Favorite Webcomic quotes

[Koraks]

Well there already was a favorite strip thread, but I wanted one specifically for quotes. Originally, I wanted to be from the Goblins webcomic only, but I tought, hey, other webcomics could have great quotes. So here's my first entry from Golbins:

In the First blood chapter, from Minmax: «Unless this is some sort of magical lecture that will heal me, please shut up and start casting cure light wounds»

[Vondre]

I feel I must begin with a LFG quote:

"We have a long road ahead of us yet."
"Let's litter it with bodies!"

Richard has to be one of my favorite webcomic psychopaths.

[Porthos]

Ah, there are so many to choose from Girl Genius, but here is one of my favs:

Gilgamesh Wulfenbach: When I come to her, she will be safe, unharmed, and free. Becuase I will come to her-
And if she is not-
I will destroy "Her Undying Majesty"-
Melt what is left of your miserable island to SLAG-
AND BOIL THE SEAS AROUND YOU FOR THE NEXT THOUSAND YEARS!
Do you understand?
Wooster: You... You couldn't!
Gilgamesh Wulfenbach: Couldn't?! COULDN'T?! I am Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, little man- AND THERE IS NOTHING I COULDN'T DO, HAD I CAUSE!
Gilgamesh Wulfenbach(whispering): and now.... now I have one! Do. You. Understand?
------------------------------------------
Pure and unadulterated Mad Scientist at work . :D

http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20060306

[Setra]

Technically not a quote but..

"Ommmminous Hummmmm"

[Bayar]

From Concerned:"No, the correct response was: I am a disgusting, pathetic human, barely evolved from ape-level, and ripe for oppresion by interdimensional aliens"

[sun_tzu]

"Or worst of all - that time that stupid sinistral tried to get me all depressed so that I'd drop my guard! I kept mocking him, but he was too stupid to realize it! His lameness was the most depressing thing ever!"
That one needs a bit of context, but I just never get tired of it.

[Shadow of the Sun]

From Men in Hats.

Aram: "I've decided that from now on, you're going to be the physical manifestation of all I hate about the world. I think the simplicity of form will really make things easier for me."
Gamal: "Uhh..."
Aram: "Why go through all the trouble of dissecting issues and searching for constructive solutions when I can just hit you with this brick?"
Aram: "It's all so simple."
Gamal: "Um, how about you use Jeriah instead?"
Aram: "He's taking care of my self loathing."
Jeriah: Off panel: "My head feels broken..."

[sihnfahl]

Hunter Ravenwood, Suicide for Hire.

"Do you all conveniently forget so easily when the words of that book turn the wrath of God upon yourselves? You ignore the rules and regulations that would inconvenience your existence, but demand the strictest adherence when it affords you free license to persecute others."

"The sheer hypocrisy and underhandedness of it all is so stupefying it fills me with the urge to defecate! Something created to show one how to love and guide one to personal betterment has been perverted to an instrument of close-minded hatred by the likes of you!"

"I do believe you people have a song you sing, probably to reassure yourselves that your spitefulness towards your fellow man is what a loving God would want to befall His beloved children. I think it goes something like: And they'll know we're Christians by our love. How nice it would be to see the day when that statement is a truism, instead of a laughable deception. You are pathetic."

"As it is, the world knows you are Christian not by your love, but by your fervent bigotry and passionate hypocrisy. Irony, what a cruel mistress. That the self-proclaimed pioneers and frontmen for love and compassion would actually be such selective evangelists, promoting strife and sewing discord...."

"Of course, Jesus commanded that we are to create havoc, persecution and suffering in His name, did he not? Oh, that's right... He DIDN'T."

[The Bushranger]

From Schlock Mercenary:

Brad: Doctor, come quickly - Nick got in a fight with an elephant!
Bunni: Oh, my! Do I need the cryo-kit?
Brad: Maybe, but I don't think the elephant will fit in it.

[Koraks]

I feel I must begin with a LFG quote:

"We have a long road ahead of us yet."
"Let's litter it with bodies!"

Richard has to be one of my favorite webcomic psychopaths.

Hey. I really like that one. What web comic is LFG?

[Porthos]

Hey. I really like that one. What web comic is LFG?

Looking For Group

[Lord Iames Osari]

Ah, there are so many to choose from Girl Genius, but here is one of my favs:

Gilgamesh Wulfenbach: When I come to her, she will be safe, unharmed, and free. Becuase I will come to her-
And if she is not-
I will destroy "Her Undying Majesty"-
Melt what is left of your miserable island to SLAG-
AND BOIL THE SEAS AROUND YOU FOR THE NEXT THOUSAND YEARS!
Do you understand?
Wooster: You... You couldn't!
Gilgamesh Wulfenbach: Couldn't?! COULDN'T?! I am Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, little man- AND THERE IS NOTHING I COULDN'T DO, HAD I CAUSE!
Gilgamesh Wulfenbach(whispering): and now.... now I have one! Do. You. Understand?
------------------------------------------
Pure and unadulterated Mad Scientist at work . :D

http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20060306

Seconded; also this scene.

