Comedy RPG game thread (IC)

[Kjata]

Where prosperity goes, poverty follows hoping to have some wealth rub off on it. In the way that a rabble of filthy hobos will follow a wealthy merchant in hopes of some coins or a pirce of chicken, where wealthy men settle down slums tend to build around them.

This is not a tale of gods and demons, good vs evil. Everyone knows those stories are tried and true, but no longer interesting in the slightest these days. Antiheroes run amok.

If one left the capital city directly east, and survived all the bandit attacks and had the luck to not run into any marauding orcs* then you might eventually reach the coast. Had one travelled directly east, there will be a city before oneself. The city is built around a gigantic arena and many wondrous buildings. Libraries, universities, businesses. The streets are actually paved with gold**. The rest of the city is not so wonderful, unfortunately.

Sorrounding this plaza of splendor is a haven for pirates, thugs, and the like. A place to make a quick buck if you live long enough. A place for those who have no where left to go, or just want to get rich fast. Very, very VERY fast***.

Show your entrance to the city. Make up a name for the city, and the one i like best will be the name i pick.

*The king figures travellers can hire their own damn body gaurds, because only merchants and adventurers travel.
**Its unnoficial name is "the frickin' heaven on Earth."
***VERY VERY VERY god damn rich.

[WhiteKnight777]

Grimm

The monstrous wolf-man slipped into the city by night. Scaling the wall and dodging the guards was little trouble for him - he was used to sneaking around. Call it an old habit. Besides, something about him just blended perfectly with moonlight and shadows. Add to that the fact that your average city guard, when faced with a horrendous monster leering out of the shadows that tells him to move right along - well, he tends to just assume it's all in his head and listen to the voice. That one's mostly just an evolved survival instinct inherent to those brave souls who pound the midnight payment in every world where long nights and low pay are the hallmark of the law-enforcement profession.

So it wasn't much of a challenge for him to sidle into the seedier parts of the city. He soon found himself an appropriately seedy little tavern where even his eccentric appearance wouldn't cause much in the way of comment. He didn't know the name of the place, but he knew the soul of it well enough - people didn't come here to ask questions unless they already knew the answers. The unwise and the loquacious never visited this place twice. Most likely, they never left, at least not by the door. Or in one piece.

So sitting in a dark corner, in a bar seemingly made entirely of dark corners, he sipped at the beer which, surprisingly, wasn't bad, and pondered.

[Andjay]

Ryan Coak

Having just sent the girl off to The Dark Table with a beer, Ryan thought to himself that it was probably occupied by some new adventurer to the city. He reminisced on his own entry to the city of ???? [OOC: Daybright] where, indeed, the day was bright.

He recalled that he had travelled here from the Elven Eleven, after getting the last drink on his master's "to do" list right, which of course meant he got it wrong, because his master was nothing if not territorial. And paranoid. Nothing if not territorial and paranoid. And vindictive.

So it seemed best after finally learning to make that drink that he strike out on his own, so, armed with what he was able to skim from the tavern's till while he was working. In his own opinion, the money was his anyway; he was often the only one working the bar, since his master thought it best that "the apprentice" learn the trade.

Therefore he found himself after a week's journey walking through the gates of [Daybright]. It wasn't long before his talents landed him some occasional work at the Fat and Gristle, which was the employee's name for the Hat and Thistle. The Tavern was not overly endowed with qualities that most people found attractive in a bar, but then, that's probably why the bar wasn't frequented by most people, but rather people who seemed to be special, who had real interesting names and stories. People on quests. Just like his quest for the Ultimate Drink.

[evisiron]

OOC:

Spoiler

Show

Am I right in assuming we are meant to meet up at some point ? If not I can change the end of this

Rupert Spunford

The mage stood with a sign at the end of the road. His cloaks were sodden with mud and still littered with small pieces of ex-orc. There should have been some signs up or something with such a rampant pest problem...
Rupert felt bad about the encounter. He had tried casting a simple mind charm on the leader to easily pass without incident. Unfortunately seconds later the orcs head had swollen, inflated, and exploded, propelling the Leader Hat far into the air leading to a rampant chase for the other orcs to seize it and become leader themselves.
Rupert had clucked his tongue at such a display of rich nomad culture before moving swiftly on.

