Comedy RPG game thread (IC)

[WhiteKnight777]

Grimm

Hearing the conversation. Grimm detached himself from the Ogre, turned around, and with a heavy sigh, tapped the viking on the shoulder.

Eh... you might want to show a little class there, buddy. I know how this story goes... if ya don't, you're basically gonna get the crap kicked out of you, probably starting a large bar fight in which many wacky hijinks will ensue. Also, after the lady stabs you, I'll probably be forced to rip your arms out of their sockets and beat you to death with the wet ends. Nothing personal, mind you.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Haldrag
Haldrag raised an eyebrow. That was the first time that line hadn't worked, and he'd used it about sevenhundred and thirty times. He hardly believed in variation. He was just about to swing the girl across his shoulder and take her to his room anyways when he felt a furry paw on his shoulder.

Haldrag looked up at the wolf and smiled broadly. he wasn't listening to what the creature was saying, but he could tell what his stance meant. Besides, there's basically only two reasons you'd talk to a guy you don't know in a bar anyways, and Haldrag was clearly not the barkeep. He could always sleep with the girl later, but a barbrawl felt like just the thing to warm him up.

Haldrag took hold of the wolf's paw and tried to toss him over the bar. Any normal man would have flown straight through the wall and then through some more buildings, but perhaps it was different with the wolf.
"How about a little action, hairball?"

The viking grabbed a random drunk off a barstool and tossed him into some other people in the bar. This was probably the point where he would loudly yell foodfight, but there was no food involved, so he just jumped onto the chandelier and let out a warcry.

[HardboiledJJ]

THAKKO

The ogre stared at his sleeve in awe.

Good lord! It am so clean it invisible. There am many things to be said for invisible clothes. One time in Kawakkistakkistan-it waaaaaayyyy over there. . ."

Thakko outstretches his massive arm to point out (incorrectly) the direction of where his tale begins. While doing so he accidentally delivers a crushing clothes-line to the stranger in green rushing Grimm.

[WhiteKnight777]

Grimm

Grim just grinned savagely, laughing in his deep, growling voice as the barbarian tried to throw him - using the momentum, he threw himself forward, slamming his massive, heavy-boned forehead right into the man's face.

And then he began to growl - a deep, gut-churning sound that sent a rather primal message right to the base of the human brain that right now would be a good idea to get up the nearest tree, and incidentally voiding the bowels and bladder might soon become inevitable.

[Vespe Ratavo]

Jennifer Noreen

Jen sighed. Figures. Oh well. Jen stood up, and grabbed the nearest patron of the bar, holding him up in front of her. Okay, you're going to be my human shield, got it?

*sigh* Times are tough.

I'll take that as a yes. Suddenly, a flying bar patron slammed into her, knocking her human shield to the ground.

*sigh* Times are tough. She stood up, noticing that the patron had been flung by the barbarian standing on top of the bar and yelling.

You're really starting to annoy me. She took out a dagger, jumped up on to the bar, and attempted to stab him. Repeatedly.

[evisiron]

OOC:

Spoiler

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Yay, at least one other person got the "*Sigh...Times are tough*" thing!

As the bar exploded into violence, Rupert let out a small involuntary shriek, before muttering to himself.

"Umm, ahh.... defensive spells, defensive spells...umm...AHA! MAGE ARMOUR!"

With a flourish he produced what appeared to be a slice of wood, which earned a puzzled expression from Rupert until a large armoire dressed in wizarding robes appeared less than a metre away and dropped to the ground.

"Oh for the love of..."

With another crash Rupert panics and swings open the wardrobe door and hops in to hide. The inside is dark, and silent... for about three seconds.

"Greetings Mortal! I am The Mage Armoire!"

"Er, yes, very good. Umm, please do be quiet, there are many angry people in the tavern and-"

"I possess knowledge lesser wizards can only pine for!"

"Ugh, thats horrible, and please be quiet or they might attack us!'

"Then why not just leaf this place?"

