Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition IV: Just what Doc Ordered

[Inevitability]

News flash: The death knight? (still not sure what class that guy was) and bard have left the party and have been replaced by a gnomish wizard and elven druid.

Me: When you saw spider fight demon, you not helped. The spider became me, and then you helped. Why?
Pirate: Well, because I don't want to help a scary giant spider.
Me: Why you think spider is scary?
Pirate: Because they hunt and kill gnomes?
Me: But gnomes hunt and kill spider, too. But spider not afraid of gnomes. Why, you think?
Pirate: I... Okay, someone else can have this conversation. I'm outta here.

Me: Okay, so I wildshape into a giant tarantula, walk over the ceiling, while the other characters stand on my belly and get carried along?
DM: The worst part about this is that it works.

Wizard: I create an illusion of a rock to provide cover!
DM: Look, you're creating an object out of nothing. People are logically going to assume it's an illusion.
Me: Rule one of being an illusionist; always shout out loudly you're going to summon something right before creating an illusion.
Wizard: SUMMON BIGGER ROCK!

[Jay R]

DM: You finish with the giants. Returning to the caravan, you see that two guards are dead and several more are wounded.
Player: Are they burying them?
DM: Not the live ones.
Me: That's ... good to know.

[GrayGriffin]

* Coriander lets Viktoria keep holding on to her, before pausing and brushing some of her hair away, then leaning down to kiss her on the forehead.
* Viktoria blushes and mumbles a "thanks". By now, Edward has abandoned his battle post and is watching intently.
Coriander: "Um...you know, when I said I found you pretty, I didn't just mean it platonically." Cori pulls back a little, blushing. "I...I might be a little attracted to you as well." She watches to see what Viktoria's reaction will be.
* Viktoria goes bright red. If it was physically possible, steam would be coming out of her ears.
Viktoria: "I- you- what- me-"
Coriander: "Yeah...I guess I like you that way. But, um...I like Kenta that way too. But neither of you more or less!" Cori is also flushing redder. "So...um...I really wanttokissyouonthelips. If you're okay with all that." Cori is rubbing her arm nervously.
* Viktoria suddenly presses her lips against Cori's... and we'll leave it off here for now. Suffice to say that eventually, she sends you up on the elevator to join the others. I'll let you decide what happens in between.
* Mille-Feuille is totally nudging Edward out of the scene, btw.
Edward: "Vhat? I vant to vatch. Is not every day you are seeink human mating patterns, no?"

[goto124]

Is Edward a vampire?

Aren't vampires ex-humans?

[Necroticplague]

"Man, do any of us have rooms that smell normal?"

[Anonymouswizard]

Bounty Hunter: I disassemble something in my sleep.
Droid Mechanic: not the droid! Droid's room is behind a bulkhead!
GM: you're not even on the ship.

GM: I now have to roll to see how competent the local police force is.

GM: The chairs all feel weird, because somebody removed all the screws.
Droid Mechanic: X8D-T3CJ replace faulty chairs with boxes!

Commandant: you're droid has been in here three times today, and we have videos of you telling him to commit crimes.
Bounty Hunter: he was acting on his own.

Spoiler: Context for the last one

Show

The bounty hunter is correct, I just have high enough Computers to edit my own memories.

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler: Responses

Show

Player: Are they burying them?
DM: Not the live ones.
Me: That's ... good to know.

Hee hee.

"Man, do any of us have rooms that smell normal?"

Probably a good time to invest in some Fabreeze?

Pirate Believe me, I can find loot anywhere, and then I mean anywhere.

Spoken like a true PC.
I miss having loot. :3

---

Stellar: “You got jumped because Stitchheart sent me to investigate a gunshot and I found you plotting to murder, steal, and incite racial violence.”
Strawberry: “Oh yeah. Heh. We were just planning those first two, but if we could fit in them fighting each other that could work out.”
Moon: “Let’s just dump these two with Stitchheart and be done with them.”
Strawberry: “Hey, are you from the Enclave?”
Moon: “I was from the Enclave, yes. Now get moving.”
Strawberry: “I bet you think you're better than me, huh?”
Stellar: “I think she's better than you because she's not a drug-addled junky picking stupid fights because she hasn't got her fix!”
Strawberry: “I bet you think you're all high and mighty, don't you, you little runt! I bet you've never had a hard day in your life!”
Cassidy: (Whispering to Stellar) “For the love of Celestia, just punch Strawberry in the mouth.”
Stellar: “Isn’t she your sister?”
Cassidy: “Yep. She's also being an idiot. I'm such a good sister, aren’t I?”
Stellar: “Ready aimed unarmed bare-hooves attack if Strawberry assaults her or Moonshadow.” (Rolls a crit for 27 damage)
Moon: “Moonshadow pulls her gun out and shoots Strawberry in leg when she gets ‘distracted’ by Stellar.”
GM: “Strawberry let out a cry when Moonshadow kneecapped her, and she fell on her side, wings twitching lightly and muttering things best left untyped. Cassidy seemed distinctly unpitying.”