And here he was, at the grand city of Eotoc!*
Several seconds passed.
Rupert opened up the pamphlet again to make sure.
It had the picture of a skyline including grand buildings, huge libraries and a giant arena, with bold letters above it:

Comme to Eotoc! The Citye of Wellth and Spledore!
"It's Frickin' Heaven On Earthe!"

What the pamphlet did not show was the scummy slums surrounding the city like a spreading puddle of urine around a smiling infant.

"Well, I believe I shall be taking the express route to the centre!"

With a series of wild gestures and arcane sounding phrases, Rupert pulled a half eaten tattered bird feather from his Pocket. With a flash of light he begins to rise of the ground, a magic lightshow blasting all around him as blue lighting crackles and earths itself on the ground, unable to contain a power of such magnitude in a single vessel! Then he stops, and slowly spins 180 degrees until his head is hanging over the ground.

"... ah"


With an attempt at looking mystical while the blood rushes to his head, Rupert heads towards the centre of the city.

About half way there he feels a tingling on his hands, and promptly drops from the sky, landing on his head. Thankfully the overly ornate hat breaks his fall. With a panicked expression, he scrambles onto his feet and darts into the nearest tavern: The Hat and Thistle.

*Many scholars have debated where the name originally came from when the city was founded, but none have yet considered "East Of The Other City".

[Vespe Ratavo]

Jennifer Noreen

Slowly but surely, the orc-powered litter made its way down the road and right to the gates of the city. The burly-looking orcs carrying it set it down gently, opening up the door. Jen stepped out, wearing grayish-green face paint in addition to her usual ensemble of all black.

Thank you, Mr...
Thag.
Right, thank you Thag.
You is queen of tribe. Least we do.
Well, you know, I have to get going, so...

Jen walked over to the wall of the city, surveying it.

Thag?
Yes?
Since when we have queen?

The two orcs stared at each other for a moment, then looked over where Jen was standing. She looked back at them and winked as she leaped over the top of the wall.

Jen wiped off the face paint as she ran across the rooftops. Okay, now I just have to make my way to the good part of town, then I'll-

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted when part of the roof she was running across gave way, causing her to fall into the Hat and Thistle, landing on an empty table which snapped in two. She stood up slowly, holding her hand on her head. Er...sorry about that. My bad.

She walked over to the bar, and sat down. I'd like a...a...you know, I really don't care. Surprise me. She pulled out a small pouch, and took out some coins of varying denomination and origin, and placed them on the counter.

[WhiteKnight777]

Grimm

Grim watched as a few more drifted in, a few more out, and, on this most recent occasion, one not so much drifted as plummeted in. He approached the bar just as she did, giving her a friendly not and bidding her good evening before picking up another drink. The tankard was sized for an ogre, and it easily fit in one of Grimm's massive paws. Making his way back to the table, his gleaming amber eyes peered out from beneath his hood, taking the measure of each of the tavern's occupants in turn.

[HardboiledJJ]

THAKKO


Canon fire ripped through the air, and Thakko slammed his head into the ceiling as he lurched awake in the ship’s quarters. On the deck above, one word sliced through the chaos and directly into his cauliflowered ear.

PIRATES!!!!

Grabbing his blade he sprung for the deck. . . .after stopping to make sure his oiled mop of hair sat just so. One had to make an impression during a rescue.

On deck, a monocled fat man grasped his arm.

“Please sir! They’ve taken my daughter! Please, save my Illyana”

“Scurvy bastards!”

Thakko scanned the deck of the pirate ship, his eyes settling on the first person not wearing a striped shirt or a bandana. The fact she wore an eyepatch with scull and crossbones upon it, and that she was barking orders, totally eluded him.

“Never fear my lady, for your savior am none other than Thakko!”

With a powerful stride he leapt towards the pirate ship. At least, that is, until the woman saw the behemoth flying towards them. Pointing Thakko out, she had her men train their flintlock pistols on him and shoot him mid-leap.

Thakko saw the damsel reach out for him. He couldn’t let something as trivial as this keep him back! With all the deftness a half-ogre can muster he caught his blade in the side of the ship to keep from going into the drink. Said deftness equated to a giant hole gouged out of its side where water began pouring in.

Pulling himself onto the deck, he rushed through minions and plucked up the pirate captain. . .err. . .damsel. . .in one hand, and brandished steel in the other.

“Stand back! Thakko am justice of the high seas! Scourge of piratey bad-wrongs. And also the most handsomest. . .”

Returning fire, the original ship blew the floor out beneath Thakko’s feet-landing he and the captain in the gunny room. Barrels of gunpowder lay nearby, with some already knocked over and spilled out.

