Questions that can't be answered... Answered by RAW

[The Viscount]

Q302 Why does the caged bird sing?

[ericgrau]

Q302 Why does the caged bird sing?

A 302 The only singing I found in the SRD was as a bard so it must have 1 or more levels in bard unless there's some splatbook variation I don't know about. Beyond that I can only speculate without more information. Perhaps the party awakened, taught and caged it to carry around as the party buffer. Hmm... maybe I should try that on my next druid and see what the DM says.

[No brains]

Q302 Why does the caged bird sing?

A 302: Elysian thrushes' song has effects on people's minds similar to that of Elysium's planar effect. An Elysian thrush in a cage can work as a non-lethal trap.

Q 303: Mm, whatcha saaay?

[Ladygolem]

Q 304 How did I get here?

Q 305 How do I work this?

Q 306 Where is that large automobile?

Q 307 What is that beautiful house?

Q 308 Where does that highway go to?

Q 309 Am I right? Or am I wrong?

Q 310 My God! What have I done?

[nbLurkerAbove]

Q 304 How did I get here?

Q 305 How do I work this?

Q 306 Where is that large automobile?

Q 307 What is that beautiful house?

Q 308 Where does that highway go to?

Q 309 Am I right? Or am I wrong?

Q 310 My God! What have I done?

A 304 Try a Knowledge (History) check

A 305 Try a Use Magic Device check

A 306 Try a Perception check

A 307 Try a Knowledge (engineering) check

A 308 Try a Knowledge (Local) check

A 309 Try an Appraise check

A 310 Try a Knowledge (Religion) check

Yes, I know some of these aren't used right. I'm tired.

[LokiRagnarok]

Q311: Why does love hurt so much?

[Dagroth]

Q311: Why does love hurt so much?

A311: Spell: Love Bite

Edit: Removed link.

[atemu1234]

A311

Don't link to that site, it's against forum rules and WOTC has tried to take them down.

[Inevitability]

A311b Alternatively, the Love's Pain spell deals damage, but doesn't work properly if the target doesn't love anyone.

[LokiRagnarok]

Q312: Then tell me, Maria,
Why I see her dancing there,
Why her smoldering eyes still scorch my soul

[atemu1234]

Q312: Then tell me, Maria,
Why I see her dancing there,
Why her smoldering eyes still scorch my soul

A312 Visual hallucinations can be the effect of most illusion spells, perhaps a Major Illusion spell.

[unseenmage]

Q313
What is crueler? To let a wound of the heart fester, or to simply cut it out?

Q314
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?

Q315
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Q316
You ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Q317
Doctor Who?

Q318
... and I am here to ask you one question, and one question only: EXPLOSIONS?!

[Dagroth]

Q313
What is crueler? To let a wound of the heart fester, or to simply cut it out?

The Clutch of Orcus spell allows a new Fort Save every round, which would be cruel against a target with a very low Fort Save.

I am unaware of any other game mechanic for removing a heart.

Q314
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?

The Telepathy-spec Psion knows.

Detect Evil is also a good way to determine this.

Q315
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Pun-Pun

Q316
You ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

While Vrocks do have a dance special ability, they are demons and not devils. (Also, oddly enough, they have no ranks in Perform: Dance.) A quick search shows that no "devil" in the game has ranks in Perform: Dance. Therefore, no one has ever danced with the Devil at any time. Although, as Outsiders (thus having Darkvision), they are perfectly capable of operating in situations of low light.

Edit: It is, of course, possible to dance near or around a devil... but devils, barring any evidence to the contrary, do not dance.

Q317
Doctor Who?

While I have found a number of homebrewed "Doctors"... there does not appear to be any definitive "Doctor" in the game system unless you use d20 Modern.

Q318
... and I am here to ask you one question, and one question only: EXPLOSIONS?!

Explosive Runes appears to be the only true "explosion" spell in the game.

For more damaging explosion-like effects, see the "Retributive Strike" ability of the Staff of Power & Staff of the Magi.

[atemu1234]

Q319 Who knows not where a wasp does wear its sting?

[unseenmage]

Q320
Is this the Krusty Krab?

Q322
Where's the beef?

[Xaroth]

Q320
Is this the Krusty Krab?

A 320

No, as the Krusty Krab does not exist in any known 3e/3.5e/d20 campaign setting.

Q321
Where's the beef?

A 321

Merchants, diners, and taverns are likely to sell chunks of meat. Otherwise you will have to hunt by yourself.

Q 322

Why the **** you lyin'?

Q 323

Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

Q 324

Can you paint with all the colors of the wind~?

Q 325

Who the hell are you?

Q 326

If you're six months pregnant, and I was away for nine months, and my plane took ten hours, and I bought six pineapples, where the hell are my apples?

[No brains]

A 320: "That Damn Crab", which has doubtlessly gotten people crusty with salt from both it's statblock and habitat, is an ambush predator vermin that does not speak common. It will be very difficult to ascertain if one is present, especially by asking.

A 322: I am using bluff either to influence an NPC's attitude towards me or to bluff in an attempt to feint before attacking them. I may also be creating a diversion so I may hide from them.

