Ultimate Bureaucracy

[MrEdwardNigma]

OOC

The notary looked about the room. His office was kind of cramped considering the amount of people in there. There were seventeen woman there, all former wives of the late Edmund Stone, eccentric businessman and rumoured millionaire.

On the opposite side of the room was a bunch of rugged, scary looking men. Most of them looked scary anyways. One of them was so beefed he put most bodybuilders to shame. Another was so tattooed he put most squid to shame with the amount of ink on him. There was a small guy in a beige suit and fedora who hadn't shaved in quite a while but probably couldn't grow a beard over a centimeter. His eyes kept shifting around the room. Next to him sat a bald man who was wearing a lot of silver jewelery and an expensive suit. This man had two others with him. They looked like common goons. The final person who was sitting with these men was Nicolai, though he was trying to keep his distance. These were the men that had been in prison with Edmund Stone, that much was clear.

Then there were three officials. One could identify them through their cheap suits and briefcases, their general disapproval of anything going on in the room and their position at the back of the room. The amount of paperwork they seemed to be filling in gave a clue about their profession as well.

Finally, there was a group of people in the middle of the room, most of them not even sure why they where there, but they had all received a letter from the notary summoning them. There was a scruffy guy with a spotty face and the tendency to hang in his chair rather than sit on it, a large man with a black wiry beard who looked like a lumberjack, a curly haired fellow who'd brought his guitar, which only made him seem more of a hippy, and a guy that would look fairly average if it weren't for his pink shirt and Seahawks cap.

All in all, a strange bunch, but it suited Edmund. He'd been a strange man.
"You all know why we've gathered here, I assume? Mr. Edmund Stone passed away two weeks ago when he drowned in his moat. He was dear to all those here present, and he wished to show his love for you by including you in his will. Due to the large number of people here, I will try to be brief, but Mr. Edmund did have some specific demands in his will"
He cleared his throat.
"One of the demands is that some of you were to be adressed with the names he knew you under, so, ehrm... I will read the will now. Moofy-"
He paused and blushed, and some of the women giggled.
"Moofy will inherit the poodle salon in Boston.
Puffy will inherit the San Fransisco muffin place.
Pookins will inherit his entire share portfolio"
The other women seemed angry about this, but the notary continued while they quibbled.
"Darla will inherit the ownership of the Seahawks"
This again caused trouble as the man in the Seahawks cap almost went beserk.
"Loofa will enherit his collection of rare coins.
Lovebird will enherit his houses in Belgium, Texas, Washington, Utah and North Dakota, as well as his appartment in New York, which is fifteen months behind in rent.
Dakota will enherit... five dollars. I'm sorry, Miss Dakota, that's what it says here.
Ebony will enherit Mr. Stone's patent on the waffle-iron.
Serenity will enherit a parking lot in Denver.
Cutiepie will enherit his toothpick factory.
Piehole will enherit his complete collection of the spiderman series, in their original packing.
Fancy Nancy will enherit his estate in London as well as five lots in various graveyards he purchased there.
Garlic Bread-"
He pauzed again and looked around the room in sheer curiosity of who got this pet name, only to notice that it was the green haired woman.
"Garlic Bread will enherit a herd of one hundred cows, seventeen pigs and one goose, along with three farms.
Missy Miss will enherit half of his monetary funds, while the other half will go to the Cliniclown foundation"
There were more gasps all around the room. All the women looked horribly displeased, except Devon's sister, AKA Missy Miss. The baldheaded man with the goons didn't look too pleased either and clenched his fist.
"Vlad will enherit the entire Monkey Pizza franchise, and this includes the copyright on the name and all affiliates"
This seemed to calm down the shady looking character.
"Mickey the Rat will enherit three meat storages, with contents, and his butcher's store in Adapa"
The little man in the beige suit rubbed his hands together, gniffling.
"Rorschach will enherit the entire MegaBucks chain"
"Booya!" the tattoo guy screamed loudly, clearly pleased.
The notary frowned at him, but Rorschach was too happy to notice.
"The garage in Adapa will go to The Gringo"
The muscled man smiled slightly, which caused his face to twist horribly.
"The Hangman, who could not be here due to being incarcerated but is being represented by the nice gentleman in the back, will enherit the Candy Empire factory.
His mansion will be donated to the state of Adapa, who are allowed to turn it into a museum"
The notary took off his glasses.
"That leaves one final item. Golden Bass Inc., also located in central Adapa, by the coast. Mr. Stone was very specific about this item. It ahs been left to the following gentlemen: Jacques Clambet"
He mispronounced the name.
"Alex Left, Devon Dufrane, William Stone and Nicolai Rubenoff. as I have said though, there are a lot of conditions tied to this gift, one of which is that I be allowed to observe your activities during the first week there. If you are interested, show up tomorrow at this adress"
The notary handed round some cards.