“Illyana, am you safe?”

Smothered in his monstrous grasp, she had pulled out a dagger and was trying to plunge it into his back with no effect.


“Are you kidding me! I. . .I’m freaking stabbing you! Gah! Put me down you ape.”

“Very clever my lady. You stay safe here while villains am pointing pointy. . hurty. . things. . .”

“Swords?”

“Brilliant AND beautiful! Thakko am smitten.”

“Grrrrr. . .Just put me down!”

Placing his new beloved down, the bumbling swordsman leapt back up through the hole. The pirate captain grabbed a blunderbuss and loaded it as she heard the oaf thundering about above. Once ready she called out to him.

“Thakko, come quick!”

As she saw the looming shape form above she fired. However, the swordsman simultaneously did a flourishing bow,

“All am clear m’lady”

The lantern wielding thug behind Thakko was clearly surprised to be shot. He fell to the ground-his lips silently voicing “Why me. . ?” Flaming oil dripped down below. The pirate captain’s eyes flared in wild bewilderment and fury just before the explosion.

The ogrish do-gooder was flung very far indeed. After some time he floated to shore, covered in the refuse dumped in the harbor. As he trudged to the nearest road he looked back to the burning mess in the distance.

*sniff* “Thakko can’t believe you gone. We had so much together. . . But Thakko never forget your sacrifice. You am holding special place in this heart. Thakko will always remember you Illy. . .I. . .hrmmm. . .Eilene? Yep, Eilene. Thakko will find those responsible and make them pay.”

The idiot man child’s belly growled and all was forgotten. He turned to a dwarven beggar.

“Where am this again?”

“Och! That’s a foul stank on yeh.”

“Ah yes-Thakko am very familiar with Stankonia”

And with that our half ogre friend left a very confused dwarf behind as he meandered into a nearby tavern that sounded quite busy.

[Realms of Chaos]

Frederick Jarfen slowly walked towards the gates of Eotoc.

The front gate was occupied by two guards doing...well, whatever it is that guards do...guard things, he supposed.

"Halt" declared one of the guards, a guard who apparently had a golden tooth,
"What youse want here?"
Frederick Jarfen lowered his bag to the ground and took a deep bow, an act that miraculously made him seem even shorter than the average housecat. "I, my good sir, am Frederick Jarfen. I wish to develop your craft in this city"
The same guard, looking down on Frederick (both literally and metaphorically), said "And wat dat, smallfry?"
Frederick, determined to prove himself, reaches down and opens his bag before fumbling around with its contents. In the meanwhile, a caucaphony of tortured screams calls out from, the bag.

"Run for your lives while you still can. He'll kill you all!"

At this point, the second guard reveals himself not to be a mute by shouting "it's the cantaloupe! run for your lives"
The two guards run into the town, causing quite a bit of a ruccous in the process.

Frederick, however, doesn't notice any of the guards' actions over the screaming of his bag, simply exclaiming, "Shut up, Harold!" as he extracts a wired instrument with three pressure pads and no noticeable ear pieces and shuts the bag. After taking a big breath, he calmly explains to the guards (or the the empty space where the guards previously stood.)
"I, good sirs, am a doctor, a nonmagical physician. The device I hold in my hand is called a three-way stethescope, an object that will help save lives as soon as I learn how to use it. As you can see, I mean you no...
...
...
Dammit, Harold, not again!"

Noticing that the guards had fled, Frederick allows his amazing device to disappear back into Harold before letting himself in.

For some reason, the citizens on the other side of the gate were avoiding him as well, although he couldn't imagine the reason.

As Frederick walked through Eotic, he wondered where he should "set up shop".
The local temple?
No. There were magical healers there. He'd be outclassed and completely useless there.
The town square?
No. There weren't any healers but the people hanging around might have calm level heads. If he failed on one of his operations...again...there would be a small army of witnesses ready to throw him in jail...again.
The smallest and most notorious bar in town?
Bingo. No healers, frequent brawls to make injuries, and drunk patrons that were both more likely to accept his surgeries and too hammered to remember their own name, let alone who accidentally killed who. Besides, if nothing else, Frederick could always buy a few drinks for himself.

With nothing more to consider, Frederick Jarfen happilly headed into the nearest bar, known as the Hat and Thistle, and took a seat on a stool after climbing up on top of it.