Stellar: “I'm amused that Moonshadow's shots are individually less damaging than that punch Stellar is holding.”
Doc: “I hereby change Stellar's middle name to 'Crits-a-Lot'.”

Doc: “Huh. Captain Jack musta rolled a 1 when he tried to explain what Andante was. Though... not sure why Andante has a taste for prepackaged mice.”
Viridia: “I know, right? Not to mention Snowflake's one-winged angel form, the unusual fate of Penny, and Glorious Dawn's non-ghoul immortality. Seems like almost every major NPC in Oakville has some kind of transformation.”
Doc: “Apparently! We need to get in on this.”

Doc: “Learning some magic would be a cool ability [for Viridia]. Maybe get an ability to turn into other pony types? It would go great with V's ability to copy voices.”
Viridia: “How about the power to kill a yak, from two hundred yards away? With mind bullets!”
Stellar: “That's Telekinesis, Kyle! How 'bout the power, to move you?”
[Beat]
Stellar: “Oh wait, Viridia can do that already.”

Doc: “Maybe Doc should have bled some more on Shade’s nice robe? Evil dark magical ponies like blood donations, right?”

Andante: “Well, I can make fairy dust every so often.”
Doc: “There we go, the answer on how to make Doc fly.”

[Cristo Meyers]

...GM: “Strawberry let out a cry when Moonshadow kneecapped her, and she fell on her side, wings twitching lightly and muttering things best left untyped. Cassidy seemed distinctly unpitying.”

Sometimes the best course of action for a loved one is to let them reap the consequences of their own stupidity.

[GrayGriffin]

Is Edward a vampire?

Aren't vampires ex-humans?

Ghost Pokemon, actually.

[Inevitability]

GM: I now have to roll to see how competent the local police force is.

Been there, done that.

[the OOD]

GM: the researcher is cold, injured, and looks like he has had a long day.
Owen: it's the arctic, each day is six months long.
GM: a very long day.

[Forum Explorer]

Posting mostly to track this thread, but I feel guilty not adding anything so... enjoy!


Nick-Knack the Invincible!: Indeed it is! But we have not come so you can bask in my reflected glory, but to challenge the one known as Goultard, Slayer of the Seekers of Hot Sauce! Do you know where he can be found?

Goultard: Ah, come to challenge me, have you? Be warned-I won't hold back, he says. Do you need any time to ready yourselves?

Jeff: "Do we!? DO WE?" Jeff leans towards his nearest compatriot "Do we?"

Nick-Knack the Invincible!: You are Goultard? You are hardly as impressive as the legends would have me believe! Why, I almost think I could take you on myself! But no, I am generous to a fault, and I shall allow my companions to share in the credit of your defeat! I am ready at any time, but perhaps my companions need some time to prepare.

Jeff: Jeff nods. "He's Nick-Knack the Invincible, y'know. With an uppercase I and everything."

Goultard: Looks can be deceiving, my young friend. Though I confess, such kindness brings a tear to my eye, he says with an overdramatic wiping of his eyes. For that, you might be the last to die, he adds with a hearty chuckle.

Nick-Knack the Invincible!: *to Jeff* You forgot the exclamation mark. *to Goultard* Of course it means I'll be the last to die! That's what Invincible means!

Goultard: So you know you're going to die? Well, glad you knew that coming in-I hate having to sort out affairs afterward. Paperwork, family members yelling... Much easier to just get a favor from Feca and resurrect the dead.

Nick-Knack the Invincible!: Is there a lot of paperwork in the afterlife? After all, I shall be dying after you, of course. And the rest of reality.

[TheFamilarRaven]

Damian: "Can I have a few of your slaves?"
Drow: "wh - no!"
Damian: "I mean, just like, 1 or 2"

Horned Devil: "Whatever it is your here for, you're too late. And now you will perish!"
Farhod: "Hah! Been there, done that!"

Damian: "Z-Team! Assembooooooool!"
Farhod: "Can we roll a listen check for that?"