The next day the enheritants of Golden Bass Inc. met again on the factory floors. It was a much smaller than they had expected, and while it was located by the coast, it seemed to have nothing to do with bass nor gold. It was a peanut packaging company. There were about five men walking around downstairs, working the machines, and there were some stairs up to a small platform and a conference room with glass walls. There was also an old truck parked in the factory and there were three doors in the back. The notary led them upstairs, to the conference room, where a small asian man sat who looked slightly worried. There was laptop set up at his end of the table and a whole bunch of neat stacks of paper. Behind him were some filing cabinets. Everyone sat down at the big glass table.

"Right, the rules Mr. Stone set up. First of all, I stay here for a week, and if I find any of you unsuitable, I may take away all your rights to the company. Also, during your first week you may not fire anybody. After this, owners may be voted out of the factory if all other owners agree. Employees may be fired with a majority of the votes. Second of all, the factory may not be sold under any circumstances, nor rented out. Is everyone clear on this? All right. This here is Mister Takemono. He keeps the books and arranges all the paperwork. Mister Takemono knows everything there is to know about this company, so any questions you may direct to him. Oh, and one final rule, there is one boardmember who may not be fired under any circumstances. He was on the factory floor up until yesterday, but now that he is no longer the sole owner of this place it was appropriate to move him here. Meet Mr. Thatcher!"
The notary pointed out a scarecrow in the corner of the room. A scarecrow. He almost couldn't stop laughing.
"Good luck, gentlemen" he said, "I will be back tomorrow. I have programmed my phonenumber on the phone in the hallway, so you can call me if you need me"

[13_CBS]

Kinko Takemono

Legend: "Normal speech", Thoughts, "<Normal speech in Japanese>, <Thoughts in Japanese>

Kinko watches the notary walk off, his grip on the stack of papers containing personal info on the new heads of the company tightening.

<These are the new company owners?! What is that idiot Stone thinki-oh, right.

...

Well, at least these fools ought to be more sane than Scumbag 1, Scumbag 2, the Gibberish-speakers, and the Gringo fellow. If I play them right, I might be able to climb the ladder here...>

Kinko turns to the five new company bosses and gives a polite, Japanese style bow.

*Ahem*. "Hajimema****e, watashi wa Takemono--"(<Oh damn it, err,>) "Uh, I mean... Berry good to meetu yoo, mai neimu izu Takemono-desu. I, eeto, I...woruku? Work? Paeipazu here. Looku foruwadu to woruku wisu you! Asuku me foru questions!"** He looks up and gazes expectantly at his new bosses.


Translation:

Spoiler

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"Uh, I mean...very good to meet you, my name is Takemono. I, uh, I...work? Work? Papers here. Look forward to work with you! Ask me for questions!"

[imp_fireball]

Alex Left, the man who'd brought his guitar along with him to this place, threw up his arms, massaging the scalp beneath his toque.

"Oho... ohoho man, this is like unreal stuff. Y'know dudes..."

Running down to the catwalk, "I can't believe we get all this! Look at this place, man! Woah, man..."

Half muttering, he sits down to collect himself for a few seconds before standing up to catch up on things again.

Sitting himself by the glass table, "Do we get this room too? Unbelievable... just can't believe it, man."

Glancing at Kinko.

So this guy doesn't speak english, I get it. They always spring that on you. Corporate types. Even if you work for 'em, man. Or, or wait... do I like own this place? And these other people are owners too? How does that system apply? Either way, it's sweet man...

[An Enemy Spy]

This loser doesn't even know english. Man this is gonna be easy to do what ever I want around here.
He turns to the Jappo. "Hello it is positively splenifforous to make your aquaintence, I believe we will get along frabjulusly in this corporation. He tries not to laugh

[Blockhead]

William Stone

William yawned, only just having got up from several hours of sleep. "Well, I mean, the place looks nice and yeah... So erm... when do we make money?" He asked, getting straight to the point of making money.