[WhiteKnight777]

Grimm

Grimm sighed, stretching out his massive legs under the table, displaying feet adorned with claws that looked more like daggers. Taking a haunch of roast from a serving wench passing by, he bit in, chewing reflectively. It had been an... eventful journey. First there was the woodcutter's daughter. Then the woodcutter - in two completely different yet interrelated circumstances. Then the angry mob. And, of course, the inevitable cleanup. Life surely was eventful when you're always on the run from something.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Haldrag

Somewhere in a square in the, let's call it relatively beautiful (compared to a swamp for instance) city of Jack's Flapjacks (Most people would find it strange that sponsors got to name the city, but Haldrag didn't even notice) there was a man on a horse. The horse was dead, but the man was still kicking it in the sides and shouting at it.

"Move, beastie!"

Quite a crowd had gathered around the man whom they thought was some sort of newfangled street performer. Haldrag seemed to be annoyed by all those people, but he still made a faint attempt at getting his horse to move.

"Hi-ho! C'mon now, I'll buy you a beer, ya softie. Just move, dammit!"

It wasn't that strange his horse had died. He'd been riding it for three days now, with only one brief pittstop for slaughtering a village of Orcs.

"Damn!" Haldrag swore, and he got up and kicked his dead horse in the side, causing it to crash through several stalls and splatter across a brick wall in a bloody mess.

"What a wimp of a horse. Well, I guess this place will have to do. Hope it's far enough. Hey, you!"
Haldrag pointed at one of the people in the crowd, who were still unsure if they'd really just seen that man kick a horse that far. The man fainted when Haldrag shouted at him with his booming voice. Haldrag shook his head in dissapointment.
"Nother one of those cities, is it? Can one of you lads at least tell me where the nearest bar is?"

As one, the whole crowd pointed at a grubby tavern, built in such a place that it was in the shadows twenty four hours a day.

"The Hat and Whistle, eh? Sounds very... ehrm... typical. Whatever, as long as they have some booze"

Haldrag wandered into the joint, leaving behind a very relieved crowd.

Inside he crashed loudly on one of the barstools, and then somewhat less loudly on another one after the first one broke. He slammed his fist into the bar.
"Ale! Now! And give everyone else in here a drink on me too!"

[Kjata]

Grimm: You're keen wolfish scent is immediately offended as a figure nearly as lare as you enters the bar. A quick glance around reveals that it isn't your keen smelling sense that is picking it up, a couple patrons near the door look ready to be sick. The barkeep approaches you. "You mind getting rid of that? You look big and strong, and if it gets nasty i'd rather not become ogre crap. There's a free bottle of rum in it for you."

Ryan Coak: Haldrag demands drinks, and not just a little. Your boss is busy with the wolf man and Teddy, the other bartender is arguing with a very drunk patron.

Rupert Spunford: Arriving right before Thakko, you are caught in his odor.

Jennifer Noreen: The barkeep puts a variety of drinks before you, varying in flavor and potency, ranging from Eotoc Pisswater(12%) to 151 Rum(75.5%).

Thakko: As you enter, the patrons turn and look at you in disgust, and anger. "Get the hell out!" the closest man yells.

Fredrick: Before you take a sip, you are quite rudely picked up. "No children allowed," the man said. "go play doctor somewhere else. Find a little girl to 'operate' on."

Haldrag: People cheer and pat you on the back, while the elf behind the counter looks terrified.

OOC: I'm going with Eotoc as the city name, because i thought it was clever. That flapjack one was close, but Eotoc actually sounds fantasyish.

[WhiteKnight777]

Grimm

Grimm throws back his hood, revealing his long, lean lupine face. his arches his head, looking at the inkeeper with a cool, level expression. His voice is even, but his tone loud enough for the rest of the bar to hear, and the muscles in his great shoulders bunch slightly


Look at me for a minute. You're right. I'm strong. But I'm not about to toss anyone out 'cause of the way they look. He starts trouble. Or anyone starts trouble, I'll settle it. But until then, I'm not touching a hair on his head, not matter what he looks like. he sniffs Or how he smells.

His sudden grin is sudden, and a little vicious But I'll take the rum, all the same He tosses a few coins on the table.

[HardboiledJJ]

THAKKO

"Get the hell out!" the closest man yells.

Thakko's heart fluttered. Obviously he had been recognized. This patron must be in an excited state of disbelief.

