Slayer's Seemingly Sweet and Socially Silly Random Banter # 107

[TwoBitWriter]

It gets worse when you get married. Because then you have to lie and say "I was only admiring the equipment!"

[ghost_warlock]

It gets worse when you get married. Because then you have to lie and say "I was only admiring the equipment!"

I fail to see how that would be helpful. I would like to 'admire her equipment.'

[Cristo Meyers]

I fail to see how that would be helpful. I would like to 'admire her equipment.'

I imagine we all would, it's just that saying the wrong thing in this situation can lead to sleeping on the couch...if not outright pain.

That's how Wesley found out about "to the pain" you know, he saw what happened when this sort of situation was mishandled...

[TwoBitWriter]

You guys make me realize that the phrase, "admiring the equipment," would be just as bad...


Can't a fella get a break anymore?

[Supagoof]

I always told my wife if she's angry then she sleeps on the couch. Keeps both of us from going to be angry that way.

[Cristo Meyers]

You guys make me realize that the phrase, "admiring the equipment," would be just as bad...


Can't a fella get a break anymore?

Nope, welcome to marriage: anything you say can and will be used against you.

You have the right to an attorney: but you will still lose half your stuff should you need one.

You have the right to always be wrong, even when you're not.

[ghost_warlock]

You guys make me realize that the phrase, "admiring the equipment," would be just as bad...


Can't a fella get a break anymore?

No. Unless you refer to the breaking of your legs.

Also, I now find myself wondering what kind of ice cream that girl likes. What color are her eyes? Could she kill a man, knowing that doing so would take away everything he is, everything he will ever do?

Cuz, that would be HAWT.

[TwoBitWriter]

Nope, welcome to marriage: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Ugh, people need to stop reminding me!

I know that i'm definitely past the honeymoon phase, but I'm also getting out of the "OMG I'm married!" phase...

I hope to be settled down before the weekend is out.

[late for dinner]

A pomegranate is different from every other fruit I'm familiar with. You actually hack it open and eat the seeds. The tasty, tasty seeds. Think of it as eating babies. Before they get all tough and stringy.

I do enjoy the taste of babies...especially if they taste like fruit.

[Supagoof]

Here's some helpful tips for marriage that I've received from a friend.

Spoiler

Show

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. (Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.)
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!
5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say, “you're welcome.” (I want to add in a clause here: This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say, “you're welcome.” That will bring on a 'whatever.')
8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F**K YOU!
9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response . . refer to # 3.

[Jibar]

Jibar, did you finally find your goggles?!

Not quite a yay actually.

While I found them, I didn't buy them.
While much more immediate, they would end up costing more than it would to order the sweet set.
But then I can't order the sweet set because my parents don't trust me with my own money and as such I cannot access my bank account and would have to have them order it for me. Which they are unwilling to do.
However, what with my recent birthday I could now switch my account which would let me order them...

I smell an idea.

Speaking of non goggles links...



Ugh. My internet has been messing up for the past month. For some reason stuff keeps getting lost between my computer and the router and nobody knows why.
I typed this post like half an hour ago. And I've only been able to post it now.

[Cristo Meyers]

Ugh, people need to stop reminding me!

I know that i'm definitely past the honeymoon phase, but I'm also getting out of the "OMG I'm married!" phase...

I hope to be settled down before the weekend is out.

I had the OMG I'm married! thing hit all at once.

Literally, I was at work a couple weeks before the wedding, turned to the guy next to me and actually said "Wow, I'm getting married..."

I don't think he stopped laughing for the rest of the day...

[TwoBitWriter]

Thank you, Supagoof. That is inherently funny, because my wife has used ALL of those phrases at some point, and they were meant exactly as you defined it!

[Cristo Meyers]

I can't stand it when someone does something like that. Say what you freakin' mean or stop complaining when it doesn't get done the way you want it...

[Thanatos 51-50]

9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response . . refer to # 3.

While most of the other points are valid - this one most definatly is not (note, that I'm not married).
While it is a dangerous statement, I've been on the recieving end of these after one request.

"<Thanatos>, could you fetch the frying pan, please?"
"The Cast Iron one or one I cn hurl across the room?"
"Don't worry about it, I got it."

You see? This was illogical and unprovoked. Similar things happen to me all the time. Its bewildering.