"Uuugh, I would but-"

"Or plant your feet and make a stand!"

"Please stop-"

"What you need to do is find the root of your problem."

"Enough! ENOUGH!"

"Have some be-leaf in yourself, go out on a limb every once in while."

"AAAAAARrrrrrrggghhhh!"

With a scream Rupert burst from the armoire and jumped onto the table, screaming into the air.

"ENOUGH! NO MORE! THIS ENDS HERE!"

There is a minor pause as everyone in the tavern suddenly turns silent...

[Kjata]

OOC:I'll update later, too lazy now. probably in 4-5 hours.

[Kjata]

Alright andjay is dropping out, it will just be the *quickly counts* 6 of us. So heres the post.

IC: Silences falls over the room as Rupert shouts. Then, one guy in the corner, the type fellow that used to frequent this bar, throws a a half full bottle of rum at Rupert. That is, of course, the optimists way of saying it. The truth is more along the lines of freshly opened, only a couple shots poured.

With Grimm and Haldrag trading savage blows, closeby is a very dangerous place. With Jennifer leaping into such danger earns the respect and attraction of one man, who stares lustily. Until of course, a blunt object comes in contact with his head as the entire bar erupts into a brawl, half the people not even knowing what the hell is going on.

The green man hops up. Do you have any idea who i am? Of course not, your just a stupid ogre. I am Robert Hood, bandit and slayer of fairy tail creatures, and that wolf is an abomination, and if you are in cahoots with him then you are my foe!"

[MrEdwardNigma]

Spoiler

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I won't bother pointing out that it's pretty much impossible to headbut a man who's not facing you and a stretch not to even be moved if a bigass barbarian who's main strength is, well, strength tries to toss you. Instead I'll just go ahead as it's going

There is a loud snap as Grimm's head hits that of Haldrag. A spray of blood splashes over the wolf's face. Haldrag felt his nose, somewhat surprised at this strange developement. Then he shrugged.

"Oh, well, you get used to that by the fifth time anyways"

He slung his fist forward to the blinded wolf's face.

"This will take some more getting used to, furball, but don't worry, I'll help you get there"

[HardboiledJJ]

Thakko looks quizzically at the strange green man.

"You am man of good fashion, but obviously it am you who are confused. You stand before Thakko! Thakko am justice of the high seas! Scourge of piratey bad-wrongs. And also the most handsomest. . .

Wait, did you say bandit? Then sir, it am on Thakko's honor to fight you in the stead of Sir Scruffy. En guard greeny knave!"

[evisiron]

Rupert

Rupert sees the bottle too late to dodge it, and the incantation he hoped to weave dies on his lips as the bottle strikes a vital area. With a wheeze, Rupert crumples like a straw-free scarecrow and curls up on the bartop as the Armoire declares:

"Oh, right in the nuts!"

[Vespe Ratavo]

Take that! And that! And that!

Jen stabs repeatedly, keeping her eyes closed (so as to avoid getting blood or any squishy bits in her eyes), only stopping when she suddenly realizes that she's facing backwards, and stabbing only at the air.

Oh...heheh...

With a great flourish, she turns around, only to see that Haldrag and Grimm are currently engaged in combat.

This fight is out of my league, I'd just get in the way, she thinks to herself. She looks to one side, then to the other. Seeing as everyone else is distracted by the ensuing chaos, she takes a small mask out of one of her pockets and dons it.

Excellent! She jumps down to the other side of the bar, and begins searching for a strongbox, or something similar.

[Kjata]

Spoiler

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I won't bother pointing out that it's pretty much impossible to headbut a man who's not facing you and a stretch not to even be moved if a bigass barbarian who's main strength is, well, strength tries to toss you. Instead I'll just go ahead as it's going

OOC: Oh ****, thats what happens when i rush. I meant to describe what happened between you but i forgot in the rush...

