Relationship Woes and Advice: The Thirteenth Woerier

[dopeless]

Hey everybody, I'm new. I've been up all night thinking about the situation I am in with this girl, and I was wondering if I could get some input. I am about to be a junior in high school, by the way.

I have been almost obsessed with this girl I go to school with for nearly 3 years now. I had a chance with her my freshman year, but my lack of balls caused me to watch that chance blow past me. She has now been 'involved' with plenty of guys, includinh some of my friends, and I have been stuck in a ditch. Currently, she is dating this gorilla who is at least two or three years older than me (I skipped a grade) and I don't really see another chance for myself. Plus, I keep having these weird dreams where I am in the perspective of my best friend, and she is there... well, it's just weird. I just feel like everybody in the school is so much farther ahead of me socially and I feel that everybody is more mature than me, like I have no chance with anybody because I am younger.

I would appreciate it if anybody had anything to say, or advice on how to get over her or my feelings that I am farther behind. I know this whole thing is worded oddly and my spelling and grammar are bad, but please forgive me for it is late and I am writing this ob a phone. If my childish issues are too far below you to comment on, I wouldn't mind hearing it anyways.

I am a guy, by the way. I know I didn't clarify that in the beginning.

[MountainKing]

Well, if you're smart enough to skip a grade (though, I'm not entirely basing my thoughts on that; you could've skipped kindergarten for all I know), then I think you're smart enough to know full well that, as a junior in high school, you're... juuuust about done. In fact, in two years, everything is going to change in a psychotic whirlwind of insanity and craziness that's going to change you, and your psyche, *forever*.

So don't sweat it.

Keep yourself occupied. Focus on your schoolwork, and don't give me that "But I can't focus because I'm thinking of heeeeeer" line; it's trite, overdone, and downright wrong. Believe me, you can focus on other things, you just have to NOT want to be miserable. Which, by the by, that's the next (probably should've been first, but eh, I just woke up) thing: You have to decide that you are important. That you matter. That you deserve to be happy.

None of it's easy, and none of it gets easier (at least, not quickly). So buckle down, keep your chin up, and keep a stiff upper lip. High school's brief for a reason; because not a whole lot that goes on then lasts forever.

[Diva De]

Very well said, Mountain King! I applaud you. Seriously, dopeless, while it seems NOW like high school is your whole world, it's not. It's a very small, short time in your life. After next year, you'll be going to college or getting a job - whatever it is, you'll be out in the WORLD. And everything, everything, will look different. The world is a much bigger place than high school makes it seem. There will be new people - specifically new GIRLS - that you'll meet that will make you wonder why you ever thought what's-her-name mattered.

Give it time. See the world before you decide to obsess over this one girl.

I married the guy I obsessed over in high school. Mistake. See where I am now?

[Dallas-Dakota]

On a awesome forum with awesome people?
DD is not ment to be taken seriously. Taking DD seriously may harm others with confuddlement.

[MountainKing]

I was gonna say "Myrtle Beach?" but, I like DD's answer better. :3

Also: *hugsforDiva*

[Force]

Question for you playgrounders-- is it important to care about how you look? I don't wear fashionable clothes (jeans & a secondhand t-shirt, under motorcycle leathers, are what I wear 95% of the time), I don't do anything with my hair other than wash it and cut it once or twice a year, I shave semi-regularly (I work at a farm pulling weeds all day, nobody really cares if I skip a day or two shaving as we all end up wearing mud anyway), etc.

I ask because of an argument I had recently with an acquaintance, who told me I'd look hot if did stuff with my hair, bought fashionable clothes, etc. My response was "-blink- I don't really care what I look like, honestly." It went downhill from there until she ended the conversation with "I have friends who have much worse lives than you and still have the dignity to care about what they look like."

Sooo, is there something wrong with my psyche, or am I just a (semi) normal male?

[Trog]

Question for you playgrounders-- is it important to care about how you look?

*snip*

Sooo, is there something wrong with my psyche, or am I just a (semi) normal male?

Nothing wrong with your psyche but there is something to be said about taking care of one's appearance. Imagine if the girl you liked didn't do so, for example. You'd probably still think she was awesome and pretty and all but there are degrees of attractiveness typically unobtainable by just letting it all hang out, so to speak. It's no different the other way around for women being attracted to guys (at least to my understanding). You let yourself go, attractiveness meters dip.