"Hail fair citizen of Stankonia! It am good to be known-for it am Thakko before you. Justice of the high seas! Scourge of piratey bad-wrongs. And also the most handsomest. . .”

For a brief moment, the scrunched up faces of the disgusted patrons registers in his pea sized brain. His nose crinkles as it finally takes in the stench.

"Oh. . .That am most foul!

Using his "keenly trained" Ogre senses, Thakko "deduces" the odor is coming from nearby.

"It am apparent someone here could knock a buzzard off a **** wagon. But no fear! Thakko's keen mind has deducimated likely culprits."

He points to Rupert, who is right ahead of him.

"That man am having dead animals lost in his coat or. . . ."

He points to the "Get the hell out of here" patron.

". . . You am not knowing Thakko. You am smealt-it dealt-it man! You was yelling at your stink demons to leave, eh? Well, it not your fault. We all have not so fresh days. Thakko pay for a bath if you like."

He leans in closer to the man, putrid drippings turning the patron green. He points his sausage sized thumb at the girl trying drinks.

"Plus Thakko 'bout to work some magic. This stink business is a real mood killer, you know?

EDIT: ((OOC: I know we're going with Eotoc-Thakko's just really stupid. . .))

[Realms of Chaos]

Frederick looks at the man, the man who had insulted his height, the man who insulted his manner of conduct, the man who had insulted his height, and simply smiles.
"Thank you for picking me up. After all, I'd never be able to do this from ground level."
Frederick swiftly kicks the man in the crotch. To be more accurate, a series of quick kicks to the crotch that continue long after the man has fallen to the floor in agonizing pain, long enough to ensure that the man in question never has little bigot children. Now on the ground, he sits upon the lower wooden bar of his stool and waits.
An ogre had just entered the bar. Things were about to get interesting.

[WhiteKnight777]

Grimm
Fe one eye cocked as he stared at the ogre. By the author's pen, he's madder than the hatter... He sighed, standing up to his full height and bumping his head into the ceiling with a curse, causing the chandeliers to swing and spray hot wax over a number of patrons. Grumbling and stooping a bit, he made his war forward, gently pushing the barmaid back, his eyes watering from the ogre's stench.

Why don't you sit down and have a drink? I think the lady's busy at the moment, and the little fellow isn't worth the effort.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Haldrag

Haldrag had gotten impatient while waiting for his ale so he slammed the bar again, punching a big hole in the thing. He raised one eyebrow and mumbled something in the nature of "They made them stronger back in the North"

He decided his a while and though he felt like tossing the patron through one of the few windows of the joint he realised he might never get that ale if he didn't have any patience. So, to kill some time, he looked around the bar for some "wenches". There was some chick drinking by herself by the bar, and it seemed as good a place as any to start. There was some Ogre bothering her, sure, but any woman would prefer Haldrag's company to that smelly hulk.

Haldrag inched his way over to her in a way he vaguely hoped was inconspicuous, smiled broadly showing a set of perfect white teeth and said "Want a drink, lass?"

Haldrag was a very handsome man, and hard to resist for any woman, despite his horrible behaviour.

[Vespe Ratavo]

Jennifer Noreen

Jen had seen the ogre enter, and when she overheard Thakko's suggestion that he was about to work his "magic," she shuddered. Okay...just going to pretend I didn't hear that...

She looked up at Haldrag, and smiled. Yes, I would.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Haldrag
Haldrag smiled broadly. He'd had enough of waiting for his booze, especially now that he'd found a wench to share it with, so he jumped across the bar and found himself some liquor.
"Here ya go, doll. So, what's a pretty thing like you doing in a dive like this?"

While waiting for her answer, Haldrag bent down to the bartender and whispered into his ear "Can I get a room here? Something not too shabby, with a big bed"

[HardboiledJJ]

THAKKO

Thakko watched as the tall scruffy man walked towards him with tears in his eyes. He mentioned something about a lady and a little fellow and Thakko understood immediately.

"Thakko can see your heart am pining after the lady as well. Very well, Sir Scruffy, as gentleman Thakko will not pursue. But it looks like she'll be on Nordic Track soon. His beard am slightly better groomed you must admit."

Thakko looks over to Frederick finishing his crotch kick combo.

"As for little fellows. . .not really Thakko's style, but am not judging. At least that one have style. Purple stripes am all the rage. Let us settle for next best thing-many drinks and tales of adventure!"

But Thakko could see the tears were still there.

