Ultimate Bureaucracy

[drum-n-bass]

I'm no criminal, I'm part lumberjack, part flapjack diner owner/chef, part French Canadian, and part New Englande. Jacques says with a big smile.

[An Enemy Spy]

Devon chuckles "I've cheated a tpoker a lot, if that's what you mean."

[sidhe_blooded]

Not a criminal, just picked up a few tricks along the way

Nicolai answers as he starts down the stairs (assuming he can find a light switch or a flash light or something).

[MrEdwardNigma]

With a buzz the neonlights in the basement lit up.

There were more boxes of packaging peanuts, and at the centre of it all a metal throne. There was a metal helmet hanging from the ceiling for whoever sat on the throne. The helmet was strapped to the person on the throne, a quite thin man in a grey pinstriped suit. In his right hand were a pair of glasses, which he had squeezed so tight the glasses had cracked.

It was just their first day there, and they'd already found some skeletons in the closet.

[sidhe_blooded]

You have got to be ******* kidding me!

Nicolai exclaims as he sees the man on the throne.

A freaking dead guy? We are so ******

Kinko! Earl! Get down here now and tell me what the hell is going on!

[An Enemy Spy]

"I take it that this is what happens when you get fired." Devon looks around for a switch to see if this is an electric chair.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Earl got halfway down the stairs before he stopped. He bent over and puked.

"Oh, god... Who the hell are you people?"
----------------------------------------
There is no visible switch, but most of the room is still filled with boxes, so it's possible it's hidden.

[An Enemy Spy]

"You don't think we did this do you?" He is still looking for a switch.

[sidhe_blooded]

We gotta call the cops, this guy's been dead longer than we've been here, but if we try to cover it up then we're gonna get charged with something.

I'm not going back to prison, looks like I might be skipping town after all

Nicolai examines the body as best he can without touching anything.

Mr. Dufrane, I don't think you should touch anything, it might destroy some evidence or something

Or when they find your fingerprints might screw us over.

[An Enemy Spy]

"If we call the cops, they'll probably shut this place down for weeks. Let's just dump the body in the ocean. Earl, go get us some gloves."

[sidhe_blooded]

We might get shut down for a day, and we are not just dumping the body in the ocean, that crap washes up eventually. How many people do you think there are in prison right now that had a plan very similar to this? Earl, if you would call the police that would be most appreciated.

I wonder who this guy is and why he's here?

Nicolai goes back out to his car and puts the lock picks in his trunk, pulling out a briefcase that seems slightly longer than would be strictly necessary.

[13_CBS]

Kinko

Kinko might have contributed in any other situation, but he's a little too freaked out right now to do much other than sink in to the floor as a gibbering wreck.

"<What the?! Oh god! Oh god! A-a-a corpse! This wasn't supposed to happen!">

[MrEdwardNigma]

The body seemed to belong to a white man but he'd been there a while since his face had become irrecognisable. His eyes were wide open and seemed to be staring straight at the wall.
-------------------------------------------
Earl seemed in doubt what to do.

"Look, if it's all the same with you, I'd rather not call the police. I'd like to be able to say I didn't know anything about this"

[An Enemy Spy]

"Earl, you are talking sense. Lets just burn the body."

[13_CBS]

Kinko

"B-b-but," stammered out Kinko, his eyes still wild and full of panic. "But, porisu wa ii desu, yes? Uh, I mean, good people, police, yes?"¹ "We notu kiru man, so porisu no do anyting bad?"² He seemed to be trying to convince himself more than anyone else.

Spoiler

Show

Translations:
¹: "But, surely the <police are good people>, yes? I mean, the police are good, yes?"
²: "We didn't kill the man, so the police would not arrest us, surely?"

[sidhe_blooded]

We can't make a fire hot enough to burn the bones, so that's no good, if we're gonna get rid of it we need to do it right. Anyone know where we can find a pig farm? If we can't get rid of it right then we're gonna have to call the cops, but if we can then I'd rather not deal with them either.

Nicolai says as he walks back down to the basement.

I can't believe I'm doing this, it's never going to work

[MrEdwardNigma]

We can't make a fire hot enough to burn the bones, so that's no good, if we're gonna get rid of it we need to do it right. Anyone know where we can find a pig farm? If we can't get rid of it right then we're gonna have to call the cops, but if we can then I'd rather not deal with them either.

"A pig farm?" Earl said, "Well, sure, my cousin Mindy's got some pigs at her farm. It's a bit of a drive though. Not exactly in centre Adelaine"

[sidhe_blooded]

Can your cousin Mindy keep her mouth shut?

What am I doing? Why am I doing this? **** me, I'm going to land myself back in prison.

If we're gonna do this we need to get the body into chunks that weigh about 20 pounds, we should cut open some trash bags and lay them down on the floor of wherever we're gonna do it.

Whose car are we gonna use? this **** isn't going in my trunk.

[An Enemy Spy]

"Good thing we have an axe!"

Cutting up a body? I should have gone home!

[Blockhead]

Will

Will walked down the stairs, having awoken from his nap on the floor. "What's all the fuss about.... Hey cool a dead body! Can I touch it?" Said Will excitedly.

[An Enemy Spy]

NO! We don't want any of our fingerprints on this guy."

[drum-n-bass]

After some careful studying Jacques agrees to do go with the chopping but as long as he doesn't do it.

[sidhe_blooded]

Yeah I'm not doing the chopping either, if someone else doesn't do it then we're gonna have to call the cops though

Which is what I should be doing right now anyway, why am I sticking my neck out for these people, for all I know one of them did it.

[Blockhead]

Will

"I'll chop it up! This is just like a video game!" Declared Will, evidentally not phased by the strange corpse they had discovered. Grabbing the axe, Will began chopping at the body.

[sidhe_blooded]

Wait you idiot! We don't have anything on the floor to stop the blood from getting everywhere!

At least he's willing to do it.

[MrEdwardNigma]

Blood spilt all over the floor as Will set to chopping up the corpse quite randomly. The glasses fell from it's dead hand, shattering. Earl puked, again.

[drum-n-bass]

Aww. That's just gross. Couldn't you have at least waited? Jacques says trying not to throw up.

[13_CBS]

Kinko

Kinko still hasn't quite recovered from the shock of seeing a corpse, and the recent body chopping hasn't helped much either.

<They're cutting it up now?! Oh god, now we're really going to get arrested...>

[Blockhead]

Will

Will stops chopping and looks up, a spatter of blood across his face. "What?" He asks.

[sidhe_blooded]

Nicolai

Are you ******* stoned? There's blood everywhere! How the hell are we supposed to clean this up?
Nicolai yells as he makes a lunge towards Will, attempting to punch him.