[An Enemy Spy]

"More importantly, where is the nearest casino, discotech, and amusement park?"

[MrEdwardNigma]

There was knock on the conference room. One of the workers, Earl, was standing outside with his cap clasped in his hands together with some letters. He waved at them, almost dropping the letters, and gave Kinko a foul look.

[An Enemy Spy]

Devon smiles at the newcomer and reads his nametag. "Hey Earl! Come in, sit down, have a drink!"

[imp_fireball]

Alex Left

Alex slowly looks over at everyone else in the room, finally ceasing from looking at everything else all wide-eyed and such,
"Do we have like duties and stuff? Any of you guys know?"

He motions towards the papers on Kinko's desk,

"Anyone know what all that contains? In terms of ownership and like all that kinda bogus, y'know man. 'Cause we're owners, which is just awesome man! I can't it get it outta my head. The fact and all is just too captivating."

[13_CBS]

Kinko

Kinko gives Devon a blank look, then laughs politely.

<Huh...I don't think English 101 covered those vocabulary words...wait! I got it! He's from England! That must be it.>

He is about to greet the other new owners who spoke when he was rudely interrupted by Earl. Having nothing to say, Kinko merely answers Earl's scowl with yet another polite smile.

<...oh, hello, Mr. I-come-from-a-community-college. Here to spout more of your incomprehensible, uneducated nonesense, no doubt.>

[sidhe_blooded]

Nicolai looks around the room at his new found coworkers/owners.

Just great, I fight with my dad for years because I don't want to run his company, and here I end up in charge of a damn company

So, how did you guys meet Edmund?

Nicolai asks as he walks over to the desk and begins looking through the papers there.

and for that matter, do any of you know how to run a business?

[An Enemy Spy]

"I know how to run a party, is that similar? And to answer your first question, my now even richer sister married him. Maybe I should have. Say, do you like sports?

[MrEdwardNigma]

Earl walked on in, shook Devon's hand and gave everyone else a polite nod, except Kinko. He even gave Mr. Thatcher a wave.

"Hello there, sir. I see they've got you down here now, eh?"

He smiled.

He turned to Devon again.
"I thought I'd just come and say, errrr, hi, sir, you being the new owners and such. Name's Earl, sir"
He looked down at his nametag.
"But you probably knew that, eh?"
He scratched the back of his head, and clumsily put his cap back on.
"Me and, errrrr, Andy down there would like you to know we fully support you all and that. You'll recognise Andy if you see him, sir, he's, errrr, not one of them, eh, sir?"
He laughed.

"Well, errrrr, I brought you all some letters here. Two of 'em, in fact. Came in this morning. Thought I'd wait for you fellows to arrive to give 'em to you myselves. Wouldn't wanna bother good ol' Kinko with that, now would we?"
He flashed Kinko a smile.

---------------------------------------
The papers on the desk were countless, and while somewhat organised countless documents seemed to be missing. Nicolai could tell by simply looking at the first couple of papers of the first stack.

((If you're planning on digging through them, that's fine, but it'll take some time. You could probably do it while joining the conversation though))

[sidhe_blooded]

Nicolai sighs at the stack of papers.

Great, I inherit a business with a freakin' pot head, and the only two employees I've met so far can barely talk.

No, I doubt running a party is much like running a company.
I haven't really followed sports much since I stopped competing, don't have anything against them though

Sports? What the hell does that have to do with anything?

Kinko, is there a computer setup somewhere? I'd like to check the books in the not too distant future.

[13_CBS]

Kinko

"Eeto, I wiru looku at paeipasu, yes?"¹

He goes over to perform what he was hired to do: sort and organize the papers.

As he organizes...

"Conpewta? Uh, letu me thinku..."²

Spoiler

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Translation:

¹"Uh, I will look at papers, yes?"

²"Computer? Uh, let me think..."

[MrEdwardNigma]

"I, errr, shall be going then, shall I, sirs? Mr. Thatcher?"
Earl smiled stupidly and scratched his ass.

-----------------------------------------
((Concerning the computer setup, there is the single laptop, and wireless internet in the conference room))
-----------------------------------------
((The papers on the desk are pretty much organised by Kinko already, just not complete))

[An Enemy Spy]

Perfect, a Ivy league prat who thinks his **** smells better than everyone elses, a hippy, and a guy who can't even talk. I think I'll hang out with Mr. Thatcher after hours.
"By the way, could someone put on some some music?"