Shockingly enough, if I grab, say, the cast iron one (and its the wrong pan), I get scolded for not following directions.

This was an example from my childhood, but it was the first one to come to mind and can be substituted for any number of siuations which I'm too lazy to conjure examples for.

[late for dinner]

Yeah, I am not married, but I took note and now I know what to say and what to fear....heh....women...they are still covered in awesomesauce though...by the way, that is my new favorite word-awesomesauce-

[Supagoof]

Thank you, Supagoof. That is inherently funny, because my wife has used ALL of those phrases at some point, and they were meant exactly as you defined it!

Just pay it forward and share it with other guys you know.

For some reason, everytime someone brings up divorce, my mind shoots to Eddie Murphy in his standup production of Delirious.

HALF!

Y'know, back when he was really funny and not toned down for the kids.

[Recaiden]

Well, there are goggles, but that's not the main thing

And now I'm interested in steampunk again. I don't have time for this. Curse you Catmuffin!

I'm not married, but many women stil use those phrases as you defined them.

[ghost_warlock]

Yeah, I am not married, but I took note and now I know what to say and what to fear....heh....women...they are still covered in awesomesauce though...by the way, that is my new favorite word-awesomesauce-

I would like to note that awesomesauce, by its very definition, is delicious.

@V: For my second sentence, I would note that, yes, awesomesauce tastes like awesome. Which may contain a hint of pomegranate.

[late for dinner]

I hope it tastes like pomegranite.
This is my second sentence so I dont break the rules.

[Serpentine]

Here's some helpful tips for marriage that I've received from a friend.

Spoiler

Show

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. (Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.)
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!
5. Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say, “you're welcome.” (I want to add in a clause here: This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say, “you're welcome.” That will bring on a 'whatever.')
8. Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F**K YOU!
9. Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response . . refer to # 3.

I've been thinking about some of these lately, and I think there's an alternative explanation (which may or may not be always correct, but I think they are at least in my case) for many of them. For example:
1, 3, 4, 6: While she disagrees/doesn't want it to happen/doesn't like something, she feels she has no good reason for it. She is not okay, but feels like she should be. Thus, she concedes, and bottles it up, and starts to resent it.
Example: Man: "I'm going out with the guys tonight."
Woman: "Go ahead." (with the implied negativity of above)
What's happening: The woman was hoping to spend time with the man, and/or is disappointed at being left at home all alone.
What will happen: The woman will, conciously or otherwise, begin to resent the man and so be less-than-positive towards him and likely less forgiving of late and/or drunken returns. The woman will detect this and accuse her of passive-aggression and/or unfair chastisement.
Solution (for the man): Before leaving, assure the woman that you will do something together, say, the next night (and actually do so). Maybe suggest that she go out as well or invite people over, or even (shock!) invite her along.

Oh, and in defence of the woman's "five more minutes", how about the men's "soon"? How many times has my father's response of "soon" to the question "how long 'til dinner?" actually meant "about an hour"?

Also: It's starting to get light outside

[Thanatos 51-50]

Also: It's starting to get light outside

Mien Gott! It is! Run for cover!

[Supagoof]

True Serp. Most should not only see these words as words to watch out for, but also for taking action to make sure they don't arise again. Your alternative explanation doesn't disprove the wording. It does help bring up possibilities for happier scenarios.

However, that's a topic probably better left for the relationship thread.

[Cristo Meyers]

Ah....left over Kung Pao chicken...

...my day just improved tenfold.

[Serpentine]

I hope to write up an uber-relationships post to replace my three sig-links, and intend to include that stuff in it.

I've finished editing it, and right down to 2745 words not including references! Stand by for announcement of degree completion...

[Dirk Kris]

*Dirk bursts in a la Rock Band commercial*
Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Dirky!

...what? Like your day didn't just get EVEN better, Cristo?

[TwoBitWriter]

I don't know about Cristo, but it made MY day ten times better!

Thanks, Dirk! *Hugs*

[Serpentine]

With the underwear and everything?
...
Hawt

[Cristo Meyers]

*looks at bowl*

*looks at Dirk*

*looks at bowl*

*looks at Dirk*

...

*continues eating*

[RabbitHoleLost]

Forget Cristo, Dirky baby.
Made my day spectacular
Heidi Klum= my own personal heart throb.