Being a guy doesn't excuse one from having the ability to clean up nice now and then. In fact, such an ability is a necessary part of a gentleman's repertoire. So maybe take your friend's advice and try it out once or twice. You might find you're pleased with the results it brings from the ladies.

[Force]

Nothing wrong with your psyche but there is something to be said about taking care of one's appearance. Imagine if the girl you liked didn't do so, for example. You'd probably still think she was awesome and pretty and all but there are degrees of attractiveness typically unobtainable by just letting it all hang out, so to speak. It's no different the other way around for women being attracted to guys (at least to my understanding). You let yourself go, attractiveness meters dip.

Being a guy doesn't excuse one from having the ability to clean up nice now and then. In fact, such an ability is a necessary part of a gentleman's repertoire. So maybe take your friend's advice and try it out once or twice. You might find you're pleased with the results it brings from the ladies.

-chuckles- At the moment, I could care less about what the ladies think. I'm not in the market for a girlfriend and honestly doubt I will be until I'm out of college. As it is... -shrugs- I'm happy if I'm clean and my clothes are in good repair. Anything more than that is unnecessary.

[Trog]

-chuckles- At the moment, I could care less about what the ladies think. I'm not in the market for a girlfriend and honestly doubt I will be until I'm out of college. As it is... -shrugs- I'm happy if I'm clean and my clothes are in good repair. Anything more than that is unnecessary.

Fair enough. But if you're single I'm sure the ladies think you're "out there" whether you acknowledge you are or not. You don't have to change who you are totally... just try something easy and new now and then. Can't hurt to see what works before you begin looking, right? And, oftentimes, love can sneak up on you when you least expect it.

[Diva De]

I <3 hugs!
*tackles Mountain King and DD*
MUST HAVE MOAR!

A healthy self-esteem lets you think you can wear whatever you want and look good. Go with that. I'm not at the top of the line fashionably speaking, but I'm OK with that. I wear things that are comfortable and that I think look good. And that's good enough for me. Now, as far as what other people think - there is a delicate line to be tread. While you shouldn't care TOO much and obsess over what other people think, if someone you respect/care about offers a word of advice, you might at least want to CONSIDER it before disregarding it.

For example, I have long hair. At home, I mostly wear it tossed up in a messy ball thing for convenience. But I've been told I'm much prettier with my hair down. So when I go out (for the sake of the people who have to look at me), I tend to wear it down. *shrug* Works for me.

[Dallas-Dakota]

*hugs Diva*

On self esteem: Actually I'm slowly getting some back.
I now think of myself that I'm actually occasionally fun to hang out with.
Yes, yes this improvement for me.

[Coidzor]

Question for you playgrounders-- is it important to care about how you look?

I ask because of an argument I had recently with an acquaintance, who told me I'd look hot if did stuff with my hair, bought fashionable clothes, etc. My response was "-blink- I don't really care what I look like, honestly." It went downhill from there until she ended the conversation with "I have friends who have much worse lives than you and still have the dignity to care about what they look like."

Sooo, is there something wrong with my psyche, or am I just a (semi) normal male?

So your counter-argument to "You know, you'd clean up real nice" was essentially "I don't give a **** how I look."

Um, I think you missed the point and just made a mountain out of a molehill with her. So, the only real problem is that you made the mistake of arguing with a girl who was trying to give you a compliment and use you as eye candy.

Putting in maintenance or even gussying up as appropriate does ease social interactions and can fill one with greater confidence than would otherwise be within 'em.

[xPANCAKEx]

almost at page 50 - so heres the next thread

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...96#post8949296

dopeless

well for one thing you realise you made a mistake by not acting on it

next time an opertunity arrises with someone else (unfortunately i doubt it will happen with the girl if its not happened already), then be sure to follow up on it. Give it time, explore your options, and have fun

Force

i can understand about not caring about your on-the-job appearance... but do you actually WANT to alter the way you look for when you're on your down time?

[Force]

Force

i can understand about not caring about your on-the-job appearance... but do you actually WANT to alter the way you look for when you're on your down time?