[13_CBS]

Kinko

"Ah! Remembaru now! Conpewta is in...uh, room? Cenpu, uh, Con...purensu? Conpurensu roomu! Yes." He points to a nice looking laptop on a desk in the corner.

He then answers Devon:

"...musiku?"

Kinko remembers that he'd already sorted the papers, but flips through them again anyway to remind himself of what's in there.

Spoiler

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Translation:

"Ah! Remember now! Computer is in...uh, room? Cenpu, uh, Con...ference? Conference room! Yes."

"...music?"

[MrEdwardNigma]

((And yeah, if it wasn't clear, you're all in the conference room right now))

[imp_fireball]

Half-muttering, "Is there a cafeteria around here, man? Because I am like soooo hungry."

Noticing Nikolai,

I gotta remember to ask that guy what this is all about, when he's done doing the work for the rest of us, y'know?

He catches up with Earl not forgetting his guitar, "Hey man, you know where there's like a cafeteria around here?"

Maybe when the money comes in, I'll have more time to get more showers. And maybe the record guys will respect my music if I'm level with them. Running out of O really does blow for businesses, that's what I've learned, but maybe I'll get my big chance before this gig runs out.

[An Enemy Spy]

to Kinko "MUSIC! DO YOU KNOW WAT MUSIC IS? TUNES. MELODIES." saying each word slowly and clearly. To get through to this thicky, he starts singing the Mario tune.

[drum-n-bass]

Salut! Jacques says with a french accent, to the other people in the conference room entering much later then everyone else.

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Speech Thoughts <French Speech>

[Blockhead]

William Stone

"Erm... yeah, Edmund was like... my distant Uncle or something... I don't care and I'm not really the sporty type, I'm more of... of... a kinda guy that's just... you know... stuff." Said William. "And erm... maybe we should talk to the workforce? Maybe... since they'll be making me, I mean us, the money..."

[13_CBS]

to Kinko "MUSIC! DO YOU KNOW WAT MUSIC IS? TUNES. MELODIES." saying each word slowly and clearly. To get through to this thicky, he starts singing the Mario tune.

Kinko

"...oh! Ongaku! Yes, yes, I know what musiku izu." He gives a quick nodding bow of apology.

<...the Mario tune? I didn't know England had otaku. At least this one doesn't seem too smelly.>

He turns at Jacques' greeting and responds with a bow and a smile, as usual.

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Translation:

"...oh! Ongaku (music)! Yes, yes, I know what music is."

[sidhe_blooded]

Nicolai turns on the computer, hoping to find files about the money inflow/outflow and hoping to god that they have some semblance of matching whatever tax forms this place bothered to fill out.

So, Kinko, how long have you been working for Golden Bass?

Honestly, it might be easier for me to learn japanese than keep trying to translate this guy. Where does Stone find these people?

[An Enemy Spy]

"Kinko, you really should invest in some english classes."

[imp_fireball]

Man, nobody here knows how to get patient. You gotta be patient to function man.

You wanna hear music? I could play you some music man. But first I gotta eat, and since I can't seek out my thoughts and like function y'know, I'm starving. He smiles faintly at these last words, knowing that he's not exagerrating.

[An Enemy Spy]

"Spare me your hippy junk. I was referring to real music." Devon looks around for a sterio.

[sidhe_blooded]

I really hope these people are more competent than they look, Stone was odd, but he never struck me as stupid

Mr. Left, Mr. Dufrane-what did the two of you do for money before Edmund died?

Nicolai asks as he tries to make sense of the computer in front of him and absentmindedly twirling a pen in his fingers.

[13_CBS]

Kinko

"Kinko, you really should invest in some english classes."

"Hai, hai, I should,"¹ replies with another embarrassed laugh. "Lerningu Engrishu izu importantu!"²

[I]
But first I gotta eat, and since I can't seek out my thoughts and like function y'know, I'm starving.

To the hippie-ish employer, Kinko tries, "Eeto, noodle shopu outside beerudingu?"³

And finally, to Mr. Rubenoff...

"Ah, justu mooved hea from Nippon, eeto...go--er, fivu dais ago. No speak Engrish, heh heh..."⁴

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Translations:

¹: "Yes, yes, I should!"

²: "Learning English is important!"

³: "Uh...noodle shop outside the building?"

⁴: "Ah, just moved here from Japan, uh...go(5)--er, five days ago. No speak English, heh heh..."