Unnamed Jaeger: Gorb, dis iz turnink into vun of dose plans... hyu know - de kind vere ve keel everbody dot notices dot ve's killin' people?
Gorb: It is?
UJ: Uh huh. And how do dose alvays end?
Gorb: De dirigible iz in flames, everybody'z dead an' I've lost my hat.
UJ: Dot's right. Und any plan vere hyu lose you hat iz?
Gorb: A bad plan?
UJ: Right again!

I love the Jaegers.

[Unscrewed]

From one of my Favorite comics, Emergency exit.

"You know decaf isn't going to cut it when a little Chinese man jumps out of your cupboard."
-Karl

[The Bushranger]

Today's Schlock Mercenary has a howler...

Tagon: Put this much brainpower all in one place with no oversight, you'll either get an explosion, or a game of Dungeons and Dragons.
Elf: None of us have any dice, sir.
Tagon: You can see why it's so important that I stay.

[Mordan]

After several pages of Agatha Heterodyne rebuilding the coffee making apparatus in Girl Genius, what's left is a room sized contraption that brews a cup of coffee from unground beans and cold water in 8 seconds.

Agatha: Coffee's ready!

Then after someone drinks a cup of the coffee:

Seneschal: Excellent aroma *sip*
Agatha: What's the matter? Is it not good?
Seneschal: The taste is a perfect blend of all the tstes and essences that makes coffee what it is. A perfect blend- and yet I can discern each and every one - PERFECTLY. Even the way the liquid adheres to the inside of the cup- Indicative of the way it flows along the taste buds- is aesthetically PERFECT. The delicate smoothness of the china, with it own inherent temperature, which mitigates the otherwise extreme heat of the coffee itself- It is a thung of tactile and functional beauty! PERFECT! And this!! This PERFECT SAUCER!!

Father: Lady?

Agatha: er.. I can fix that.

[Semidi]

I love this line because I also love Evil Dead.

[Occasional Sage]

Not the *BEST* quote, but perhaps the one with the most real-world application:

Your approval fills me with shame.

[Solo]

"We have clearly reached the point where only rampant and unchecked stabbing will save us." - Black Mage

[Superglucose]

http://legostargalactica.comicgen.com/d/20030718.html

"This... is a one by eight."

Same area as a two by four

Plus I just loved it. Made me feel good about humanity.

[Tirian]

Bangladesh DuPree: Klaus, are you torturing this man?
Klaus Wulfenbach: No.
Othar Tryggvassen: YES! HELP!
Bang: Ooh! He asked ME to help. A wise choice! Nobody knows more about torture than me!
Klaus: I believe he expected you to rescue him.
Bang: What, is he stupid?
Klaus: A bit.

[Vondre]

From Girl Genius:

Master Payne: A good magician never reveals how he did his trick. An evil magician never leaves any evidence that there was a trick in the first place. Which am I going to have to be tonight?

Edited to fix an entire missing word. It wasn't even a minor word.

[UncleWolf]

you guys are missing a few of the best ones!

OOTS:
Belkar- "I am a sexy shoeless god of war!!!!"

GirlGenius:
Andre- "All uf de Jagermonstern iz desirous of her. She iz zo sharp... zo dangerous, like a pudding-bag full of knives!
GROWL!"

[Catskin]

"I was just wondering. If I were to cut off my own leg and then I ate it, would I still weigh the same?"

Lovely grammar and philosophical cannibalism, leave it to Goblins.

[Megalomaniac2]

"Every day with you is an adventure I never wanted. Like swimming naked through shards of glass."
-Black Mage

[Kriel]

"There is a map to Swordtown on the other side of this note." Yeeee! (flips it over)
"There is a map to Swordtown on the other side of this note." Yeeee! (flips it over)

-Fighter

[Ganurath]

Girl Genius: Vole: ...Not unless she danced nekked vile trying to shoot down de moon... Turned all de tourists into monsters... ...And den built a very dangerous fountain out of sausages.

LFG: Richard: A mountain that eats people. I want one.

Goblins: Fumbles: I declare my dodge on you!

Dominic Deegan: Jacob (after Jayden praises his creation, Quilt): ...I'm going to kill you now.

[Teal Kuinshi]

F@NBOY$

"With Power Comes No Continuity"

Alfred: Master Bruce! Fantastic News! Your parents are alive!

Batman: OMIGOD! FOR REALS!?

Alfred: They sent you a birthday card in the mail with five dollars!

Batman: Screw Gotham! I'm taking mommy on vacation!

[Hood]

From Goblins:

"I'll get you Minmax! I swear by the foam coming out of my mouth I'll get yoooouuu!"

and in the next strip:

"WHAT KIND OF STUPID NAME IS SHAKEN-UNFAIRLY!?"

[The Bushranger]

Friday's Schlock Mercenary:

TAG: As I understand it, [Xinchub] sought to avoid turning one-point-six trillon Terran sophonts into undead, war-mongering super-soldiers.
Tagon: Is it wrong for me to think that would be pretty cool to watch?

[vegetalss4]

Lfg (kinda, actuly it is from an advertisement for lfg)
You all saw it! That orphanage attacked me!
Richard is a very fun pychopat