A 323: This question was asked by Petrocorus far upthread and answered by The Viscount.

A 99: "A bard may make a special bardic knowledge check with a bonus equal to his bard level + his Intelligence modifier to see whether he knows some relevant information about local notable people[...]."
This is about a notable person but a minor detail, so a DC 30 bardic knowledge check.

A 324: Invisible Stalkers are invisible and there is no art for air elementals. The wind has no color and therefore I cannot paint with it.

A 325: See the rules for creating a(n) (N)PC in either the DMG or PHB for details on determining the identity of a character.

A 326: Apples, either pine or not, are not listed in any equipment lists. Your apples are in another game.

[No brains]

Q327: Can morality be applied to dolphins?

Q328: What is your approximate alignment? (plz answer if u r a dolphin)

Q329: Are we all NPCs in someone else's highly advanced simulation?

Q330: Got a real-world Weapon, Armor, or Tactics Question?

Q331: Where is my BeetleJuice lunchbox?

[unseenmage]

Q332
For whom does the bone bone?

Q333
Where does fashion sit?

Q334
Where wolf?

Q335
Where does he get those wonderful toys?

Q336
What IS eating Gilbert Grape?

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Q337
Did I break your concentration?

Q338
What does Marsellus Wallace look like?

Q339
..What?

Q340
What country are you from!?

Q339b
Wha-what?

Q341
They speak English in "What"!?

Q339c
What?

Q342
English, m***********! Do you speak it!?

Q339d
Wha-what I—?

Q343
DOES—HE—LOOK... LIKE—A B****!!?

--------------------------------------------------------

Q344
Dude, Where's My Car?

Q345
O Brother, Where Art Thou?

[The Viscount]

A327 Dolphins are presented using the Porpoise statblock, and are always neutral as animals. If celestial, they are always neutral good, so clearly morality can be applied.

A328 That would be telling.

A 337 I took shielded casting and steady concentration, so unless you dealt a lot of continuous damage or used specific spells, no you did not.

A 338 Marcellus Wallace is a criminal, so a watch detective of sufficient level can provide a sketch of him by surveilling the scene of a crime.

A 344 A binder who has bind Andromalius can locate object frequently enough to find your car pretty easily, dude.

[No brains]

A332: The bone bones for people of the osteomancer prestige class. They may use bone to (de)bone themselves and others.

A333: Noble's clothes from the PHB are always fashionable.

A334: A spot, search, or survival check can determine the presence and proximity of wolves.

A335: The legend lore spell can give the history of particular objects, including where Batman procured them.

A 336: A kraken eats Johnny Depp in one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

A339a/b/c/d: I will have to conduct thorough research to see if "...What?", "Wha-what?", "What?", and "Wha-what I—?" are distinct from "WHAT!?" as mentioned in a previous question.

A340: This is a highly setting-dependent question and cannot be answered clearly by RAW. If you're asking me, I don't know where I'm from.

A341: "English" is not a recognized language in the PHB, but if that PHB were printed in English, than it is safe to assume that it's equivalent is spoken as "Common" in the country of What.

A342: Often, creatures with intelligence as a non-ability cannot speak languages. I guess I'm replying to this with telepathy.

A343: Sexual dimorphism in dogs, riding dogs, reservoir dogs, wolves, and other canid creatures is not discussed in the Monster Manual. This makes it impossible to tell what he looks like if he is one of these creatures. If he is a different kind of creature, then it is likely he does not.

A345: Try casting Locate Creature.

[atemu1234]

Q(insert number here): Does this look infected?

[No brains]

A 346 A Heal check may determine if something is identifiable as infected, depending if the DC set by the DM is met.

Pleas remember to number your questions clearly. This is a High-Procedure Thread.

Q 347 What happen?

[Jormengand]

A347: Somebody cast up us the sixth-level druid spell.

EDIT: For more information, see exactly one hundred questions ago.

[atemu1234]

Q378: If you choke a smurf, what colour will they turn?

[No brains]

Re 347 A coincidence like that is an Easter Egg from the gods. I meant to ask "What happened?" in regards to the forum outage, but I had a rather surreptitious typo. Its things like this that make my time. Ha ha ha.

[Jack_McSnatch]

A378: Smurfs are not listed in any monster manual, so may or may not be subject to suffocation.

Q379: What does the fox say?

[atemu1234]

A378: Smurfs are not listed in any monster manual, so may or may not be subject to suffocation.

Q379: What does the fox say?

A379 As the fox has a listed intelligence score of two, it can only speak and understand its racial language.

[Inevitability]

A379.2 However, Speak With Animals can in fact communicate with foxes, and implies that they'd be 'terse and evasive'.

[unseenmage]

Q380
How does Soylent Cola taste?

Q381
Why is it hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

Q382
Why isn't entropy what it used to be?

Q383
Why should you never trust an atom?

Q384
Why does the photon never travel with luggage?

Q385
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Q386
Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

Q387
How do you make a tissue dance?

Q388
How do you cook holy water?

Q389
What'd the three-legged dog say to the the bartender?

Q390
Why don't skeletons ever go trick-or-treating?