the first place, cause to the orcs, these villagers are the mice..."

[The Necroswanso]

"All well and good points, but level 0, does not beat level 1. Just as if we were trying to go after a dragon we'd still have to find some other way of becomming stronger.
The only insult here is your pathetic attempts to have people following your hair brained schemes. Thinking that using a skill you don't even have ranks in will help you trick warlords. You may think the odds revolve around what you think is right, but they don't. Any moron could tell you from the start the odds are automatically stacked against you. And we're apparently stating off without class levels. If these peasents, whom apparaently have sharp implements couldn't fight off the orcs, what makes you think any of us are capable of doing it?"

[chrono]

Drek scratches his head.

Well I s'ppose the rats are a bit underwhelming. Not much has been said about rats in song, as far as I remember... Owh, maybe except the great plague of the Northern Lowlands, which was caused by vermin. And the great were-rat attack on Quel Thalan. And that one time that rats ate the Seven Scrolls of Godly power right after they were uncovered by an epic adventuring party. And I have a vague memory of ratmen besieging a settlement in the wilderness with their ratapults, but I'm not sure how that went.

The bard scratches his head again.

On the other hand killing off orcs is kinda common. Chances are that with lots of luck you can kill rats and be famous. With orcs, everybody does it, so it's pointless. To be famous it's either rats or dragons, and we're a few spears short of dragonslayers.

[Koga]

OOC:
"I think you're forgetting we have Harry Potter on our team, he's powerful enough to give us the edge.

Infact, the very fact that you will not go along with Harry's plans to kill the orcs should come as an alignment penalty, seeing as Harry is an undead and you're a necromancer..."

[The Necroswanso]

"Maybe you haven't noticed, Harry got his ass beat, thus him not being able to count himself amongst the non-rotting. Now, he has chosen to undertake this rat slaying quest, I informed him I was with him.
And what edge are you talking about? You're a rogue. What's the sneak attack bonus for a zero level rogue now? We apparently don't even have class features. One strong character does not a living party make. You go commit suicide, leave the rest of us alone to advance the plot.

And for the record, Necromancer's don't have a set aligmnet. About the only thing that would conflict their class features would be to cast a healing spell. I control undead, I'm not influenced by what an undead says. "

[Koga]

OOC:
"What plot?! You're killing rats in a barely succesful tavern!


Waitl... an idea is coming to me...."


JohnJohn decides to postpone running into battle and instead talks to the villagers, asking them if they would get together and build a moat around the village. They could dig a large moat and thus prevent orcs from coming into the village.

[The Necroswanso]

"Oh...my...GOD! Was it that hard to do something constructive?"

[Quxelopqr]

"Sadly guys, the best I can see to do is to go along with the railroad plot and kill some rats. We'll be taking out orcs before you know it." Qux tries to give a smile, but the fact that somehow he feels the rats might tpk them holds it back.

IC: Kam goes with the group down the stairs, wondering how he is to harm the rats with a Bible.

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Silkenfist observes The Necroswanso and Koga, deciding once again that they are once again overthinking stuff.
Dudes, what's with you? It's just a First...uhm, Zero Level Quest. We mop up the rats quickly, then move to the next one, right. Hey, speaking of quick... A broad grin appears on his face and he clenches his fist, turning to Hank.
I got it! The rats, they were coming out of a hole in the wall, right? So I can go right next to the hole and throw a Fireball into it? I'll do that.

[Duke of URL]

OOC: Duke raises an eyebrow at Koga. "Who said anything about lawful good?"

[MrEdwardNigma]

Out-Game
"Impro...vised weapons?"
Hank starts leafing through his D&D book eagerly.
"Oh, that just adds a whole new dimension to the game..."

Hank puts down the book and straightens his glasses.
"Well, that's nice 'n all, but we'd really better get this combat going... Let's see, Silkenfist said he was attacking first and was castin fireball... Let me look up the rules for that..."
Hank leafs through the book again.

Oh, well, this is a surprise... Fireball: 1d6 damage per level, 20 ft. radius... It has a radius? And... per level? Well, I guess that makes this spell pretty useless at level zero, right? Anyways, the rats notice you casting and attack"

In-Game
Harry Rotter quickly pulls out his staff and whacks one of the rats on the head.
(1d20)[5] + 12 to hit. (Rat AC 14)
(1d6)[4] + 1,5*12 for damage.
22 Damage. One of the five rats is smashed by Harry Rotter, the rest attacks, each picking a victim.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Attack on Dangalf
(1d20)[7] +4 +2 +2 to hit. (Dangalf AC 13)
(1d3)[1] +2 for damage.

Attack on Kam
(1d20)[8] +4 +2 +2 to hit. (Kam AC 13)
(1d3)[2] +2 for damage.

Attack on Xian-Li
(1d20)[3] +4 +2 +2 to hit. (Xian-Li AC 26)
(1d3)[2] +2 for damage.

Attack on Drek
(1d20)[8] +4 +2 +2 to hit. (Drek AC 21)
(1d3)[1] +2 for damage.

"Well, errrr, I guess those are all misses. Boy, you guys sure are lucky!"

[Koga]

OOC:
"If you guys die I'm not carrying your carcases to a cleric.


....

Not that I think I could find a cleric in this hick town.. "


Koga scribbles into going full-fledge assassin//shadowdancer so he can cast stealthy spells, and it might just be what he needs to destroy his jerkass team-mates.

He'll level up in rogue more after he's acheived his abilitiy to cast shadow spells.

[The Necroswanso]

Necroswanson waves his hands.
"Hello, Hank. Did you so quickly forget I was attacking the rats?"

[Koga]

OOC:
"I'm still gathering the villagers together to consider a plan to solve the orc dillemma. Besides the moat, I had one idea that could strongly put Chrono as the lead role... but he'd never go for it..."

[Silkenfist]

OOC: Silkenfist stares at Hank dumbfounded. But... I hurled Fire at them. How can they not be hurt?. Of course hitting the rats with his staff is out of question. A wizard doesn't hit others with his staff. That would make him just a lame dude with a stick. A monk, almost. No, there must be something else. I... he thinks for a few seconds before cotinuing I cast another Fireball. I can wear them down.