Not particularly. -shrugs- I wear clothes that don't have holes and dirt on them when I'm off the job and that's about all I care to alter. The people who see me most during the summer are family and co-workers; during the school year, of course, my friends and classmates see me. I'm not a party-er or a major social butterfly, though, so I wear clothes that are either comfy or appropriate for what we're doing ( scrubs, as I'm a nursing student).

@ Coid: Without getting into too much detail, the girl in question is not interested in me as eye candy in the least. We tried that once and it blew up in our faces. She's a major social butterfly and much more interested in how she looks than I am, and the "you know you'd look much better" argument is a frequent one between us. Her telling me I was crazy because I don't particularly care about how I look like is new, though, which is why I posted here.

[Coidzor]

@ Coid: Without getting into too much detail, the girl in question is not interested in me as eye candy in the least. We tried that once and it blew up in our faces. She's a major social butterfly and much more interested in how she looks than I am, and the "you know you'd look much better" argument is a frequent one between us. Her telling me I was crazy because I don't particularly care about how I look like is new, though, which is why I posted here.

It sounds like it's old stuff from back then still getting aired today, but, eh, what do I know.

Still... it sounds like getting off the farm every now and then might be good for ya.

[Malfunctioned]

About the whole appearance thing.

I do think it is quite important to at least try to look semi-decent and in my experience I have much more self-confidence when I think I look good.

For instance in this photo I look about average, normally how I dress for college.
I'm the guy on the left.

But when I go to clubs and such I dress such as this.
This time I am on the right.

When I actually put effort into choosing clothes and making myself look good, like how I feel I look in the second photo, I find that I'm a lot more confident both in myself and how I act. So whilst I don't think that you should change how you look just because people tell you to do so because they think you will look better, if you decide that you dressing or styling yourself in a certain way will actually be beneficial to you AND you actually want to do it then it's good. Also, many people don't mind how they look at all, whether they put effort into it or not. In short, appearance isn't everything but for some people, me included, it can help them. Just because you don't mind how you look doesn't make you crazy or anything, just comfortable.

[MountainKing]

To be perfectly honest, Mal, I don't know how much it matters to hear this from a straight identified man, but quite frankly, you look to be the kind of guy I wouldn't mind getting friendly with, if you catch my meaning. The industrial club scene look doesn't do much for me, but I have to say, you're a cutey.

Which, I think that goes pretty far into illustrating the point I wanted to make on appearance. It's all a matter of perspective; what looks cute or otherwise attractive to one person, may well not look the same to somebody else... and that's okay, because we're all different. Sure, looking like a scruffy college student isn't necessarily the most becoming look one can go for, but there are people who find that attractive.

As for your friend... I think, there's more there than maybe you're willing to admit. Life (and by extension, human relationships) is full of second chances. Why not try surprising her, and spruce yourself up for the next time you see each other?

Maybe her reaction will be rather surprising.

[Syka]

I'm agreeing with MK on this, Mal.



Anyway, Force. So your pretty much a jeans and a t-shirt guy, with motorcycle leathers? Clean, well taken care of. But basic, yes?

I...see no problem with this. In any way. If you are well kempt, the actual STYLE matters little and is very subjective. I mean...yeah, it's nice to get gussied up every now and again. But for every day, casual life? It sounds fine. If you were wearing clothes with holes (I've been known to make Oz change because his shorts are so worn...he can wear them out, but not certain places, lol), I'd understand.

And honestly? Oz looks just as sexy in a pair of nice jeans and one of his overshirts as he does in a suit. Is it nice to see the suit? Sure. But it doesn't really "add" to his appeal.


Now, if someone is really in to fashion I could see it as an issue. You just need to find a girl whose not overly in to fashion, me thinks.

[Coidzor]

Well, they did a thing, and apparently it was more common for women to find a guy in a nice t-shirt and jeans that showed off his figure well to be hotter than a guy in a well tailored suit. Wish I could remember who did the study and where I saw the report on it published.

Then again... are there really any articles of male clothing that show off our bodies that aren't practically underwear? I don't even think well-fitted, tailored slacks really show off one's legs or butt...