"Awww, why the long face. Come here Scruffy, you am old friend now. Thakko has lost someone too tonight, and am understanding."

With that the ogre embraces his new friend in a heartfelt, comforting, and refuse covered hug.

[WhiteKnight777]

Grimm

Grim shrugged his massive shoulder again and laughed at the Ogre. He was crazy, stupid, or both, but he seemed harmless enough. He looked at the ogre strangely when he mentioned tears, and grunted a bit when he was hugged. He shook himself, flinging filth from his fur in all directions. He glanced back at the northman with an amused little chuckle

If all his lines are as bad as that one, he couldn't get Snow White in the sack if his loins were made of apples.

[Realms of Chaos]

Frederick watched the ogre with a gaze of amazement.
What on Insertplanetnamehere was wrong with it? Really, there is stupid, and there is oblivious, but this fellow fit an entirely new category. Could he have suffered childhood trauma? Could he be having a hemmorhage? Could his hemmorhage be having a hemmorhage? Could his superego be strangling his id? Frederick had to know!

Calm yourself, Frederick. Let's play this cool-like. Subtlety is key.

Frederick climbs onto the bar, takes a nearby mug, and hops back onto the ground without spilling a drop. Frederick walks next to the ogre and raises the mug up as high as he can (about knee level to the ogre).


Remember. Subtlety.

"How about a drink sir. You look quite parched. On that subject, may I crack open your skull to see what's inside?"

Oh, subtlety. Is there nothing you can't do?

[HardboiledJJ]

Thakko's head takes a confused tilt after Grimm's comment.

"Apple loins, eh? Poor bastard. Thakko's no doctor, but he am remembering what dry rot can do. . ."

Shortly after the well dressed little fellow arrives with a drink and some sort of request.

"Hail, Sir Styles! Thakko am impressed with your fine suit. You am man of fashion and impressive kickiness- and Thakko salutes you."

Thakko then reaches down-way, way, down-for the drink. As begins to mumble assent to whatever request the fellow made, the foppish ogre finally notices the refuse staining the sleeve of his outstretched arm. In his very best whisper (hah!) he spoke to "Sit Styles".

"No time for that now. Thakko am in dire emergency! Someone foul villain hath befouled Thakko's clothes and am besmirching his good name!"

[evisiron]

OOC:

Spoiler

Show

I had typed most of this just as the internet went out, so posting from before and catching up to now

Rupert

With a small fright, Rupert looked around the bar. It was filled with... 'individuals'. He used that term carefully, as whenever a murder was described it was always in terms of "killed by this individual".

Inwardly reminding himself that appearances were everything, he straightened his arcane robes and hat and strode to the bar, taking one of the few remaining seats with the care of someone trying to remember which apple in the bowl was poisoned.

Thankfully the bartender was busy, so Rupert reached into his Pocket and pulled forth a book. On the front were large friendly letters risen from the unimposing tan cover, spelling out

DON'T BE ALARMED!

As always, it only contained several pages, but those pages were pretty specific on his current situation. The first page showed a picture of the Hat and Thistle with a large red dot on it, accompanied by large letters spelling "Thou Are Herre". Rupert sighed again and turned the page.

"The Hat and thee Thistle - A Tavern in thee slume area of Eotoc, knowne fore selling a wide selectione of drinks thankes to the skille of Ryan Coak."

It displayed a picture of the dark skinned elf. Rupert looked up and saw the elf matching the picture perfectly, not just in looks but exact stance and expression as if the picture had been etched seconds after Rupert had read it. It was unerring when that happened, but Rupert pressed on.

"The moste damage ever done to the Hate and Thistle occurred several yeares after it's constructione, when a large fragrant ogre called Thakko-"

The door slamming open make Rupert jump, and he slammed the book closed as the stench over came him. He sat in petrified silence as the tavern was filled with more 'interesting characters' and remained still even as they spoke to each other, and in one case, broke into groin related violence.
With all this potential volence building up, it would be best to find an ally. And fast!

So when the one known as Thakko spoke of his 'befouled clothes' Rupert leapt at the chance.

"Umm, aha, I WILL AID YOU!"

...stated Rupert, gaining fake confidence with every syllable.

Aiming at the stain on the sleeve, Rupert plucked up the courage to spout some arcane words and pluck a small piece of cleaning cloth from his Pocket, which on the last word, disappeared.