*Aramaith fumbles, breaks masterwork longbow
Aramaith: "Piece of **** masterwork!"
*Drow fumbles, breaks masterwork crossbow
Drow: "Piece of **** masterwork!"
Aramaith: "I know, right?"

Damian: "Hey, check it out, Zaren sent us a letter!"
*passes it to Farhod
Farhod: "Sweet!" *beat* "What's it say?"
*passes it back

[Steampunkette]

Rogue: "One more mushroom fart and the rabbit gets it."
Wizard: "Flopsy! Noooooooooooooooooo!" *fffffrrrrrppppt*

[TheTeaMustFlow]

Horned Devil: "Whatever it is your here for, you're too late. And now you will parish!"
Farhod: "Hah! Been there, done that!"
*passes it back

Ah, the cleric of the group, I presume?

[TheFamilarRaven]

Ah, the cleric of the group, I presume?

Lol, no. Totally didn't catch that typo

[goto124]

What was Strawberry on, and are the things that Strawberry's on supported by FO:E mechanics?

Sometimes the best course of action for a loved one is to let them reap the consequences of their own stupidity.

Speaking from experience?

Oh, hello FE! I hope you're alright.

[Forum Explorer]

Oh, hello FE! I hope you're alright.

Hi, and no worries.

[RCgothic]

What was Strawberry on, and are the things that Strawberry's on supported by FO:E mechanics?

Rage, Dash and Mint-als I believe. She's taking at least -2 to PER, and -1 to END, CHA & AGI. More if she's more than one level addicted to each.

[goto124]

Glad to hear, FE!

Hello Stellar RCgothic! As you may have guessed, I love reading up on that one campaign!

New thing learned today #1: FO:E has mechanics for addiction
New thing learned today #2: There's a stat called END OF THE WORLD! Dum dum duuum!

... what does END stand for?

[RCgothic]

It uses Fallout's stat system. Everyone is SPECIAL!

Strength
Perception
Endurance. <- END
Charisma
Intelligence
Agility
Luck

[DigoDragon]

Spoiler

Show

Sometimes the best course of action for a loved one is to let them reap the consequences of their own stupidity.

This is why I'm such a good sibling to three others on this planet. XD

Nick-Knack the Invincible!: Is there a lot of paperwork in the afterlife? After all, I shall be dying after you, of course. And the rest of reality.

Dying after? But... thught he was invincible. It's in the name!

Rogue: "One more mushroom fart and the rabbit gets it."
Wizard: "Flopsy! Noooooooooooooooooo!" *fffffrrrrrppppt*

Few things are funnier than a well-timed fart.

---

GM: “One of the few advantages of weighing several grams is that one's liquor budget can be reduced significantly.”
Doc: “The downside being that she has to wrestle the worm for a drink.”
Viridia: “...‘wrestle the worm’, Digo?”
Doc: “I wasn't thinking of it that way, but now can't unthink that.”
George Takei: “Oh Myyyyyyyy!”

Strawberry: “Aah I'm gonna be crippled for life, oh **** of **** oh ****!”
Stellar: “Oh get up. You'd have been worse off if I'd punched you.”
Cassidy: “You could give me a healing potion, and then we could all forget about this. I'll pay for it, if you want.”
Stellar: “Fantastic, right up until the part where we have no healing potions. Sometimes happens when you fight building-sized murder-bots.”
Cassidy: “Excuse me for asking, then. I'll be quiet and bleed to death.”
Strawberry: “Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!”

Stellar: “Note that Stellar physically cannot react slowly enough to lose to Flagon's pitiful 6 [Initiative].”
Doc: “I'm a little sad the encounter happened where it did. I feel like there should be an interesting story behind why Doc and Flagon look so similar.”
Stellar: “It depends. If Stellar can move Moonshadow without difficulty, then Flagon isn't going to be a priority. If she can't, then she has to destroy him.”
Viridia: “What's with the sudden loathing for this guy?”
Stellar: “Isn't shooting Moonshadow in the back enough?”

Doc: “Assuming Moonshadow is okay with us rushing her to Doc for treatment, we'd want to quickly find the other NPCs before Flagon gets a stupid idea.”
Viridia: “Too late!”

GM: “The initial plan, in fact, was to give Doctor Flagon the Black Stallion perk, in order to encourage the two Doc's to work out their differences in a shooty way.”

[Necroticplague]

Gene: I thought you said you were a goddes of wastelands!
OLD FLAME: A goddess of renewing wastes. I'm in charge of seeing how life-
Gene: Metagoas-dammit, that's just another type of fertility goddess!