[WhiteKnight777]

Spoiler

Show

I won't bother pointing out that it's pretty much impossible to headbut a man who's not facing you and a stretch not to even be moved if a bigass barbarian who's main strength is, well, strength tries to toss you. Instead I'll just go ahead as it's going

Spoiler

Show

Ah, the positioning is my bad. Don't know why, but I thought you were facing me. Also, I was a bit confused by your description. specifically "Any normal man would have flown straight through the wall and then through some more buildings, but perhaps it was different with the wolf." - I wasn't sure what your intended result was from that - so basically my interpretation was that you did, indeed move him - but since you were throwing him, Grimm just used the momentum of your throw to pull him forward and slam his head into your face. Sorry for the mixup.

Oh... and if Grimm seems overly serious for this game, don't worry - every group needs a straight man. It just heightens the comedy.

Grimm staggered back as the barbarian's fist smashed into his face, spilling some of his own blood and misaligning something inside - but he knew the wound would heal quickly, as they always did, and he grabbed his muzzle and gave a sharp twist of his wrist, grunting in pain as he heard whatever had been popped loose snap back into place. Stepping back just a pace, he cleared the blood from his eyes with his paw, snarling as he licked it off, relishing the rich, coppery flavor. Grimm wore civility like his cloak - he tried, he really did - but in the heat of combat, the beast always did have a way of coming out. He gave a savage grin, and it took everything he had not to flick out his massive, dagger-like claws for a killing strike.

He stared the barbarian down, the flow of the fight parting around him - it didn't look like anyone else wanted a taste of the wolf's wrath, not at the moment. licking the last of the blood from his claws, he spoke in a deep, hungry, happy growl. Pain I'm used to, little man. I've gnawed the bones of better fighters than you, and cracked them for marrow... come and let me have another taste.

[Realms of Chaos]

Frederick was done sitting quietly.
Frederick was done being pushed around.
He had tried to ignore the mass pandemonium behind him.
He had tried to ignore the pressence of the magical furniture (even though it sounds quite wise)
He had tried to sit quietly and enjoy the moment.

Then, a brawler bumped into him, making him spill his beer.

Frederick left his medical bag, Harold, on the bar and gracefully manuevered into the center of the madness. He picked out a suitably inebriated target (their sense of pain is dulled, I think, or was that heightened.) Then, several of the nearby brawlers stop and turn just in time to watch in horror as Frederick performs the cruel, the unthinkable...

the canteloupe.

As Frederick walks away from the convulsing mass of what had once been a happy man, he shouts out, as loud as he can.

"Some of us are trying to drink."

[MrEdwardNigma]

Haldrag
The huge barbarian laughed.

"Better fighters than me? Ha! There are none! No-one has ever beaten me in a fight, and the great warrior Haldrag has never quivered in his boots for any man!"

Suddenly the bar doors swung open and a little boy wandered in. He was carrying a small, long package wrapped in brown paper.

"Hello" the little boy said, in a squeamish voice, but the barbrawl just waged on.

"Hello?" he repeated somewhat louder, and when he saw that still no-one was paying attention, he continued anyways.
"I'm supposed to deliver this package here? It's for a mister Haldrag? Is there a mister Haldrag here?"

Haldrag had stopped whatever he was doing (which happened to be holding a drunk above his head and preparing to throw him at Grimm) and now stood gaping at the little boy, or rather, the package.

"Oh *****************.
...
****************
***********************
****************
...


...
****"

One of Haldrag's hands made it's way to his mouth, where he started chewing on his fingernails. In this proces he also accidentally dropped the drunk behind the bar and on his head.

"Oh, no, not him. Anything but him"

[evisiron]

Rupert

Rupert gives another wheeze and tries to sit up once again, unfortunately resulting in his eyes seeing the elegant carnage Frederick had created.

"But...but..."

Rupert seemed puzzled as he held up a hand in a comparative manner, as if trying to match an outline.

"...

Oh gods no...thats his-BLUURRGGGHHH!"

Rupert's sudden realisation was interrupted by his stomach deciding that its contents really would look much better on the floor, especially after the sight burned into his mind of Fredericks victim.