[xPANCAKEx]

most young men have a tedency to wear clothes too loose for them - make sure you get your sizing right and it will do you a world of justice

that being said... as im from the tall/skinny variety i have to take in clothes to make them fit properly

[Coidzor]

most young men have a tedency to wear clothes too loose for them - make sure you get your sizing right and it will do you a world of justice

Oh yeah, since losing weight this past year... none of my pants really fit anymore and I have to wear a belt to keep 'em up. Kinda need to go pants shopping, but can't let on I need to or my dad will do something stupid like go buy me pants without knowing my size and without me there to try anything on. *facepalm*

[Syka]

Coid, maybe not the legs, but a well tailored or fitted pair of slacks (even jeans) can definitely show off a guy's bum (if he is so blessed). But, as Pancake said, most guys wear their clothes too loose.

Pretty much...if the clothes are well fitted, clean, and well kept...you can't really go wrong. Listen to the social cues of the environment (a suit to an amusement park is probably not going to fly, as would jeans to a formal occasion), and what makes you comfortable and you should be good.


I'm not even sure the shirt/jeans versus suit thing is even really about showing off their body. I think part of it is almost that down to earth, but still looking hot thing. Most guys can pull off a well tailored suit. Pulling off a regular pair of jeans and a shirt can be tougher, especially if you don't know what compliments your body.

I think it goes for guys, too. Oz has shown a definite preference for my wearing a nice pair of jeans and fitted shirt. He loves when I dress up, since I don't much, but jeans and a white shirt I have? Drives him crazy. The only time a guy hasn't shown a preference for my casual dress* was the guy I casually dated...and he was actually very in to fashion. Not in an obsessed fashionista way, more in a "gotta be looking the absolute best all the time." Never managed to rub off on me.

It's all in the fit, I think, though.


*Said casual dress is still clothes that are neat, clean, and well fitted to my body type.

[Superglucose]

I've noticed I definitely look better in more worn jeans, like the ones with one big hole over the knee. Those, flip flops, my long hair, a warm smile, a bit of visible stubble, and a slightly (but not overly) baggy T-shirt is definitely my best look by far.

I am going to go clothes shopping soon to get stuff that actually looks good and is summer wear. I have ONE pair of shorts which, judging by the way B was sticking her hand in the holes and grabbing my ass, are a bit too worn for normal wear.

[Syka]

I am going to go clothes shopping soon to get stuff that actually looks good and is summer wear. I have ONE pair of shorts which, judging by the way B was sticking her hand in the holes and grabbing my ass, are a bit too worn for normal wear.

Oz just lost his last pair of shorts that fit well (another pair fits a little too tight) to a hole that grew. He's already patched most of them; he's asking for cash for this birthday next week to get new shorts. Too damn hot in Florida to be wearing jeans and all ALL the time.

Good luck with shopping! Judging the differences between mine and his success shopping, I almost think it's harder for dudes.

[Superglucose]

It hurts us that there's no good looking clothes for guys

[MountainKing]

Depending on where you're going, just about anything could be good looking clothing for guys.

[Superglucose]

Girls get nice skirts and sundresses and men get...

Jeans. Which girls can wear too.

Girls get blouses and all variety of tops and men get...

Tshirts. Which girls can wear too.

You ladies may be overwhelmed with choices, but the choice *we* get to make is what shade of blue we want our denim to be. *Yawn.*

[Syka]

Girls get nice skirts and sundresses and men get...

Jeans. Which girls can wear too.

Girls get blouses and all variety of tops and men get...

Tshirts. Which girls can wear too.

You ladies may be overwhelmed with choices, but the choice *we* get to make is what shade of blue we want our denim to be. *Yawn.*

Or what variety of plaid you'd like your shorts to be. Shorts shopping with Oz has been somewhat painful with the kind of...bland selection of shorts. Lots of khaki and plain. Poor kid...

[Superglucose]

And people wonder why men hate shopping XD

[Keld Denar]

Just a little update. Girl I went on movie date with...we've texted a bunch this weekend (she was packing to move, I went rappeling), and now she is coming over to my apartment and I'm cooking her BBQ ribs tomorrow! I'm so excited! Ok, gotta go clean my apartment...I'll let you guys know how it goes! I already volunteered to help her move later this week. I'm pretty good at lifting heavy things and otherwise acting manly.