With that, a golden light moved as slow as sludge over to the outstretched sleeve and attached itself to the stain. As the light dimmed, the stain disappeared, leaving the fabric as clean as it was the day it had been crafted. Rupert beamed with delight, but his smiled faded as the spell continued, dissolving the fabric until there was a large oval of empty space in the sleeve, exposed arm shining through for all to see.

"Oh dear..."

[Vespe Ratavo]

Jennifer Noreen

Oh, you know, I just got here about... She thought for a second. Ten minutes ago, and I was wandering around on the rooftops of the bad parts of cities I've just arrived in, like I always do, and I decided to drop in. I certainly picked the right bar, it seems. Nothing like those boring ones where everyone's all depressed and rambling on and on about their problems...

[evisiron]

Rupert

Rupert jumped a little as a man beside him said

"Sign...Times are tough"

before returning to silence.

[Kjata]

OOC:Alright, i'll post now, even though Andjay hasn't. And i'm getting a little confused, so if you are talking about another PC use their name, okay?

The bartender nods at Haldrag. "Ah, of course sir, a room and a bed sturdy enough for a man of your..." he quickly sizes Haldrag up. "Stature." He winks and elbows Haldrag in the ribs, and says "If ya smash her, i don't want to know about it." And with that, he goes back to doing what loony, somewhat creepy bartenders do*.

Just as people start calming down, a man in out landish clothes enters the bar. He is dressed in green from head to foot, with a bizzare green hat with a feather from the rare Green-Winged Bluejay stuck in the side. He has a goattee that is the sort of goattee that owner feels is the most attractive alignment of the beardly hairs ever concieved, but really looks about as ridiculous as something that is quite ridiculous. He has a green shirt that looks way to small and hard to breathe in. He is wearing tights and green shoes.
"Foul beast, you harass little girls and little pigs in the imaginations of children all around! Prepare to be slain!" he yells as he draws his sword...

...made entirely of wood. The patrons begin to laugh, and the man sitting next to this bizzarre man says "Dude are you really drunk or just ****ing crazy?**" The green man looks at him, smacks him in the face with his "sword," and charges Grimm.

*Serve drinks and pray they don't get stabbed mostly.
**He's drunk, and let's be honest, drunk people aren't the wittiest SOBs around.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Jennifer Noreen

Oh, you know, I just got here about... She thought for a second. Ten minutes ago, and I was wandering around on the rooftops of the bad parts of cities I've just arrived in, like I always do, and I decided to drop in. I certainly picked the right bar, it seems. Nothing like those boring ones where everyone's all depressed and rambling on and on about their problems...

Ignoring the strange fellow entering the bar, Haldrag took the key for the room of the patron and slipped him a bag of coins. He then poured the lady a glass of brandy and jumped over the bar again, taking up his seat next to her.

"That's just great, hun. Say, those are some great legs you got there. What time do they open?"

Haldrag places one of his huge hands on Jennifer's leg and smiles broadly as he downs the bottle of brandy he was still holding. Somehow, he manages to look awfully handsome while doing all this and even manages to mantain his charm when he winks at the barmaid as she walks by.

[Andjay]

[apologizes for the extended, unforeseen absence]

Ryan looks around the bar in astonishment. Until now he's been trying to serve whatever the patrons have ordered as best he can...and all with a smile, of course, while he thinks about painful things to do about the guy who called for a round on him.


30 people all rushing to the bar at once. Yeah, real nice guy. Of course, rounds rarely included the bartender, who most needs a drink when a free round is called.

Still, this place was insane. He'd never seen so much concentrated chaos before. This was NOT the place he thought it was. Full of dark corners and mysterious, hooded patrons up until now, suddenly it seemed like a popular place...and popular places became not only distracting, but extremely stupid.

Drunk people, he snorted in disgust.

He thought to himself, "If this continues much longer, they'll be lucky if I only quit the job. Being a wizard, he might just decide to leave...with a Bang(tm)."

[Kjata]

OOC:I'm leaving tommorrow morning until saturday, so ya, no updates. Also don't post to much because if i come back and theres like 200 unread posts, i'll be kinda pissed.

[Vespe Ratavo]

Jennifer Noreen

Jen put her face in her hand, and sighed. First of all, that was the worst line I've ever heard. Second of all, you're supposed to at least pretend that you're actually interested in what I have to say. Third, no, absolutely not. On a completely unrelated note, how many times do you think you could survive being stabbed in the face until you keeled over in pain and bled to death?

Just wondering.