[Cristo Meyers]

Speaking from experience?

Let's just say I learned rather quickly that there's no stopping someone who's bound and determined to do something like stick a penny in a lightsocket.

This is why I'm such a good sibling to three others on this planet. XD.

It's half the fun of having siblings.

Well, for me it was more my friends than siblings, but still.

--

Rook: Do you always hiring mercs that kicked your ass?
Stone: Hell of a job interview.
Rook: Okay... what about ones that were trying to kill me?
Medium: Rook, if we excluded everyone that wanted to kill you we'd only be using the people in this room.
Stone: And not even all of them...

Rook: (looking at Medium's hand) Oooh, nice fight-bite. Should probably wash that out, Stone's probably weaponized his spit.

Rook: So just what is the threshold for 'robbing the cradle', anyway?

[goto124]

As opposed to robbing the tomb, I presume?

... I just googled "robbing the cradle". I think my ignorant statement is now even funnier.

[Rater202]

As opposed to robbing the tomb, I presume?

I think you mean "robbing the casket."

[DigoDragon]

Viridia: “What's Viridia, chopped liver?”
GM: “More of a prime rib.”
Doc: “With a brown sugar glaze?”
Viridia: “Viridia isn't ghetto enough for that title.”
Doc: “Aww. Well if brown sugar glaze is ghetto, then Doc is gonna have to get street.”
GM: “No.”
Doc: “I suppose it's for the best. Doc's too smart and nerdy to rap about drugs, sex and shooting your best friend ‘cause he owes you a fifty and snorted it at the club last night.”
GM: “Well, it's not hard. Money, money, sex and nose candy, money, money bubbly money, phat girls and purple drank money, money, cars music money money. Moneh.”
Doc: “Nope. The hard part is avoiding gang-related shootings. Doc's got a challenge as it is avoiding normal related shootings.”
Viridia: “Yet another reason he shouldn't marry Mirror. Ragnarok loves the hip hop.”
Doc: “Sorry Mirror, but my heart belongs to rock n roll.”
GM: “Ragnarock probably prefers the sound of the laminations of women and the sound of civilizations being torn down under iron hooves, along with the sound of iron collars being placed on slaves and the sound of axe pummels hitting noisy children. …So, he's more of an alternative guy.”

GM: “Bringing rock music to the Viking unicorns might not be a good idea, on that note.”
Doc: “I think the only good idea is just not going to the island.”

QUOTE: “Ragnarock probably prefers the sound of the laminations of women...”
Viridia: “I'm a fax girl, myself. When those ink cartridges come in, oh baby...”

Doc: “Look at that, all high rolls. At least the perk is [having] a high initiative so that Doc gets to fail first in combat.”

Doc: “Let me know what you think would be a better peeve for him to have.”
Viridia: “People who wear socks with sandals?”

[goto124]

Your groups seems to love going on tangents and analogies

[PoeticDwarf]

Spark: Yes Hurrah Digo, Why wouldn't be.

This colour really hurts my eyes

[DigoDragon]

Your groups seems to love going on tangents and analogies

I probably would take a lot of that blame. Especially when the analogy involves food.

---

Reuben: “Headcanon—putting the ruby in Gizmo's hat turns it into the evil Bowler Hat from Meet the Robinsons.”
Gizmo: “....I know my next edge.”
Reuben: “Uh oh. I gave him an idea.”

Reuben: “Dang it, GM! I'm a sandwich maker, not an investigator!”

Reuben: “Being Hispanic, I can vouch that there is no volume of Spanish music other than loud.”

Gizmo: “If there is anyone that can really help in this situation its Discord. Either that or he's the cause.”
Reuben: “When in doubt, blame Discord?”
Gizmo: “I'm just saying, if a large number of chaos magic events are happening, wouldn't you enlist the guy who is pure chaos to help? Who happens to have tea with one of your friends every Tuesday?”

GM: “And since you last met, she seems to have buffed up a little, too. While she was toned before, she seems almost comparable to Autumn right now.”
Reuben: (Grabs Gizmo and points up to the sky) “Wing measurements. Wing measurements everywhere!”

Gizmo: “Let me guess, there are a multitude of theories, but at this point it’s...” (puts on twenty pairs of sunglasses) “…up in the air?”
Background Theme: “YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Past Endeavor: “Do you want me to give you a tour?”
Autumn: “Actually, we're on an important mission from Princess Sparkle.”
Reuben: “Whoa, are we just spilling the beans to them? …Mmm, beans.”